Funny how something this small can bring out the paranoia in me. I guess I have become that kind of Mom — protective and OA. I don’t know if I’ve always been like this, if it’s just heightened with the feeling that I want you to be safe at all times, or that I’m a completely new person now.

I looked at you again and you smiled at me. So I gave in, and asked your Tita to stand on the other side so we can hold you while you play. Almost instantly, when the ride moved, you held on to the steering wheel like you knew what it was for. You were happy, I can tell.

And my heart felt like it was going to explode any minute. The sight of you smiling, amazed and carefree just makes me melt every time.

Aaah. Life is wonderful.

Oohh this is perfect! I have several books which we use for our Project 20 outreach pero I want more books for Nathan naman. Last year, I was able to score big books for 100 pesos instead of the usual price na 200-300 and the kids in Zambales (where we did our Christmas Outreach) loved it! Makaladkad nga si Dudad one of these days. :)

Nathan in his cloth diapers. I’m extremely proud that we’re able to pull this off FULL time. I used to think that we’ll be using it during daytime lang but no, with enough determination, we can do night time din pala. And now, even when we go out, naka cloth diapers na rin siya. Yay! It’s a great thing na Bob is supporting me with this one, if not for his help (and allowance), waley talaga to. :P

It’s definitely a big investment upfront but I say the benefits are worth it.

Life is still ah-mazing as usual, and I say that because I feel that every morning is a blessing. I wake up and see my little angel, Nathan right beside me and then I turn around and there’s my other (not so) angel Bob, and that snore I’ve grown to love throughout the years we’ve been together.

This is my life right now, domestic yet fulfilled. I treasure every minute I am with my two boys, and thanking God that I have everything I need and want within arm’s reach. Nathan continues to be a wonderful reminder of how much God loves us and how much trust he has placed on our shoulders. I couldn’t be more thankful for all these.

Life is wonderful.

And though I was hoping until the very last minute that you’re going to sing Geek in the Pink, okay na rin coz you did so much more than I expected. It was a great show from start to finish.  Not a minute wasted, all thanks to you.

Please have another concert here. Geek in the Pink, don’t forget. :)

But then, Nathan started having rashes again, and it really bothers me kasi I know the reason why he’s having rashes, and I can do something about it pero sinukuan ko lang. So, I ordered few pieces of really good cloth diapers from Bamboo Dappy, very unlike my Chino Pino’s na one weewee palit agad, these are waterproof and has linings para maabsorb yung weewee.

I’m so happy to say na we’re 90% on cloth diapers now. It’s hard, but it’s all worth it when I see Nathan’s butt na so makinis and walang rashes. Hehe! I’m still learning, grabe sa dami ng research talaga to know if I’m doing it right or if there’s anything else I can do para malessen ang gastos. (Read:DIY) Ang mahal kaya ng cloth diapers! Haha.

I’m definitely looking forward to being 100% CD Mom, kahit night time or kahit aalis, naka cloth diapers. That’s gonna take a lot of practice for sure pero ok lang, kakayanin! :)

—Edit /October 26, 2011—

I’m so proud! We haven’t used a single disposable diaper for 5 days already. Karir kung karir! Although ang problem ko nalang ngayon is how to budget yung paglalaba. Right now, since konti palang yung stash namin, everyday ako naglalaba. Handwashed pa yan, kasi takot ako masira yung diapers — ang mahal kaya! Pero since supportive si Dudad, order pa daw ako para masatisfy yung stash ko para daw di ako everyday naglalaba. Haha! 

Nathan’s bum is so makinis na, nakakatuwa!

As a bonus for Bob’s hard work, our friend and partner, John, gave us free tickets to Jason Mraz’ concert! He gave us funds to buy Patron seats, but boy, ang bilis nasold out yung patron seats! Imagine our faces when the lady told us only Upper Box B and General Admission tickets were being sold. 

But on the other hand, okay na yun noh! We will go there to hear him sing Live naman e. Bonus na yung makita siyang upfront. Bob and I are so excited na talaga. Bob’s been playing his songs nonstop para daw memorized na namin pagdating ng concert. Kumusta naman yun, kahit memorized as if naman makakasabay sa beat ni Mraz! Hehe!

Tapos Train naman kasunod on December 7. Bob and I have  a list of performers na pag pumunta dito eh hindi namin palalagpasin yung concert, and Train is among that list! It’s too close so I don’t know if we can afford the tickets, parang sobrang nakakaguilty manood ng concert magkasunod, sayang ang pera! Pero, hayy we’ll never know! Hehe!

Then he went inside the nearby bakery, got himself a chocolate drink and settled happily on the bench outside.

Lord, thank you for our blessings. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to share it with others. Bless that kid, Lord. Keep him safe and healthy. 

The past two days have been so difficult for me and Bob. Culprit? Food poisoning. :( Kami lang kasi kumain nung left over na grilled pork from our Sunday get-together. I think nakadagdag yung hindi na namin ininit yung ulam. 

Ack, we were vomiting every hour ata. It went to the point that we were so weak to move already. Thank Goodness there’s Mama, Papa and Joy to take care of Nathan. As in I can’t even hold him dahil baka malaglag ko lang pag karga ko and masusuka na naman ako.

Worst two days of our lives. :((

If every birthday has a theme, I’d say this year’s title would be, “For a change”.

For the first time in so many years, I finally celebrated a birthday with all four of us together, under one roof. The last time I think was eight years ago. So when Mama went to our room yesterday and kissed me on the cheek then greeted me a happy birthday, I almost felt like I was dreaming. It was so surreal I almost cried.

I think this goes without mentioning, but to me, the biggest highlight of my birthday is that it’s the first birthday I had with a family of my own. Bob and Nathan, what more can I ask for? God entrusted me with two of his precious creations, naku naman, ano pang mas peperfect pa dito?

I didn’t make any plans at all for my birthday. I stopped making plans when I realized that it always rains on my birthday – walang mintis. And not just slight rain, talagang malakas and bumabaha. But then again, kahapon ng umaga, grabe walang ulan. The sun was up, at talagang mainit pa. I said to myself, “Aba, kakaiba to. Let’s go to MOA!” Hahaha! Ang tapang ko noh? Eh kasi Bob gave me a wonderful birthday present – budget! Hahaha!

So Joy texted Ryan so he can come with us. And while he was on his way, I prepared a little game for the family. We had Uno Stackos at home, I printed some phrases on a paper and then dinikit ko sa likod na part para hindi makita. I included a 1k peso prize, some 500’s and 100’s and then a lot of Waleys! Hahaha! Papa got around 700 pesos in cash prize, and everyone thought he’ll be the one to get the 1k major prize, but lo and behold, yung nangungulelat na si Joy with 20 pesos got the one thousand cash prize! It was really fun watching their reactions whenever they read, “Waley, bunot pa!”

We had so much fun we forgot to cook lunch. Haha! So kinain namin yung dala ni Ryan na cake from Red Ribbon and then prepared to go out. It was almost 1pm nung nakaalis kami ng bahay. I said to myself, “I know God always, always gives me signs on my birthday. Bring it.” Haha!

True enough, nung nagpa-gas palang kami, nakita ko yung matandang babae na pinakain namin ni Bob sa Jollibee one time. Without me asking to, tinawag ni Papa at Mama and binigyan nila ng alms. Yes naman, natuwa ako. I feel that we’re so blessed na it’s just right for us to share what God gave us. Malamang kasi yun ang reason bakit overflowing ang blessings, diba?

And then dahil nahihilo na kaming lahat sa gutom, instead of settling sa drive-thru, we opted to dine in sa bagong tayong Jollibee dun sa may bayan, on the way na e. Had one piece chicken each, since we said kailangang magpagutom para sulit yung dadayuhin pa naming sa MOA. Haha!

Ayun na, paglabas namin, may batang babae na nagaalok ng tinda niya. I stopped to ask her what it is, and she said, “Lumpiang Toge” daw for 7 pesos. I was full already, and I know everyone was, so I don’t think we can eat any more lumpias. But she was really asking us to buy, and nakita ko talaga na parang desperate na siya, so I told her, sige give me two pieces. Kasi yun lang yung nakita kong barya ko, 20 pesos. Then her little brother came and with happy eyes, he asked “Magkano na yun pag dalawa?” Then he used his hands for counting and said, “Ah! Fourteen! Edi magkano yung sukli?” I said, “Six pesos. Pero, itabi niyo na. Sa inyo na yung sukli.”

They smiled at me, tipong smile na sobrang thankful, and then the girl said, “Ate salamat, di pa po kasi kami kumakain.” I knew it was way past 2 pm already, ba’t di pa sila kumakain? I said, “Ganun ba? E kumain na kami, sa inyo nalang yung binili ko, kainin niyo ha?” Grabe, tuwang tuwa sila, thank you ng thank you. I can’t imagine pano yung feeling kung gutom na gutom ka na tapos pagkain yung tinda mo pero hindi mo pwede bawasan.

Nung paalis na kami, sinilip pa nila Joy if they really ate it. They did, and nagshare talaga silang magkapatid dun sa dalawang lumpia. I asked Papa to go back kaso lang wala na sila dun sa harap ng Jollibee. But I really do hope to see them again, siguradong matutuwa yun sa chicken joy. :P

Anyway, so yun nga. We went to MOA, window shopping and side-eating. We had frozen yoghurt na kami lang ni Joy ang kumakain kasi they all say it tastes panis na gatas. Haha! And then krispy kreme. Nagpapagutom kunwari para daw sulit talaga. By 6 pm, andun na kami sa dampa choosing Mama’s favorite sea foods.

In fairness, masarap ang luto dun sa kinainan namin. I don’t want to name them na, sayang publicity. It was all good, service was fine until they handed over the bill. Hahaha! Double sa expected namin, and we even calculated upfront ah. May charges dito, may charges duon. But anyway, okay lang. Nainis lang ako kasi they promised a 20% discount before we came in, tapos nung bayaran na nakalimutan na nila. But all is good, the food was great – ang dami! But I guess nag work yung pagpapagutom namin kasi I initially thought we wouldn’t be able to finish it sa sobrang dami, but we did. No take homes!

And then we all set to going home, pagod and busog, we left MOA with slight smiles on our faces. Haha. Then on our way home, I remembered we still have vouchers for a full body massage with ventosa therapy. It was around 9pm na so I called the spa and asked them if they’re still accepting clients. Unfortunately, fully booked na sila for that night (and for the coming days – sept 9 pa open!) so we decided to just stop by the nearest spa sa subdivision namin, since I’m really really craving for that full body massage. :)

10pm na when Bob and I got to the spa. Bob was so in to treating me, at talagang full two hours pa yung kinuhang package. Haha! Since nauna na naman sila Mama and Joy, there was no worrying for Nathan kasi for sure tulog na siya nung mga oras na yun. It was our first time dun sa spa na yun since bago palang, and boi did they exceed my expectations. Ang galing ng therapist, si Bob tulog na agad ilang minutes palang during the therapy. We had thai massage which was exactly what I needed – stretching galore.

The music was so nice din, and then I just found myself praying to God. I thanked Him for what has been a very wonderful birthday. It never fails to amaze me how things changed for the last few years and how he intricately planned it all. There I was, on a massage bed, for the remaining two hours of my birthday. Ang sarap ng feeling, not just because of the massage, but knowing that Bob and I made this already. We are in that stage na we can afford a comfortable living. I can’t say luxurious pero okay na sakin yung comfortable. Compare that to what we had three years ago, when Bob’s computer table was a make-shift box, and all we had as furniture are a mattress and couple of kitchen utensils – sa first apartment namin. I’m so proud of what Bob has been for the years since we got together, he really worked hard, to get us to where we are right now. Ok na ko dito, I’m okay with all aspects. Happy ako we can do grocery shopping every week and not run out of stocks, happy that pag kalahati nalang yung gatas ni Nathan, may pambili na ng bago before it runs out. Secured, comfortable and we can afford little luxuries like that. A car and a house soon, jusko Lord, what have we done to deserve all these?

“This is THE life!” I remember myself saying before I dozed off to sleep last night. Thank you Lord for making all of this happen.

P.S.

For sure madaming typos and grammar error to, pagbigyan na. Too happy to edit. :D 

I feel that my birthday is extra special this time since we’re complete this time. Imagine, the last time I’ve spent birthday with us complete was… way, way back in HighSchool. Now, there’s an extra bonus — Nathan! What more could I ask for, right?

I don’t have any plans yet on where to celebrate my birthday. I’d bet a hundred bucks it will rain on my birthday like it always does for the last 23 years. :p

Then they said, “kaliwa po dyan” so kumaliwa naman si Papa. Turns out NO-LEFT turn pala yun and syempre, hinarang kami ng mga traffic police. I was in shock kasi first they told us was “May namatay na po dito kaya sinarado ang left turn.” May three warning signs daw pero we didn’t notice it at all kasi walang reflector, and it was dark there. And ISA PA, yung police enforcer dun sa may kaliwaan SIGNALED to us to go left so we did. 

I was so impressed with the police officer coz when we finally get to the side of the street, he told us “Di baleng mahuli, wag lang maaksidente, tama po ba?” And he raised valid points, kaya amazed pa ako sa enforcer na ito. Then he went away for a while, tapos si Papa naman nagprepare ng pera. I told Papa, “NO! Wag mo bibigyan ng kotong yan, mukha namang hindi nanghihingi e. Baka maoffend pa yan, lalo ka pang maticket-an ng bribing!”

Sana the good stuff continues noh? Pero unfortunately, bigo kami — AGAIN!

When he got back, he said the lines I dread the most. “One thousand po talaga ang fee sa ganyang violation. Sa totoo lang di namin pwedeng sabihin kung magkano yung multa, pero sinabi ko sa inyo. Pero kung gusto niyo, pwede naman natin babaan. Iibahin ko lang yung violation niya. 500 nalang”

Ano to, bargain? 

Eh kung bargain pala, mas magaling ako tumawad — sa pagkakaalam ko. Sabi ko kay manong enforcer, “Kuya, maniwala ka’t sa hindi, for the rest of our lives hindi na kami ulit kakaliwa dyan sa street na yan.” I wanted to point fingers and question bakit kami sinenyasan na kumaliwa, or bakit hindi nakareflector yung no left turn signs, etc pero masyado na kaming pagod para makipagdebate pa.

Nakakapang-hina, to have this kind of conversation with a police enforcer. I wanted to tell him, “Sige na! I-ticket mo na yung 1k na original fee, kesa magpakababa ako ng level ko at pumatol sa kotong police.” Pero too late na.

Sabi niya, “Eto yung folder ko. Tatanggapin ko maski magkano ibibigay niyo, maraming salamat. Ibababa ko dyan sa manibela, kunin mo yung lisensya mo tapos iipit mo yung pera. May camera kasi dito.”

I swear — I wanted to get out of the car and lash out at that enforcer and just express how disgusted I am for his behavior. Pero, wala na. Pagod na lahat e. Mastranded ka ba naman ng 5 hours sa eroplano, papalag ka pa ba? Gusto nalang namin lahat makauwi.

Nakakapanghina. 

Please someone tell me may pag-asa pa ang batas dito sa Pilipinas.

So ayun nga, we have everything in the house. From baygon electric mosquito repellant to anti-mosquito patches, with varying degrees. May subtle lang amoy, meron namang sobrang tapang na kahit hindi lamok eh mahihilo na. And just this morning, our neighbor asked if we wanted to avail of the fumigation for 1k pesos, and siyempre pumayag kami. Better be safe than sorry, right? 

Hayy. I wish they come up with a vaccine or something. 

Pero mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ko these days. I’m all smiles when at the end of the day, I get to hug Nathan to sleep and he’s okay, walang sakit, walang topak. :) Then Bob can join us and tuck Nathan to bed and we both say how much we love him, ayun na, happy Elay.

Thank you Lord. 

THE NOTES, GUYS. THE NOTES.

I was up at 3am, trying to gauge my body but to no avail. :( 

Kainis.

I’ve been invited to volunteer at AGAP/ABI’s Relief Delivery Mission at Subic tomorrow. The usual — while they do the relief distribution, I’ll be in charge of the kids of psychosocial therapy. The families were victims of the recent landslide, and most of them lost their homes. I saw it on the news when it happened, and most of the kids were emotional, they were crying because of what happened (who wouldn’t, right?).

It breaks my heart that this is the first time I’ll be away from Nathan. Technically, I have to leave today, spend the night at the headquarters in Pampanga, so we can leave by 6am tomorrow for Subic. I’m still contemplating of travelling in the wee hours of the morning, say 3am so I don’t have to spend the night there. Honestly, ako yung may separation anxiety, not Nathan. (I whispered to him last night that I have to go somewhere tomorrow, to help some of the kids and as if he understood, he smiled at me!)

It’s a good thing that Joy is here fulltime to take care of Nathan while I’m away. Parang ang tagal kong aalis noh? I’ll be there for just a day! Balik din ako agad after the RDO.

Anyhoo- I need to prepare the things I need for tomorrow. Wish me luck. It feels like ages since I’ve last done a PSS. 

I had a series of weird dreams this week. Una, I dreamt we went to SRI LANKA for a promo fare but when we got there, we realized we didn’t have return tickets. So we had to apply for a job in order to get a ticket.

As if that was not weird enough, last night, I dreamt we went to MOSCOW and Hagrid (YEP! Hagrid of HP!) was our hotel’s usher. He showed us our room and we were disgusted at how it looked like so we asked him to bring us to other hotels nearby. The funny part? Sumakay kami sa motorbike niya going to the other hotel. AND IN MY DREAM, ganun parin ang pagsasalita niya. May accent talaga. :))

I realized this after considering to “group” my contacts to friends, real friends, fb friends, game friends, etc. Pre-Facebook, I never had the need to group my friends like that, or felt unsafe to post something on fear that someone might use it for something nasty.

So there, good bye Facebook, and I hope never to see you again.

*EDIT*

Bob reactivated my facebook account yesterday. Oh well.

So last Saturday, habang nagpapa-gas si Papa, may nakita kaming matanda, and kumatok siya sa may bintana sa side ni Papa. Binigay ni Papa yung mga coins sa dashboard niya, maybe 20-30 pesos siguro yun. Then she went to the other cars in waiting, pero hindi siya pinansin.

Feeling sorry for her, I asked Bob if we can give her the spare 100 peso change. Bob immediately said yes, and I asked Papa to call her. Sabi ko, “Nay, galing po sa anak namin, si Nathan.” Then as if on cue, Nathan smiled at her! :)

There’s a certain delight on her face when she saw what we gave her, and even asked me if I’m really giving her a hundred peso. Her voice was coarse, and then she told us she’s begging for her medicines, which costs her at least 200 a day. She said her meds are a hundred peso per tablet, and she needs two each day. 

She proceeded to ask if we can add a hundred more para kumpleto na daw yung gamot niya. I still have a hundred from the change, so nakipag-eye contact nalang ako kay Bob and he seems to tell me, “Sige na, bigay mo na.” So I did. 

I really hope na she was able to buy medicines for that day, and may nagawang mabuti yung 200 pesos. I felt awkward when she asked for dagdag, it’s the first time we have been asked na ganun, but we reasoned out na maybe she was really desperate already, it was almost evening and if it’s true she needs two capsules for the day, late na siya.

Aahh. Life.

onthe-radio:

“After a year-long investigation by PETA Asia-Pacific and the National Bureau of Investigations, police have now charged a Philippine couple with cruelty to animals and other crimes related to producing a series of pornographic videos in which young girls torture and kill animals.

WARNING: Graphic descriptions follow

The “crush” videos that the Ridons are believed to have produced show scantily clad 12-year-old girls as they stomp on live animals, a rabbit as he or she is skinned alive, other rabbits as they scream while their ears are cut off and they are set on fire, a dog as he or she is burned with a clothes iron, and a monkey who was repeatedly hit in the eye with the sharp end of a stiletto heel. There is more, including puppies crushed until they vomited their own internal organs. A bill currently in the Philippine Senate would criminalize the sale of such “crush videos,” already illegal in the U.S. and other countries.

Faced with the charges, suspects Dorma and Vic Ridon have fled. Warrants have been issued for them.”

wowfunniestposts:

nierry:

Featured on Wow Funniest Posts

We bought a voucher for a 90-minute massage with Ventosa therapy. Hayy, this is what our bodies need from all that toxicity from last week. Bob’s been complaining of “lamig” on his back since Monday pa, so perfect na perfect talaga to.

Everything’s arranged already, Papa will drive for us, Joy will babysit Nathan and we’ll enjoy a nice dinner afterwards. 

I think this will become a weekly (hopefully!) thing kase lahat na ata ng spa deals sa discount sites, binili ko na. 

Hay, sana kasi yung naghohome service samin meron ding ventosa therapy or something to that effect, kaya lang tradiitonal hilot/swedish/etc massage lang sila e. 

This morning, Papa asked me if we can give Nathan’s old bottles sa kakilala niyang janitor sa badminton club na pinaglalaruan niya. Papa said na sobrang tuwa daw nung kakilala niya nung sinabi na baka pwede namin ibigay yung mga bote ni Nathan dahil sobrang dami nga. I think Nathan has around 20 bottles, coz the first month were all trial and error for us, trying to find the perfect bottle for him. Until we settled with Avent, and totally hindi na nagamit yung mga bote niya.

While Papa was packing the bottles, bigla kong naalala na there’s a stash of his old baby clothes on the drawer. Eh sabi ko nga, sentimental ako, I originally planned to keep all of those clothes para mapakita kay Nathan paglaki nya. But then naisip ko, mapapakita ko nga kay Nathan, ano naman yung silbi nun, for old times sake lang?

Papa said pano daw pag nagkababy na kami ulit. I said, siguro naman mas may kaya kaming bumili ng bagong damit kesa dun sa kakilala niya. And I love the feeling na at Nathan’s age, marami na syang natulungan. Remember before, inayawan ni Nathan yung gatas niya, eh nakabili na kami ng dalawang malaking cans, yun pala may mas kailangan nung gatas na yun, naibigay namin.

Aside from his clothes, binigay na rin namin yung luma niyang blanket and pillows. Dahil si Nathan naman ay blessed with a lot of blankets from his Ninangs nun binyag na.

I have yet to hear from Papa kung ano ang reaction ng friend niya sa mga hand-me-downs ni Nathan. Sana makatulong kahit papano.

Hindi yung ordinaryong nakalimutan ko what date it was. I forgot what month! I kept thinking anong month ngayon. Kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko, it’s like I’m forcing my brain to tell me what month it is.

I wouldn’t be bothered at all kung yung araw nakalimutan ko e, kaso buwan! I was scared, bakit wala akong maalala? Bakit parang walang logic yung utak ko? Bakit ganun, ang tagal ko talaga dun sa field ng date, hindi ko maisip talaga. Sa hiya ko (dahil kaharap ko ba naman President ng SPI Systems College), tumayo ako at lumapit kay Papa, sabay tanong, “Anong buwan ngayon Papa?”

I swear at that moment, gusto kong magpunta na sa hospital at magpacheck up. Dumadalas tong episodes ko na totally naba-blank yung utak ko. One time I forgot how Nathan ended up beside me eh karga karga ko siya sa dibdib ko. Scary diba? Bakit ganun?

Sabi nila dahil sa dami daw ng operations ko at sa dami ng anesthesia na nilagay sa katawan ko kaya ganun ako kakalimutin. Pero, ewan ko. Kanina talaga, I was scared sobra dahil parang nagstop yung utak ko. I was trying to remember the last time I wrote the date, ganun yung pag-iisip ko kanina.

Should I be concerned? Is this normal? I’m trying not to overreact and Google. Hahayy.

And syempre ngayon, I can’t wait to read this to Nathan. I’ve been singing him the song since Day 1, sometimes even inventing my own tune to the song para hindi nakakasawa. Hehe. But when he gets old enough, I’m sure maeenjoy niya yung colorful pictures and stuff.

Ay. You know what? Screw waiting. Basahin ko na ngayon sa kanya. Haha!

Ulan ng ulan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nakakainis!!! Ayan na nga e, todo lampin na nga po, kaso naman ulan ng ulan. Yung lampin, three layers yun, mahirap matuyo! Nung una handwashed nga e, ngayon washing machine na para madry ng husto, pero not enough parin. :(

/end of rant

So ngayon, medyo balik sa disposable si Nathan kasi nauubos yung tuyong lampin. Balik lampin lang pag meron na ulit tuyo. Iniisip ko nalang, at least di man 100%, nasa 60% naman kami at this rate.

60 is good, diba? Diba? Diba??

This is definitely the first time he did that, kaya naman nataranta kami kung sinong kukuha ng picture sa kanya. Haha!

According to my trusted book (What to Expect the First Year), may even be able to reach out for things ng 3 2/3 months. Yes naman, pasikat ang anak ko kasi 3 months and 1 week palang siya. Hehe! 

Nakakatuwa noh, simple things like these, grabe na yung delight namin. Haha! Exaggeration aside, iba talaga yung feeling na nakikita mo yung pagbabago — every minute detail of it dahil lahat ng attensyon nasa kanya.

Sarap!

P.S.

That EQ diaper stash on the background deserves another post na para sa kanya lang. Hayyy.

Finally, a photoblog where I’m free to spam all I want. Ha!

I’m happy to report now that even though Nathan still cries sometimes — he can now fall asleep without the hele part. By hele I mean yung pa-dance dance pa kami para mapatulog siya. Now a simple tapik-tapik and hum ng lullaby can put him to sleep. Sometimes, he even fell asleep on his own! :)

Kung makablog kala mo napakalaking milestone eh noh? Hehe!

***

Can you believe it’s been a month already since the wedding?

Today is exactly a month since I became Mrs. Sagun. I still get the “what’s the feeling?” question a lot of times, but it got topped over by the “when’s the baby” question recently.

But since I’m in the proper mood today, let’s answer both. :)

What’s the feeling?

Well, everyday you get to wake up each morning with your husband right beside you. It’s like having everything you need within arm’s reach. Happiness doesn’t have to be complicated now, a simple breakfast of toasted bread suddenly becomes a perfect ingredient for a perfect morning.

There’s a feeling of knowing he’s finally yours – forever. And now, forever is not that vague anymore. You know that no matter what happens, no matter what life brings you – you’ll have him. And the future is less scary now. You know that pretty soon you’ll have babies and the fact remains – YOU’LL NEVER BE ALONE ANYMORE.

Everyday, you get a look at your finger – and it’s not bare anymore. There, on your ring finger, lies the symbol of forever. You proudly show the wedding ring to anyone, and not because it’s a fine piece of jewelry, but because that piece of gold holds the promise you gave each other the day of the wedding – and no diamonds can ever top that feeling.

How does it feel to be a missus? It’s satisfying beyond words. It’s like you’ve became an updated version of yourself. Suddenly, a kitchen is not just a kitchen anymore. It becomes the place where you prepare special dishes for your family, it becomes your haven. Suddenly, a kiss is not just a kiss anymore, it’s beyond that – it’s magical.

Ahh.. I can put in a lot of adjectives to this feeling but it won’t make it any closer to what exactly I feel right now.

To put it simply, I guess – it’s like winning the lottery – when you didn’t even buy a ticket. ;)

For the next question, and I guess more complicated “When is the baby?” stuff.

I think it’s no secret, Bob and I wants to have a family of our own in the very near future.  Bob’s not getting any  younger, ahaha. But kidding aside, it’s been difficult for us. Mainly for me. I have a series of workups lined for me, and that’s not easy. For now, we stand by the thought that if it is God’s will, let his Will be done.

We’re taking this as a sign from God that we just have to enjoy each other’s company first before we spend sleepless nights caring for our little children. And that’s not a bad thing naman diba?

So soon, we’ll get to that.

But for now, everyday is a honeymoon. *wink*

According to my research, diapers take up to 200-500 years to breakdown within a landfill. So that means the nappies I used when I was a baby is still on a landfill, and that’s just 23 yrs. Ang tibay ng diapers ko pala, aabot pa hanggang apo sa tuhod ko? Wow.

I have to admit, napaka-daling gumamit nalang ng disposable diapers. Wala nang laba-laba, or plantsa. Pero I want to try this out. At least I can say na I’ve tried, kahit papano. Nathan’s current diaper is around 400 bucks for 40 pcs. I’m not thinking of that kasi if I do, I’d just switch to disposable that easily. “Ano ba naman yung 400 for ease of use?” I’m sure yan sasabihin ng boses sa utak ko. Haha!

Anyway, So last night, I told Nathan, “Anak, testing natin tong cloth diaper mo ah?” And boy he did. First thing he did was poop on the diaper. Juskopo. Pero I was victorious naman. Thank God may sprinkler kami sa CR. It was a big help. Haha.

I bought the cheap ones lang, Chino Pino which is 450 pesos for 6pcs. It’s not like Tushy-Wushy na hindi nagleleak, actually sa reviews na nabasa ko it leaks talaga. They complain of bed wetting pag nagwiwi si Baby. So I bought a diaper cover, each for 60 pesos ata? Which I have to put over the cloth diaper so it wont leak. It’s plastic inside, yes, but at least it’s reusable!

Anyway, wish me luck.

Bob’s been raping the TV with National Geographic so it’s my turn na ulit. Hehe! Yes, sometimes Bob tells me about Mummys and Marcos and stuff he watched on Nat Geo and History Channel.

His latest addiction: Dog Whisperer.

Some of the schools, for example:

• UP Child Development Center-  30,000, Progressive (Co-Ed)
• Rosehill Paref – 57,000 Traditional (Co-ED)
• La Salle Greenhills – 122,000 Traditional
• Don Bosco – 47,000 Traditional (All boys)
• Ateneo de Manila – 90,000, Traditional (All-boys)

Whoa.

And syempre there’s schools na halos lumuwa talaga mata ko upon seeing the tuition fee, like Brent’s International School for example, 6,000 USD (YES, DOLLARS!) plus 285, 936 misc fees.

Diyosko.

Eh imbis iwanan ko ang blogging altogether, gumawa nalang ako ng password protected blog where only selected friends and family members have access to it. At least sigurado ako dun na yung humingi ng password eh talagang gusto magbasa ng blog ko. Hehe!

The main reason naman talaga why I am blogging about Nathan ay para pag malaki na sya, he’s got something to read about sa childhood days niya. (Wish ko lang alive pa yung blog na yun by that time. Hello, tumblr.)

