Disturbing the Universe.

I love how my mind works – sometimes.

I love how active my brain can be when it comes to imagining things, that sometimes my ‘dreams’ become a way for me to write mini-novels, short stories and poems. I am one of those people who can perfectly remember the dreams as how it happened, etc. Also, it’s like I have a safe of memories in my head – those I really want to remember or can’t forget that easily – I can access it as easily as retrieving a file from my laptop. I can somehow trick my body to feel just like how I felt at that moment – for example, kilig memories can still bring me that feeling of butterfly warfare in my stomach, or watching a certain movie brings me the almost the same feeling I had when I first watched it.

However – it’s not all butterflies and great memories. Some gross and scary things, I cannot just “unsee”. Like when I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose, it took me one long week to convince myself that it was just a movie, and up till now, I still dread waking up at 3am. There are stuffs like this that I can never forget – like the first time I actually felt that I saw a “mumu” – stuff like that. These are the thoughts I would not want to entertain at all, creepy thoughts that make me cringe and close my eyes real hard. The thing is, it stays on my head and somehow it’s like it’s on auto-pilot, it would just resurface without any warning at all.

And unfortunately for me, there’s a latest addition to the things I want to forget list.

We were on the bus from Baguio to Manila, and somehow the conductor decided, “Oh I’m gonna play something hardcore coz the passengers are fresh from unwinding and they need things like blood and boxing.”

Or maybe he just really liked to keep the driver awake.

He played IP Man. (I’m not sure about the title coz Bob just told me about it.)

When the movie played, and I noticed that it was about martial arts and boxing, I forced myself to fall asleep. And luckily, I did. But my luck didn’t last that long – I woke up just in time to see the western boxer beat the hell out of the chinese guy. Yes, that scene where he punched him real hard and continued to just knock the hell out of the guy until he was dead. So fortunate of me to wake up exactly on that scene, noh? And the image that stuck to my mind was the final image of the dead boxer – with his eyes wide open. Yes, gross and gory like that.

And all the while — Bob was just watching like it was Spongebob Squarepants. He didn’t cringe at all – maybe because he was so used to all the fighting from being an avid fan of those movies – but still, it grossed me out so freakin bad. I wanted to vomit right there and then. I tried to close my eyes but the sound effects were too within earshot for me to disregard it. So kahit di ako nakatingin, my mind was fabricating images of its own and it only led me nowhere. Lose-lose situation, yes.

Sige, pero infairness naman, after the gruesome fight – I continued watching na rin. Haha! Kahit na medyo gore siya for my taste, I waited and wanted to see how the IP man will take his revenge, and towards the end of the film where he did not unleash the last punch that would have killed Twister, I told Bob “Ngee, bat di niya pa pinatay?!” Hahaha.

I still wish I hadn’t seen the master got killed like that. The image is fresh on my mind till now. Haynaku.

Just when we begin to think that we can take things slowly, pain comes to remind us that we’re not done yet.

The doctor warned me already about this — she told me to watch out for it, coz it may be the sign that we need to undergo the surgery soon.

It’s ironic how everything happened, how from desperately wanting a child, Bob and I prayed that this time won’t be it – coz I don’t want to undergo a surgery knowing there’s a life inside of me. We wanted to take things step by step, and that means I have to undergo the surgery first before anything else. Answered prayers naman kami agad, God is so good talaga.

Just that, this morning – the pain has become so strong that I can’t move around without feeling a pang of pain on my right side. They wanted to bring me to my doctor this afternoon but I just said we should wait til tomorrow. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid that the next thing I’ll know, I’ll be at the operating room already. The thought scares me more than it really should. It’s my second surgery already, but somehow it feels just like the first time.

Hay.

“I’ve always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want things I don’t want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. No one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don’t know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy.”

— Jill Davis

Baguio is our nearest “No internet – no cellphone zone”.

For us, Baguio is that one place where we’re off limits to technologies. Bob is not allowed to bring his laptop with him, and I’m not allowed to touch my Iphone for hours – no wifi or emails on that note. We try to keep it that way – it’s like a refresher for us – that once we’re in one place, we don’t have to worry about anything else in the world. Just pure relaxation.

And this time, it’s better for a number of reasons:

1. It’s an all expense paid trip from Mr. C – it’s his bonus to Bob for his amazing hard work for the past week. Now I know why Bob has been pushing himself to the limit – he wants a vacation.

2. It’s not just us two – there’s Papa and Joy.

Papa arrived Friday afternoon – and we were on the bus that same night. He didn’t have the chance to properly rest at home nga eh, just a few hours of sleep then off to Baguio na, but it was something we couldn’t postpone or miss – Mr. C will be really pissed off. When he says he wants us to go on vacation, it means we really have to go.

The weather was perfectly fine the whole time – it’s cold and there were occasional rains only in the evening, which made it really cold at nights. We stayed in a transient house that allowed us to cook, so on our first night, Bob and I went to Baguio Market and bought ingredients for our dinner – Sinigang na Hipon.

You can see how our eyes lit up whenever the vendor tells us that this certain vegetable is only five pesos, I think the most expensive ones we bought were 20 pesos per kilo. Bob was having the time of his life! Haha. He eats all kinds of veggies, so it’s really amazing for him to know that we can buy that vegetable on Baguio for 1/4 of the price here in Manila.

The following day – we toured Baguio all over again – like we’ve never been there before, haha. Kunwari di ako tumira ng 1 year sa Baugio. I felt (and projected) a tourist image once again.

Bob and I enjoyed it too much, I think. On our way home, Bob was asking me to google about settling in Baguio, if there’s an affordable house and lot we can purchase so we can really settle down there. I didn’t find myself rejecting his idea, rather, I felt like I agreed to everything he said about Baguio. I think with our kind of lifestyle, it’s a win-win situation for us there.