Ayun. I’m still trying to figure out how to send the password to my friends and family, for now, PM me nalang sa Facebook or Twitter for the password. ;)

yannafeliciano:

Boys, I haven’t met you yet but I would like to dedicate this to you.

You have great parents, my very good friends, you see.

Continue to be good as I know you already are and as they are to me.

I pray that you will enjoy your childhood and that you will learn with nature.

Start your..

Awww. Ninang! <3 I’ll make sure Nathan gets to read this someday.

I just smiled at her.

I wanted to tell her, I would, God knows I would — with every inch of my will, if I could. I would breastfeed with every chance, if I could.

The bitter reality here is that when you become a mom, all eyes are on you. How you dress your child, how you feed him, how you discipline him and all others. You become a public figure without even wanting to. It’s harsh,  but really, I feel like that’s the case now.

I wanted to tell her that even if I don’t breastfeed, I make sure we give Nathan the proper care he deserves. I wanted to tell her that but I was caught so off-guard that all I managed was to fake a smile. I was hurting. I was offended.

At the back of my mind, I want to believe she only meant well for Nathan. I want to believe she’s not judging or anything, but just means well for everyone. It’s nice of her to remind moms to breastfeed, I guess. Or maybe not.

See, it all boils down to respect. Not everyone is on the same path as  you are.

The only difference for this trip was that we decided to get a room and stay overnight. Ayun na — that’s when trouble began. With all honesty, sana nag picnic nalang kami sa labas instead of getting a room. Sobrang hassle.

Let me tell you how our 2,500 per night went.

First, they gave us “Henry Suite” which doesn’t look like a suite at all. We can forgive the lack of A/C since we know it’s gonna be cold in the evening. We can open the windows, baka manigas pa kami sa lamig, right? WRONG. You can’t open the windows coz there’s no screen! Di ko na maimagine just how many mosquitoes or other insects ang papasok sa room. Secondly, there was no TV or phone in the room. TV was forgivable, yet again — I just made a rationale that we were there to take a weekend off – so the absence of technology is a good start. But no phones installed in a room? Bakit?? What if there was an emergency and you need to call the frontdesk? You have to climb flights of stairs and walk to get to the entrance. What if there’s something you want to order? Sige, wag na order. Pero the emergencies! Di ba nila naisip yun?

So by mid-afternoon, we decided to go for a swim. The walk to the pool meant going up and down many flights of stairs, which signaled “HAZARD” for accident-prones like me. So we went to the front desk and asked them if there’s any more rooms located near the pool. They said there was none in the Sierra Madre Resort,  but there was one available in their sister resort, Spring Valley, which was located “Sa baba lang po”, —the exact words. I mentioned we have a baby na gusto namin kasama sa may poolside, picnic-style, pero masyadong dangerous ibaba-akyat sa hagdan nila.

So — they arranged for the transfer. They told us the pool was just right across the room so walang akyat-babang magaganap. What they failed to tell us was that the road was very steep, buwis-buhay, and it was so narrow it can only accommodate one vehicle. Imagine anong mangyari pag may kasalubong ka, sino magbibigay ng daan – yung paakyat o yung pababa? Either way, it’s WAYYYY too much dangerous for everyone.
And no, there wasn’t a SINGLE lamp post. Kahit make-shift lang. WALANG ILAW.

So to cut the story short — we were transferred to Spring Valley Resort. We were given a room, again without A/C and no screen. Pero this one was worse. Ina-anay na yung room! The room smelled like alimuom ba tawag dun? It smelled bad, the CR — omyGod I can’t even bring myself to describe it. It was stained yellow — the flooring was @#@!##$. And the ceiling looks like it can fall off anytime.

And I’m not even exaggerating, God I hope I am.

When Ian (the one who assisted the transfer, and by far the only decent staff they have) was about to leave, I asked him if the restaurant from Sierra Madre Resort can deliver food there. He said no, and we have to walk – WALK! from there to buy food and then walk back. I asked him if there’s any way that he could order for us, since meron siyang motorcycle and I’d just pay him extra for doing it. He said NO, his shift ends in an hour. There were two more motorbikes and I asked him who owns it so I can ask the favor from them, he said the same thing — leaving us with no choice but to really HIKE up just to buy food.

Diyos ko.

To calm the nerves, we decided to finally get that SWIM – which di naman pwede magtagal kasi we have to walk, este HIKE nga para bumili ng food. So thirty minutes swim ata yun and we prepared for the ultimate hike of our lives.

When I say buwis-buhay, eto na yun. We had to climb/hike the very steep road, na hindi kami pwede magbagal because the sun was setting already and baka abutin kami ng dilim sa daan so we hiked, as fast as we could. Believe me, I felt like I was going to faint already. My thoughts were “This has got to be worth it. The food must be worth it.”

Lo and behold, pati sa food – DISAPPOINTMENT sila. I ordered Crispy Pata, Pork Sinigang and Inihaw na Bangus. WALA NA DAW AVAILABLE. But it was written, well and nice sa menu board nila for the day. Wala bang nagkusa man lang na magbura ng hindi na pala available para naman hindi nakakadisappoint diba? We ended up buying Sinampalukang Manok, Liempo and Fried Bangus since it was all they have. While they were cooking, I asked them again, “Wala ba – in any way, na pwede maghatid samin sa kabilang resort?” I saw three or four services with their name on it, but then they said they have no shuttle or service to bring us to the other resort. “Delikado po kasi” was all the excuse they gave me. EH DELIKADO PALA, BAKIT PA KAYO NAGPAPAPUNTA NG GUESTS DUN????

Believe me, it took all my strength not to cause a scene in their lobby. Believe me when I say I haven’t felt so irritated, disappointed and mad like that before. Grabe sa pagiging lousy ang service nila. NOT ONE APOLOGY WAS GIVEN TO US FOR THE HASSLE. And the lady – Thank God I don’t know her name – she was so disrespectful! Walang kasympathy sympathy, it was like kasalanan namin bakit kami napunta dun at pinagdadaanan namin yun.

To cut the story short, our order was FINALLY served about an hour after. “Baka gabihin na sila” ang sabi pa nung isa. So they really know what danger yung pwedeng mangyari kung gabihin nga kami? So we walked, again. It was a lot easier since pababa, but all the while, I was trying not to think about what would happen if we miss a step and fall down. We were literally, in the middle of nowhere.

We had dinner, and by the time we were finished, we were too tired to take another dip in the pool. Then by 7pm, the family who was in the other room was preparing to leave already. That means we will be alone dun sa baba, wala nang ibang guests. If you’re there, you can imagine how scary the thought was for us. We were planning to leave na rin, but since there were no lights nga dun sa matarik na way pataas, we decided to sleep through the night and leave first thing in the morning.

Ang kasama lang namin dun sa baba ay ang caretaker — na umiinom ng beer at hindi na nahiya, niyaya pa sila Bob at Ryan. Gusto ko nang sumigaw at that time. Caretaker na naglalasing? Just how dangerous can this get??

I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I kept thinking, if something happens to us, walang way to contac the outside world. No cellphone signals, no landline phones. We were literally, in the middle of nowhere. I was so scared that I wasn’t able to appreciate the place. For me, it was the scariest place on earth at that time. I was constantly worried about Nathan and I vowed never to put him in that kind of danger, ever again – in my entire life. I was constanly saying sorry to my Baby, who — thank God was deep asleep during that time. Never again, Baby. Never again will Mommy bring you to a place like this. I’m sorry. That was going on in my mind, paulit ulit.

At 4am, I was able to sleep a bit. Nagising naman ako ng 5am sa lakas ng tunog ng kulog at lakas ng kidlat. We figured we can’t stay there and risk the chance of a heavy rain — baka mag landslide or maging malambot yung lupa, di kakayanin ng sasakyan. So we waited just for the sun to rise, kahit medyo madilim – we were already packing up.

And since di kakayanin ng sasakyan kung lahat kami nakasakay, Joy, Ryan, Bob and I walked, este hiked again.

When we reached the top, all of us safe – dun lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. God is good kasi di niya pinatuloy yung ulan. Gusto ko na sanang umalis and leave our 1k balance behind kasi sobrang nanghihinayang ako na bayaran pa sila ng 1k for everything we went through, but we decided to pay parin. Ian (who lied na patapos na ang shift niya at uuwi siya), was there to greet us, obvious na kagigising lang.

He said, “Mam, ang aga niyo naman mag check out.”

Believe me, I almost said “Oo, sa pangit ng service niyo at sa lahat ng pinagdaanan namin, dapat lang mag early check out kami.” Instead, I just looked at him and nodded.

I think this is the longest blog I’ve made about a lousy service. Notice that I don’t have any photos coz it was way too disappointing to even bring out my camera and take photos of the place. Mas nagenjoy pa kami on the trip pauwi, dun lang ako nakapagshoot.

Babalik pa ba ako sa Sierra Madre Resort sa Tanay? NO. NEVER AGAIN. The view is nice and heavenly, but it’s not enough. Staff of that resort needs to know how to entertain guests properly. Heck, the resort needs renovation. Wag niyo naman pabayarin ng 2,500 per night ang guests niyo para sa room na ganun kapangit. Please have value on our money. 2,500 din yan — hindi yan maliit na halaga.

Kahit na money is the slightest issue here, yung experience — you can never just shut it off and forget how scared you were for your life. Yun yun e.

The view from Sierra Madre Resort, Tanay. Was it worth everything we went through, the lousy resort service and ugly rooms?

Sige na nga. This was the only consolation.

The Tacsiyapo Wall – also at Isdaan, Tarlac.

It’s throwing your stress (and fifteen pesos) away – literally. Buy a mug for 15 pesos and then throw it to the wall, smash it as hard as you can. Pang-alis stress daw. Hehe! Sabi Tacsyapo means something really nasty daw, I don’t know.

Went to this really awesome floating restaurant in Gerona, Tarlac. It’s a long five-hour drive from our place, but the scenery and ambiance is so worth it.

Will blog about it when I get the chance. :)

Reunion Ulit.

Binyag.

Reunion Padin.

First Wedding Anniversary.

Ahh. What a week. Friends, family, loved ones. Ano pa bang mahihiling mo diba?

Trust me, I’ve had a fair share of not-so-good experiences with Smartbro agents. Andyan yung almost 30 minutes na nakikinig sa nakakainis na background music while waiting for someone to answer, and then get disconnected within the first few minutes of the call. Andyan yung general phrases like, “We’ll forward this to technical support,” “We’ll make a note”, etc. I’ve been through it all.

Dahil naging agent din ako dati, I know how it works naman. We tell you in the nicest way possible how we can’t do anything about it, and when you insist, we find a way to work around it. Hehe.

Anyway, to Jay – I don’t know your last name and I don’t know kung uso ang customer appreciation dito sa Pinas, but thanks for doing a great job on our account. Thanks for acting fast and responding promptly when I told you na I’m using my prepaid sim and may get disconnected anytime. Thanks for doing the initiative to get my cellphone number and just call me after you’ve done the request.

Ganun sana lahat.

I won’t make this long. I’ll save the mushiness for later. 3 days for now we’ll be celebrating our first year WEDDING anniversary. Dun nalang ako babawi. Haha.

Ngek. Not that I don’t write letters, I do – a lot. Pero naman, facebook — pakeelamera much? Haha! Eh kung sabihin ko nalang sa kanya diba? Katabi ko lang oh. ;)

sayingimages:

FOLLOW SAYING IMAGES FOR MORE INSPIRED IMAGES & QUOTES

aylaroxkumicho:

It wouldn’t hurt to reblog this, right? Let’s see you make a change. You’re doing this for your own sake. A lot of people are not aware of the consequences of their actions. Make a change. Everthing starts from one simple gesture. This is a sincere campaign. Not a scam, not a trend, and nothing in exchange—so lend a hand for our world. Will really appreciate it if you reblog this. Thank you very much.

Small, baby steps. Letsdothis!

I have the go signal from my hubby to do this. Of course I won’t be doing it everyday, it would probably kill me being far away from my boy but I figured few hours would be okay.

So, here’s the deal. If you want a photoshoot of your family, your kid – you and your boyfriend, or just a photoshoot na ikaw ang bida, (pang facebook), please do let me know by hitting the comment button below, or the ask button. I’d love to do it for FREE. I will give you all the shots in CD/DVD and perhaps throw in some free prints, we’ll see.

However, here’s something you should probably know:

• I’m no pro. Yeah, I took basic photography classes, I go on youtube and I read books. I have taken some decent photos naman daw, so if you’d be brave enough to try, thank you.
• I’ll be available only on Saturdays. Weekends are the best day of the week when I’d be sure that Nathan has babysitter (Hello, Joy!), and Sundays are reserved for family so Saturday will be the best bet.
• I’d love to do photoshoots here in Antipolo. A nice venue would be *ahem* our subdivision, so I won’t have to go far. Kidding, if you know someplace nice, sure. But really, somewhere near lang. Wag naman out of town. ;)
• Email me at elaysagun@yahoo.com your concept for the photoshoot. Para naman makapag research and practice ako diba? Do you want it retro? Something like that.
• All props/costumes/make-ups should be provided by you. Pero kung may macontribute naman ako, why not. We’ll see.
• If you are  a photo enthusiast and if you’d like to come with me, say meron ngang pumatol sa offer na to, do send an email and I’d let you know pag meron. Hehe!

So that’s it. I’d LOVE to hear from you. Do come up with really cute concepts ah, para masaya. :)

I’m not sure of what to watch yet, I honestly think I haven’t gotten over my trauma of Nicholas Cage’s super annoying film, Drive Angry, which we watched in 3d and left at around the middle of the film coz I just couldn’t take it anymore. The movie was so bad that I had to google the title.

Anyway, today’s movie and nice dinner date will be a nice anti-stress workup, with all that’s happening in the world right now, I think we need just a few moments away from the bad news and just have fun with the people who matter to us.

Ganun lang sana kadali.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/must-love-sundays/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/dahil-lampa-si-elay/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/dahil-lampa-si-elay/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 10:11:05 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720473135 Continue reading →]]> Last night, I had a stupid accident.

Stupid, mainly because I fell off a motorbike… while it was on stop… with the engine completely turned off.

I don’t really know how it happened, Bob and I were just doing our normal routine of throwing our garbage and then the next minute, I was on the floor with the bike on top of my other leg.

Nothing serious, though. I suffered from a few scratches (and a really long one, probably about four inches) and a big bruise on my knee, but other than that, I’m fine. Believe me, my first thoughts were “What happened to the bike?” and “Nasira ba yung havaianas ko?”

Well, despite this being a stupid accident, I guess it just goes to show that no matter how simple the task may be, or how ordinary it may seem to us, we still have to give it an extra ounce of care. Something serious might have happened if Bob left the engine on or if the brakes were not locked.

Ayun, just sharing. :)

I finally got to show him the birthday video I made for him. I started collecting videos from his friends and family since mid of January, and at first I thought it was a bit impossible to actually make it but they all proved me wrong! :) It’s nice kasi that the videos were sent from all over the world. There’s from Ate Jack in Qatar, Jimmy from UAE, My mom from Jeddah and his mom from California. And of course, locally there’s from Cavite, Nueva Ecija, Cebu, and the list goes on.

Last night, when I showed it to Bob – I inserted a video of a movie (the first ten minutes of it) to make him think that we were having just another movie marathon. Imagine the look on his face when it changed to this video. He was teary eyed the whole time! :)

Bob said this is the best gift he’s ever received for his birthday. I sure hope so! :)

Yesterday, we had the part 2 of my cousin’s pre-nup shoot. The first one, we called trial since it was literally just a few days since I had the cam and I have absolutely no idea of what I was doing. Yesterday, I was pretty confident since I had a basic photography workshop already and was introduced to portrait photography. Admittedly though, I still committed some mistakes on the shoot. I really have to practice a lot, lot more. (I’m thinking of doing free pre-nups so I can practice, but that would be another story)

We went to Sierra Madre Resort in Tanay, the prenup fee was 1.5k without room plus 100 each person in excess of 6. The view was breathtaking, it definitely blew away the bad vibes we had earlier that day. It’s impossible to be irritated at Sierra Madre. It’s cold, very much like Tagaytay-Baguio temperature and the views are simply amazing. And there’s a lot of things you can do, like zipline adventure, swimming, picnics, etc.

Anyway, here’s some shots from the pre-nup shoot:

Ate Tin and Kuya Mel are getting married on April 1 (Yes, April Fool’s day, but they also found out that April 1 is St. Melitina day – it has both their names!) So cute noh?

2 years ago, I was doing my ordinary morning routine. That was – to act like I was Bob and do the bidding for him. We were using rentacoder that time, and in order to get decent jobs in that site, you really have to be patient in doing bids. My daily task would involve bidding on several projects for Bob, writing proposal letters and crossing my fingers that they will accept it. Online work was still new to me at that time. I never figured myself as the marketer type. Bob, on the other hand, knew what he was doing. He started doing online work years before I met him. He knew the in’s and out’s of his field.

We’ve had our bad lucks. I’ve placed a bid on projects that were real pain in the ass. I could only comfort Bob and tell him that it would end somehow. We were able to work on $10 logo projects that required UNLIMITED revisions, to $15-20 website projects. We were down low. We were able to deal with a lot of people, with different attitudes. Suffice enough to say, we had the taste of everything.

But then, you know how they say that when you’ve reached rock bottom, there’s obviously no more way but up? I’d say yes to that again.

What I thought was an ordinary bid led to something extraordinary.  Way beyond awesome. A $35 coupon design project. Who would have thought our lives would change after that?

It would not be enough if I say we’ve found the perfect boss.

Number One, John would not let us call him “Boss”. He would correct us every time. He would always say, “We’re partners.” And over time, he would always make us feel that he means what he says.

Number two. To say that he’s a generous partner is an understatement as well. Partner is an understatement. Over the years, he treated us like we’re his family. He told me one time, when he asked Bob to quit rentacoder and work with him, he also asked him what he wants in life. Bob answered, “I want to get married and give Elay her dream wedding.”

A year after that, we got married. John made sure we had everything we wanted. Everyone was asking us how we were able to afford that kind of wedding. We told them about John and the reactions were priceless. John made sure we didn’t get something cheap. He said to look after quality.

Number 3. He’s our confidant. We know that he’s got our backs at all times. He never let us down. When I got hospitalized, we knew we’re going to spend a lot on the operation. Bob called John and asked for help. He didn’t hesitate. He helped us all the way. Not once did we have to ask him twice.

John knows our passion and he helps us in achieving it. He knows how Bob likes doing design works, and he provides Bob the best tools. He knows how much I love Project 20, and he supports me with that. He believes in us, in our skills and talents. I never thought I will be able to pull off really huge events for Project 20, but with his faith in me, I was able to do it. Recently, I told him that I want to pursue a career in photography. He supported the thought no matter how “impulsive” it sounded. Right away, he helped me fund my first DSLR. With his help and Bob’s, I took the first step to reaching my dream.

John's Christmas Party for the kids of Zambales

For John, it’s not all about work. Sure, they commit a lot of hours sometimes on work, but John sure knows how to reward the hard work. He pampers us. He gives us free dates, he makes us go to really awesome places. He makes us go to lunch and dinner, movie dates just coz he wants us inspired. (He knows us well enough to know that a happy stomach makes a very productive Bob.) He schedules weekly massage for Bob just for him to relax.

Enchanted Kingdom, all expense paid trip c/o John and many more.

Nasabi ko na ba? He’s way awesome.

Now, he’s helping us find the home of our dreams. He’s helping us start on a new journey, and he’s with us every step of the way. I don’t know any other work partners who would do that for you.

And yes, doing online jobs still has its “stigma” up to now. People would often say, “Sa bahay ka lang?” (You work at home?) And make you feel like it’s something frowned upon, like it’s way different from working on a company.  Like it’s unreal. Bob was never the type who would brag about something. For him, it’s enough that we enjoy what we have right now and damn the people who think our work is imaginary.

But what we have right now with John is more than we ever thought it would be. We’re glad we’ve found a co-worker, a partner, a family and a friend in him. We haven’t met each other yet in person, what more if we do?

In 2 days, we’ll celebrate 2 years and 1 month with John. It’s amazing how God has made all of this happen, how it was planned from the beginning. Why John chose our bid against the four others who were bidding on the same project. People from India, US, Pakistan and Tunisia. It was meant to be. If it wasn’t, I don’t know what else we can call this awesomeness.

Our lives have changed so much since that $35 bid. And how it has changed for the better continues to inspire us, continues to amaze us every time.

I’d say this kind of stuff only happens once in a life time. We’re lucky. Maybe even beyond lucky. We’re blessed.

The $35 Coupon Project

God must love us so much. :)

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/mr-c/feed/ 1 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/i-think-were-friends-already/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/i-think-were-friends-already/#comments Mon, 31 Jan 2011 10:37:04 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720473090 Continue reading →]]> My camera has been good to me these past few days. I’ve been learning a lot of things already – thanks to the tons of tutorial videos on youtube. Haha. Well, I read the manual from cover to cover but admittedly, watching it on youtube makes life so much easier.

Here are some sample shots I’ve done over the past few days.

This is Bob's desktop wallpaper right now. He said it's his favorite daw. Haha

The Mountains of Baguio in the background.

Just in time

At Isdaan Restaurant, Tarlac

I just took Bob’s words when he said that these were upload-worthy. :) Sometime soon, I hope – I’d be able to post really beautiful photos already.

More practice. ;)

This morning, I was playing “Marry Me” by Train on loop while Bob was still sleeping (or maybe I just thought he was). When he woke up and got settled down, he grabbed the guitar and played the song before he started with his work for the day.

And then of course I took the opportunity to practice with the camera. Haha!

It’s sweet sweet mornings like this that secures the whole day away. Love.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/the-guitar-man/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/the-dream-i-never-want-to-dream-again/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/the-dream-i-never-want-to-dream-again/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 01:49:28 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720473081 Continue reading →]]> You know how there are dreams you wish you would get back to when you hit slumberland again, and there’s those who you never want to remember even a single detail from? Well, I had the latter.

I had the scariest dream last night. It involved Bob joining a “gang”/group because they pressured him into doing so. In my dream, we transferred into a new place and being new has its downsides there. So they pressured Bob into joining the group in exchange for our “protection.” In my dream, I was dead worried about Bob coz he wasn’t answering my calls.

In my dream, I made a long speech in front of the uncaring people about why we were forced to do this in exchange of a peaceful life. It was a pretty nice speech actually, and I was crying — even when I woke up. I know there were a lot of things I said in my dream, and it would be so cool if I remembered it and write it here, but the dream was so awful that I don’t want to get back to it again.

When I woke up, I immediately looked for Bob. Then I hugged him – the deep asleep, snoring, safe and sound Bob.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/the-dream-i-never-want-to-dream-again/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/because-practice-makes-perfect/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/because-practice-makes-perfect/#comments Sun, 23 Jan 2011 11:35:36 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720473073 Continue reading →]]> Bob and I went around our subdivision this afternoon, to look for subjects and well, practice shooting with my new camera. It’s my 3rd day today and admittedly, there’s a whole lot of stuff to learn still. But I’m taking it one by one and just having fun.

This afternoon’s ‘photowalk’ was more like Dudad telling me to shoot this and that so he can use it as textures for his designs. Haha. It was fun. He’s my extra set of eyes. And honestly, he’s the perfect extra set of eyes anyone would like to have. :)

Here’s a few of the test shots we’ve done for today.

And because I don’t want this blog to turn into a photoblog with more pictures than words. (I know eventually I’d be posting just pictures and no words at all), I’ll be uploading to my deviantart account instead. Just saying. Hehe!

I’ve been playing around with my new toy since this morning. And there’s an awful lot of new terms that I have to be friends with — apperture, iso, shutter speed to name a few. Yes, Dudad gave me a DSLR to play with. Haha! Well, not actually play – this is something I want to be good at in the near future and hopefully make something out of it. Soon? Haha. But for now, it’s all about being friends with the enemy.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/shutterbug/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/progress-bar/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/progress-bar/#comments Fri, 31 Dec 2010 10:10:23 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720473052 Continue reading →]]> Yesterday, I saw a funeral.

It’s not like I haven’t seen one before. But this particular funeral made me think for a minute, ironically — about life. I wondered if the person was able to say his goodbyes, or was able to tell the people he love how much he really does. For a minute, I thought how cool it would be to have a “progress bar” that tells you how much time you have left on earth. Something that would warn you if you’ve reached the 85% mark already.

A progress bar.

What was I thinking?

Of course I had to laugh it off. I realized, what’s the point of having that progress bar? So we could slack off while we’re below 50% and just hurry and scram when we’re above 70 already?

I know, this is not so much of a new year’s post. Well, on second thought maybe this is. This is me telling you to disregard that progress bar thought I just implanted in your brain. Life is not about waiting for the right moment, it’s always about making the most in every moment that we have.

It’s 2011.

Let’s make it a point to tell everyone we love how much we really love them. Let’s forgive our enemies, make new friends. Don’t let the words, “boring” and “if only” invade your vocabulary.

This 2011, let’s make it happen.

P.S.

(After all, if the movie is right, then we’ll have one more year before the end of the world. Alright, I’m kidding. This is me being cheerful, and being sick in New Year’s Eve is not helpful.)

I have to tell you that one of them doesn’t have arms and legs, and the other has severely injured left eye – as if it was burned or something. And while I’m consumed with pity for these two guys, I also can’t help but ask myself, “How on earth were they able to get up there?”

Pretty basic question, really. I don’t know anything about these guys. I don’t spend much time on LRT Santolan to check if they ever leave that place or if they sleep on it. But my common sense tells me that these two have the basic needs of a normal person, to pee and poo. The footbridge doesn’t smell either of the two so — again, how do they get up there?

The question was not originally mine – it came from my husband, ever so inquisitive of him. While we are normally the type of people who would give alms to people like them, in this case — we never gave them anything, not even a single coin.

But this doesn’t mean that we don’t feel for them. Maybe at the back of our minds, we have that hunch that these two doesn’t come there alone, on their free will. Maybe we’re afraid that at the end of the day, someone just picks them up there and gets whatever money they got for the day and then drops them off really early the next day. All of these makes some sense but none of it is confirmed. So everything just boils down to maybe, just maybe.

So back to my question –Who drops them off there?

It could be a family member. Maybe they think that’s the only way they could get money. It could be a stranger, someone who sees them having a hard time going up so he just decided to help them out. It could be someone bad. I don’t know for sure. And perhaps, I’ll never be sure. These things happen all around us, and we can’t do anything about it — it’s like there’s a stronger force out there that we can’t break into.

I just can’t help but wonder if these two used to be normal people with arms and legs and perfect eyesight. I can’t help but think that in this weird enough society that we have, someone has the guts to destroy a human being and take advantage of them — and has the effin guts to feed on people’s sympathy.

Or… maybe — I’ve watched Slumdog Millionaire a bit too much. And believe me, this is one of the cases that I wish I’m wrong. I really do.

It was quite funny coz I felt so uneasy the whole day. We had no idea how the feature will turn out. Kristinne’s team just covered the whole event and interviewed us here and then, but to how it will play out — we have absolutely no idea.

For one, I was scared on how the public might react to the video. Afraid that some may see this as a publicity stunt, or something like that. When we agreed to the coverage, it wasn’t because we want our faces to be seen on TV — it’s more of realizing that this is the perfect time to raise more awareness on how to help. TV Patrol’s Pasko ng Pagbabago gave us that chance — to be able to inspire and let other people know that there are million ways to help out.

Shortly after it was aired, I let out the biggest sigh of relief in my whole life. Haha! Then the moment of truth arrived — friends were posting on my facebook wall, telling me how hyped they were when they saw us on TV, congratulating Project 20 for a job well done, etc etc.

After the moment of truth came the moment of awesomeness – I received emails asking how to help, sponsor and volunteer! Not even an hour later, someone already donated funds for the next project! It was indeed, mission accomplished.

Here’s the video:

Click here to watch it in ABS-CBN’s website.

And last but not the least, let me share this still photo I took of the last seconds of the feature:

That smile -- is the very reason why Project 20 is here.

Me: Dad, naiisip mo ba pag matanda na tayo? Tipong Lolo at Lola na?

Bob: *mimicking an old man’s voice* Aba’y oo naman.

Me: *in an old woman’s voice* Eh Roberto i-kabit mo nga yung laptop sa TV, manonood ako ng Gasep Gel.

Bob: O sige, mamaya si Demon (Damon) naman.

***

I just realized that now that we’re married, the future doesn’t sound scary at all. Siguro before, baka takot pa ako tumanda. But now that I’m sure who I’m spending the rest of my life with, growing old — is just a thing of numbers. It’s now something I look forward to, without fear — without hesitations.

Some still say I’m too young to get married. I say, that’s one way to look at it, but our version is better. Hehe. To us, we’re just glad we’re starting early.

It was a Sunday to remember. The long hours we spent travelling from Antipolo to Zambales was nothing compared to the joy we felt the moment we saw the welcome sign, telling us that we’re at Brgy. Naulo already. The moment we got there, we knew we were in for something special.

It was coming true. Unfolding, right before our very eyes.

The two weeks of planning, trying to make sure that we give the kids what they deserve on that day, trying to figure out what activities to do, and all others to make sure that we do what’s written on our shirts, “A smile for every child.”

Nanay Sally almost ran towards us the moment she saw us. She hugged me and said, “Andito na kayo ulit, anak.” Hearing those words come from her almost made me cry. I introduced the other volunteers, Marie, Gox, Beh, Mark, Joy, Joan. Then I introduced my husband. It almost felt like a family reunion.

Yanna and I were welcomed by the group in Zambales, led by Ate Ann, Kuya Richard, and Tirso. They briefed us on the program and updated us with everything. Yanna took charge of the program proper. I gave the new volunteers their story books and tried to give them some tips on how to handle the kids, just simple ones. In times like this, you don’t really need to master volunteering 101. When you have the heart to volunteer, everything else will come easy. And that’s exactly what happened.

TV Patrol Crew, led by Kristine, arrived at around quarter to one. A week before the event, Kristine emailed me and asked if they could cover the event and feature it on their segment, Pasko ng Pagbabago.

By 1pm, the kids were coming in already. We haven’t had lunch yet so we decided to split the groups into two. Some left to grab a quick lunch, while the rest of us started with the registration.

When all of us finished eating already, Yanna took charge and started the program. By that time, there were around 130 kids registered already.

Marie performing "Hawak Kamay" for the kids.

My short super impromptu speech.

After my speech, Kristine asked to interview me already. Sige kahit pawis, wala nang powder powder. Hehe! Pag volunteer, wala nang time magmake up. Hehe!

Tita Bernie Aquino of CDRC

We then grouped the kids into 30′s. There were four teams: Marie and Gox, Joy and Joan, Anne and Mark, then Me, Yanna and Bob.

Marie and Gox telling the story about Putot, a puppy who wished he had longer tail.

Joy and Joan telling the kids about Pikpakbum and Tiktaktok.

Anne and Mark, telling the story of Emang Engkantada at ang Tatlong Haragan

And..that's me, telling "Ang Bisikleta ni Momon" to the kids.

The storytelling was followed by an activity we call “Processing”, where we do a follow-up on the story, asking the children about the moral lessons they’ve learned, and asking them tiny bits about the story.

Yanna doing the processing for our group

Then followed by a simple arts activity for the kids, which is still connected to the story. We asked them to do a slogan of what they have learned from the story.

Joy and Joan's group made a promise: "Ako ay magiging masipag" - in relation to the second book read to them, which was "Ang Langgam at Tipaklong", the kids then signed their promise by tracing their hands and putting their names inside.

Team Marie and Gox: "Lahat ay biniyayaan, dapat magpasalamat."

Beh and Mark's group saying a promise to take care of the environment and not be like the Tatlong Haragan featured in their story.

After the processing, the group leaders prepared mini-games for the kids. They chose 5 representatives per group to join the relay contest afterwards and some for the talent show.

We had a calamansi-relay game for the kids, which was a hit! The kids loved the game, and cheered nonstop for their groupmates.

I tried to Demo the game to the kids. Haha!

Our group won the Calamansi Relay Challenge! Hahaha!

It was followed by a dance showdown from the kids, dancing to the walang kamatayang “Nobody”.

After that, it was time for merienda already. We asked someone to lead the prayer, then Kuya Richard and the rest of the locals helped to distribute the food. Everyone was given a plate of Pancit and Puto and a glass of juice after.

Jacky leading the prayer before the merienda.

It was followed by the main event of the day: Gift Giving. To ensure that everyone gets a gift, we decided that after a kid received a gift, we will remove his name sticker, so that there will be no doubles. Everyone participated. :)

On the whole, we’d like to say that this event was a success. From a volunteer’s point of view, when do we say that a certain event is successful? It’s when we’re dead tired already but the sight of the kids smiling and having fun is more than enough for us to do more. It’s when we see that the kids are actually smiling, thanking us, asking us when we’ll be back.

It’s when we see these awesome smiles that we know we’re successful.

But all of these wouldn’t be possible without the help of the awesome people who supported us from the start.

• John Camacho of Texas, USA – for being our major sponsor for this event. All of these wouldn’t be possible without your generosity. Thank you for helping Filipino children, for proving to us all that distance is never a hindrance when you really want to help other people.
• Bob Sagun
• Marie Kris Rodriguez
• Hopner Ty
• Marvian Dizon – for giving free Bag Tags/ID’s for the volunteers
• AGAP Zambales – for assisting us in the planning, logistics, etc in Zambales.
• Alay Bayan, Inc – headed by Ate Ann, Ate Liza and Ate Danna
• Tita Bernie Aquino of CDRC/Friends of CDRC
• Kuya Richard Menor and family
• Brgy Captain Romy Morete

And our awesome volunteers:

• Ruby Anne Calantog
• Mark Lamug
• Margaux Ramores
• Robert Thomas Sagun
• Joyce Anne Calucag
• Katherine Joy Pabico
• Yanna Feliciano
• Marie Kris Rodriguez
• Youth Ministry – Brgy. Naulo

Thank you for making this project possible. Thank you for sharing your time and talents, and being the perfect hands and feet of God during our event.

Until next time!

Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
–Margaret Mead

Photos courtesy of Yanna Feliciano

In two days, we’ll be back in Zambales to give a Christmas Party for the kids. This time, it won’t be just Yanna and I. This time, I’m with my friends way back in highschool – Marie, Beh and her awesome boyfriend, Mark. This time, I’m with Bob and Joy, so it’s really different.

I know that our event in Zambales will be a blast because of the kind hearts who didn’t hesitate to help in their own ways. There’s an outpouring of blessings for this event, it’s unbelievable already. To be able to witness such miracle opening right before my very eyes, is very awesome.

From the lady who sells gift wrappers who gave me 20 more for free when she learned why we need that much wrappers, from the seller who gave me bag tags for free because I told him it’s one way of showing appreciation to our volunteers, from my friend who offered College Scholarship availment for our chosen child, to John Camacho who’s all the way in Texas but still went out of his way to sponsor this project for almost 200 kids and many many more.

The thank you list are overflowing with kind hearts and awesome, simply awesome people. And I shall write a very detailed list after our event, but right now, believe me when I tell you there’s a lot of angels roaming on earth right now, and I happen to know many.

I’m leaving everything up to God now. We’ve done all we can on our part to ensure that the kids will have a great time on Sunday. I know that HE knows more about this party than I do.

And I take comfort in that. :)

On a side kwento, few days ago, I was just browsing ebay and sulit for possible gifts for our volunteers. I came to this seller who sells Bag Tags/ID, etc. I inquired about the price of bag tags and to my surprise, he said he’d love to give it for free! The thing is, he volunteered to give it for free when I was actually willing to pay for the bag tags. It just goes to show how nice the person really is. It’s amazing, having to experience that first hand.

It’s like I can almost hear God whisper, “O sabi ko sayo, don’t worry eh.”

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/10-days-to-go/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/for-the-kids/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/for-the-kids/#comments Fri, 26 Nov 2010 06:09:28 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472953 Here’s the web banner designed by Bob for Project 20. Please feel free to share it in your blogs! The more people involved, the happier it will be for the kids! :)

It’s amazing coz it’s just like God’s guiding me all the way. So far, I have been pointed to the right people to talk to. I was even able to talk to the main suppliers so we can have a discounted price for all the items. It’s just like there’s a tiny voice inside me that dictates my every move.

I’m so excited. This is going to be such a kick-ass Party for them. :)

Of course I felt bad and humiliated, I didn’t mean to sound disrespectful at all, and she didn’t look that much of a senior citizen to me. But then, I still said, “Okay, pasensya po. Pero dun naman po yung umpisa ng pila,” then pointed to the start of the line which was around 10 people before us.

She turned around and said, “Di bale nalang.” Then marched off towards the parking lot. I waited to see if she will go in the end of the line but she didn’t.

I asked Bob what I did wrong. You see, I’d gladly exchange my seat or in this case, a slot for an old lady had she asked nicely or if I knew there was really a “rule” like that. But I wasn’t aware of it, since waiting is pretty comfortable still at that terminal, there’s seat for passengers and there’s roof, so I didn’t think it would be such a hassle to wait.

Other passengers might have heard the lady and said, “Wala namang ganun. Ke senior o hindi, pipila naman. May upuan naman.” Then I looked at the several obviously senior citizens by the end of the line. Oo nga naman.

Bob said that the lady probably thought it would be okay for her to cut in the line, and was humiliated when I asked her to go at the back of the line, so she had to make up that “rule”.

Whatever it is, there’s just one moral on this story. There are things that can be settled if you would just ask nicely. I would’ve gladly given her my slot if she asked me about it and didn’t just cut in the line.

Sometimes, we forget about that, and just think that we can overpower other people by our being mean. But that just doesn’t work all the time.

She gave birth yesterday, around 4pm, and finished birthing past seven already. We stayed by her side all the way coz she was having problems with her delivery. She can’t cut the umbilical cords, so we had to do it ourselves. (By we, I meant moral support on my part and the actual cutting by Joy and Bob).

She’s got two boys and three girls. Three of them spotted, two plain white, just like Lyka. I wish I can post photos, but the cute babies are just so busy sucking milk from their Mama, and I can’t get a decent enough photo of them.

Lyka has been such a great mom, again. She’s very protective of her babies, but she’s not that masungit to us. Maybe to other people, I don’t know yet. Bubbles and Hachi are doing great also, it makes us feel that they’re just welcoming their new bros and sisses. Hehe! Although there are times when Lyka would snap at them when they try to come near the puppies. On the whole, it’s okay.

I posted it on my facebook status last night and so far, I have nine requests and counting. Haha! They must’ve forgotten that we only have five puppies. We’re still thinking if we’re going to give it away. I know adding five more furbabies will make be a bit tedious and expensive, but we’re still thinking about it. It’s just too cute to let go of.

In a very twisted way, I think I’m learning a lot about motherhood just by looking at Lyka. She’s doing so well, it’s almost as if she’s a human too. One look at her and you’ll see the love she has for her pups.

It’s so magical. :)

She said everything’s good and back to normal already, and this is a really great sign. Lucky that I don’t have to take meds or vitamins to regulate my cycle. Doc said that the unwinding I received from Zambales might be one reason of my very quick recovery. That, plus a supportive husband makes everything a win-win situation for me.

Bob and I are keeping our hopes up that this might be it. But if not, it’s fine. Not like we’re childless – we have over a thousand kids already, considering Project 20 activities. Hehe! We’re just taking it very lightly and accept whatever it is that God will put on our way.

I specifically asked for Big Books. Most of our storybooks are from Adarna Publishing, but what we own are the small ones. It’s nice already as it is, but I just want the kids from the back to also see the images, that’s why I want to have big books. They are priced at around 250-275 pesos.

Yesterday, Bob and I went to their showroom at Timog Ave to get the books. The receptionist really accommodated us and even showed us their book sale. I took the opportunity to buy more books since there were big books priced for 100, only some of them have minimal damages on the cover. But still readable. Some look brand new still, it’s just a matter of taking care of the book once you own it to make it last really long.

I went home like a happy little child and immediately read the books one by one. Haha! I even read them out to Bob just to practice. He fell asleep immediately. Hahaha!

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/thank-you-adarna/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/because-when-they-smile-the-whole-world-smiles-with-them/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/because-when-they-smile-the-whole-world-smiles-with-them/#comments Fri, 19 Nov 2010 14:27:25 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472925 Continue reading →]]> I’m a storyteller. It’s what I do. I’m not good at it, but I know I’m trying my best. It’s not something I planned, not something I thought I would do. I’m normally a shy person, but when I’m in front of the kids — I’m an entirely new person. Someone nice. At least for a couple of minutes, hehe.

It’s amazing how a child, no matter how unruly they are at first, stops and listen as soon as we turn the first page of the story book. It’s like an automatic ‘pause’ to whatever it is that they’re doing. Suddenly all eyes and ears are on you, and you feel the urge to do it right, to make it fun for them.

Even when they sit on the floor, ok lang sa kanila. And that’s when we exert more effort in storytelling. Knowing na tinitiis nila yung discomfort just to listen, sobra sobra na yun for us.

It’s when you look at them, and see their faces na you know you’re doing the right thing. That at least, you’re doing something. It’s an award nobody else can give but them.

I love being a storyteller. I love learning each time. I’m gonna do this for as long as it takes, for as long as there are kids who need it. I promise to try to develop my skills for the kids and do something fun and new each time.

For the kids. :)

There are two draft posts sitting on my blog for a day now, and I just can’t seem to continue it without feeling sad. I think this is separation anxiety already. I’ve been a volunteer for more than a year now, and I know that I’m used to saying goodbyes. But this time is different. The way they made me feel while I was at Zambales is something I really can’t get over with.

Kwentuhan by Candlelight.

The people there are so nice, it’s like I’ve found a family in them in just minutes after we arrived. It’s very heartwarming how they made an effort to make us feel comfortable. Tatay Robert kept apologizing at first because they don’t have electricity, or a proper living room to accommodate us, but what they don’t know is that what they have shared to us is more than what a palace could possibly offer.

I plan on going back, on giving them a Christmas Party on December. It’s something that would probably require so much effort from me and Project 20, but I really don’t care right now. I think of them and it gives me the determination I’ve never felt before. It’s like I’m doing this for family.

Kuya Richard

They taught me so much, they made me appreciate a lot of things. In the simple life that they live, I realized how great it is to live mine and how foolish it is of me to still feel discontented at times. They find pleasure in simple things. Heck, they don’t need material things to be happy. They don’t need TV sets to entertain them, or a spa and massage to relax their tired muscle after 12 hours of fishing. It’s life as it is when you’re with them. In a few days, I’ve felt like I detoxified myself.

One of the many houses destroyed by Typhoon Juan.

They fight to survive. They never lose hope, despite being affected by the typhoon, they still managed to stand up and rise from the fall. They rebuilt their houses with what they can find around them, they didn’t wait for someone else. Brave men, that’s who they are.

Nanay Sally and Tatay Robert's house. They had to rebuild from scratch. Their original house was destroyed by the strong winds of Typhoon Juan.

There’s so many things needed to be done, like fighting that Mining Company which already killed a great part of the mountain in the mere 3 years of stay, what more after the 25 years contract that they have with the government? Tatay Robert and the rest of the people care so much about their environment, but then their voices are weak compared to the power of money offered by the big companies. It’s sad how there are just those who won’t stop at the sight of money.

Zambales is a nice place. And I’ve only been to Sta. Cruz. I hope I can tell those mining companies how much they’re stealing from the locals. They steal from them, taking away what’s left for them — what’s valuable for them. But I know it’s not just the mining companies. We have roles on this mess too. We kill their source of living. Tatay Robert has to travel 40-60 miles from shore just to get a good catch of fish. He said that if he’d fish nearby, he’d just be getting plastics and garbage. He spends 12 hours in the open sea, braving the waves and cold weather, just to make sure his family has something to eat.

I want everyone to see what I have seen in Zambales. Maybe we’ll all realize that something has to be done and it has to be done, NOW.

Tatay Robert and Nanay Sally.

I went to Zambales, thinking that I will help people, I went home to realize that it was me who was saved.

Well, not until yesterday.

It was the first time that I had that time of the month after the surgery. I was hoping it’ll be less painful now without the endemetrioma, but I was wrong. It was so painful, I felt like my wound became fresh again, it was like cramps I’ve never felt before, considering I usually suffered from severe dysmennorhea. On a pain gauge of 1-10, 10 being the highest – this pain is 11, possibly 12.

I stayed in bed whole day today because of the pain. I’m hoping it’ll be better tomorrow. If not, we might go to the OB earlier than expected. I’m not supposed to go there till 18th of this month. But with pain this intense, I may not be able to wait that long.

Hayy.

Not that I’m complaining. I’m very blessed to be even house hunting. I find it pretty rewarding whenever Bob and I talk about our plans in getting a new home soon. It’s just that sometimes, the hunt can be so disappointing. For example, there was this house that I really liked. I showed it to Bob and he liked it as well. The amenities, the size of the house — number of rooms – it all fitted perfectly to our standards. I already called the agent and asked for a schedule of tripping. Few minutes later, I typed into google: “name of developer” feedback + complaints. And there you go, there was a flood of complaints from homeowners, new and old alike.

Well, on the brighter side of it – maybe it’s really better to take our time in finding the perfect house for us. Thank God for my extreme researching skills, haha.

The search continues, I guess.

You see, My Lola Ely’s not like other Lola’s. Well, at least not the type we see in movies nowadays.

I don’t remember ever seeing her smoke a tobacco. Or carry a dos-por-dos when I do something wrong. In fact, I can’t remember being hit in the pwet by Lola. Never pinched me in the ear if I do something stupid. She’s very patient. And loving.

She would always make me sleep in the afternoon. Of course, I hated that. But Lola would know the way around it. She would sometimes bribe me with treats, promising me my favorite chocolate when I wake up. Sometimes, she’d threaten me with the usual phrase, “You won’t grow up if you don’t sleep.” Most of the times, I’d cheat on her. I’d pretend to be sleeping, when in fact I’m just painstakingly waiting for the clock to strike 4. There were times when I would fake my dreams. Just to make it more realistic. (Yes, I had my ways). One example was when I pretended that I was dreaming about mosquitoes. Mosquitoes! I had to slap myself in the thigh to make myself seem like I’m really dreaming about it. Of course, she knew better.

You can say that I’m one spoiled apo. My fondest childhood memory was going to school with my lunch box. Other Lola’s would give a penny or two or maybe fruits and veggies. Lola would give me a penny and my favorite candy, just because I want to. Just because she knows how much my eyes will lit up when I see it on my lunch box. She still has a mini store then, and right before I go to school, she would prepare a plastic of goodies for me, which I would proudly boast in school. “Tignan mo, chocolate”. I would brag.

She would iron my clothes even if I ask her not to. She’d meticulously press each one, from the tiniest handkerchief and undies to my dress and shirts, and would neatly fold them for me. She won’t let me get out of the house wearing something crumpled, always saying “Sige at hahabulin ka ng plantsa nyan.” I was a kid then, of course it scared the hell out of me. Who would want to be chased around by an iron? Not me.

She loves crocheting so much. Once, she tried to teach me the basic. I would just watch at how she intricately plays with the yarn and produce something out of it in less than an hour. I never learned how to, but I just watched her make beautiful vests, table toppers and blankets out of it. I would wear her creations every once in a while. But most of the time, I had it stored somewhere, afraid that I might damage it.

When I’m feeling sick, or when I just can’t sleep, she would put Vicks vaporub on my back and chest and then wrap me with a blanket, just blanket – no clothes. She’d do that until I’m asleep or till I’m feeling better. Now that I think about it, I can’t remember the last time I actually did that. It worked wonders for me before.

I was ten years old when we went to Jeddah, and took seven years before I got back. I lived with them for a year, and did something stupid that caused a rift in our relationship. I wasn’t a kid anymore, but hell yes I was stubborn. There are no excuses for my stupidity. No excuses for the six years of keeping an awful distance because I couldn’t face my mistakes. Six years I can never get back. Six years without my Lola Ely.

She turned seventy six today.

Amazing how she’s able to keep herself strong despite the many ailments in her body. When I look at her frail body, I still see the woman she was before she got Parkinson’s disease. I don’t know how on earth she’s able to deal with it, but I’m glad that she’s here with us still. I’m glad that she’s a strong woman, that she’s one heck of a fighter.

One day, when I’m about her age, I pray that I’d have the same faith, same courage and strength. I pray that I will have a heart as forgiving as hers, eyes that could see beyond mistakes and arms that embraces all your weaknesses without hesitation.

She’s a fighter, perhaps the strongest fighter I know.

P.S.

I love you, Lola. Happy Birthday! Seven decades of pure awesomeness. Tips naman dyan oh!

May be simple, yes. But simple things like this makes everything so worthwhile. ;)

By the time we got home, he’s already semi-finished with his “suicidal mumu”.

Bob's trying to figure out how to make it more scary. Di pa siya contented.

While he was working on it, Joy and I prepared our treats for the kids. I was semi-hoping na konti lang pumunta so we can have the treats to ourselves, haha!

By the time we’re finished packing, here’s what Bob and Papa has accomplished so far.

We finished just in time for the kids’ arrival. Oh boy were they too cute for words.

These two pointed at our suicidal mumu and said, “May patay dun oh!” Then ran for their moms. Haha!

All in all, it was fun. We ran out of goodies, we had to go to the nearest store to buy some more sweets for the next batch. But it was worth it. After the trick or treat, we went to the roofdeck with our trusty old banig, laid down on the floor and gazed at the stars. Papa started with his mumu stories after dinner (we had dinner at the roofdeck also) and just as if the universe is with me, just when I was starting to get scared, it rained. So we had to go down and… well, sleep.

A 3 bedroom house.

A 3 bedroom house with a walk-in closet!

A 3 bedroom house with a walk-in closet and a mini-bar!

A minibar.

Bob and I started house hunting a few days ago. We almost gave up because the houses we saw didn’t really have that ‘wow’ factor. I was expecting something like a loud thump or faster heartbeats, something close to that. The houses we saw were okay, but not that heart stopping.

Then yesterday morning, Papa was outside the house and our neighbor passed by, they chatted for a while and Papa casually mentioned that we were looking for a house. Turns out that our neighbor is selling his other house, in a nearby subdivision. Papa informed me about it and we immediately went to the house for viewing.

One word: Perfect.

It has everything we want, and exactly what we imagined our ‘dream house’ to be. It’s perfect.

Well, except for the price.

But Bob wants it, and I’ve never seen him so excited before. Knowing Bob, I’m sure he’ll come up with something magical for that house.

I’m praying this will be it. :)

• The past few days have been great – recovery wise. We went to visit my OB and she already took off the gauze, and told me to go and hit the mall. Haha! Being the masunuring patient that I am, we went to SM Taytay that day, just so I could walk around without sweating. We ate at our favorite restaurant and then went to David’s Salon for a super impromptu haircut.

• I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s the effect of anesthesia – for the past few days, I’ve been forgetting words. Yes, words. It’s like its on the tip of my tongue, and I just can’t say it loud. I always ask Bob, “What’s the word that starts with “D” that means…” Tapos yun pala the word actually starts with another letter. Haha! Just while I’m typing this blog – I forgot what my hairstyle was.
• The past few days made me realize how proud I really am for my husband. He’s the most patient guy I know on earth – and it amazes me how people can say mean things about him and still he has the heart to say, “Hayaan mo na sila, wala naman silang mapapala.” He’s super humble that it’s annoying already. Haha! Coz while people are posting pictures of their money on their FB account, Dudad will still deny how much he earns a month from his job, and would often call himself ‘tambay’ when someone would ask. Ayan tuloy. I’m proud that he’s not the type who would meddle in women’s fight, not like some people I know. Anyway, I’ll stop here. :p
• On to a lighter kwento – My sister and I went to SM Taytay again this morning. Mom sent me some money so I could ‘eat whatever I want to’ – dahil daw di siya nakapagsend ng money while I was in the hospital and feels bad that Bob had to deal with the money matters alone. I told her it’s no big deal but she insisted anyway. :) So Joy and I ate lunch at Max’s and watched movie afterwards. I still can’t believe she was able to force me into watching a Kimerald movie.
• Before going home, we went back to National Bookstore to finally buy the Sophie Kinsella book that I want – Mini Shopaholic. I was supposed to buy it last Monday but was surprised at the cost – 615 pesos. I bought it today to feel less guilty since there was still some money left from what Mama sent me. Imagine my surprise when the cashier scanned it on the counter and it read, “450.00″ Haha!

• Tomorrow is a big day for us. We’ll meet our agent tomorrow and she’ll show us the house we inquired about few days ago. If things go as planned, we’ll be able to move in before December. How cool is that? We have the best boss and partner on earth. Like we always say, John’s our brother from another mother.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/updates-5/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/sunday-inspirations/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/sunday-inspirations/#comments Sat, 23 Oct 2010 22:27:05 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472861 Continue reading →]]> Something to inspire you guys for today.

This is a clip from Meet the Robinsons. I watched the movie yesterday and I loved it – from start to finish. I felt like it was created not just for kids but for adults as well. It talked about life lessons like it was talking to you right to your face. It’s amazing, how Disney incorporated everything in a kid’s movie.

I searched youtube and luckily, someone posted this specific scene in the movie where I felt really touched me so much.

And this too, the end clip is just far amazing. Perfect soundtrack for a perfect movie.

Happy Sunday!!

There were two nurses by my bedside, both of them asking me, “Ate, ok ka na?”

Joy was beside me, she was telling me, “Ate, gising ka na? Gising muna, wag muna matulog.”

I was just nodding, but I was clueless as to why they wouldn’t let me sleep still.

Then Joy told me what happened, she told me how much I scared her. She thought I was just sleeping, but when she checked me, she saw that I was already pale — both in my fingernails and in my lips. She told me how amazing God’s timing was, how God sent that nurse to make rounds just in time. They called two other nurses and one doctor, and altogether, they tried to wake me up.

That sharp pain in my chest — it turned out that the doctor performed a sternal rub on me, something they do to unconscious patients… to check if they will respond. I didn’t. I didn’t respond for the first few tries. Joy said it took them more than 30 minutes.

Bad things could’ve happened if I didn’t respond on time. I don’t even want to think about it. All I know is that I woke up with two nurses by my bedside, both telling me not to fall asleep. Joy would wake me up every time she’d see me close my eyes. I was tired. I had no control of myself. Joy didn’t sleep that night, and I couldn’t blame her. I scared her.

It surprised me that I wasn’t afraid. But I was concerned. Concerned about what my loved ones would feel if something bad did happen to me. My first thought was, Thank God my husband was not there to see it for himself. I couldn’t imagine how painful it must be for him. My second thought was how it must’ve been like for my sister to see me like that.

Then I prayed, I thanked God for taking care of me, time and time again. To say that this is my second life is wrong, because God has spared my life countless times before. I just smiled coz I know that He has a purpose for me, I just know that I’m not yet done.

To God be the Glory.

It also means I’m off limits to my blog most of the time. I kind of disagree to this ‘rule’. It’s useless not to blog coz even when I’m lying down on my bed and doing nothing, my mind operates like wordpress and my thoughts are like unpublished blog posts. As a result, I have a handful of ‘draft’ posts on my head and it’s kind of noisy just listening to myself all day. And when it’s noisy like that, it’s not bedrest at all.

-Me, making palusot.

For now, I’m gonna play nice and allow myself the bedrest that I need. My stubbornness has already cost us a trip to the ER less than 24 hours after I got home. There was a slight bleeding on my wound and they had to redress it agad.

So, the kwento, and I assure you it’s really really long, will be up next.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

What makes you happy?

I never thought I’d have to deal with this question with utmost sincerity. It’s easy to answer the question, but to really mean what you say is different. For the past few days, I’ve been going through that question in my head, trying to figure out what really makes me happy – or in this case, happier. Choosing between two good things is not easy at all. Choosing between right and wrong is easy. Choosing between two things you like doing is completely another story.

I like my work. I can’t use the word “love” yet, since it’s been just a few weeks since I started and for me, it’s too early to tell. I haven’t had any other problems with regards to work – I always felt that selling is my vantage point. It’s something natural, something I enjoy doing. I guess it showed – my evaluation results were really high and my first day on the floor was a success. So aside from the sleeping issues, I was doing well.

Then last week, John’s offer came up. His words were, “I don’t like how Bob is when you’re not with him.” Bob and I have been inseparable since we met, and this working schedule did not do well for him. It turned out that he was missing his deadlines, been slow and unproductive during the days that I was at work. That came as a surprise, I thought he’d do better since I wont be at home disturbing him, but it turned out the opposite.

John then offered to top the salary I’m getting from work. It’s not for me to stay at home and do nothing  - it’s for me to stay at home and focus full time on my husband and Project 20 – two things I love doing the most. When Bob first told me about the offer, I was shocked. How was I supposed to choose between working and staying at home? I was confused, big time.

Then I asked a friend about my situation, and she was like, “What the hell? Edi stay at home! You’re lucky you don’t have to work to support your family. You’re lucky that Bob works hard and you don’t have to work to make ends meet.”

Of course, the stubborn me said “But I still want to work…”

I asked Bob, and of course he still said the same thing. Whatever makes me happy. I guess I never really took those words seriously. I mean, I know I’m happy now and to try to think of what makes me happy will just question my judgement now, or so I think.

I had to ask myself, what really makes me happy.

And that’s when I came up with my decision.

Work makes me happy and contented. I’m happy when I process a sale. I’m flattered when I hear “Good job” from my boss. I’m happy coz I made new friends. I tried coming up with other reasons why I’m happy with my work. But that’s it.

I realized that my happiness is not as much compared to what I feel when I’m with Bob and when I’m doing programs for Project 20. The sense of accomplishment, being able to help other people in the simple ways that I can is far more than what I get when I process a sale. When I’m with Project 20 – I see the results in real time. I know I’m doing something good and that’s what matters the most – and it beats the ass out of the momentary bliss I get when I dictate the order number to my customer.

When I’m at work, happiness is 50-50. The chances of getting a good caller and a very irate one is 50 50. When I’m with Project 20, it’s always 100%.

Of course, I will miss work. But I miss Project 20 more. I miss my husband more. It’s just now that I realize how much I hated the irate wife I’ve become when I started working. I would go home really tired and would spend the rest of the day trying to sleep.

On the process of making my decision, I had to ask myself what my priorities are. And that’s family. I have to undergo the operation soon if I want to have a baby soon as well. We’ll focus on that first. I’m blessed that I have a husband who works very hard for me not to work at all. I have to thank God for that and not be greedy by trying to hold on to two things at once.

Why I’m this lucky and blessed, I still don’t know. But thank God.

You'll know it's old school just by looking at the megapixels. ;) Pls don't even mention the obvious weight change. Haha!

Flickr said this was taken April of 2007. And if I’m right – this is that same night where Bob courageously went to my Lola and Tito and talked to them about our relationship. I was dead scared then, haha. I tried telling him to back off, but he was one determined manong. Buti nalang he insisted – that night changed everything. ;)

You can read more about that eventful night at my (yet another oldschool) blog, here.

It started yesterday. Sumakit yung left ear ko, just like what happened on my right ear several weeks ago. It’s really painful, I can even feel it throbbing sometimes. Naiiyak na ako and sometimes, I just want to scream the pain away. And then I felt like I was about to have sore throat. I had difficulties swallowing, and we thought it might have something to do with the acute pain in my left ear.

It literally drove me crazy, I wasn’t able to fall asleep agad because of the pain. I was worried because today is supposed to be our first day on product training proper and it’s very crucial, I really can’t miss it no matter what.

I’m deaf on my left  ear and I feel like there’s something stuck on my throat. But I’m going to work anyways. Like I said to my co-trainees before, “Mahal na magkasakit ngayon.”

Good Lord.

It’s been a year since that experience. I will never be able to explain just how much this has changed me, and words will never describe just how thankful I am that God trusted me with something I never thought I could do in the first place.

His will, always and forever.

Yesterday, I just found myself typing in “Sleep” on ebay, hoping to find something that might be a little bit useful in my quest to having that (almost impossible) full 8 hours slumber. There are few things I saw, and I’m sharing it here since my google/site analytics showed that some people actually got through my blog searching for “ways to induce sleep in the morning,” etc.