Bob loves veggies – I love the weather. Haha. Anyway, we’ll see. I told him to take a week or two ‘rest’ first. I don’t want us to engage in a quick decision just because we have a vacation hang over from Baguio. A week or two tops, if we still buy the idea of settling in Baguio, then we’ll make a decision.

Or maybe make that a month? Haha.

Waking up at the wee hours of the morning has its boo-boos, like scaring myself to death by entertaining haunted thoughts thus alerting my senses — the faintest sound can make my heart skip a beat, the slightest movement can make me close my eyes real tight. Lame, yes.

But today, I realized – it has its ups too. Being the only one awake at the house (yes, Bob’s asleep!), somehow I’m able to process good thoughts and absorb it. It’s weird coz I honestly think that this is the first time that I’m awake at 2am yet good thoughts are coming to my mind. Or maybe it’s because a few hours from now, I’ll be on a mini-vacation spree with Bob, Joy and Papa with all expenses paid for by our boss. How I wish I could just grab Mama from Jeddah so we’ll be complete.

Few minutes ago, I typed on Facebook, “In my happy place.”

I thought my happy place is the mini-vacation we’ve got from John, then I realized that no – this is my happy place. This quiet, still and peaceful serenity – this is my happy place. Knowing I’ve got almost everything I need and want in the world within arm’s reach is what makes me happy.

I am home, in my happy place. I need not go far.

Win a Free Boracay Vacation Package by WOW Philippines Travel Agency

WOW Philippines Travel Agency, Inc. is celebrating it’s 5th year in business during July of 2010, and we would like you to have a chance to celebrate with us, so we have decided to give-away a FREE Boracay Package complete with 3 Star accommodations at the luxurious Artista Boracay Resort on Boracay Island. The lucky winner will win the following Boracay vacation package.

Vacation Package Inclusions:
- 5 Days / 4 Nights Luxury 3 Star Accommodations at the Artista Boracay Resort
- Flights to Boracay from Manila to Caticlan Airport on Philippine Airlines
- Island Transfers – Door-to-Door from Manila to the resort and back to Manila Domestic Airport
- Three (3) Meals each day, Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner
- Boracay Activities – Horseback Riding, Island Hopping, Glass Bottom Boat

Read More Information: http://www.boracay-packages.com

After posting my last entry, I did my best to remember the name of that toy I used to have that looks like polly pocket but not really a polly pocket. I ended up searching google but couldn’t find it with those keywords, of course. Until yesterday, out of pure luck, I asked Joy what it was called and she said…

“Mimi and the Goo Goo Dolls.”

Haha. It’s actually Mimi and the Goo Goos. I googled it up and saw a catalogue from 1996 onwards, I realized I used to have a complete set! Papa knew how much I loved Mimi and he would bring me home a new one everytime they get a new stock. That’s probably the best thing about having a Toys Section Supervisor for a Dad. Hihi.

These are my favorites back then… Hayy.

And this one too:

When I got home from Jeddah, I forgot to bring this with me. Well, I was 16 then, so maybe it really slipped out of my mind. But luckily, Joy brought it home with her when she followed me here, but seeing how my cousin’s eye lit up when she saw our toys, we had this “feeling” that we should give it to her since we’re done playing with it.

I remember Toy Story 3 and how Andrew gave up his favorite toys to that little girl at the end. I realized, I have given up so many toys already. My precious Winnie the Pooh collection of stuffed toys, I gave to my niece, and there’s this one particular stuffed toy that really broke my heart when I gave it away:

See the pink puppy? I had it since I was a baby. I remember seeing baby pictures of me with that toy. But I had to give it away. This was taken weeks after Ondoy, my friend and I went to an orphanage and I just had that inkling that they need it more than I do. Actually, almost all of my toys (those still playable) I gave to them. Not just that pink puppy.

My philosophy back then was that toys are made to be played with, and if I just pile them up in a plastic bag somewhere, letting them collect dusts, they won’t be doing their purpose. And since I had my time with them, they have made me smile and accompanied me during my childhood, maybe it’s time for them to find a new home.

The heavy feeling in my heart when I was putting the toy on the shelf instantly disappeared the moment I saw those kids lit up when they saw my toys. It’s like I saw myself in them, and I’m quite sure that I looked almost the same when I first saw my toys.

Grabe, I didn’t know you can still have separation anxiety even after months, or years — or maybe I’m just really in the mood for reminiscing. I’m quite good at that.

I just learned how to play Tong-its.

My Papa has been really strict with these kind of things. When we were younger, when Nintendo was the “in” thing, the only games we were allowed to play was Bomber Man and Power Rangers. Anything more brutal than that is a no-no. When Playstation was born, he didn’t let us play that either, saying it was a game for the boys and we should be contented with the polly pockets and Barbies that he gives us every month. Ah believe me, I have all kinds of Polly Pockets, and damn, I forgot what the other one is called – but it looks like Polly Pocket too, just a bit bigger.

Then there were this thing about bicycles that we weren’t allowed to ride one. It took us a lot of begging to be finally allowed to play with a scooter.

Papa could be such a pain sometimes, but maybe when I have my own daughter, I’d understand. I don’t know, maybe? Haha.

So I was able to own my first playstation when I was with Bob already. PS2, PSP, then started learning how to ride a bike again. I tried everything I was not able to do before, mainly for the sake of just trying them out.

Would you believe that I was already 22 when I learned how to actually play PacMan? I didn’t know that if you “eat” the blue thing, you can eat the “monsters” too. Haha!

And yun nga, I learned how to play Tong its just a week ago. I still don’t know how to play Pusoy Dos and some other card games. It’s not that I want to gamble, I just find it liberating to learn the things I didn’t pay attention to before.

Kaloka, noh?