So here’s to you guys:

I’d totally buy this – except that noise is not even an issue/problem here in the house. I grabbed the pic from the seller, so if you click on the picture, it’ll automatically take you to the seller’s page. Haha. Free advertisement in exchange for picture grabbing.

I’m not really a fan of eye masks, but this one is just too cute to pass on. Haha! If you’re not like me, who feels uncomfortable sleeping with an eyemask, then this is probably just right for you.

This is my favorite so far, a sleep pillow mist sounds just as alluring as it gets. And since sleeping pills are out of my options, I think this will take me as far. It’s a bit pricey, and hard to find here in the Philippines, but I really think it’s worth it. I searched for local versions of this one and I was able to get to this site, they sell organic pillow mists for 150 pesos. I submitted an order form but wasn’t able to get a reply from them, so I’ll just wait first before posting them here.

Anyway, with all these options, you’d think I’ve gotten over the sleeping problem already. But I’m halfway there. Yesterday, I went old school and I think it helped me a bit. I’d have to try it later to see if it really works on me. By oldschool, I mean:

It smells really good, and in fairness, I was able to sleep a good 3-4 hours. If it’s for the long run, I’m not yet sure. Also, you’d have to know that I used it after I drank a glass of hot milk. So I’m not sure if it’s that, or the milk. But at least, it’s oldschool, and it doesn’t cost you more than a hundred bucks. Worth a try, if you ask me.

Anyway, it’s past 3pm already and I’m off to no good if I don’t get into bed and let the ‘magic’ work. ;) Wish me luck.

Me: Dudad, why di ka na nagfafacebook?

Bob: Eh busy busy eh.

Me: Why so busy?

Bob: Err. I’m a bee eh.

Me: Hmm?

Bob: I’m a bee! You know why I’m a bee?

Me: Err?

Bob: I’m Bee-Oh-Bee. BOB!

Me: *Facepalm.*

Times like this makes me even more certain that I married the corniest joker on Earth. :)

First things first, I almost passed out at work. I felt so dizzy, it was like everything was wavy and I was getting flashes. It came to a point that it was like everyone was far from me, I can hear them but it seems to me that they were somewhere else. I was sent to the clinic, and after checking my BP, which they said was normal – they said that it might be because I wasn’t wearing my contacts or glasses, or more probably, because of the lack of sleep.

When I got home – that was yesterday morning, I immediately dozed off to sleep. Just like that. I woke up and it was past 2pm already, had my lunch then went back to sleep. Then I woke up around 8pm already! I still felt tired so I just stayed in bed and the next thing I know, it’s Sunday already. I had to fight the urge to sleep again so I took out the dark curtains and let the first morning sunshine went to the room.

So today, is Bawi-Sunday. I’ll wake up Bob in an hour and we’ll go somewhere today. Never mind not knowing where and what to do. We’ll just go – and make the most of our Sunday.

Cheers!

I’ve been running whole week on a mere three hours of sleep. For some reason, no matter how tired and sleepy I feel before going home, it just goes off right when I get to bed. I keep waking up at 10am and it’s just too impossible to get back to sleep after that. I tried almost everything, and even googled on the many ways to induce sleep in the morning, but it just doesnt work that way from me.

Hay, I like my job. I’m giving myself just one more week to adjust to this new timezone, if not — I’d better think fast.

I can’t help but laugh at myself for slightly dozing off at the most perfect timing – just when the facilitator was telling us the instructions for the activity. I woke up just in time to hear her say, “Okay, you may start now.” I was like – start what? Haha. Thank God for seat mates, I survived. I was already pinching myself at around 3am, needless to say, it was such a struggle. Why wouldn’t it be, I’m usually asleep around 9pm? Haha.

As part of my futile efforts to be awake, I was sneaking in a sip of Sting Energy drink every once in a while. I figured it has no real effects for me since I was a sleepyhead all throughout, but lo and behold, when I got home this morning, I was practically forcing myself to sleep! I felt that the effect of the energy drink manifested itself at the very wrong place and time. I got home around 7am, and by 12nn, I was very much awake!

I tried to make our room more conducive to sleeping, coz I figured that if I somehow trick my body that it’s still night time, I might - just maybe, fall asleep in no time. I looked for all our dark curtains and placed them on top of each other, just to make our room really really dark. 3 curtains all in all, but still, to no avail. It was cold already, Bob turned the AC on before I even got home para sana tulog na ko agad, but still. :(

Finally, I was able to fall asleep around 2pm, but then I woke up around 5pm and wasn’t able to sleep again after that. So tonight, I’ll see for myself if 3 hours of sleep will do wonders or horror to me.

Oh God.

Woman 1: May nakaupo ho ba dyan? (Pointing to an empty seat beside Woman 2, who was busy texting at that time.)

Woman 2: Ay, meron e. (Then places her feet on top of the chair just to occupy it, and resumed texting.)

I was utterly surprised at how Woman 2 reacted! It turned out that Woman 1 was just looking for a seat for her Lolo who was having a really hard time standing up. Nakatungkod na si Lolo, and it surprised me that Woman 2 didn’t even show a bit of courtesy for Lolo. Note that I saw her looked at Lolo before she resumed texting.

What’s more disappointing is that all other people were too comfortable in their chairs to offer it for the old man. It made me really sick to my stomach, but I was helpless. I didn’t have a seat to offer them, I was standing at the side too. Nung di ko na talaga makayanan how numb those people were, I approached Woman 2 and said, “Ate, tutal wala pa naman yung hinihintay mo, baka pwede mo paupuin diyan si Lolo para di naman nahihirapan sa pagtayo.”

Woman 2 looked at me and then resumed texting! Just like that! WTF?! I wanted to grab her legs out of the chair and let Lolo sit on it but I was too enraged talaga! The nerve of the woman to just look at me and pretend she didn’t hear anything! Two other people told her the same thing I said, and she just ignored them too! Grabe! Kakapalan ng mukha, to the highest level!

I really wanted to take a picture of her and post it on my blog, but wala naman akong mapapala. Buti nalang, may nahiyang lalake, na nagoffer ng seat niya for Lolo. Siguro kung di niya pa narinig na we were asking Woman 2 to give up the chair, di rin siya maliliwanagan. So it was enough for me, at least nakaupo si Lolo.

But my thoughts on this really, what the fuck happened to us?

I understand that we get tired sometimes and we don’t want to offer the seat to someone else, pero it was 9am, pagod ka na nun? Ako kasi, never mind kung nilakad ko buong Luzon, but the sight of that Lolo tapos di ko pauupuin, kill me right there and then kung di ko igive-up ang seat ko.

It’s just disappointing to see something like that upfront. Hay.

Last week was a very busy week for me. I was somehow able to convince Bob to let me work again. I was getting really bored here at home, and I figured that extra income is not really a bad idea especially if we’re going to start a family soon, so there. He agreed, but on one condition – that I don’t work in Makati or somewhere really far. That’s fine with me, and for me that’s pretty practical too, coz I’ll probably be spending more than half of what I will earn just for the fare. Being in Antipolo has its drawbacks, you see.

Anyway, so I applied in a nearby company. Just a twenty-thirty minute ride from here, and my fare to and from the site is just thirty pesos! So diba, sulit na. On my first day, I was able to get through the exams and interviews – and they told me to wait for the final interview. Did I mention how much I hate final interviews? It’s like the make or break part of everything. I wish they’d do the interviews first before the tests. Or something. Haha. Kasi it’s like, all these efforts, for nothing? Something like that.

Anyway, so in my head, I was rehearsing my answers for that dreaded question: “Tell me something about yourself?”And I’ve come up with quite a lot of options, really. And the best one I’ve come up with was, “Hey, enough about me, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” Hahaha!

And there, when my name was called – which by the way, took me quite a few calls before I responded to my married name, haha. I entered the final interview room with a handful of “About Me’ answers and jokes perfectly spieled on my head.

Imagine my sigh of relief when he didn’t actually say, “Tell me something about yourself.” But the horror when he asked me, “What is one big mistake that you did in your life? And what did you do to make it right?

I was like – Oops.

I had to fight the urge to say, in my 23 years of existence, there is nothing major, major problem that I have done in my life. Because I am very confident with my family, and the love they are giving me. So thank you so much that I am here. I had to.

Then just like that, I realized -

I should have forgiven them sooner. I should have forgiven myself sooner. Being hard as stone – being stubborn all these years – pretending that I didn’t care, when all I really wanted was to have them again, in my life – that was my biggest mistake.

But of course, I didn’t tell him that – I had to make up a silly answer to that question.

He told me to wait for my name again, to find out the results of that final interview. And while I was on the waiting area, my seat mate asked me, “What did he ask you?” And then I told him. He said, “Buti nga ikaw, yan lang, eh yung sakin sobrang hirap.”

I said, “Bakit, ano ba question sayo?”

He said, “Sige, ikaw answer mo: How will you convince me that the chair in front of you is invisible?”

I laughed. I remember reading a joke about it before, so with all confidence, I told him : “Simple. I’d answer him: What chair?”

The guy laughed so hard, I don’t know and then with a straight face, he said – “PI!! Tanga ko! Ganun lang pala kasimple sagot!” Everyone looked at us and quietly pointed to the sign : English Only.

***

Turned out that my ‘made-up’ answer to his Final interview question re: my biggest mistake, got me the job. But I know that someone UP there heard what my real answer was and He was the one who got me the job.

And, just like that – I felt like I lifted a huge rock off my chest. Sobrang gaan ng feeling, and at that time – I knew I was okay, and will be okay for the rest of the day.

True enough, God works in the most magical ways, He always know what’s the best for us. Today, more than ever, I realized that God doesn’t really answer our prayers with a “No.”, He just means he has something better for us. At the end of the day, His Will is always the best path to take.

After I said that, I felt like I was walking in a breeze – everything just flowed around me at my convenience. I didn’t need to worry, I know and felt that I was in the best hands.

Time and time again — He proves to us, that He’s everything we need and more.

It got into the hands of people who weren’t supposed to read it. I felt really bad coz it contained everything there is about me. When I write on a journal, I tend to just bare it all there, and just let my fingers do the talking. It wasn’t meant for someone else’s consumption, so imagine the hurt I felt that time. I felt bare naked. I never touched a journal since then. And I burned every single journal that I wrote before that. Sayang, kasi I kept a diary since I was in elementary pa.

Ironically, nagstart naman ako mag blog. Haha! Well, I think it’s different naman kasi. When you blog, you know that what you write is for everyone’s consumption. You’re aware that someone might read your posts so you try to tone it down a bit. When I do blog posts, yes, it’s still personal – but it’s not like I’ll be surprised when someone tells me “Hey, I read about your recent experience.” Kasi nga I’m well aware that I posted it online. Compare that feeling and the feeling when someone reads your personal diary. Parang off, diba? It’s like the ultimate invasion of privacy, may betrayal na kasama.

Anyways, moving on…

Lately, I realized that I have so many draft and private posts. These are the posts that I wrote just for the sake of releasing stress, and not meant for public viewing. In short, super drama. Haha.

I felt like I needed an outlet, kaya this afternoon, before going home – I went to NBS and bought a journal.

Blog vs. Diary. Blog - 1, Diary - 0.

Just a cute notebook I found at NBS. I was looking for something na may lock pero I realized how absurd that is, parang bata lang. Hehe! While on my way home, nagiisip na ko ng first post ko sa diary ko. I was thinking na it should be something I can go back to and read if ever I have amnesia, haha.

As soon as I got home, I tried to write on it but to my surprise,  I couldn’t even finish the first page! I didn’t know what to write, and I hated my penmanship! Sobrang di na ko sanay magsulat ng mahaba, I felt my fingers were screaming “Keyboard! Keyboard”.

As of writing, nakaka-dalawang punit na ko sa journal ko. Aray.

I really just have to ask this…

What do you really write on the first page of your journal?

If it’s just me, I can take it pa eh, but if it’s my husband na – it’s another story. I really didn’t want to blog about this, something as personal as this – but I just have to let this all out, coz I have a feeling that the reason why everybody asks is because they don’t know the real deal pa. Siguro I’m just hoping that after this blog post, at least someone will think first before they ask us THAT question again.

And yes, I’m talking about babies.

We get this, a lot. And it used to be okay. We’re newly weds, we kind of expected that already. But you see, this question gets asked too much already that I don’t know what to feel anymore.

If it comes from a friend, or a family – okay pa eh, you know it’s more of a concern, and usually, when it comes from a true friend or a family member, if we answer them with “wala pa eh.”, the conversation ends there. There’s no follow-up questions and insulting remarks, because we feel that they understand. Somehow, we feel that they feel the pain that comes with that one-liner.

But when it comes from someone you don’t really know – or someone who’ve asked that question many times before, it’s different na eh. We know naman when someone is just trying to start a conversation, and frankly speaking, this is the worst way to start one. Kasi when we answer them with “Wala pa e,” – usually they come up with a follow up. And this is the one that hurts real bad.

In the three months that we’ve been married (or maybe count the years we’ve lived together), we’ve taken these kinds of statements from people, and believe me, it’s like taking a bullet right through your chest:

• Why? Baog ka ba? Baog ba kayo?
• Bat wala pa? Tumatanda na kaya kayo!
• Eh bat yung iba ayaw nga magkaanak, nabuntis. Eh bat kayo hindi pa?
• Not enough action!

And believe me, some things you can’t even think about, nasabi na.

Ganto lang yan eh. It all boils down to respect. Why do you have to ask all of this follow up questions? Why? We’re newly weds – of course we want kids!! And believe me, it hurts so much already, and it’ll just hurt some more if I entertain this insensitivity, but at one point, you really just have to let it all out.

We’re not having kids yet – not this year or the coming year.

I  have been diagnosed with a tumor on my right ovary, and we have to consider that first before we start with the family. I have to undergo surgery soon. Grabe lang takot ko if I would have to undergo the surgery while pregnant. God knows how much we want to have kids, but we don’t want to put the baby’s health or mine in danger, so we have to think and plan things first, always.

There. I said it.

Here’s to hoping all insensitivity in the world goes out in a snap of the finger. #wishful thinking.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/that-question-2/feed/ 10 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/dear-bob-v-3/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/dear-bob-v-3/#comments Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:23:52 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472772

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It’s 115 days before Christmas, 4 days before my birthday and our 4th month together as husband and wife! Wow, that’s a lot to celebrate, right?

I find it really cute and funny when Bob asks me what to get for my birthday. Of course I’d play the pakipot type, but then I will purposely leave the webpages of what I want on his desktop, so he can see it for himself and maybe take a hint from there. Hahaha! The look on his face is priceless, why wouldn’t it be,  I left several pages for DSLR, Ipad and a new cellphone. Hahah! And last week I left the webpage of Nurture Spa, too. Bob must be dead tense right now.

But then again, of course I was kidding. John (Bob’s boss) already asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him I’d like a feeding program for kids. I’m just finalizing the budget and he’ll give it to me, as gift from  him and Bob. (Of course I knew that Bob already told him what I wanted.)

I’m so excited! :)

Me: So kelan tayo kakasal ulit?

Bob: 5 years, renewal of vows.

Me: Di ba 10 years?

Bob: Oo nga.

Me: Pero sige, gusto ko yan – 5 years. Church lang.

Bob: Church lang? Wala nang reception?

Me: Oo. Para tipid.

Bob: Sige. Every 5 years kung ganun.

Haha.

***

At around 6pm last Wednesday, we received a message from Tom that Ate Sasa has been confined in the hospital for possible dengue. We were on the bus that same night. You know the type of luck that everything goes well for you? That’s our type of luck that night. When we rode the FX, we filled in the last two slots. When we got to Cubao, we rode the first taxi in sight. And the moment we got to the terminal, the bus was already preparing to leave. Yes! I slept almost the whole time, only woke up when the bus stopped for a literal 5 minute break. Bob bought Goto for us and to our dismay, pinaandar agad yung bus. We ended up eating a very hot goto on a moving bus. We were careful enough and luckily, no casualties naman.

***

We spent the next two nights in the hospital. Bob brought his laptop with him and he managed to work during night time. It was amazing how we fit in the couch, the two of us, literally! Ang galing! Hahaha! But I woke up the next day with a bit of pain on my right side – coz I fell asleep pala on my side, and stayed in that position for hours. Hindi sanay ang katawan ko. I’m super likot in bed eh. Haha!

***

We ‘bullied’ a nursing student there. Haha! Eh kasi she was literally having a hard time taking out Ate Sasa’s dextrose for replacement. She was pulling this thing out and couldn’t do it herself, she asked help from her classmate, then eventually from Kuya Bobot. She was pulling it the whole time and it seems like she wasn’t aware that it’s hurting Ate Sasa. Blood was already visible in the tube and she just said, “Wala po yan.” Eh masakit na nga diba? I joked, “Nang-tataga si Ate Sasa!” And then Ate Sasa said, “Hindi naman ako nananaga – pero nangangausap ako ng CI.” Hahaha! She didn’t come  back the next day. Hahaha!

***

On our last day at the hospital, I learned that Joy passed the board exam! We were literally, almost in tears. Tita Badang was proud of Joy too, she told everyone that Joy passed the board exams. Haha! It was too bad that we weren’t there to celebrate the first few hours of her being a registered nurse, but it’s fine. We promised her that we’ll celebrate it at least when we get home. Bob bought the copy of Manila Bulletin the next day.

***

To celebrate Joy’s achievement, we went to SM Taytay to play Bingo. Haha! It was Papa’s first time. The game was a black-out game which means all the numbers in your card must be called out first for you to win. When someone shouted Bingo, we studied our cards and found out that Papa already bingo’ed two numbers before. He was waiting for two numbers but it turned out that those two numbers were already called, he just wasn’t able to mark it on his card. Too bad there’s a “No Sleeper” rule that says that the last number called should be the last one you really needed, stuff like that. Major, major sayang.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/random-4/feed/ 1 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/nice-one-venus/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/nice-one-venus/#comments Tue, 24 Aug 2010 04:21:04 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472756 Continue reading →]]> So in less than 24 hours, we transitioned from angry humiliated to happy and proud, all thanks to Venus Raj.

As of posting, there are several comments about her almost making it to the top. There are sarcastic comments of her actually an inch close to winning, and there are grateful comments for what she did for our country.

When she got into the Top 5, my thoughts were, “Please calm her nerves!” We all know that the Q&A is the make or break part of any beauty pageant. I think it didn’t help that Venus was called last, I could imagine the amount of tension she felt watching all the contestants go before her. Maybe I was praying that she gives a good answer because the last thing we need right now is another Janina San Miguel moment or something close to it.

When it was her turn and she answered — I gasped. On a rate of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, hers was around 6 or 7? But it’s fine – at the very least. We can’t go and criticize her for it because she did us a great favor. Her answer was not bad, but it was clear that she was very nervous already. She gave a decent answer – but was it enough to win the judges over? Apparently, not.

But it’s fine – who are we to ask for more? Venus did a great job for uplifting our spirits, for giving us a reason to be proud of. At least she was able to tell the whole world that we’re not a country of hostage takers and slow policemen. She did one thing for the Filipino people, and that is something to be truly thankful for.

So enough with the sarcastic comments and what-ifs, Venus took us this far – she went to the Top 5. She made us forget about what happened last night, and I personally think that is more than enough.

Thank you, Venus.

I hold no degree in crimefighting, or hostage taking analysis, I’m a normal person with just enough common sense. And these are the things I felt were wrong all throughout the 11 (or 12?) hours of the hostage taking.

The Police/SWAT:

• They were very lenient. The requests of the hostage taker were given even though it would compromise the security of the police and the hostages as well. Refueling the bus? Right there and then, Mendoza has got the police on his hands already.
• They were slow, they lacked planning and proper tactics. By night time, it was unclear to me what they really want – is it to save the hostages or spare the hostage taker? What were they afraid of? Seems to me that those people who were supposed to be taking care of our lives, those people who were supposed to protect our lives were too afraid for their own. I’m not saying they should have went there and risked their lives, I’m saying – again, they were very lenient and slow.
• By 7-8pm, that’s when gunshots were heard. The driver was able to escape from the bus and told the police that the hostage taker has gone completely crazy and fired random shots at the hostages. THAT- that was the only time that they decided they should break the glass and force entry? Why? All these time in their hands – what took them so long to decide? Again, what were they after? Safety of the hostages or the hostage-taker?
• And when they did decide to break glass, what did they use? Hammer? Even Mythbusters – a US TV series use a metal cutter for their experiments. But look at our police, they used hammer – maso, to break the glass. Concerned citizens were phoning media stations about the emergency button to open the door, but police still decided that it’s better to go old school. And the rope? Rope? Seriously? Wala man lang bang kadena? It was becoming funny already during their attempts, it was all too futile.
• Bob and I were saying all throughout, when the SWAT was around the bus,that if Mendoza wanted to fire at them, he would’ve done it already. Mendoza was at the vantage point – where he has full access to the news and could see the SWAT in clear view since he’s higher. But he didn’t – so it was either he was saving his ammo or he’s injured too.
• By 9pm, it was obvious that the SWAT members had already created enough holes in the bus. Wala bang mini-cam man lang so they can have a view of what happened inside? Okay, maybe spy cams are too “movie-like”, pero the way I see it, sobrang pwedeng humiram nalang ng camera kung saan and naginsert ng cam sa dami ng butas na yun, they could’ve seen what was inside already. I take it back, spy cams are not too movielike.

Media:

• It was way too obvious that both stations wanted ratings – they covered every inch of the hostage taking drama, that it led Mendoza advantageous and the police’s security compromised. Imagine, in GMA 7, the SWAT was making it’s way to the bus and Mike Enriquez was like, “Ayan mga kapuso, naglalakad na ang mga SWAT papuntang bus,” I could imagine Mendoza laughing his ass out. Useless nga yung pag duck nung mga SWAT eh. Eh kitang kita naman sila ni Mendoza from the TV. Kaloka lang.
• The hostages said that Mendoza only fired at the victims when he saw in TV that the police were after his brother. All the while, while the media was reporting it, the reporter was saying, “Pinangangambahang makita ni Mendoza ito dahil baka lalong magalit at magwala.” They were feeding ideas to Mendoza. Kahit di pa iniisip ni Mendoza yun, after hearing what the reporters were saying, nagplant na yung idea sa utak niya and that could be one of the reasons why he fired at the victims. Really, what’s the need to cover pati yung sa brother ni Mendoza? It only sparked his anger. That could’ve been avoided eh!

There are so many things na mali, both the police and media. And there they are, saying we should not point fingers as to whose fault it was. Really, should not point fingers? We should not point fingers on whose fault it is that there’s global warming, or overpopulation – because it’s everyone’s call, because everyone has a participation on it.

But this one – this is not the business of an ordinary person, this was way out of our hands. Only the police had full control of it – so it’s just normal and expected that they get all the blame and questions – they were the ones who clearly lacked tactics, and apparently, even common sense.

Maybe I am just outraged right now at the effect of this to the country. The whole world was watching at how we handled the situation – if “handled” was even the word. I am not saying that one’s life is more important than the others, but in this case – bloodshed was clearly avoidable.

It seems to me that despite Mendoza’s death, he was still able to keep his goal – to keep every hostage. Apparently, in this case – we are the hostages. We will be suffering from the aftereffect of this drama – the only good news to Mendoza is that he won’t be a part of it any more. He won’t be living through every travel ban, every criticism.

Hell will be waiting for him with open arms pa.

P.S.

Sige, anti-human rights na ko kung anti-human rights man ito, but when this picture was taken – with the beast right there, no bullet proof vests or whatever, apparently smiling for the camera pa –

Wala man lang bang sniper na pwedeng bumaril sa kanya? Sa legs? Sa hands? Just to render him down. I don’t understand why they didn’t do that when they had a chance – kung holdupan sa kanto, malamang sampung bala na ng baril yung pinatama sa holdupper. What were the police thinking? One life – an evil’s person’s life at that – against the 15-20 innocent victims of this crime. Now, tell me which is more important?

It’s just sad that these people died without knowing what they died for. I tuned in to news this morning and they were talking about investigations – but really, for what? There’s no more justice here. People died, lives were wasted because of one futile move of the police and media.

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/too-much-csi/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/beautiful-sunday/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/beautiful-sunday/#comments Mon, 23 Aug 2010 01:55:59 +0000 elayskie http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/?p=720472749 Continue reading →]]> Yesterday, I watched the pain I’ve held on for six years go away with the words, “Sorry” and “I missed you.”

I watched myself relive the pain – for the last time. I let myself feel every single pang of it, then I watched it roll by – away from me. All the pain, the sacrifice and waiting – I watched it go away.

The weekend held true to its promise, that anything can happen. All I knew is that I was once again in front of the people I’ve hurt and who’ve hurt me too – everything was a breeze and all I knew is that the next minute, I’m hugging each one of them and saying two things that were long overdue – “Sorry,” and “I missed you.”

It was a long six years of my life – that I tried to stay away from them. Thinking that the longer I stayed away, the longer I won’t have to face the pain. Thinking that the farther I stay away, the less pain I would feel. I went on for six years fooling myself that I am okay, that I’m not affected in any way. I went on with my life and somehow at the back of my mind, I knew they were too – without me.

So many times I wanted to break away from the pain – so many times I wished I was strong enough to face them again. I told Bob about it before we got married, that that’s one thing I want to do before we tie the knot, but I wasn’t strong enough. I was engulfed with fear, with the uncertainties – I wasn’t strong enough to be that person.

But yesterday, I became her – unplanned and surprised that I may be  - I became that person I thought I can never be. I was strong for a minute, then everything was a roll. I thanked God for giving me that opportunity. For letting me know that really, anything is possible with Him. He touched my heart, as much as he touched theirs.

The tears we shed yesterday was uncountable, the words that were said were six years overdue. It was everything we held on to for those years, the words we rehearsed on our heads when this time comes. The hole we created was deep enough for us to stay down, but yesterday, all of us made an effort to rise to the top. We all watched how the pain went out the moment the words were said, it was a feeling I would go back time and time again.

Anything can happen, I say to myself again.

Absolutely anything.

Of course, we didn’t waste time, Papa set it up agad, mounted it on the wall and then I helped him with the cable/surround stuff. By the end of the night, we have one helluva home theater system installed already. You can probably hear the surround effect from two blocks away. Haha.

And then the 32″ tv made it’s way to our room. For a minute there, I felt like we were Carrie and Big on Sex and the City 2, re: tv on the bedroom, except that I am BIG, and Bob’s Carrie. Well, I’m taking it’s because he didn’t want the TV to be our TV, but his monitor. Haha.

Just like how I’m doing now, while typing this entry.

Eventually, we both agreed to it, being real movie addicts that we are. Also set up surround in our room, so imagine how it felt like last night while we were watching IP Man. (Yes, we watched it again – but I closed my eyes and turned off the audio when it came to the part I hated. Haha)

Dumadagundong is the word.

So our room underwent quite an overhaul, yesterday, I spent half day fixing the bedroom, moved things out and about, and voila – a fresh look for the bedroom. I just can’t take a picture yet coz Bob’s still in his PJ’s, fast asleep.

On a sidenote, saturday na pala! How time flies. Yun lang. Haha!

I love how active my brain can be when it comes to imagining things, that sometimes my ‘dreams’ become a way for me to write mini-novels, short stories and poems. I am one of those people who can perfectly remember the dreams as how it happened, etc. Also, it’s like I have a safe of memories in my head – those I really want to remember or can’t forget that easily – I can access it as easily as retrieving a file from my laptop. I can somehow trick my body to feel just like how I felt at that moment – for example, kilig memories can still bring me that feeling of butterfly warfare in my stomach, or watching a certain movie brings me the almost the same feeling I had when I first watched it.

However – it’s not all butterflies and great memories. Some gross and scary things, I cannot just “unsee”. Like when I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose, it took me one long week to convince myself that it was just a movie, and up till now, I still dread waking up at 3am. There are stuffs like this that I can never forget – like the first time I actually felt that I saw a “mumu” – stuff like that. These are the thoughts I would not want to entertain at all, creepy thoughts that make me cringe and close my eyes real hard. The thing is, it stays on my head and somehow it’s like it’s on auto-pilot, it would just resurface without any warning at all.

And unfortunately for me, there’s a latest addition to the things I want to forget list.

We were on the bus from Baguio to Manila, and somehow the conductor decided, “Oh I’m gonna play something hardcore coz the passengers are fresh from unwinding and they need things like blood and boxing.”

Or maybe he just really liked to keep the driver awake.

He played IP Man. (I’m not sure about the title coz Bob just told me about it.)

When the movie played, and I noticed that it was about martial arts and boxing, I forced myself to fall asleep. And luckily, I did. But my luck didn’t last that long – I woke up just in time to see the western boxer beat the hell out of the chinese guy. Yes, that scene where he punched him real hard and continued to just knock the hell out of the guy until he was dead. So fortunate of me to wake up exactly on that scene, noh? And the image that stuck to my mind was the final image of the dead boxer – with his eyes wide open. Yes, gross and gory like that.

And all the while — Bob was just watching like it was Spongebob Squarepants. He didn’t cringe at all – maybe because he was so used to all the fighting from being an avid fan of those movies – but still, it grossed me out so freakin bad. I wanted to vomit right there and then. I tried to close my eyes but the sound effects were too within earshot for me to disregard it. So kahit di ako nakatingin, my mind was fabricating images of its own and it only led me nowhere. Lose-lose situation, yes.

Sige, pero infairness naman, after the gruesome fight – I continued watching na rin. Haha! Kahit na medyo gore siya for my taste, I waited and wanted to see how the IP man will take his revenge, and towards the end of the film where he did not unleash the last punch that would have killed Twister, I told Bob “Ngee, bat di niya pa pinatay?!” Hahaha.

I still wish I hadn’t seen the master got killed like that. The image is fresh on my mind till now. Haynaku.

The doctor warned me already about this — she told me to watch out for it, coz it may be the sign that we need to undergo the surgery soon.

It’s ironic how everything happened, how from desperately wanting a child, Bob and I prayed that this time won’t be it – coz I don’t want to undergo a surgery knowing there’s a life inside of me. We wanted to take things step by step, and that means I have to undergo the surgery first before anything else. Answered prayers naman kami agad, God is so good talaga.

Just that, this morning – the pain has become so strong that I can’t move around without feeling a pang of pain on my right side. They wanted to bring me to my doctor this afternoon but I just said we should wait til tomorrow. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid that the next thing I’ll know, I’ll be at the operating room already. The thought scares me more than it really should. It’s my second surgery already, but somehow it feels just like the first time.

Hay.

“I’ve always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want things I don’t want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. No one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don’t know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy.”

— Jill Davis

Baguio is our nearest “No internet – no cellphone zone”.

For us, Baguio is that one place where we’re off limits to technologies. Bob is not allowed to bring his laptop with him, and I’m not allowed to touch my Iphone for hours – no wifi or emails on that note. We try to keep it that way – it’s like a refresher for us – that once we’re in one place, we don’t have to worry about anything else in the world. Just pure relaxation.

And this time, it’s better for a number of reasons:

1. It’s an all expense paid trip from Mr. C – it’s his bonus to Bob for his amazing hard work for the past week. Now I know why Bob has been pushing himself to the limit – he wants a vacation.

2. It’s not just us two – there’s Papa and Joy.

Papa arrived Friday afternoon – and we were on the bus that same night. He didn’t have the chance to properly rest at home nga eh, just a few hours of sleep then off to Baguio na, but it was something we couldn’t postpone or miss – Mr. C will be really pissed off. When he says he wants us to go on vacation, it means we really have to go.

The weather was perfectly fine the whole time – it’s cold and there were occasional rains only in the evening, which made it really cold at nights. We stayed in a transient house that allowed us to cook, so on our first night, Bob and I went to Baguio Market and bought ingredients for our dinner – Sinigang na Hipon.

You can see how our eyes lit up whenever the vendor tells us that this certain vegetable is only five pesos, I think the most expensive ones we bought were 20 pesos per kilo. Bob was having the time of his life! Haha. He eats all kinds of veggies, so it’s really amazing for him to know that we can buy that vegetable on Baguio for 1/4 of the price here in Manila.

The following day – we toured Baguio all over again – like we’ve never been there before, haha. Kunwari di ako tumira ng 1 year sa Baugio. I felt (and projected) a tourist image once again.

Bob and I enjoyed it too much, I think. On our way home, Bob was asking me to google about settling in Baguio, if there’s an affordable house and lot we can purchase so we can really settle down there. I didn’t find myself rejecting his idea, rather, I felt like I agreed to everything he said about Baguio. I think with our kind of lifestyle, it’s a win-win situation for us there.

Bob loves veggies – I love the weather. Haha. Anyway, we’ll see. I told him to take a week or two ‘rest’ first. I don’t want us to engage in a quick decision just because we have a vacation hang over from Baguio. A week or two tops, if we still buy the idea of settling in Baguio, then we’ll make a decision.

Or maybe make that a month? Haha.

But today, I realized – it has its ups too. Being the only one awake at the house (yes, Bob’s asleep!), somehow I’m able to process good thoughts and absorb it. It’s weird coz I honestly think that this is the first time that I’m awake at 2am yet good thoughts are coming to my mind. Or maybe it’s because a few hours from now, I’ll be on a mini-vacation spree with Bob, Joy and Papa with all expenses paid for by our boss. How I wish I could just grab Mama from Jeddah so we’ll be complete.

Few minutes ago, I typed on Facebook, “In my happy place.”

I thought my happy place is the mini-vacation we’ve got from John, then I realized that no – this is my happy place. This quiet, still and peaceful serenity – this is my happy place. Knowing I’ve got almost everything I need and want in the world within arm’s reach is what makes me happy.

I am home, in my happy place. I need not go far.

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“Mimi and the Goo Goo Dolls.”

Haha. It’s actually Mimi and the Goo Goos. I googled it up and saw a catalogue from 1996 onwards, I realized I used to have a complete set! Papa knew how much I loved Mimi and he would bring me home a new one everytime they get a new stock. That’s probably the best thing about having a Toys Section Supervisor for a Dad. Hihi.

These are my favorites back then… Hayy.

And this one too:

When I got home from Jeddah, I forgot to bring this with me. Well, I was 16 then, so maybe it really slipped out of my mind. But luckily, Joy brought it home with her when she followed me here, but seeing how my cousin’s eye lit up when she saw our toys, we had this “feeling” that we should give it to her since we’re done playing with it.

I remember Toy Story 3 and how Andrew gave up his favorite toys to that little girl at the end. I realized, I have given up so many toys already. My precious Winnie the Pooh collection of stuffed toys, I gave to my niece, and there’s this one particular stuffed toy that really broke my heart when I gave it away:

See the pink puppy? I had it since I was a baby. I remember seeing baby pictures of me with that toy. But I had to give it away. This was taken weeks after Ondoy, my friend and I went to an orphanage and I just had that inkling that they need it more than I do. Actually, almost all of my toys (those still playable) I gave to them. Not just that pink puppy.

My philosophy back then was that toys are made to be played with, and if I just pile them up in a plastic bag somewhere, letting them collect dusts, they won’t be doing their purpose. And since I had my time with them, they have made me smile and accompanied me during my childhood, maybe it’s time for them to find a new home.

The heavy feeling in my heart when I was putting the toy on the shelf instantly disappeared the moment I saw those kids lit up when they saw my toys. It’s like I saw myself in them, and I’m quite sure that I looked almost the same when I first saw my toys.

Grabe, I didn’t know you can still have separation anxiety even after months, or years — or maybe I’m just really in the mood for reminiscing. I’m quite good at that.

My Papa has been really strict with these kind of things. When we were younger, when Nintendo was the “in” thing, the only games we were allowed to play was Bomber Man and Power Rangers. Anything more brutal than that is a no-no. When Playstation was born, he didn’t let us play that either, saying it was a game for the boys and we should be contented with the polly pockets and Barbies that he gives us every month. Ah believe me, I have all kinds of Polly Pockets, and damn, I forgot what the other one is called – but it looks like Polly Pocket too, just a bit bigger.

Then there were this thing about bicycles that we weren’t allowed to ride one. It took us a lot of begging to be finally allowed to play with a scooter.

Papa could be such a pain sometimes, but maybe when I have my own daughter, I’d understand. I don’t know, maybe? Haha.

So I was able to own my first playstation when I was with Bob already. PS2, PSP, then started learning how to ride a bike again. I tried everything I was not able to do before, mainly for the sake of just trying them out.

Would you believe that I was already 22 when I learned how to actually play PacMan? I didn’t know that if you “eat” the blue thing, you can eat the “monsters” too. Haha!

And yun nga, I learned how to play Tong its just a week ago. I still don’t know how to play Pusoy Dos and some other card games. It’s not that I want to gamble, I just find it liberating to learn the things I didn’t pay attention to before.

Kaloka, noh?

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I saw her again today, at the same place. I saw her while Bob and I were inside Jollibee, we’re already done with our meal and we were just waiting for Joy to come back.

Eh nasa loob kami ng Jollibee, I don’t know if my memory is right. I didn’t want to approach her agad kasi baka mamaya hindi naman pala siya yun tapos magalit pa sakin diba. So I waited. Tanaw ko siya from where we sat, and I waited for her to ask from someone para sure ako na siya nga yung matandang nabigyan ko the last time.

Then when we got out, kala ko di na namin siya inabutan. Namamalimos kasi siya dun sa paalis na couple, pasakay na sa kotse actually, pero di siya pinansin. I was holding Joy’s zert pie in my hand nung may dalawang bata naman ang lumapit sakin. I just gave them the zert pie dahil di ko nga inabutan si Nanay and sabi ko, “Share kayo ah”. Yung una ko pa ngang kinausap ay yung mas matanda, yun pala she can’t speak kaya yung mas bata yung binigyan ko and siya yung binilinan ko.

When I saw them share the pie and I felt how hungry they were, I approached them and asked them if they had lunch already. It was 2 pm, of course they said no. Just in time naman, nakita ko na pabalik na si Nanay. I approached her and asked the same thing, parang nahihiya pa siyang magsabi na di pa siya nakapaglunch. I told them, “Tara pasok tayo sa Jollibee, kain muna tayo.”

Siguro they thought I was kidding, kasi di sila agad pumasok sa Jollibee. Bob told them to get inside na, while I was on the counter, ordering their food. When I looked back, nakita ko si Nanay sa loob na, pero she was at one corner, hiyang hiya siya.

I ordered one bucket of chicken joy for them, so they’ll have 2 pcs of chicken each. When we were served of the food na, ayun, naiyak na si nanay, she kept thanking us and said, “ingat kayo lagi, pagpalain kayo nawa”. I told her once is enough, but every bite she takes, she kept on thanking us for the food.

We were able to chat with them for a while and found out that Nanay lives at “Quarry site”, I wasn’t able to hear exactly what she said coz her dialect was a mixture of visaya and tagalog. She said she’s a Waray from Tacloban and her daughter left her alone dahil nagpakasal na daw. She lives alone in a bahay kubo, just by the quarry site and takes care of her neighbor’s poultry and piggery for a living. To get to Ever Lores Station (where I found her), she takes a jeep ride pa. That’s how far she is pa from that place. She said there are nicer people there and she goes home with at least money to buy rice or in my case, food.

The two children naman, they’re sisters pala. I really thought na boy yung mas matanda, but both Bob and Joy said she’s a girl, so I believe them. Napansin ko na agad na there’s something different about her, and while they were eating, dun lang sinabi nung younger sister niya, si Marimar, na her ate can’t speak kasi daw nalalaglag daw sa crib nung bata pa, dahil sa tatay nilang lassingero. I asked her where her parents are and she said that their father died years ago, stabbed to death daw. Di na daw nakapagsalita ang ate niya since then.

I asked her where they live and what school she goes to, coz I plan on revisiting her and maybe make their school my official beneficiary for my birthday party this September.

It was an extraordinary date for us. It was far from fancy diners and movies and all the usual stuff we do. But this time, it’s not just fun but it was very very heartwarming. It amazed me that Bob didn’t hesitate even for a second about helping those people. We spent more than what was alloted for our budget, but we felt richer every minute – I guess it’s true that happiness is gold. We were millionaires that very second.

There were occasional glances given to us by the other customers, and sometimes even the manager himself. I remembered that I was on the same situation, almost five years ago, when I brought five streetkids to KFC. The manager asked them to get out while I was on the counter, ordering food for them. It broke my heart that even if it wasn’t my intention, the kids were embarrassed and wouldn’t go inside the restaurant even if I said I’ll go with them already. We ended up eating the KFC chicken bucket at the pavement, but in all honestly, it was more fun than eating inside and having to deal with narrow minded people. Of course, I didn’t let the manager get away with it.

I strongly suggest this activity to everyone. My idol, Mother Theresa, once said that if you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. It’s the same story with the star thrower, if you’re familiar with the story.

Anyway, Bob and I are planning to raise funds for Nanay Matilde’s fare for Tacloban. Of course, she wouldn’t just need fare, she’d need enough money to help her start again, and that’s our goal for this month.

We’d appreciate help from anyone. It’s the least we can do for her, she’s seen so much in life, experienced a lot of hardships already. I think we owe her just this, to help her reunite with her family once again.

P.S.

I just got home, the feeling still overwhelms me, so pardon my errors in this post. I shall edit when I have the time.

These are my post stats. See the drafts count? That’s 23. More like 23 thoughts I had in mind but was too afraid or ashamed to post online. These were the words that were never spoken, never heard nor read. These are words I kept to myself. If we’ll add up the 2 private posts I shared (not to count in the number of posts I had password protected), and the 3 trash posts — that’s an awful lot of thoughts thrown at the background.

Someday, I’ll publish those drafts and probably give voice to the thoughts that I silenced a long time ago.

Someday.

Anyway, simple things, usually.

This morning, I heard Jovit’s Skyflakes commercial again. And because I really don’t know the song – it’s my first time to hear it when Jovit sang it – I don’t really understand the next words after “Too much love will kill you.” It’s not that I am mocking Jovit – he is a great singer, a really good one – but I just don’t really understand the words after that. I told myself I’ll spend time figuring it out but yeah, I’m too impatient and this morning, I just found myself on youtube – looking for the music video.

And then while I was watching the music video, I think it’s the really old one – it involved a lot of ‘long hairs’ and ‘muscle tight pants’ and some serious head (and butt) banging that I really laughed out loud. Then I called Bob, who was busy working – “Dad! Look! May tubig yung drum set niya! OMG! Inupuan niya yung piano!” And then he went to where I was sitting and watched the rest of the video with me, and we laughed and laughed… and laughed.

Usually, when that happens, we’re on a roll. I played all sorts of music from Queen – and we spent an awfully good time just listening and teasing each other.

It may not mean so much but when you’re with the person you’re bound to spend the rest of your life with, finding joy in simple things like this is heaven. Finding a way to laugh just about anything and everything makes everything so worthwhile.

P.S.

Here’s the music video. And I still don’t know what the line was. I’ll google it later.

I think it’s because I could relate to the story. Somehow I feel that there’s a lady with 27-inch waistline trapped inside my hundred plus lbs self. Sometimes I still feel that it’s all just a dream and tomorrow, I’ll wake up in my old body – well usually that happens when people say it to my face, like telling me “Ang taba mo na!” like it doesn’t hurt at all.

Anyway, the series – it’s really cute and funny. I love how the story goes from funny to encouraging. I’ve only liked a few series – and this one is like a breathe of fresh air. Imagine going gaga over Lost for 6 years.

Copying the plot from IMDB.com: (because I’m too lazy to write my own)
A vapid aspiring model killed in a car crash gets brought back to life as an intelligent, overweight lawyer, hoping to find the meaning of inner beauty.

I just like how it appears handwritten, just like you’re peeking at my own diary.

We’ll see, if it’s hard to read then maybe I’ll change it to normal.

Anyway, this morning, while I was watching Drop Dead Diva, nagulat nalang ako na both of them are already in the bed – and they both slept beside Bob! Haha!

Beh was beside me, Shor fell asleep at the bottom of the bed. Two of my best friends, on my wedding day. I remember just looking at them and taking pride that the two people who’ve seen me at my first heartbreak, my every insanity – was there to witness another chapter of my life.

Beh slowly turned to me and said, “Wedding mo na Kat!” and I joked, “No, this is a dream. In 5 seconds, this will be gone. 5..4..3…2..1.. Shet andyan ka pa! Kasal ko na!”

Then Shor woke up, just as if she hadn’t slept at all and was back to her loud self again. I went out of the room and found the rest of my relatives busy working. Some were still sleeping, and I screamed “Gising naaa” then laughed.

Few minutes later, Joy told me, “Ate andyan na si Uly!” and because I still haven’t showered, I ran quickly to the bathroom and showered like crazy. I remember the thoughts that were running into my head that time. I was excited, but very, very, nervous. I kept thinking about my escape strategy just in case I trip down the aisle with my gown. I got nervous coz everyone was telling me how clumsy I am, and I just couldn’t agree more. I spent the next hours perfecting my “balance”.

Then Uly started working his magic on me. Beh then took my phone to lessen the stress, she did all the calling and texting to the guests, etc. This time, everything was a breeze. It feels like everytime the bedroom door opens, I feel the tension and then it’s gone with the closing of the door.

Papa called me up just in time when Uly was doing my eye make up. I cannot recall how many times Uly had to redo it coz I kept crying. He was patient, though. Told me I should cry it now than later. Papa kept calling, just simple things, reminding me of simple things actually, from as simple as “Anak wag masyadong makapal ang make up”, etc. I was glad because I felt that he was holding up on his side as well. I prayed for that the night before, that God give my Papa more strength than usual.

Everything was in fast forward and slow motion at the same time. Next thing I know, my coordinators were there, Marie Kris, Jen and Najah were there already, and the rest of the entourage. Photographers came and all I could hear was the sound of their cameras. Then the lights and sounds crew texted that they were at the venue already. All I kept saying to myself was, “This is it.”

Then before I knew it, it was time to go to Church. I was at the bridal car already. I remember looking at the clock and it said “2:52″ then how slow time went from 2:52 to 3:05.

When we got at the church, I wanted to scream my tension away. I waited till everyone went out of the car before I screamed. Then it got too quiet inside. Like I was watching a silent movie. From where I sat, I could see the entourage falling in line, people getting busy, distributing the bouquets and misallettes. It was all to surreal. Just like the scene in the bedroom, tension kicks in everytime they open the door or the window and then everything shuts off with the closing of it.

Then Uly did one last retouch on my make up and said, “This is it Mam, walk na po kayo.”

I recalled all the balance techniques I made up on my mind, and my exit strategy if ever I trip down. Then the moment they opened the door, I felt stunned. The first face I saw was Bob’s, and how his eyes lit up when he saw me. For five seconds, I really thought I would fall down, my knees started to tremble and I was searching for something to hold on to. I felt weak, but a good kind of weak. Like I was walking on air. Like my hundred pound self became feathery light. And I wasn’t even kidding.

I wish I could narrate the things that happened after that, but to put it into words is impossible. All I know is that when the priest asked me if I willingly take Bob as my husband, all I wanted to answer was, “Syempre naman.” but of course, I said “I do.”

Fast forward to present day, the man I said “I do’ to, is sleeping like a log, snoring heavily – like you could hear a train or something. I remember hating his snore before, that I couldn’t sleep. But now, as corny and gross it may seem, it’s a sound I’m very much familiar to, a comforting sound that he’s here with me.

To date, we are two months married, 3 years and 6 months in love. Bob has proved himself, time and time again that he’s more than I ever wanted in life. A boyfriend, husband, best friend, enemy and critic, all in one.

Here’s to many more years of love, fights and make up *kiss.*

Or maybe I’m really just crazy.

Again, I want to reiterate that I am not a hardcore. I don’t spend hours and hours studying what other ways to save the earth. I do it out of common sense most of the times.

A few days ago, I saw this:

Those were supposed to be “flags” for a celebration of a fiesta or something, I’m not really sure. I asked the tricycle driver and he doesn’t know as well.

But this is what disturbs me the most – those are brand new plastic bags – just by the looks of it. I doubt that it’s recycled bags. I mean, what are the odds of all recycled plastic bags being just blue and yellow? And then if you look at it closely in person, you’d see that it really looks brand new. You’d know naman if a plastic bag has been used already, it crumples. But this one, the ends are very much intact.

The thought is this – after the “celebration” – what happens to these plastic bags? Do they get recycled? It was placed along the whole stretch of the highway, in my estimate – that’s more than a thousand plastic bags. At first, I had this “benefit of the doubt” thing and thought that they may give this to market vendors so they can use it afterwards, brilliant? No.

Apparently, there are holes cut in the bottom of the bag – just like what they do on tarpaulins para hindi mastop yung hangin. So that clearly marks the possibility of these plastic bags being given away to market vendors afterward, right?

I just have to ask, “What in the world were they thinking?” This doesn’t even look good in plain sight. Para ka lang nagsabit ng basura. If it’s meant to “design” the streets while they celebrate their fiesta, I don’t think that serves the purpose. If it’s meant to “cut costs”, I don’t think so too!

I wonder where these plastic bags will go after the celebration. Nakakainis lang na people don’t learn from their mistakes, much more annoying that the local government surely knows about this and still let it get away with this, worst if it’s their own idea. It’s just plain sick and disgusting.

And one more thing, If I’m not going all “eco” in this, then let’s look at the money spent for all this. We want change, we want stability from the higher office – we ask too much from the President but we do simple things like this – corruption, no matter how simple is still corruption. One peso or a thousand pesos – it doesn’t matter, as long as you spend PEOPLE’S money for something as GARBAGE as this, it’s corruption. If it lands on someone else’s pocket, it’s corruption. If it’s spending budget for worthless piece of sh*ts like this than saving up for healthcare or something else, it’s corruption.

Nakakainis lang how people expect too much from higher office when we can’t even do something on simple things like this. How we go crazy when a politician spends this budget constructing a worthless bridge in the middle of nowhere, but don’t react to things like this even if they slaps us on our face already.

I’ve probably heard that line number of times already. The truth is, I’ve heard that from everyone. From my mom who lectured me why I can’t  have something I really want – from my best friend who consoled my first heartbreak, and neighbors, enemies and even strangers.

Perhaps it’s been said more than hundred times and there would be times when I’d really want to say, “Cut me some slack. I don’t need to hear that again.” Coz every single time that I hear them say that, I’d like to ask, “What purpose, exactly, are you talking about?”

But at the end of the day, after some quiet time, maybe just five minutes of pure silence and I’ll be on my sane self again. In my mind, I undress the cliche like I would when I solve a problem. I would unwrap it, one by one until i get the essence out of it. Because the truth is – no matter how skeptical I’ve become– I’ll know that things DO actually happen for a reason.

Sometimes it feels like hanging on a thread – you hold on to it coz there’s nothing else to hold on to. And sometimes, it’s feels like an epiphany – like it’s the only truth you’ve ever believed in your whole life.

The thing is, sometimes it’s hard to accept the fact. Of course there are questions running in my mind. Sometimes I’d like to ask why it’s happening to me, why it’s me – 0f all people. Why not that sneaky little bastard who used to bully me at gradeschool? Why not the pickpockets and criminals? They sure deserve this more than I do, right?

I try to play the scenes over and over and try to figure out exactly what’s going on.

I’ve come to realize that we won’t really know why God gave it to us, on what lies beyond every struggle. All we have is His promise that he won’t give us anything we can’t overcome. One single event of our lives – that we question about – may have something good out of it at the end of the day. And as hard it is to admit it, it’s not easy – but we have to trust.

Trust that God is behind us all the time.

…… that He won’t give us something we cannot overcome.

…… that He would not let us face it alone – that he’ll give us friends and loved ones who will be with us every step of the way.

I guess it all boils down to that, the the moment we let go of our fears and start trusting God, that’s when we start solving our problems. That’s when we start acting on it.

After what I learned this afternoon, no matter how painful it gets – I just know I won’t back down, I won’t surrender.

I feel that my thoughts are far too complicated for words, and there’s no exact definition of how I really felt the past few days. I tried putting them into words, maybe then I’d really understand what exactly is going on in my mind, but the more I try, the less productive I’ve become.

Friends ask me how I’m doing, and I say I’m okay, most of the time. I don’t think I mean any of it. A part of me is hoping that they would see beyond the smile and say, “Hey, what’s really going on?” and then the other part is glad that they’re not asking, coz I basically don’t know what to answer them anyway.

I don’t know if it has anything to do with my being too ‘emo’ this past days but I feel that I’m a lot sensitive now than ever. I hate how friends comment without really knowing what’s going on, or why they didn’t even bother asking before they make a joke out of what I’ve said. I used to be so game, but now I felt like I was an inch close to really being annoyed.

I’ll take all of this as a by-product of what happened yesterday. It was one of those extraordinary days when I felt more than one emotion at a time. I felt scared, surprised and doubtful all at the same time. I didn’t know what to believe, or what I should expect out of it. I felt like I was losing ground, and that’s scares me more than it ever did. It was getting all so physical – all tangible. And I don’t think that I’m liking it.

It’s a tug of war between positive and negative. One minute it’s all good and then the other, it’s all bad.

I downloaded (ehem) The Exorcism of Emily Rose two days ago and was supposed to watch it with that at exactly 12 midnight, but I backed off right at the beginning credits of the film! I lasted 2 minutes lang! Hahaha!

So to prove Bob (and myself) that I wasn’t such a chicken at horror flicks, I decided to watch it in the morning. Haha! 9am to be exact, and then forced Wasa to watch it with me.

Anyway, it was fine. I got out of it alive, and thought that the movie was not really scary at all (or so I tried to tell myself).

But I was wrong.

I woke up at around 2am – I’m not really sure of what time it was coz my phone’s battery is empty. It was dark, and the only sound I heard was the faint music coming from Bob’s speaker. It was really getting crazy on my head coz all sorts of thoughts came running into me.

In the movie kasi, it showed how 3am is the hour of the devil, etc etc. Kakaloka talaga, coz when I was putting myself to sleep – I tried counting sheep tapos naalala ko na sa movie, nagbilang din si Emily up to six nung napossess siya, so lalo akong napraning diba?

When I couldn’t take it any longer, I woke up Bob, asked him to turn the lights on and then asked him to stay awake for me. Haha. He asked me why, I told him wala lang, and then later on he made me admit that I was scared talaga. He asked me not to watch any more scary movies ever again kung ganun lang daw ako matatakot. Haha! And then to erase the image on my head, we decided to watch Toy Story 3 in 3d.

Yes, it’s perfectly possible to watch the movie in 3d, but of course it’s not the same 3d as IMAX, but it’s 3d. It’s fun!

First off, I downloaded (ehem) the movie sa torrent, the one in 3d talaga. And then we made our own 3d glasses!

It’s really dorky tignan pero at least it’s working. Haha! Bob’s version was the “trying-hard-to-be-artistic-but-ended-up-like-this” version of the 3d glasses, while mine is “aha-I’ve-found-another-way-to-do-it” version.

Notice how Bob is just holding his glasses the whole time – he’s too lazy to cut out yung pansabit sa tenga. Haha!

Anyway, the 3d quality is fine – but of course, don’t expect the same 3d effect in IMAX. Haha! It just shows depth and it’s by all means, in 3d. The color quality, I’m not so keen at it, but it’s fine. I got a little dizzy for the first five minutes of watching – I got a little distracted on how my right eye wears blue and the other red, but eventually, you’ll get the hang of it.

For those who are unfamiliar how to make one, it’s so simple. Just blue cellophane on the right eye and red on the left. Tada! It works like magic. Now you can watch 3d anywhere.

Anyway, it’s 5am and we’re just about to sleep. I just wanted to blog first. Hihi.

Really, this wait is fine with me – but somehow, everyday, the fear increases as I do not know what to expect anymore. I have reached the point where the win-win situation I envisioned before now becomes a lose-lose situation.

I don’t know what to think, how to react or what to expect – and this is what sucks the most.

Bob was at the door, it was slightly opened, when I saw an image – white something – walk from Joy’s bedroom to the CR. It was followed by someone turning the knob of the bathroom door and then a faint sound. I waited for Joy to go back to her bedroom but I didn’t see her, and I got busy with the laptop that I forgot about it already.

Then I asked Bob, “Gising na ba si Joy?”

“Hindi pa.” He said.

I felt goosebumps already. “You mean, di pa siya lumabas ng kwarto mula kanina?”

“Hindi pa.”

And then I told him about the white image I saw. He said wala daw siya nakita but he did hear something on the bathroom, kala daw niya sila Lyka and her puppies lang. It would count, yes, but Lyka and her puppies were outside, and I certainly know when it’s an image of a person that I saw or a puppy. It would have a distinction naman eh.

And then I went to Joy’s bedroom and woke her up, asked her if she already went to the bathroom to pee. She never did.

Then I saw her shirt.

She wasn’t wearing white. She’s in a yellow shirt.

We’re now looking for fellow September birthday celebrants who wish to participate in this birthday bash for the less fortunate kids. It will be a fun-filled day for the kids, lots of games and prizes, magic, dance numbers, etc.

There’s no required amount to be given, just contribute what you can for the party – in cash or in kind. :) Email me at info@proj20.org for more details.

Dinner at Gerry’s Grill last Sunday. After watching Inception.

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

I don’t think I have one. If we refer to the famous ones, that is. But if I go super sentimental, of course I’d say “My Mom.” Why not? She’s superwoman for me. She’s been through a lot of rough times, and I just don’t know how she went through all of it. She’s still number 1 on the “people I fight the most with” list, but I’d say that’s how it is with my Mom – she lets me speak my mind out. And though at most times we don’t agree with each other, she’d have the best superpowers in the world – unconditional love and mother’s care – and that would be more than enough to save us.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Someone: I remember being asked this question years ago – elementary days – and she was my answer. I’d say the same now. Her advocacy, the way she lived her life helping the poor, sick and orphaned – I’d like to be able to do that too, in my own little ways.

Something: When we went to Tanay Rizal to facilitate a Psychosocial Activity for the kids there, I felt like a child once again – they were thanking us for how we made them so happy that day, but what I wasn’t able to tell them is that they made me happier. I’ve always said, “They save us more than we save them”. And this letter is one of the reasons why I promised that I’ll never stop at Project 20, not today – not ever.

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

My goal for this month and for the next two – is to facilitate a big program for the kids of Project 20. It’s going to be my birthday bash. I have the plans laid out already, I just need funds – hahaha!

My life felt stagnant the past few days, having Wasa in the house meant I would wake up with the breakfast already at the table, eat – watch tv – go online – sleep – repeat. I would cook Bob’s favorite dish sometimes, when Wasa doesn’t beat me up to it. In other words, I’m a lazy bum.

I asked Bob several times already if I could apply somewhere – maybe go back to being an agent, but he doesn’t want me to work. Not for other reasons, but he said he saw how I was while I was working on a callcenter, and he didn’t like it very much. Haha! I remember when he asked me before what it would take for me to quit my job – I said, a very nice TV and comfortable sofa. That was the time when we were just starting to live together and we were just starting to build our home. The next day, he brought me to SM and told me to just pick out what I want. Turned out that he worked his ass off overnight so he can give me what I want. When I asked him why he wanted me to quit work, he said it was because I was getting too stressed and sickly. I hated that I would go home, say hi to him and then sleep – then wake up only to work again. It was the rough phase of our relationship – we managed, but we don’t like to just “manage”.

I want to work and apply somewhere – but where we are right now, it’s kind of impossible. The salary I would get per month won’t even suffice what I would spend for travel fare + food.

So I’m just back to my online shiznits, doing marketing for Bob and some freelance work on the side. Plus I’m working on a very big something and my deadline is about to come up – I just don’t want to mess it up for everyone. It will be a very big deal for me and for sure, to Bob.

This post is so random that I don’t know how to end it.

Seriously, I don’t know how much craziness I can take in for a day. Just – for the love of God – please watch your actions and make sure no one gets hurt.

Okay?

It feeds on your sorrow, on your doubts. Inch by inch, it throbs – it delights at the sight of your misery – and you’ll just wake up to the fact that hole you left years ago – it’s still there, and worst – it’s got the best of you drowned in that hole you dug up yourself.

You tried to run away – but the truth is, you can never run away from yourself. You can never run away from the fact that you’ve created a monster, and each time you face the mirror, it slaps you very hard.

You created your own monster, you’re scared of yourself – of what you’re capable of doing.

And you’ve done the most unimaginable things, you’ve created the most unbearable stuff. You’ve come a long way, and you don’t know how you even got there.

All along, you were expecting someone would come to complete you – to pick up after the mess you’ve made. And it only takes you one bitter slap to realize that no one can save you from the monster that you are.

You realize that it’s not another man’s job but yours alone.

But the worst part about it is that – you’re not up to the challenge. Like a vacuum, it sucks you up inside, eating you day by day.

And you got sucked up more than what you actually expected. You were in to it – deeper than you thought – farther than you ever imagined.

And you just can’t stop.

But I guess the habit that I really wish I didn’t have is…

Procrastination.

See, three years ago, I was writing a blog about the same topic. I procrastinate a lot. And sometimes I justify it by saying “I love the adrenaline rush,” but seriously, I know it gets me nowhere, but I don’t know how to stop or change this habit.

Friends who know me would always hear me say “mamaya na,” when I am tasked to do something. And sometimes I’d like to slap myself for saying that again but I don’t know, it just comes out “naturally.”

But you see, it brings me good sometimes. Haha! Our wedding was a short 3-months preparation, and my expertise to handle things on the “last minute” gave me all advantages while we were planning for the wedding. Haha!

I’m not proud of it in any way, but it’s who I am. I’ve learned to live with it, and though it puts me to good and bad a lot of times, it’s my nature – there are times when I fight it off and get successful, and yes there are times when I just can’t.

Like posting this blog, if I don’t hit the publish button anytime soon, this will probably end up in my drafts folder again.

There’s the timangs – we fondly call ourselves timangs when we were in highschool, simply because we’re most likely to do crazy things than behave like normal girly teenagers. Our “trip” would range from walking side by side and covering our nose when someone walks to us, to eating weird foods and singing our hearts out — and destroying a friend’s bed. Haha.

I take comfort in the fact that the friends I had in highschool — during my Jeddah days are my friends forever. No matter the distance, the bond will always be there. Our wedding was made more special because of them – imagine after six long years of not seeing each other, they made a special effort to be with us on our wedding day. It was a wonderful feeling walking down the aisle, knowing that there are people in there who witnessed my growing up years – friends who witnessed my first heartbreak, my crazy antics — were there to witness another stage in my life.

But of all my timang friends, Beh became the closest. I still feel guilty leaving her in Baguio, but I know she forgave me already (right, beh?) Hehe! She’s my confidant, and I just know I can tell her anything in the world and she wouldn’t judge me. She’s my salamin – very odd nickname, but in all essence, she is my mirror. She tells me what I need to know regardless of how it may sound. The effort she made just to attend my wedding – she almost quit her job! It’s amazing and something I’ll never forget, ever.

Of course, there were a couple of good friends I met after that… some I got to know in a short time, some I thought I knew – those sorts of things.

And then I met people online, which ironically, became my very best friends up to now. Crazy people who believed that friendships on virtual world can exist in real life – and we proved, no matter how many eyebrows were raised, that it’s not where you meet the people, it’s how you nourish the relationship that counts.

It’s crazy how they saw me mature – from a super crybaby to a not-so-crybaby-anymore. (Admit it, I’m not that crybaby anymore!) They were there when I felt like I was on the verge of breaking up – and they helped me recover and stitch me back into place. They were more than brothers and sisters that I could ask for. Because of them – I believed in magic, in destiny – I just know we were meant to become friends.

Bunsoi and I have developed a ‘link’ already. I just find it really magical that he knows just when I need him the most. On most nights, I won’t have to text him or give him a call to let him know that I’m sad, it’s just automatic. It’s either  he’ll be online or he’ll send me a text. And bunsoi is not the type of person I can answer “I’m okay” when I’m not, he’ll just know. And I’m not a very good liar when it comes to him. He know me too effin well.

My friends are all crazy people, but I still love them. With them, I can laugh out loud – like very, very loud, and they won’t judge. I can tell them my crazy stories and they will tell me theirs.

I guess that’s why we’re friends. We’re all crazy and insane, and that makes the friendship more fun and exciting.

Day 03 – A picture of you and your friends.

All I have is the faith that he’ll make it home safe and sound, that pretty soon he’ll meet Bob and see how amazing his son in law is. I’m not sure if it’s this week or the week after, all I know is that soon, he’ll be here.

It’s a torture not to think about him, if he’s okay — but we’ve come this far to back out now. We just have to trust God and know that his Will always works out the best for those who loves him.

I miss my Papa.

Lately, I realized that I delete a lot of person from my friend list in facebook. I’m down to 200 friends, I think? I made sure that everyone on my friends list are really people I get to talk to every now and then, and not just an acquaintance or a friend of a friend.

Anyway, so here’s my version of “What I hate on FB” list:

• Tags - If it has nothing to do with me, then don’t tag me! There are a lot of people who edit a picture of themselves, put flowers and other decors on the picture then would tag a lot of people! I mean, wtf. What do I have to do with that picture? You are very well aware that it appears on my photos, right? I mean, hello? Can’t  you just wait for people to go to your page and view the picture on their own? Do you really have to tag people? And what’s up with the brightness? It looks as if someone just blared a spotlight on your face.
• Crazy applications – So you sent me a mocha frappe or a hug – and a cute puppy. Then what? I know, it’s cute – at first! But when you spend awful lot of time deleting those posts from your profile, it becomes annoying. Really, what do you want me to do after you sent me a mocha frappe? Should I say, “This is delicious! Thank you!” And I’m really sorry, I know a lot of people loves “What God wants you to know” app, but seriously, it annoys me that you have to click an ad before you get to read His message for you. I don’t know, I just think that it’s bad to make profit out of that, and by subscribing to that app, we help that person make money out of God’s words. Not unless that person gives it to charity, diba? I don’t know, what’s your POV on this?
• People who comment and like their own status – Haha, fine, this is more of me being OC. I just don’t get the point of posting a status and then being the first one to like it and comment. While it’s another thing to comment to add something to the status, that’s acceptable, but if it’s the other way around, like saying “Agree!” to your own status, come on. What’s up?
• Notifications - It’s a good thing that I learned how to manage the notifications. Before, I used to have a hundred notifications just because I “liked” something and then other people decided to make it a chatbox. It’s annoying really, that’s why FB has a chat option, or such thing as Yahoo Messenger existed. Why — for the love of God – make your comment box a chatbox?
• Relationship Updates – I find it really funny when one transitions from single to it’s complicated, to engaged, married and then single again in a week’s span. And I hate to see 10 year olds IN A RELATIONSHIP, or worse, married to their classmate. When Bob and I got engaged, we knew people won’t believe the engagement coz it’s something that people put on FB just for fun. In our case, our friends had to ask us pointblankly if we’re really engaged, and not like other couples who just feels like their engaged. I’m sorry if I’m hitting nerves here, but really, do you want to tell the whole world that you’re in a relationship then single the next day?
• Oversharing - Imagine reading this on your news feed: “OMG I’m so constipated, it hurts.”, “Such an amazing sex”, “When I burped I smelled dried fish”, “Brb – bathroom break!” Seriously, what’s up people? Seriously?! This morning, someone posted “I think my right breast is bigger than my left one.” Thank God she didn’t attach a photo.
• Speaking of photos, what’s with the sexy/seductive/almost nude photos? – I don’t know if they are aware about this simple rule: What you post online, you can never get back. If you post a picture of your bosom saying hello to everyone, imagine five to ten years from now, or maybe worse, when you have a kid already and he decides to google your name, and those pictures of you surfaced from google, what would be your reaction? What you post online, doesn’t mean it gets deleted when you delete them. Someone could save a copy on their harddrive and use it against you at one point. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.
• Friend Requests – If you don’t know me, or if we just said hello once, please save us both time and don’t add me, coz I won’t accept you anyway. Just because we have 50 common friends means we’re friends too, right? Right??
• People “liking” the post just for the sake of it. – I find it really funny when status updates like, “my head hurts” get a like or two from people. Seriously, what do you like about it?

Okay, I never thought my list would go this long. Hahaha! Well, it’s just refreshing to see that my news feed is now from people I really want to hear updates from, and it’s relieving to know that I won’t be stressing on facebook anytime soon.

Facebook is a really good site, it connects people – that’s the main reason why I’m still there despite the reasons stated above. It’s just about time that people learn how to use facebook and not turn it to a modern version of friendster.

Right?

Anyway, I apologize in advance if some posts here seem to be directed at someone, no. I’m just expressing my opinion, you’re free to do a list too if you want. :)

I wish I could say something deep as to where I got my blog name or why I wanted that blog name, like it was a sign given to me by the almighty universe, or I woke up from a dream and blurted that out for no reason, but unfortunately, it’s nothing like that.

It’s more of an impromptu decision, just me wanting to get over the registration page. Haha!

But anyway, this blog, Disturbing the Universe – when I blog, I feel that I send something across the universe, haha. I feel that whatever I right here, and whoever reads it means there’s a three-five minutes wasted on their time. It’s five minutes we can never get back! Oh poor soul.

Ack. I didn’t make sense. Lol.

I guess that’s the wonder of it.

When we were in Enchanted Kingdom, I told Bob “You’ll forever be my man-friend”. Haha. I told him he’s too old to be a “boy”friend, so he’ll be my man friend instead.

So nice noh, I have a husband and a manfriend and a best friend in one. How blessed can I get?

P.S.

Ack. I shouldn’t be blogging. I should be doing something else, I am now faced with the very difficult task of choosing photos for the wedding album, and everytime I look at the 2k+ photos here, I can’t help but procrastinate!

I’m starting a new mantra.. “ICanDoThiz.”

*rubs hands together*

Let’s do this.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1. My fear of insects is so high, it’s annoying. I am afraid of anything that moves, flies, or crawls. I don’t know, my level of paranoia is high whenever there’s a flying insect nearby. I can’t kill a cockroach, or if my loud scream could kill, I probably have killed a hundred. And spiders. There was one time that I shrieked really loud, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, all because of a spider. But it was large enough to be a creepy spider. Eek.
2. I am terribly afraid of cats – of course, this has to be another number. But what others don’t know about is that I used to be not afraid of cats. In fact, my cousins and I used to torture cats. I know, we’re young and we’re bad. We were like 6 or 7 years old then, and we would catch stray cats, tie a rope around their neck and walk them like they were dogs. Then I had a dream that all those feline got mad at me and scratch the hell out of my face. Since then, I screamed whenever a cat is within 5 meters.
3. When I speak, I’m bulol of Filipino language, but during my highschool days, I was actually awarded Writer of the Year in Filipino. I used to write pure tagalog essays, and I enjoyed doing it for some time. I’ll get back to writing in Filipino soon. Speaking of Filipino, I don’t know but for some reason, I get really low grades in that subject. Haha. Bob used to laugh at my exam papers.
4. I have a love-hate relationships with airports. As an OFW kid, I think of it as a place where my happiness begins and ends. There’s an unexplainable feeling when we go there to pick up my mom, the level of anticipation is so high, it’s almost heaven. But the feeling of extreme sadness whenever we go there to bring mom to the airport is so unbelievably painful, it’s like hell. So yeah, the airport is one place on earth where you can feel like a giddy first grader, or a confused/deranged college graduate. Sorry, those were the comparisons I could think of right now.
5. I made my first ever “novel” when I was in second year highschool. It was about a group of friends and their messy love life. I don’t know what happened to the book, it got lost somehow. But there were only a couple of friends who actually got to read that piece of crap. Haha. Thank God. Then there’s a folder on my laptop where I save my short stories, but one day I just decided to delete it permanently. I didn’t save a copy. I wanted to start brand new.
6. I have extremely short patience. It was never my virtue. Example, when I see a long line at the counter, and I’m only buying a couple of things, I’d rather leave it and go some other time than to fall in line and wait. This happens a lot too in ATM, I’d rather look for another machine and pay the fees than to wait. It’s such a blessing that I married a man with extremely long patience. It’s a mystery.
7. I have more ‘drafts’ than ‘published’ blogs. There are days where I would type something on my blog but not really have the guts to publish it. Usually, it’s about my sad days, or when I feel emotional as hell, and usually, before I even finish typing it, I would feel better already and I feel that there’s no sense to posting it. Maybe someday I’ll get to post one from the past, and let’s just laugh at it.
8. I tried learning the guitar – thrice – and failed each time. The first time I tried to learn the guitar was when I was in first year college. I bought a guitar from a sale, a birthday present for myself. Then when I came back from vacation – it was already broken. The second time was when I just bought Bob his guitar – I tried to learn but it’s just not my thing. The third time, and probably the last, was weeks before our wedding. We originally planned that Bob and I would do a duet and would play the guitar. Well, so much for that.
9. I spent 6 years looking for a book, “Love You Forever”. For 6 years, I would look at every bookstore, booksale, and look for the book. It was first introduced to me by my college professor – whom I loved dearly, and when I heard the news that she passed away, somehow my search for the book became more sentimental for me. She was the first prof who told me, “What are you doing in Journalism? You’re meant to be for Psychology.” When I emailed Bob Munsch about the book, I told him I’m his number 1 fan. I realized now that I am second.
10. I have extreme fondness for kids. And maybe that’s the reason why I got involved in charity works and eventually decided to build our own – Project 20. There’s something about a child’s smile that would take you to heaven in a minute. They smile at you and you feel that everything in life is easy, that there’s no problem you can’t bear. Their innocence is something you know you’ve had in you before and you just wish you have till now. It’s happiness, right in front of you, and you don’t even have to do anything spectacular to get it.
11. I attend wakes – but never really looked inside a coffin. No matter how hard you push me to look inside, I won’t. And they say it’s the last time you’ll ever get to see the person, but I just don’t buy that. I tell people I’m scared – but the truth is, I have a very harsh memory – I want to preserve the memory of them, alive and smiling – rather than the one lifeless and stagnant. I never cried at funerals, too.
12. I’ve been blogging since 2007 but I was never really able to write a decent “About Me” type of blog. This is the closest, probably. And right now, I’m even wondering if I can make it to fifteen. On job interviews, this is the question I dread the most. I mean, how do we even say who we really are? I believe that getting to know oneself is a long process – and everyday is a getting-to-know-myself type of day, there’s always something new about yourself that you get to discover once in a while. Like the Elay I described years ago is not exactly the same as the one typing this blog right now.
13. I lived on my own for a year – at Baguio. I learned a lot, and most of the times, I had to learn it the hard way. My parents had to pull me out of Baguio and tried to alleviate the situation by making me live with my relatives, but still – lots of shit happened. Looking back, I’m not really regretting the decisions I’ve made, of all the mistakes I’ve done, coz it helped me become who I am right now. I want to believe that all those wounds made me even stronger, even better.
14. I grew up in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia – I don’t know if this is really an interesting fact about myself, but I do believe that it defines a great deal of who I am right now. Yes, I was able to ride a camel, once or twice in my life – it’s scary and fun at the same time. Do you know that camels kneel infront of you so you can ride on their back? Haha. I still haven’t found a shawarma here that tastes just like the shawarma back there, but I’m not losing hope, I’m still looking. Seriously, those were the best years of my life – that’s the only time the four of us really lived under one roof. All the while, it was either Papa was abroad, or both of them. The entire time I was in Jeddah – I felt like I was living my fairy tale, and no matter how many villains got to my life, I knew it was very well worth it.
15. I am married to a very wonderful guy named Robert Thomas Sagun. We got married a month ago, it wasn’t a glitch-free wedding, but it was very perfect in my eyes. It wasn’t perfect because we hired the best suppliers for the wedding, it was perfect because of the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Everybody asked me what it felt like when I was walking down the aisle, but in all honestly, it was beyond any adjective can describe. All the while, I knew that my gown was about to fail on me, I knew that I was going to trip any minute, but when my eyes locked with Bob and I saw him smiling there – everything became a breeze, everything was easier than expected. I looked at his eyes and I know that I made the right decision.

And since that was my last post – and the instruction did say “recent” – here’s a picture of that magical day.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

It was midnight, I remember. Our power supply was on and off, and we had to unplug all appliances because we were too afraid that something bad will happen. God, electricity comes off in every five minutes, and it was around 1am (or so) when it went to a full halt. I should be able to sleep well since it wasn’t that hot, oh you made sure of that right? But the wind was too strong, it scared the hell out of me. Why, Basyang, why?

I kept thinking about our roof, I worried on what would happen if it flew to our neighbor’s car or something like that – and God, the wind – it’s the kind of whistle I never want to hear, ever again.

They said you were weaker than Ondoy, well Thank God. But wait, there’s something I have to show you.

I should have taken a better picture when it was fresh, barely hours after your showdown, but my camera’s battery died on me (and so does everything else – battery wise), so this was a better version of it already.

You see, this tree managed Ondoy and Pepeng, how strong you must be to knock it down. Oh, and this lovely subdivision where I’m at, you almost knocked every tree down. Nice, yes?

Oh, and that’s the remains of our roof. The one we spent a lot for? Yes, all gone – and we couldn’t find the other pieces already. They were all over the place.

But anyway, this is not really that much of a hate letter. You did us good too, in some ways. I’m glad that you’re not as strong as Ondoy, and that you’re  not making a Pepeng-exit, no u-turns, please? To look at the brighter side of it, there were less casualties, and electricity was back in a day and a half (not like Ondoy, it was 3 long days!)

And on a personal note, there’s really something I quite enjoyed while you were here.

Around 2am, beside the horrifying sound of the wind, I couldn’t fall asleep because I am so not used to not having the aircon on. We couldn’t open the windows since it was scary as it is, there’s no need for further torture. Bob – ever so sweet of Bob, looked for a fan and started fanning for me until I fell asleep.

And while he was trying not to fall asleep before I do – he started telling me stories of what he could remember from his childhood days. He started from Grade 1! I find his memory really epic clear, I couldn’t remember a thing from my grade 1 days! And there he was, making me laugh with his stories. He told me – at first grade, when he and his twin found out that there was someone harassing their Ate Sasa, they made sure they get her revenge. While the ‘guy’ was peeing – they kicked him in the butt – he fell into the drainage, his wanky still out in the open – then they ran as fast as they could. Poor guy couldn’t do anything coz his fly was open. Haha! It was funny, just thinking of it.

I managed to last until his fourth grade stories before I finally dozed off to sleep.

When I woke up, I saw him still holding the fan -and I just felt so loved by this guy.

And then the terrifying thought of spending the whole afternoon, with no electricity – came into my mind. But we were doing fine, really – until we ran out of things to do. We already played with the dogs, ate every minute, and ran out of stories to tell.

We slept around 2pm and I woke up at 4pm, then a brilliant thought came to mind.

I got the face and body crayons I got as gift on our wedding (it was a very nice gift of school supplies from my dear friend, for Project 20) – I just vowed to find the same crayons and replace it. I started drawing on Bob’s arms – haha! and then I drew a “superman” emblem on his naked tummy. :))

He woke up and said, “Ah, ganyanan ah!” And he got a crayon and started doodling on my arm. In all fairness, his drawing was much, much better than mine.

Then we saw a set of clay – then we started playing with it. And this was – well, my masterpiece. At least I made a couple?

Then look how trashy it became when Bob finished doing his model:

Ah, look at that. With shades, muscles and all – I forgot to take the back part – it has a butt!

Fastforward to night time, it was getting really hot, so we decided to do a mini-adventure. We set up a mini-tent/fort at the roofdeck. It was really cold there, I tell you.

Then around 10pm, I woke up to the sight of lightning – so I woke them up and we headed downstairs and settled in the annoying humidity inside.

My body was craving so much for electricity that I woke up a second after it got back, haha. Then we checked our mails and then – with the familiar comfort of the AC, I dozed off to my really perfect slumber.

So all in all, Basyang, you were a mixture of good and bad – and I’m just glad it’s over.

Really, when do we draw the line? How come something as good as this can become something so unacceptable these days?

• When was the last time you actually talked to the person beside you in an elevator? That instead of waiting for the doors to open, you actually talked to the person and asked them how their day was? Or were you too busy counting the floor numbers to notice that there’s another human being in there with you?
• When was the last time you replied when a complete stranger asked you how your day was? Did you answer them back with a smile or do you think of them as a sick maniac?

Again, when and where do we draw the line? Since when has “Hello Beautiful” become something offensive rather than complimenting?

• You have twenty and fifty peso bill on your hand and a beggar approaches you. She’s stick thin and by the looks of it, you knew she was starving. Do you give the twenty or the fifty? Or do you search your pockets for coins?
• When was the last time you paid a tricycle driver more than the usual fare, just because he chit-chatted with you along the way and made you laugh with his corny jokes and stories?
• The last time you gave up your seat for an old woman, a pregnant lady or just someone you think had enough bullshit for the day.
• The last time someone asked you for directions and you actually made an effort to give her the best directions to the place. And not just a simple turn left –turn right instruction.
• The last time you enjoyed a really good meal that you asked for the Chef and paid him your respects and compliments?

The truth is, I don’t even know where I’m leading this blog entry to. It’s 10pm and these thoughts came breezing into my head and I just had to type it before it runs out again.

I have no answers – to why.

I could say that I have a thing or two from the list that I was able to do recently, and some that I haven’t – in my entire life. Like offering my shoulder to a stranger, it seems really easy to do – but in this time, in this fast-paced world, I don’t know if it’s still possible. That’s why I’m asking you – have you done it? Or at least considered it?

It’s sad to think of something as sweet as this can be perceived in a negative way today. But we all just shrug our shoulders and say, “That’s the way it goes”, but really, since when?

We felt a little better – I don’t know if it has something to do with us feeling really getting better or it’s just our body responding to our weekly activities.

Original plan was Baguio. But that was too impromptu and we didn’t want to spend that much either, so we decided to stay safe and just watch a movie and have a really good dinner instead.

Out of curiosity’s sake, we watched Eclipse. I didn’t expect anything good out of it, and thank God that I didn’t, coz I got bored all throughout the movie. I think the reason why they made Edward and Bella’s kissing scene rampant throughout the movie is to keep “people’ like me from falling asleep.

At least,  Jacob’s abs didn’t fail me, that’s one thing.

I noticed that there were many kids in the theater with us. Kids with parents of course, but really, I don’t know why parents would take their innocent children to the movie, Bella is not exactly the type of “role model” you’d like to show to your kids, diba? I mean, all throughout the movie, her named was spelled B-I-T-C-H. It bothered me that a girl – if I’m right she’s just about ten – almost screamed when she saw Jacob’s abs. I mean, come on.

I might be so much of a killjoy, but seriously, the movie made Bella look so bitchy (not that she isn’t in the book, I’ve read it). Maybe it’s just more disgusting to see it in action. You don’t kiss another man while you’re fiancee is just few meters away. Goodness, you don’t kiss another man even if your fiance is hundred miles away. No – you just don’t kiss another man – period. And you don’t say “I love you more.” You say I love you. Period. Damn the pain he was giving Jacob by making him hold on. It was too obvious she didn’t want him to let go. Poor guy – I mean, werewolf.

And the whole soul thing, I get that. But going to my previous point – it’s not exactly what I’d like my children to watch if ever. And need I say more about Bella’s big V? Thank God Edward was so “oldschool”.

On second thought – maybe I’d let my kids watch it and make it a very good example of WHAT NOT TO DO. Yeah, that can work.

I tried comparing the movie and the book but I just couldn’t remember exactly what’s in the book, I don’t know, I’m not a bad reader, I remember a lot of stories but this one, I’m not surprised I don’t. (I’ll stop here before this blog becomes the target of twihard fans.)

Anyway..

Had a very good dinner at… sorry, I forgot the name of the restaurant. It’s our first time to eat there and we enjoyed it so much. It was a steakhouse, kaya Bob was on a hype about it.

Then we went home with flyers from different real estate developer. Bob and I specifically took the ones for a condominium, who knows diba.

Sumasakit na naman tenga ko. Overworked?

That’sitgoodnight. :)

Her marriage was breaking apart, she hesitated to tell me about it since I am a newly wed – and she was afraid she’ll spoil my moment with her rants. But I practically begged her to share. I told her, “It’s fine, go on and share – it won’t spoil anything.”

She told me how things became different when she got married, how she wasn’t able to do the things she used to do and how she missed doing it. She told me about a lot of things, really. And at the end, she was asking for my help. She asked me, “Why did you get married?”

This was something I didn’t need to think about. The answers came out naturally and even I got surprised at how I was able to detail everything to her.

I told her,

I got married because I love the person so much. I got married because Bob is the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And it doesn’t bother me that I might not be able to do some things on my own – coz I never really wanted to. I don’t consider it as a lack of enjoyment, instead I find pleasure in doing things WITH Bob. I can’t imagine myself doing it all alone and having the same fun as much as I do now.

But of course, I crave for me-time. And Bob is there to support me whenever I want to have some alone-time. He never ever asked me to stay at home for him. He knows the value of being out with friends, and he respects that.

I can still invite friends over for the night, imagine that.

She said I was lucky.

She asked me what my thoughts on marriage was – and divorce.

I told her, marriage isn’t supposed to “not work out”, because you’re supposed to make it work til the very end. You’re supposed to take care of each other – but never fail to take care of yourself in the process. Love doesn’t have an end. The vow you said in the church clearly states for better or for worse, so why suddenly bail out just because things are not going as planned?

Love is a verb – it’s an action word.

There was silence in her end for a long time. I thought she went offline already. But a few hours after that, she sent me a message.

“We’re going on a honeymoon. I know this is oversharing but I want you to know that we’re working it out. Because you were right, we did say for better or for worse.”

I am no pro. I just got married a month ago. I am not naive – I know there will be major storms coming our way. But I know that Bob is here with me and we’ll brave the storms come what may.

Coz that’s why we got married – we just know we can beat the odds.

But I hate spam more.

My spam counter has reached 2,503 spams in just a month. And this I have to settle with each time I log on my dashboard. So to prevent spam, I had to put captcha codes in my blog comment form.

Pasaway na mga spam.

It’s gotten worse since yesterday. I caught Bob’s flu narin. Now I have cough and colds and my ear hurts as hell whenever I sneeze or cough. :(

I haven’t had any decent sleep since last night, for some reason, I kept waking up because of the pain.

The last time I checked, it’s still swollen. I’m thinking of finally going to my old doctor, he knows my right ear too well.

Argh. Sick on weekends? So not cool. :(

Around 6pm today, I was feeling really sick already that I told Bob not to wake me up kahit anong mangyari, not even for dinner coz it’s really hard to fall asleep with this kind of pain.

And then at around 6:30, barely even slept a wink, I felt Bob sit beside me and said, “Mameh, di ba talaga kita pwedeng gisingin kahit anong mangyari?”

I thought that was a stupid question until he said, “May babasahin lang ako sayo”.

Again, I thought it was our Meralco bill that shoot up to 10k but no.

“A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.”

I turned around and saw him holding a copy of Love You Forever! I screamed, and I totally forgot how sick I was!

“Get the laptop! I’ll take pictures!!!” That’s what I said as soon as my fingers landed on my very own copy of the book. My own SIGNED copy of the book!

I tell you, it’s made of pure awesomeness!!!

Then there’s heaven right inside of it:

Omygoodness.

I was so happy I even took a picture of the envelope! Hahaha!

Sorry about the blurred pictures, I got so excited that I didn’t even thought of using a digicam. I used the laptop’s camera. Hahaha!

My excitement is just overflowing right now. It’s way way different when Bob answered my email and asked for my address, it’s a different feeling now that it’s right here, right beside me! I can finally read it on paper! Hahaha!

My sister said, “Para kang nakakita ng artista sa sigaw mo!” But it’s true, I’ve never been this huge fan of any celebrities, I never asked for a signed CD or poster or anything, but this book.

It means so much to me that in the very near future, I’ll be able to read this book to little Elays and Bobs, and then tell another story of how I was able to get it. Grabe na to.

Happiness!!!

It means tomorrow is weekend, and we’re supposed to be somewhere, having fun!

But instead, we’re at home, okay lang sana yung stay at home lang, pero it’s different when you’re sick! Nakakairita ng sobra. :(

The colds I got from Bob is making everything worse. Di ako maka-blow kasi sumasakit yung tenga ko everytime! And when I sneeze, grabe, napakasakit!

Hayy. I really don’t like this feeling. I’ve been on my bed since this morning.

Hay..

I thought it was just my lack of attention-skills but apparently, I was wrong.

It started few days ago, I noticed my right ear was itchy. And the problem with me is that no matter how many times they told me to stay away from cottonbuds, I still can’t control myself.

So yesterday, while “cleaning” my ears, I felt a bit of pain in my inner ear and there was already a bit of blood when I took out the buds.

Of course, di ko pinansin, this wasn’t the first time that I injured my right ear. I thought it’ll be fine in a couple of hours, but no. It went worse. Nagkaron ako ng bukol sa may ear ko, they said it was kulani or lymph node na clear sign of infection already. It was fine and tolerable for the first few hours, pero nung gabi na, that’s when I felt the stabbing pain inside my ear, like every movement was painful. And no matter what side I sleep in, it would hurt. I was crying already because of the pain.

This morning, when I woke up, I saw that the right side of my face was already swollen, and when I went to the CR to brush my teeth, sobrang di ko na mabukas yung bibig ko. I wasn’t able to eat breakfast and lunch because of the pain, lack of appetite and maybe I was getting paranoid every minute.

Come lunch time, I felt that my right ear was “blocked”, I couldn’t hear anything from it. I told Joy to talk directly on my right ear but I just felt that there was something blocking it from the inside.

The feeling was weird. I was getting paranoid, I don’t want to lose my sense of hearing. Not even partially.

I was afraid to go to my old doctor, coz he would scold me and say it’s the same thing again (note that this was not the first time I injured my right ear, but this was the worst.)

I remembered he told me, “Pag pumunta ka pa dito na yang right ear mo pa ulit ang problema, I’ll cut it off.” Haha. I know, stupid of me to be afraid of him because of that. pero siguro I was more afraid of getting “I told you so’s” from him and other people kaya I insisted of having it checked here in Antipolo, under a new doctor.

To make the long story short, the doctor said I badly injured my inner ear and thank God that my eardrums are still okay. He told me that the reason why I felt something was blocking my ear was because it was already inflamed inside. Hindi na muna niya kinalikot coz I would be screaming in pain daw, instead he gave me some antibiotics first and some ear droplets to lighten the case, then saka na daw niya kakalikutin.

So I’ll be deaf by the right ear from today till next week. I tell you, sobrang nakakairita. Tipong ayaw mo na lumabas ng bahay.

Examples:

While we were at western union, I just nodded and nodded sa lahat ng sinasabi ng teller, but I didn’t understand him at all. I just knew what he was saying coz it was the usual lines of a teller, but aside from that, di ko talaga alam.

Then when riding a tric home, I said “Sa Lores po” and I freaked out when I heard manong driver said, “Ka cute naman” When in fact he said, “Executive po?”

I knew about that when Joy said, “Hindi, sa Ever po.”

And need I tell you about how we went grocery shopping afterwards? Di ko maintindihan yung mga staff kung anong tinatanong nila sakin! Our budget of 1k para sa konting kulang sa bahay, it went double! Pagdating sa counter, 2k+ ang binayaran namin. Turns out puro 1 kilo pala yung binili ko. Haha!

Anyway, so this is the price I pay for my pasaway deeds. I had to pay 1k+ for the chekup and medicines. I am on complete house arrest for one week. I won’t be able to go out kasi prone to infection pa daw ang ear ko, so I just have to stay at home til it’s okay.

On a sidenote, Bob is also sick. Sipon+Ubo is not a good combination for him. Nahawa na ko sa sipon niya and that made my pain worse kasi everytime I sneeze, sumasakit yung tenga ko. Bob is also on meds right now. Nakakatawa kami coz I want to take care of him and he wants to take care of me kaya lang we’re both sick. Hay, ang hirap pala!

Note to self: Stay away from cottonbuds.

But now that we’re back on track, we need people to help us get to 100% working order.

To be able to give you a clearer picture of what happens behind Project 20 – let me give you this:

There’s four of us.

Haha! Sorry, I just realized that this is the only picture of the four of us together. :)

Bob, Mako, Gox and I – usually, we plan activities on YM. Over a conference chat. Of course, there would be a lot of goofing and LOL moments on the side, but nevertheless, at the end of the day, there’s a plan for something. And usually, we get to execute the plans ourselves too. The only time we call for help is when we need volunteers.

And though di naman kami nagrereklamo, I honestly think that this is the most comforting task on earth – planning how to make a child happy – we do realize that it’s time for Project 20 to expand and meet more friends.

So we’re looking for new members, new brainstormers.

Qualifications? Actually, there’s none. You don’t have to own a bachelor’s degree to help, nor do you need to submit this and that.

Ay, wait – meron pala.

Good heart for kids.

Project 20 is all about making children happy. We do not limit our possibilities, we do not limit our beneficiaries. From street kids to cancer patients, to orphans – we try to help them all. It is a plus if you like being with kids (I mean, who doesn’t?)

What’s in it for you?

Sad to say, we don’t have funds for salary, so this is like signing up for a free job. But what we can promise you is by the end of the day– by the end of an activity — you’ll have a heart bouncing up and down for joy. Trust us, the feeling is beyond words.

The goal is to meet at least once a month to plan activities. Our target is to conduct minimum of two activities each month. It can be as simple as storytelling to as grand as feeding program/gift giving, it doesn’t really matter as long as we’re able to help out in our own ways.

And since we’re kids of technology, expect that most meetings (informal ones) will happen on YM Conference chat.

If you’re interested, please do send me an email at info@proj20.org — or my personal email at elaypabico@shirtgrafx.com.

I didn’t notice this picture until Ate Kia pointed out the two lovebirds at the back, apparently – kissing. Haha! And I looked at the album in my pc and saw that I actually caught them on cam – every step of the way. Lol!

I opened my email and saw that there were actually people asking me how I got to plan our dream wedding in a very budget-friendly way.

To be precise, our wedding was less than 200k. This, considering I have everything I wanted – Onsite videos, etc. In a modern setting, 200k is the MINIMUM budget for a wedding. I know of weddings that go as high as 500k or 1m.

So how did we do it? Let me summarize the basics.

• First of all, we conditioned ourselves that our wedding won’t be in the “limelight” of weddings, we acknowledged the fact that for a budget this modest, we won’t be able to get high-end suppliers, those with talent fees starting at 100k is automatically out of our list, no matter how much we want them.
• But we did realize, for one, that the truth is – WE CAN FIND SUPPLIERS WITH THE SAME QUALITY, but not the same suicidal amount. The great thing about this budget is that we were able to work around it – and find people who do excellent jobs but not pay as much. We’re confident to say that our major suppliers – like photo and video – we got for a low price but their talents are purely exceptional.
• We knew, when we started the wedding that ours will be a LOCAL wedding. We chose a parish that’s near our place, we decided to have the reception at our very own clubhouse, and all other suppliers were our friendly neighborhood florists, etc. Also, take note that there were a lot of things DIY…
• The biggest discount in a wedding planning is having GREAT FRIENDS who willingly do stuffs for you, for free.

I think the common misconception about wedding planning is this – that you have to get “Insert Famous Photographer Here” to get quality photos. But we have to consider the fact that before “That Famous Photographer” got to where he is right now, he was also a newbie, and some bride just took a chance to get his services and voila – he became a sought-after photog.

Also, I think what we often miss is the whole point of the WEDDING – it is, above all means, TO GET MARRIED. No matter how cliche or how baduy it sounds, at the end of the day, it won’t matter if “That famous photographer” took a picture of your first dance, your first kiss as husband and wife – the point is you were able to do it in front of God. That feeling of happiness is the real essence of the wedding. That- knowing you have married the right prince after kissing all those horrible frogs.

Now, to be accurate, let me summarize what we got for our less than 200k wedding.

Photo and Video Coverage – Aqua Pro Digital Studio

• Two Digital Professional Photographers
• Full Digital Photography with unlimited shots saved in Photo DVD
• Best of 200 to 250 digital photos
• 40 pages of modern digital layout (11×14)
• Imported leather magnetic photo album with special casing.
• 8×10 digital Guestbook (leather type)
• 16×20 Blow up portrait in canvas and imported frame.
• Two Digital Storybooks for parents copy
• Use of 3ccd broadcast quality digital video camera
• Two digital professional videographers
• Full non-linear multi layered high-end editing in DVD Format
• Free Mini DVD master tapes
• Free TY Cards
• FRee Tarpaulin
• Free complete studio gallery set up
• Free prenuptial shooting and AVP in DVD Format
• ONSITE VIDEO

Food and Beverages – Martha’s Plate Catering Services

• Food for 150 pax
• Elegantly designed tables with centerpieces
• Couple’s table
• 6 viands + Free salad bar
• Cake

Hair and Make Up – Ulysses Sariego

• Airbrush Make Up
• Bride and Groom + 3 heads
• Unlimited Retouch (Church and Reception)

Lights and Sounds – RejectKrew

• SOUND SYSTEM
• 4 units kevler MRX15 professional speaker with stands (800 watts each)
• 1 unit behringer ep2500 professional power amplifier (1200 watts per channel)
• 1 unit lexus audio power amplifiers (500 watts per channel each)
• 1 unit allen & heath 16-channel live/pa professional audio mixer
• 1 unit kevler compressor gate limiter audio processor
• 1 unit phonic digital reverb effects
• 2 units trident 2 channel professional 31 band equalizer
• 1 unit kinetic audio 3-way active crossover
• 1 unit sharp mebius laptop with genuine windows xp and original pc dj software
• 2 units numark professional dj cd-player
• 1 unit phonic 3-channel dj mixer
• 2 units shure PGX series wireles microphones
• 4 units shure sm58/samson r21 microphones with mic stands
• 1 crate of 14 gauge royal cords w/ speakon connectors
• 1 sony 6-channel pro mic mixer (back-up)
• LIGHTING EFFECTS (mood lights, effect lightings, fx )
• 2 units lightsky 575HMI moving head effect lighting
• 2 units ace lite gobo projector special lighting effect
• 12 units par lights (with colored gel filters)
• 1 bubble machine effects
• 1 antari fog machine
• 1 unit electronic dimmer / lighting controller
• 1 unit DMX lighting controller

Bridal Gown and Accessories – Ikasal by Jerome Figueroa

• Bridal Gown + Complete Accessories
• Groom’s Suit + Complete Accessories (brief nalang kulang, haha)
• Entourage dresses (rental)

Entourage Dresses – Porang in Divisoria

• We got all bridesmaid dresses for 400 each. Ready made.
• Flower girl dresses for 350 each.

Flowers – Jackie and Julie’s Flowershop

• This is exactly what I meant by friendly neighborhood florists. Please take note that the following package I got from her cost me 3.5k only.
• Bridal Bouquet + Throw Away Bouquet
• Hand tied Bouquet for all female entourage (6 Bridesmaids, 2 MOH, 9 Ninang, 2 Parents, 3 Secondary Sponsors) — ang dami!
• Basket with flowers/petals for the flower girls
• Buttonaires for Groom and all male entourage
• Bridal Car Bouquet
• Headpiece for all flowergirls

Church – San Antonio de Padua Parish, Antipolo

• Red carpet + Flower Decor for 5k Only
• Choir (they sang all throughout the mass and even after the wedding – during picture taking.)

Reception – Mission Hills Clubhouse

• All day reservation + after event swimming
• No extra charges (Electricity)
• Very lenient

On the Day Coordination/Emcee – Artist Gallery Events Coordination

• Well, at least they tried to “coordinate” our wedding. Haha! They got low ratings from me in w@w because of their poor performance on our wedding.

So if you can see, we got pretty much what we wanted to have for the wedding. At the end of the day, when Bob and I were at the hotel, we had the onsite video on loop and we were able to upload it agad on Facebook for those who didn’t get to see the wedding. Ours was a modest budget but it covered everything we wanted and more.

I really believe that a couple should not postpone a church wedding because they can’t afford to do so. Church weddings aren’t supposed to be expensive.

You don’t pay for God’s blessing.

For the brides out there – take a minute to assess what you really want for the wedding. Is it something you’d like for all the GUESTS to remember, or is it something you’d look after to all the years of your life – with your HUSBAND.

It’s true that weddings are once in a lifetime experience. If you have the money to spend for it, go. But if you don’t and you still want a wedding, just be realistic… and try to stick to the budget.

I hope this post helped in some way, and were able to answer the questions you may have right now.

Just remember,

It’s your day. No one else can make it more special than the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle.

When I would be too lazy to get up from bed. Haha!

Wasa is already here to help me with household chores. Sabi na nga ba at susuko din ako. We just split the chores, I still get to cook for Bob and do some laundry, hehe!

Im blogging from my phone. Actually Im just testing if this would work out.

Tamad. Haha!

I told Bob, “Can we afford to bring street kids here too?” When I saw those kids I immediately know who I’m going to bring to EK when I have the chance – I”ll bring Tanay Kids. Marciana kids to be exact. I still receive text messages from them til now, asking me how I’m doing, telling me how much they miss me, and occasionally asking if we’re going back and when.

Bob said, “We’ll try… why not?” And I just know that there’s 50% chance of making it a possibility.

Our target date is Sept 5. What a perfect way to celebrate my birthday noh? :)

Hay, pray for us. ;)

Bob and I met online – in this online game to be exact.

I remember downloading the game just because I wanted to deviate myself from my “boring” life. I looked at Level Up’s website (note that this was 2004) and saw most of the games were not my type – I’m not into killing avatars and yeah, those sort of stuffs. So I downloaded this game instead.

I remember my “engot” days where I would talk to an NPC and would wonder why he’s saying the same thing over and over again. I remember my first actual conversation with a person was when I tried to butt in a cybersex (between two females ah), grabe, bakit ko ba nakalimutan ang names nila? Hahah! They were teaching me how to remove the “trainer’s suit” and I got really freaked out kaya nag log out ako agad.

And then I met some real people, some bad ones – really bad ones – and for a short while, I got really hooked up and addicted to the game.

But now that it’s era has stopped, and the game has bid farewell, allow me to enumerate the things I’ve learned in OZWorld.

• OzWorld — or its people — taught me how to be myself. It’s strange how something virtual can show who you are in the real world.
• I met bad people – Thanks to OzWorld, I found out how to deal with these kind of peeps. I got stronger and more mature, I learned how to defend myself in words and actions. I learned to be vigilant.
• I met extra good people – in fact, most of my friends now are from this game. It’s amazing how our friendships became from just virtual to being real and steady. To name a few : Bunsoi, Mako, Yaba, Bubie, Rae, Elaine, etc…
• I met Bob.

Wait – let me say that once again…

I met Bob!

Amazing how God planned everything. I could have met Bob somewhere else – but no, he chose to bring us together online. Distance didn’t matter. Bob was from Nueva Ecija and I was from Marikina.

When we tell other people that we met online, usually, we’ll get a raised eyebrow. A lot of people thought it was just a game, and that we’ll break it off eventually. Even my Mom thought I was kidding when I told her that I met Bob online. It was a love story you’d expect to end in a few months time. But no, God proved that it’s not WHERE you knew the person, it’s HOW you develop the relationships that count.

So thank you, OzWorld. It’s been a nice journey. Thank you for the lessons, adventures and misadventues.

This has been Mayten, now signing off.

Can you believe it’s been a month already since the wedding?

Today is exactly a month since I became Mrs. Sagun. I still get the “what’s the feeling?” question a lot of times, but it got topped over by the “when’s the baby” question recently.

But since I’m in the proper mood today, let’s answer both. :)

What’s the feeling?

Well, everyday you get to wake up each morning with your husband right beside you. It’s like having everything you need within arm’s reach. Happiness doesn’t have to be complicated now, a simple breakfast of toasted bread suddenly becomes a perfect ingredient for a perfect morning.

There’s a feeling of knowing he’s finally yours – forever. And now, forever is not that vague anymore. You know that no matter what happens, no matter what life brings you – you’ll have him. And the future is less scary now. You know that pretty soon you’ll have babies and the fact remains – YOU’LL NEVER BE ALONE ANYMORE.

Everyday, you get a look at your finger – and it’s not bare anymore. There, on your ring finger, lies the symbol of forever. You proudly show the wedding ring to anyone, and not because it’s a fine piece of jewelry, but because that piece of gold holds the promise you gave each other the day of the wedding – and no diamonds can ever top that feeling.

How does it feel to be a missus? It’s satisfying beyond words. It’s like you’ve became an updated version of yourself. Suddenly, a kitchen is not just a kitchen anymore. It becomes the place where you prepare special dishes for your family, it becomes your haven. Suddenly, a kiss is not just a kiss anymore, it’s beyond that – it’s magical.

Ahh.. I can put in a lot of adjectives to this feeling but it won’t make it any closer to what exactly I feel right now.

To put it simply, I guess – it’s like winning the lottery – when you didn’t even buy a ticket. ;)

For the next question, and I guess more complicated “When is the baby?” stuff.

I think it’s no secret, Bob and I wants to have a family of our own in the very near future.  Bob’s not getting any  younger, ahaha. But kidding aside, it’s been difficult for us. Mainly for me. I have a series of workups lined for me, and that’s not easy. For now, we stand by the thought that if it is God’s will, let his Will be done.

We’re taking this as a sign from God that we just have to enjoy each other’s company first before we spend sleepless nights caring for our little children. And that’s not a bad thing naman diba?

So soon, we’ll get to that.

But for now, everyday is a honeymoon. *wink*

As you would probably know by now (I think I posted this before already), Bob and I always make an effort to make everyday special – but weekends the most. Hehe!

I thought this weekend was the Max’s dinner we had last night, but I was wrong.

Bob TRIED to wake me up at around 5am, but he couldn’t wake me up. Nagalit pa nga ako eh. Hehe! He wanted to go out and find a resto at 5am! He’s hungry daw kasi and he wants to eat outside. But I told him, “Get real. Nasa bundok tayo.” Nung nasa Valenzuela kasi kami kahit anong oras meron kaming makakainan sa labas.

Anyway, to make the long story short. At around 7am, I took a bath and asked Bob, “Oh san tayo punta?” And then he said, “Enchanted?”

Next thing I know, we were on a van bound to Laguna.

We got there around 11am. Just in time for the park’s opening. We got so amazed at how easy it was to go there. All in all it was three rides from here. One FX ride to Cubao, then a Van from Cubao to Laguna – then a tricycle ride from there to Enchanted. We got there in less than 2 hours. Or maybe because it was a Sunday? Anyway..

You must forgive us for the low-quality pictures. All shots were taken from my Iphone coz we were too unprepared. Haha! Nasa hiraman ang digicam namin. ;)

The tickets were 500 pesos each. Haha! No time to back out coz we were already there. Naalala ko tuloy, weekend nga pala. So weekend rates tuloy. And since we got there pretty early, most of the rides were still closed – we surveyed the whole place muna… kahit super init!

It was Bob’s first time to go to Enchanted Kingdom. It wasn’t my first, though. Pang apat o limang punta ko na ata. But I was still young then. Haha! Notice that for the following pictures, halos puro si Bob na kasi naiinis ako pag siya hahawak ng phone ko. Ang tagal mag picture!

This one I asked the staff to take a picture of us. Muntik na sya magback out nung nakitang Iphone yung papahawak ko. Anyway, our first ride – Up, Up and Away. Had to take things easy kasi si Bob is so mahiluhin.

Then bump cars. Sorry, I forgot what it’s called. Bob’s favorite ride. But not mine. I bumped head on to another girl and sobrang nagasgas yung sa leeg ko because of the seatbelt. Nipis talaga ng balat ko. He practically begged me to ride again. So far dun sa pangalawa, hindi naman ako naaksidente, but God! Muntik na ko makasagasa ng bata!

Nagtime na kasi yung session, all other cars were on a halt na but not mine! I wasn’t even stepping on it. Tapos yung mga kids nagtakbuhan na. Thank God for my presence of mind! Dalawang bata yung naiwasan ko. Goodness, muntik na ko makabangga — ni hindi pa ko nagkakalicense! Hahaha!

Anyway… moving on…

This same picture — taken by a DSLR – processed into a PC – garnished with a border of Enchanted Kingdom — shelled out an automatic 200 pesos from our pocket. We later realized that all rides have “photographers” and will entice you to get the photos after… for 200 pesos? So not worth it.

Lunch at “Let’s Launch” — again, the staff didn’t want to hold my phone. Haha! Hence the quick shot. There’s still food at our mouths.

Perhaps there was something in the food that made us so giddy and hyper the next hours. Haha!

Semi-fail attempt to mimic the gorilla.

When it was my chance to pose near the gorilla, there were so many people already kaya nahiya ako. Hahaha!

More “wacky” shots:

Bob: Malaki rin ba ang booger nitong mamang to?

Me: Nothing falls off Dad. Matigas ang booger niya!

Lol to Bob. This time hindi na fail yung attempt niya to mimic the character. Haha!

Bob and I had a contest – kung sino ang mas konti ang basa sa katawan by the end of Jungle Log and Rio Grande. Be the judge. Hahaha!

Haha!

Okay, nawawala na ko sa sarili ko. I’m super sleepy na. But I have to finish this blog now or else this will be in my drafts folder forever.

Let me do a quick summary of what we were able to do for today.

• We were able to ride most of the rides – even the carousel nga eh! (It was raining kasi)
• I wanted to ride Flying Fiesta and the huge ferris wheel but Bob didn’t get swayed by my paawa effects. I don’t think he’s afraid of heights – nakasakay nga kami sa Anchor’s Away. Takot siya sa hilo, so I just asked him to promise me next time we’ll ride na.
• Got really funny sa Swan Lake. Dito naubos ang energy namin! No matter how hard we pedal, napupunta kami sa falls, we were stuck there for almost 10 mins bago kami makaalis sa may falls. Although di naman talaga kami nasahod dun sa falls, basta — dun yung direction ng punta namin. Haha!
• Umulan at around 2pm… ng sobrang lakas.

My brand new umbrella – 190 pesos! WTF.

• I think EK was praying for it – almost everyone I saw bought umbrellas. Kami rin. Haha!
• At 4pm, we heard Cherrie Gil (yes, starstruck) na magstorytell for kids. Haha! Mas nagenjoy pa nga ata ako.

• We also got tickets for the Magic Show at 7pm! Yiee!
• And it was a super good idea to have my picture taken with Simon before the show, coz right after the magic show, di na nakapag photo-op yung mga umattend. Major bwahaha moment for me! :))
• At around 6pm naman, we watched staff and crew of Enchanted perform OPM songs live at the Eldar Tent. They were really good performers! And it was during the end of the show na nung nalaman namin na all of them are from different departments, may galing ng maintenance, admin, etc. Cool noh?!
• After the magic show, we proceeded to the grounds naman to watch the fireworks display. And since we were so tired na, umupo kami sa sahig (just like other peeps) haha, and waited for the show. It was my first time to watch a fireworks display na nakaupo sa sahig. Cool pala ng effect. At siempre, pasweet pa kami ni Bob. ;)

All in all, it was exhausting – we fell asleep all throughout our way home – but it was fun! There were so many things that we were able to do today, and kahit na di ako nakapanood na naman ng Eclipse, this is way much better naman! Hehe! Thank you Dudad for making this happen. I know how hard you worked your ass off para bigyan tayo ng super day off ni Boss. ;) I love you!

P.S.

This was the worst 120 pesos ever spent in EK! I asked the attendant first what’s inside — kasi we have to pay 60 pesos each for a ticket. She said, “Jungle Adventure” and we got really excited so we bought two tickets.

Miss, whoever you are – ADVENTURE is not a studio of STUFFED TOYS and an obviously nervous/bored “tour guide”. ADVENTURE is not having to walk in a dark room with neon paints while the lady talks about lions and how they mate or how they look for food. That’s not adventure at all. I would appreciate it if next time someone approaches you to ask what’s inside, you answer them straight, “A couple of stuffed toys and neon lights, maam”. Oh and some robotic zebra. And “crocodiles” I didn’t even see because of the super poor lighting!”

And yung only consolation sana namin na magpicture sa headless cardboard sa labas, di man lang kami pinagbigyan na ipagpicture nung staff – bawal daw siya magpicture kasi may dslr siyang hawak — na kung magpapicture kami sa kanya is additional 199 pesos. WTF?

Okay, I’m really sleepy now.

PPS.

This was a very long post with a lot of poor pictures. Sorry. :)

The Ninang – the Inaanak and the Kumare. After a year of not seeing each other – finally! It’s funny how our friendship went to a sudden halt over something stupid (haha, I must admit). But that’s the thing with true friendships, no matter what happens – it always find a way.

We were supposed to go swimming last Thursday pa. Pero super late dumating etong si Abiduya kaya tuloy na-force overnight sila sa bahay. Hahaha!

Like ninang, like inaanak daw. But the whole time, nagtuturuan kami ni Abiduya kung kanino nagmana ng ugali si Yuna. Lalo na pag nagsusungit, eh siyempre sa nanay na yan! Hahaha!

While we were swimming – just 30 mins sa pool, biglang nagkulog and kidlat marathon sa langit. Haha! And since kami lang ang nasa pool, we decided to get out of the pool muna. Buti nalang may dumating na family. Kahit papano di kami masyadong natakot. We decided to wait til the rain and the scary thunder/lightning stop muna bago kami magswimming ulit.

Anyway, it was a fun (early) weekend for us. Looking forward to the next reunion – this time with my former officemates in Etel. Haha! Lagot.

I am in love with the world’s corniest joker.

In fact, I’m so inlove with him that I married him.

You see, that’s how it is with Bob – no matter how enormous our problem is, he always manage to crack a smile out of my already unexplainable face. No matter how serious everything is – he always, always makes it a point to break the ice with his huge reserves of corny jokes.

He cracks the world’s silliest jokes – but he never fails to make me laugh nonetheless. I think I always end up laughing at his facial expression or how he would beg me to laugh, or when he turns to his last resort: he tickles me just so I would laugh.

And I really think that this is a good thing. You do know that he is ten years older than me, right? But because of his sense of humor, he looks just like we’re of the same age, sometimes I even look older than him! Kainis diba?

I can’t grow old with this man. He will keep me young forever.

Well, I did some grocery shopping and realized that I enjoy doing these things nowadays. It’s like a super-alone time for me. I smiled and thanked every staff I asked favor from and figured I’ll do this more often now. Well, I admit I’m masungit – but only to those who don’t know their job well. I do appreciate good effort when I see one.

Anyway, I got home around 11am and started cleaning the house since then. It’s almost 2pm, we haven’t had lunch yet (sorry), and I’m not done cleaning the entire house. Actually, kitchen palang ang natapos ko. Haha!

I’m dead tired. I’m giving myself an hour off before I resume cleaning.

On a side note:

While Pres. Noynoy was saying his speech, I was mopping the floor.

I don’t know, it’s nothing special to me. All his promises are too good to be true. And I know most Filipinos would agree with me when I say, “Fuck off with the promises, just do a good job.”

Filipinos has heard enough. Maybe it’s time for some action.

Ack, we’re dead tired.

Haha. I had a sudden craving for Hansel Sandwich.

It used to be my favorite snack, I remember I even used it as codename for my crush back then. Goodness, I was 8 years old then? Or maybe younger. Hahaha!

I feel so old!

Today was supposed to be just another icecream session, but it was not.

As I entered the store, I immediately saw a little girl crying. If my estimate is right, she’s about 3-4 years old. I thought it was an ordinary tantrum scenario, but imagine my surprise when her mom hit her with an umbrella! A solid hit on her right abdomen, not pwet ah, RIGHT ABDOMEN. Tagiliran!

And the umbrella she was using to hit her child, it’s almost broken already! The father just stood there, not doing anything to stop her wife from hitting the child, and all the while the mom was saying, “Sige, ilakas mo pa iyak mo! Di ka na nahiya!”

I was dumbfounded. What? Yung bata pa ba ang mahihiya? Sya ba di siya nahihiya sa ginagawa niya?!

I was there long enough to discover that the child only wanted to share with her mom’s icecream! I discovered that when the father said, “Bigyan mo na kasi!” And the wife said, “Bilhan mo ng sarili niya!”

So all those hitting — all because she didn’t want to share her icecream with her child?! I would accept it if it was because the child has a flu or something and she’s not allowed to eat icecream. But this was a mom who wouldn’t share her icecream with her daughter. This was a mom who would hit her child with a solid umbrella just because she enjoys her icecream so much that she doesn’t want to share a tiny bit!

I was really devastated. I know that as a child, I was so pasaway din but never was I hit with an umbrella just because of that reason! It’s stupid and so uncalled for!

I didn’t want to butt in. The lady looked like she was so out of herself and I was afraid that if I meddle, she might hit me with her umbrella din! Haha! So what I did was I purchased two icecreams, one for the daughter and for the husband. And then I told the cashier to just give it to the kid and tell the Mom it was on house. I specifically asked him not to tell them that I paid for it.

That kid deserved more than an icecream for goodness sake!

That kid deserved love – and respect from her mom. That kid didn’t have to be hit in public just because of that single reason, and yes the mom can reason out however she wants to, she can tell me it’s her way of disciplining her child, but that’s just unacceptable!

At least not to me.

I didn’t stay to watch the cashier give the child her icecream. I’m not even sure if the mom let her child touch it, or if she did give it to that poor kid.

Maybe all I wanted was for the Mom to realize that some strangers would gladly buy her child icecream when she won’t even share half of it with her.

And oh, by the way, the mom was carrying two bottles of The Bar too.

And the icecream is worth 15 pesos.

Amazingly, I got texts and emails asking me what’s wrong, and what made me do a letter like that for Bob!

Okay, let me just clarify. There’s a HUGE misunderstanding here. Haha!

It was a work of fiction – a letter from PAIN, addressed to someone experiencing a lot of self torture. It was not a letter from me, to Bob. It has nothing to do with us or our relationship.

Sometimes, I just write about what I see around me, and that’s one product of it. Maybe it’s a failure on my part – but I did write in, “My name is Pain,” so I thought that would be a giveaway. Or maybe friends are just overly concerned about us kaya they immediately thought it was about us, something like that.

Funny coz I even made Bob read it before I had it published on this blog. Haha! And the look on his face while he was reading the first few paragraphs was just funny, he kept asking, “Did I do that?” and then when he came to the part, “I am Pain.”, He said, “Whew akala ko ako.” Hahaha!

Maybe some didn’t bother to read the last part, but that’s okay. :)

At least we’re clear now, right?

I was like, “Bakit? Anong meron? Haha!”

And he said, “Wala lang. Trip ko lang magbigay ng pasalubong. Pili nuts?”

Me: Pili Nuts? Seriously? Taga Antipolo tayo. Pili nuts are from Baguio, diba?

Bob: Oo nga noh. Basta pasalubungan natin.

If I will enumerate three best men in my life – aside from my Papa, it would be Bob, Bunsoi and Mako. These three uber gorgeous men have seen the very best and worst of me. Bunsoi and Mako are like the brothers I never had. Bunsoi my younger – and Mako, well.. older. :)

Ang sweet nila noh? :) Mako "kissing" Bob after he gave his Best Man speech. Sabi niya kasi mahal niya kami, tapos sabi ni Emcee, "Sige nga kiss mo si Bob." Hahaha! They were so game!

When we speak of Mako, we usually start it with, “He’s the matchmaker”.

The Wife, the Groom and the Best Man. Hahaha!

Mako introduced me to Bob. No, he gave my YM ID to Bob. Haha! And everything else is history. He’s been a witness to all our crazy ups and downs ever since. I confide my silly heartaches to him and he gives me useful advices everytime. Kuyang kuya talaga. Bob and Mako are practically brothers. They are alike in so many ways, from talents to personalities, yun na.

Bunsoi, on the other hand, is my younger brother. But that depends. Sometimes I take the elder sister act, and sometimes, he goes from a bunsoi to a Kuya if need be. And just like Mako, he’s seen basically all chapters of our relationship. During those times when I was about to breakout, Bunsoi was the first person on my speed dial (text) list.

Three Best Men.

I just think that it’s really so lucky of me to find all these three men on the internet. Kaloka noh, God planned everything in detail, he just made me do one thing and rest of it followed already. I’m just glad that the relationship I share with Bunsoi and Mako are for keeps. Ahh.. how blessed can I get? Wonderful husband to top it all.

Ahm. Nasabi ko na bang I love them to bits?

To our friendship.

Wherever life may lead us.

Hate is such a strong word, but you used it a lot of times.

I heard you curse me with every curse word you know.

Those nights when you were crying your heart out, I know you wished for me to go away. Every night you’ll pray to God to take me away. Sometimes, you blame yourself for my existence. You get mad at yourself for feeling me, for embracing the fact that I am in your life.

I hate it whenever I see you look at yourself in the mirror and ask what’s wrong with you. I hate it when you blame it to yourself, when you look for all the wrong things in you, when in fact there’s none. I wish I could tell you point blank that it wasn’t your fault – that it was THEM, not you. But you’d probably tell me to shut up and quit telling you cliches.

But you must know that it’s not really you. It’s them.

For the many times that you hated my existence, I wish I could tell you that I was brought to your life for a reason. I wish I could tell you to take a minute to reflect why I am here. It’s not like I rolled the dice and you were the unfortunate victim.

I’m not that unfair, you see.

Have you ever considered that maybe while you were begging God to take me away, there’s a part of you who won’t let go of me? Maybe you wanted me to stay just so you’d feel that everything is real, that it was all a part of your life and not a mere phase you’d eventually grow out of.

Did you ever think that maybe, I wanted to go but you were holding on too tight. Maybe you say it’s love, but it’s the feeling of being in love that you are in love with. Maybe there’s nothing left in your heart but what if’s. Maybe you’re holding on for all the wrong reasons.

I am not your enemy.

Just once, please consider the fact why I am here. Maybe instead of calling me your nemesis, just consider that I might be here for a reason, that I was on your side all along?

Sure, I went in your life without a warning, punched you in your heart, kicked you in the nuts, and turned your world upside down for some awfully good reason. I know I gave you sleepless nights and suicidal thoughts – and I’m sorry, but I had to.

I had to save you from yourself.

I was a warning to you, did you ever see me that way?

My name is Pain.

Remember when you touched a hot stove and you instantly pulled away from it? I was there! That split second when you felt intense pain – I was there to warn you of greater pain. If I wasn’t there, and you held on to that burning stove for more than a minute, something else could’ve happened to you right at that moment.

You see – I’m not your enemy. I prevent you from doing bigger things, I shield you away from greater heartbreaks. Maybe if you would just pause for a minute and think of why this is happening to you, maybe you’d realize, it’s time for you to let go of me and start anew.

Maybe you’d realize and hopefully even thank me someday. Maybe you’d see the whole point of this – that the heartbreak you are in now might be bigger in the future. I just had to save you now, while you are still complete.

I’d hate to be brutal, but has it ever occurred to you that it he/she’s not worth it NOW, he/she won’t be ten years from now. I know, that’s harsh, but really, have you ever thought of it that way?

All those butterflies in the stomach when you’re with that person, at one point – if God does not allow it, it would die – no matter how hard you try, if it’s not God’s will, it won’t be – ever.

Maybe someday, we’ll meet and you’ll say, “Now I understand why.” I hope when that day comes, you’ll be holding HER hand, happy and contented you have finally found “THE ONE”.

I don’t want to stay longer, but my hands are tied. You have to let go of me – now.

If you would let go of me, I promise, everything will be alright soon.

My name is Pain.

It has been nice knowing you – but I have to go.

You can let go now.

Bob woke up extra early to do the household chores for me. I’m guessing this is because of last night’s activities, I caught a flu or something.

I don’t know why I’m blogging. It’s just maybe during times like this and Bob does all these, I can’t help but be thankful that God has given him to me and I to him.

I can smell breakfast.

Ahh… Love.

Bob and I promised to always make an effort to “differentiate” weekends from weekdays, by this, we agreed to do something each weekend, and just enjoy whatever it is.

And since Bob and I are just sucker for movies. And since I am a sucker for good movies, weekend dates are not complete without watching a good movie. I’m not a huge fan of DVD’s especially when it’ comes to something I really like. More so, if I really like a movie – I’ll have to watch it twice in a theater. Yeah, I’m weird like that.

Anyway, Bob seemed to have caught the same weirdness factor ever since we got together, so today, we tried watching two movies in one night. Not that this is the first time we did this, but I don’t know, it’s a bit special today coz usually, I get to pick all movies. Today, we picked one each.

My choice was Letters to Juliet – coz I like Amanda Seyfried. While inside the theater, all I could think of was, “How the hell did I manage to get Bob watch all these kind of sappy movies?” Haha! It was a bit funny coz while I was buying tickets, Bob saw the poster for advance screening of Eclipse and he was the one who asked me if I’m going to reserve tickets. Actually, I wasn’t planning on watching Eclipse already coz I got really disappointed with the first two releases  and I’m not about to waste another bucks for a poorly directed movie (okay, I’ll stop here.) But yeah, Bob knows Gossip Girl, he knows Chuck Bass for chrissake! Haha! He knows Serena (and I think he has a crush on her) and Bob knows VICTORIA from Twilight Saga! How is that even possible? Hahah! What have I made of him? LOL.

Moving on…

Bob’s choice was Knight and Day -it’s given na. Haha. It’s Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, what do we expect? And though I admit – I fell asleep on some parts of the movie – it was average to me, had its funny moments narin. There were times na I woke up because people were laughing out loud and yeah. The ending was a bit blurred to me, I had Bob explain everything to me on our way home.

So if Bob was able to watch Gossip girl and Twilight and other chick flicks, Bob was able to make me watch Kung Fu and Martial Arts and Stunts and yeah, you get the drift. I have recently fell in love with Jackie Chan because of him! Haha! Ah, Bob knows every movie of J Chan. Name it, he knows it.As for me, the first Jackie Chan movie I watched was Spy Next Door. Yup.

Anyway, after watching those two flicks, we got so tired that we didn’t bother to stop at a resto to eat. The mall was closing anyway, so we didn’t really had the chance to. The taxi line was so long and it might cost us five hundred pesos if we go home by cab so we decided to just ride a jeepney instead. For the record, it’s our first time to ride a jeep at that time of the night, so I was a bit paranoid and scared all throughout the ride. I kept looking at the faces of new passengers, and I kind of monitor whatever they’re doing, wondering what’s inside their huge bags – all those crazy thoughts.

Well I’m alive and I’m blogging, so that proves me wrong. I should take more jeepney rides to get over this paranoia.

Anyway, it has been a long night. I sincerely think that I’ll be editing this blog post tomorrow. Right now, my brain is not functioning that well – so if you happen to see grammar or spelling glitches, blame it on the popcorn.

I dont know, maybe it has too many MSG’s?

Zzz.

I answered, “Why? Is it wrong not to have a helper? Ano yun, status-symbol na ba ngayon ang helpers?”

I find this irritating and amusing at the same time. Take note that this person is someone I’m not really that close to, and to be brutally frank, she’s not even a friend, no – not at all. Her question came up when I accidentally ‘went online’ in FB’s chat (I’m usually on offline mode) and she asked me how I was doing and I told her I’m doing great and just finished household chores.

Apparently, to her, it’s a sin to do household chores – that it’s breaking modernization or something like that.  Wait — I’m not exactly familiar when Women these days fought for No-Household-Chores day or something to that effect, meron ba? Or is there a law or something that says it’s required for every household to have a helper? I’m sorry, namiss ko ata yun.

All throughout our conversation, not once has she asked me, “Is it your choice?”

It is, as shocking as it may be to you, IT’S MY CHOICE.

We used to have a helper – and everything is just so easy when there’s someone to pick up after your mess, but is that the life we really want? During the times we had a helper, I felt incomplete. I felt like I wasn’t doing something for Bob. Everyday, someone else gets to prepare him breakfast, and it just sucks to watch it happen.

Refer to this blog post I posted November 2007:

I’m just so glad I could finally be a wife to you… Fix your breakfast… Cook your favorite food… Anything… Everything…

THIS is just the start.

I felt that although having a maid makes my life easier, it doesn’t make it happier. I missed cooking for Bob, doing things I would do for Bob. I admit that I’m one heck of a lazy person but when it comes to taking care of Bob and my family, I do want to be the best that I can be.

And I never said it was easy to do everything alone, but at least I’m trying!

So stop asking me why we don’t have a helper or for chrissake, if we can afford to have one. It’s not about monetary issues. We will get a helper in the future but not anytime soon. Maybe pag may baby na kami and that’s the time I would really need help. But for now, while it’s just Bob and I — let us be.

Mga tao talaga.

Status symbol my ass.

I mean, if that isn’t obvious by now, ewan ko nalang.

I was able to write a lot of stories, but most of them are gone already. Either I lost the copy or just really didn’t save the word file of it. (Or really just forgot to ctrl+s)

And now, I’m given the chance to do that – by someone I idolize so much. But I’m too scared, too “embarrassed” to show my works. God, what has gotten into me?

But before anything else, let me give you a little info about Mister S.

He’s the only person I know who doesn’t even know how to do his own signature! Give him a piece of paper and ask him to sign multiple times, chances are, there’s not even two identical signatures. It’s too obvious to pass on. It will always be a problem to us whenever he needs to sign on something, especially if it’s identity verification, God it takes us forever to get validated.

So yesterday, our supposed to be joint account was held temporarily, until he gets an updated ID and masters his own signature. Weird noh?

Sabi nga nung officer, “Kay Mam naiintindihan ko pa po, kasi new surname and new signature.” Hahaha!

Kasi when I was supposed to sign the signature card for the bank, I asked the bank officer to lend me back my ID.

Her: “Nakalimutan mo signature mo noh?”
Me: “Haha, opo. Patingin lang po sandali.”

Nakakaloka. So from this day on, Bob will have thirty minutes every day to let go of his computer mouse, grab a pen and practice his own signature.

Weirdness to the highest level.

This is a voice-over recording for our wedding AVP, I asked Jules how much it was to record a voice over for us, and I was just stunned when he said he’s willing to do it for free. Too bad our wedding was rescheduled to a later date, The voiceover clearly says May 8 so we can’t use it anymore — and I was wayyy to shy to ask for another recording so, yeah.

But still, it’s a work of art! Haha!

It’s so cute, you should really listen to it.

It was an ordinary afternoon – I was at Bob Munsch’s website, and was listening to him narrate “Love You Forever”, when I saw “contact” in one of the links. And since I was so much of a fan-girl mode that day, I went ahead and sent him an email. Ocge, laugh at my email. Haha! Corny na kung corny. I’ve never been a huge fan of any celebrities, and this is the first email I’ve sent to someone I really idolize. And now that I really think of it, wala talaga akong hinangaan na bands, singers, actresses or anything as much as I love Bob Munsch. Haha! Weird?

Anyway, moving on.

That was yesterday, around 2 in the afternoon. Of course I was expecting a reply – but it said clearly on the website that if you want a reply, then send him a snail mail coz he gets tons of emails everyday.

About the signed copy – I had that crazy idea coz I was browsing ebay the other day for Love You Forever, and there was this seller who sells a signed copy of the book for 1k+php, I would buy it, but the thought of it not being signed for me just defeats the purpose, right? And besides, it’s in US, so that 1k php would amount to something like 1.5+ here if we’ll include shipping and customs.

ANYWAY, the first thing I saw this morning was this email! God, I was expecting a reply but I didn’t know it would come that fast!  And honestly, I can die right now of extreme happiness! Hahaha! It’s like my 6 year search for the book is almost over! And it’s even better! A signed copy!!! OMG.

I’m literally floating in heavens right now. GOD, thank you so much! I’m blessed with a lot of things and this one just adds up to the list.

Bob Munsch!!

This for the record, lahat talaga ng BOB – magagaling.

Or a better title might be, “The Case of the Missing Peeler”

This afternoon, for lunch, I decided to cook Afritada, and as usual, before the actual cooking comes the mighty preparation of the ingredients.

Everything was going fine until it was time for me to peel the skin off the potatoes. I went to the dish cabinet to get the peeler, but to my surprise, it wasn’t there. So I asked Bob if he saw it, no response. I tried to remember where I last placed it – but I really have a bad short term memory so that didn’t help at all. I spent an awful lot of time just looking for the peeler, and because of my highblood tendencies, I thought of changing the menu  to something that wouldn’t involve peeling skin off any veggies.

I was really getting irritated with the absence of my kitchen buddy, when I saw something that made me laugh at myself.

No – I wasn’t holding the peeler on my other hand. Although on most occasions, this would probably be the case – like looking for my cellphone when I’m really holding it in my other hand — but for this isolated case – no, not this time.

Right there, right in front of me was…

A knife.

Or rather, a set of knives, all sizes. From really small ones (those who probably won’t even slice a bread) to really big ones (those you have to really handle with care if you don’t want to die young). I had to laugh at myself for spending more than thirty minutes just looking for the peeler, and for thinking that I should just change the menu altogether. There it was, just in front of me, and if knives could talk, perhaps they would curse me and say, “We’ve been here all along you fathermocker!”

It was really funny – but amusing in some ways.

To those who really know me, I’m a fan of “life’s unexpected lessons.” To me, this is not an ordinary potato experience or not another case of “The Missing Peeler”, but some sort of lesson.

My desire to make things easier by getting a peeler for the potato just made everything harder for me. If I had thought of using the knife long before I allowed myself to be enraged by the sudden disappearance of my kitchen buddy, tapos na sana ako magluto before lunch.

The other one is pretty simple – I guess, but I still want to say it.

Sometimes, we look for a lot of things – that we miss the one sitting right in front of us. Sometimes, we look to far away that we miss those within arm’s reach. We miss the point of all these just because we’re too busy looking for something else, and sometimes – that something else, is either nowhere to be found, or really just playing hide and seek.

On the other hand, I feel that there’s a reason why I didn’t notice the knives at once. Not that I’m justifying my obvious stupidity, but maybe, just maybe – it has something to do with my fear of being hurt. God knows how clumsy I am and for the many times that I have tried to use the knife, there’s always an incident or two which often results with blood and band-aids. Haha.

Maybe it’s one way of telling me not to be a sick coward, that not because I was hurt before means I would suffer the same thing now.

Amazing, how this can stem out from just cooking Afritada.

P.S.

I did use the knife for a minute, and then I saw the peeler – right under the chopping board.

Elay: Dad, come here! Watch mo to.

Bob: Ano yan?

Elay: Basta movie or something, watch mo lang.

(Bob’s picture appears)

Bob: Oh, artista pala yan e!

Elay : *Slaps forehead*

Heck, I just wanted to write about a POTATO but I can’t even reach second paragraph without deleting the first one.

This is just insane.

I went back to San Antonio de Padua to pick up our Marriage Certificate from them. It’s my first time to go back since the wedding, and I felt a sudden surge of emotions when I saw the church. For a minute, I saw myself inside the bridal car again, and the empty church became alive with visitors and friends once again. I remembered when Bob and I first got there, how we immediately booked the church, and the frequent visits after that. I remembered the night before the wedding, when I cried really hard, the night I prayed for strength for Papa and thanked Him for giving me Bob. I told God that night, “Lord, you already gave me the perfect man, I couldn’t ask for more.”

I looked at it for a good five minutes before I headed to the parish office.

When I got there, may couple na nagiinquire about wedding, and I smiled coz I saw myself in them agad. All excited and happy, nothing beats the feeling of booking the church. Haha. (Major sigh of relief here)

Anyway, I got the marriage certificate already and Kuya Matt said that it’s already registered sa Civil Registry or something like that. So it’s officially official. Haha! I love the staff of SADP talaga, so efficient.

Presenting, our marriage certificate:

Father specifically told me not to refer to it as Marriage Contract coz contracts have expiry date and marriages are supposed to last forever, kaya wag daw tawaging marriage contract.

Anyway, moving on..

I went to the Post Office to (hopefully) get my first Valid ID with my married name already. I remembered that I didn’t have any picture with me kaya nagpapicture muna ako right after I got the forms. Then I was asked to go to the barrangay office to let the captain sign something and get clearance narin.

It was a bit funny coz while I was filling up the form, ang bilis bilis ko magsulat, and then the last part of it, where I have to sign, I was caught off-guard. Haha. Naloka ako.

Me: Ate, yung signature, kung kasal na, kelangan ko ba palitan signature ko?

Ate: Ikaw bahala, kung gusto mo, pero mas maganda kung palitan mo.

Me: Okay, sige po. Pero wait lang, papractice muna ako.

Haha.

I was really caught off-guard coz it never occurred to me that I have to change my signature. Although it’s not really required, I just feel that I want to change it narin. I remembered that my mom’s signature spells ETPABICO, so I grabbed a piece of paper and started doodling. KatPabico, KatPabicoSagun, KPSagun, KSagun. Ah, name it, I tried it.

Mukhang tanga lang ako dun sa isang sulok, trying to find identical signatures para yun na yung maging final signature ko. I was getting desperate na kaya what I did was to sign my old signature “KATPABICO” and then just placed “SAGUN” on top of it. Aha!

As soon as I got everything I needed, I went back to the Post Office and submitted everything. The lady told me to pick it up at 2pm. I decided to go home since it’s just 11am and I didn’t want to wait that long. And I remembered that Bob didn’t have anything to eat for lunch yet coz we already ran out of groceries. So before going home, dumaan muna ako sa Ever to do some grocery shopping.

Nung palabas na ako, I thought of buying Bob siomai just in case he’s dying of hunger already. So I asked the lady to give me 5 orders of siomai (approx 25 pcs) of siomai for take out. In my mind, I could already imagine Bob’s face when he sees the siomai. The smell of it makes him go crazy na nga eh. Haha.

Tamang tama naman na sa paglabas ko ng store, nakita ko na tinulak nung isang babae, If I’m right, nasa 40′s yung edad nung babae, tinulak nya yung matandang namamalimos, nagulat daw siya nung kinalabit ng matanda. Kitang kita mo sa katawan ng matanda yung hirap niya sa buhay, she was stick-thin, and almost kuba na sa paglalakad.Her clothes were dirty and worn-out.

Pinuntahan ko yung matanda, ang hawak ko lang yung sukli from siomai, which is 5 peso and 50 peso bill. Barya lang sana bibigay ko, then I realized na ano nga naman ang mabibili ng 5 pesos ko ngayon, candy? So I gave her the 50 instead. The look on her face, yung tuwa from seeing na ganun yung bingay ko, is priceless. She looked like she was asking me kung tama ba yung amount na binigay ko, and then she thanked me and flashed me a big, big smile.

She said, “Salamat, anak, pambibili ko na to ng bigas.” My first thought when I heard that was, “May ulam naman kaya siya?” So I asked her, “Nay, naguulam po ba kayo ng siomai?” And she said, “Anak, di pa ako nakakain ng siomai e.”

“Pero gusto niyo po?” I asked her, coz if she doesn’t like siomai, I’ll buy her something else. She didn’t say yes or no, but she smiled at me and there were tears on her eyes already. I gave her Bob’s siomai and said, “Inyo na po ito, masarap din po iulam yan.” And smiled at her.

Nagulat ako kasi bigla niya ako niyakap ng mahigpit and she said “Salamat, salamat anak. Pagpalain ka nawa. Salamat anak.”

At that point, I just allowed her to hug me. I guess I missed that too. In a way, I wanted the woman to see that what she did was wrong, no matter kung nagulat ka o kung ano pang reason ang sabihin mo, ang pagtulak sa matanda ay kahit kelan hindi magiging tama. I wanted to show her that this person, this old lady she just pushed away, deserves respect and courtesy.

Nakita ko yung babae and she was mouthing words to the guard, saying “Di naman dapat binibigyan yung mga ganyan eh.” and the rest I wasn’t able to hear already.

Pumara na ako ng tricycle and I just looked at the woman, bago ako sumakay ng tric, sabi ko sa kanya, “Ate, God bless po.” and then smiled at her. The look on her face, sobrang priceless. Manong guard laughed nga rin at her reaction, para bang binuhusan ko siya ng tubig, she looked terribly flushed. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Sobrang nagulat si Ate.

Nanay waved at me before she walked away. And I tried to force myself not to cry.

When I got home, Bob was waiting for me at the gate, and I told him agad, “Dad may kasalanan ako sa yo.” and then told him the story about the old lady. He just told me, “Eh okay naman pala eh.” and just smiled at me.

And to make the already long story short, I cooked lunch, rested for a bit then prepared to go out at 2pm. Then Bob told me na sasama na daw siya sakin sa pag pickup ng ID ko. To make up for the “lost siomai”, I treated Bob to his favorite siomai house before we went home.

I guess my point of doing this super long blog entry is that,

Everyday, God gives us a chance to help other people. It doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be that noticeable. It may be a friend in need of an advice, or just a plain cheering up – God gives us a chance to be a blessing to other people.

Be a blessing to other people, and while you do that, don’t think of what God will give you in return. Just do it.

The old lady, she said I was a blessing to her, but what she didn’t know was that, she was more of a blessing to me than I was to her. She helped me more than I helped her.

Look at Bob’s messy workstation.

That huge screen is our TV, and the tiny monitor on the right side is his 21″ LCD monitor. It looks so tiny sitting beside the Tivo. Haha!

I don’t know til when he’ll go with his craziness, but seeing him happy with the huge screen somehow makes my sacrifice worth it. Haha! Imagine, no TV for me. Goodness.

Pero, sige na nga. Minsan minsan lang naman magtrip si Mr. Sagun. Hahaha!

Last Friday, someone came here and said he’s from “Census” then after letting him inside the house, he proceeded to “lecture” us about fire safety, etc. Then he asked us to watch his free demo, which, by the way, almost gave me a heart attack!!! I thought he wanted to lit the house on fire!

Grabe, hinugot niya yung hose from the LPG tank and then lit a fire from the gas leak. As in ang laki ng apoy, and then showed us how to “stop” the fire using our thumb. Needless to say, Bob and I were impressed with his skills, and then he proceeded to show us their product, an LPG safety device kit or something like that, showed us how it works, it stops the gas flow automatically if there’s hole in the hose or accidents.

I mean, who wouldn’t want that? It’s a safety device kit, it gives us peace of mind, etc.

Blah blah blah, then we came to the price.

It’s five f*cking thousand pesos.

Then again, we thought, “What’s 5k? If the house burns down, we’d lose more than 5k.” Bob and I didn’t even had the chance to think about the purchase. He immediately went to the living room and waited for our payment. The thing is, Bob and I didn’t have any cash on hand, we were not able to withdraw from the atm the day before. I thought that was enough to shush him down, but he said he’s willing to accept just half of the price and then just deposit the remaining to his account by Monday. (today)

He even accompanied Bob to the atm just so he can get his 50% downpayment. That’s how determined he was!

Anyway, Bob and I were happy with the purchase and saw nothing wrong with our impromptu decision. During dinner time pa nga, we were talking about how dangerous that guy’s job was, etc. We felt nothing wrong about the purchase, I even bragged it to Papa but he said, “Anak, wag ka basta basta bumibili ng ganun. Yun palang nagsinungaling na taga census yun pala hindi eh kalokohan na yun.”

So parang nagising ako. Kanina, I was supposed to deposit the balance, I sort of hesitated to pay him the balance of 2.5k on his bank account. I researched “PROSMA” in google and went to this sulit ad where there’s a flood of negative comments (most cases were like ours, btw).

What I learned from my google session was that the device is just 2.5k, some even say it’s just 500 pesos! I was like, “That’s hard earned money!! Lagot sakin yang Domingo na yan pag nagpunta sila dito!”

So to make the long story short, I did not deposit the 2.5k balance to his account. I’ll wait for him to go here personally so I can unleash my Godzilla tendencies on him. Now that I’m “nahimasmasan” from his magic skills and can now think clearly, alam ko na may pagkakamali siya, first by introducing himself as a Census representative, which would automatically grant him entrance sa bahay namin coz we were advised by the subdivision na may magcoconduct ng census survey anytime.

Second, that he sold us an item more than it’s usual price.

Gabi na kasi nung nagresearch ako so tomorrow, I’ll call their office and find out what’s the real deal. Pag ako lang eh niloloko nitong agent na to, makikita niya. Haha!

Lesson learned: DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS. How basic.

This is Hachi – well, she used to be “Pebbles”, but after watching “Hachiko”, Bob and I decided to change her name to Hachi, haha. Ang cute niya kasi. ;)

So why entitle this post sweet PMS? Haha. I just find it really sweet that Bob’s taking over ALL the household chores right now. He went to buy stuffs from the store, and now cooking lunch. Need I mention that he was the one who cleaned the house before going to sleep last night? Hehe. Ang cute lang.

I went to the kitchen kanina and he was like, “WTF are you doing here?” Of course, he didn’t say WTF, but his expression said it all. I said I wanted to help, and he just said, “I’ll take care of this. Bumalik ka na dun.”

Haha. So PMS, be thankful that I have a wonderful husband. Kung tao ka lang, nasapak na kita. Hehe!

We are taking the first step as soon as this period stops. We’ll go to the OB next week for our first checkup. We wanted to do this before but I just feel that it’s less awkward to visit an OB now coz we’re already married. I don’t know, I just have those “i-hate-when-you-preach” type of OB’s out there. At least now that we’re married, it gives us the “right” to start a family already.

Step 1. Coming up.

I can’t believe two weeks has passed already since Bob and I exchanged our vows.

It’s been two weeks of getting to know him all over again. It’s funny coz before we got married, I kept asking him what would change if we did get married, I thought that it would just be the same since we’ve been living together for almost two years already, but I was wrong.

It’s like we were back to zero, that all of a sudden, the boyfriend seemed really young and a little immature to me. The man, however, that stands before me today, the very person I wake up next to each morning, is a different person. He’s the husband – more mature, understanding and well, more baduy. Haha! (I really need to put that in.)

Two weeks, I believe I’ve changed too. I really don’t know what kind of force pushes me to do the household chores each morning, I tell you it beats working out in a gym, I’m all sweats afterwards. I don’t know coz I used to be really lazy and household chores were a big no-no for me. But it’s been two weeks and I enjoy every little thing that I do for Bob, whether it’s cooking for him or ironing his clothes, I am having fun – in a weird kind of way. Haha!

Two weeks – it’s all surreal. I can close my eyes and still replay everything in my head. Perhaps the onsite video has done something to my brain — we’ve watched it for hundred times already, never failed to make us smile each time.

Two weeks and as I’ve said in my earlier blog, the ring feels safe in my finger now. I admitted to Bob that I felt uneasy during the first few days of the ring on my finger, I just wasn’t used to wearing jewelries. But today, I noticed that it felt really light on my finger already, it’s like my body’s way of telling me that I’m beyond the primary adjusting phase.

Two weeks – just a needle-hole in the lifetime we’ll spend together as husband and wife. It’s just too amazingly nice that our forever is in the works already.

I love you Dudad.

It’s been the second time that this person has tried to pull me down by his insensitive and tactless remarks. It’s just annoying that he says sorry and then repeats the same mistake afterward. I mean, what’s the point?

I don’t get him. If he’s just plain tactless or it’s really that effortless for him to annoy people. He makes me want to unleash the Hulk within.

Thank God that Bob is always there to be my sounding board – and always the first one to the rescue. Whenever I feel so down with myself, he does something to prove me wrong, to make me feel better again.

God, he’s such an angel.

My natural high.

First— I don’t know what it’s called. It’s like I looked at the ref and pulled out the veggies and pork that I could find in there and then started cooking it, and just thought of what to add impromptu. At one point, I couldn’t remember what I put in or what it tastes like.

Second – my tummy’s feels like there’s a war going on in there. I don’t know if this has something to do with my mystery viand, it’s just that it effin hurts. Haha. God, if Bob’s tummy acts up too, it only means two words: Food Poisoning.

I asked Bob how it tastes, and he said it’s sumptuous, well for the sake of my ego – I believe him. But to be ultimately realistic, I wouldn’t take his comment. He always does this to save his life. Haha!

To start off the day, we watched How to Train Your Dragon (yes, for the nth time already) before Bob went to sleep. Weird noh? Our lifestyle is like this, when it’s time for me to wake up, that’s the time for Bob to sleep. Damn time zones.

Anyway, I took this pic from the laptop’s camera. Purposely hid behind a pillow coz I’m wearing Beh’s bridal shower gift for me. Yep. ‘nuff said.

I’ll be watching another movie after this, or maybe two more. Haha! I’m so not in a hurry to fix things up coz I finished cleaning the house last night. So wala masyadong lilinisin ngayon. ;)

This morning, he placed the ring back in my finger and said a promise. I did the same thing too.

The day went out smoothly, no more little fights. I enjoyed doing household chores – taking it as a “me” time during the day. I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t notice it’s already almost 10pm. I just finished cleaning the kitchen. Haha!

Today, I got the “where’s the baby?” question/joke again. I didn’t find it funny anymore. God knows how much Bob and I want to have a baby, but it’s not just given to us yet. We believe in God’s perfect timing and we’re willing to wait. It’s just that when other people rub it in our face, we can’t help but feel a pang of pain inside.

Parenthood is not something we can do and just regret later on for not being prepared enough.

Next time pag may nagtanong, we’ll say, “It’s in progress. Wanna watch?” Hahaha!

Or maybe it’s not really a fight, but more of a misunderstanding.

I told Bob that I asked my Lola not to go here anymore, that I can survive the household chores, and basically, a helper is no longer needed.

He told me that it’s not possible for us not to hire a helper, that we need one because of the lifestyle that we have, etc etc. He also told me that he doesn’t want me to get tired because of the household chores, I took that as a sweet gesture from him but his next words hit me below the belt…

“Isa pa, ayokong pag may ginagawa ako eh bigla mo ko tatawagin pag meron kang di kayang gawin mag-isa.”

I know, I’m generally a lazy person. I really don’t do household chores. I always say that it’s because I grew up with my Papa doing basically everything for us. Our Papa does the household chores and he spoils us everytime. The one time that I ironed my own clothes, Papa immediately scrutinized my ironing and had it re-ironed.

But I just love what I’m doing now. I love waking up early in the morning and fixing things. I don’t know where that came from, it’s just that I enjoy those hours, it’s like an alone time for me, I love doing it and I love it all the more coz I’m doing it for him.

I feel like a full-time wife.

I want to take care of him and I know this is just a preparation to our building a family together. I can’t be lazy forever. I can’t be “bawal mapagod” all the time.

I need this.

I think, the best thing about Bob is that he’s not that hard to please. Serve him toasted bread and a cup of coffee and he’ll be all smiles already. But of course, I don’t want him to be happy just as is. I want to serve him more sumptuous breakfast.

So my dilemma lies there right now. I’m spending more time on google right now, searching for breakfast recipes. Found myself tuning in to cooking shows too. (I used to hate it).

Ah. Starter wife.

I want to give a detailed narration of what happened before and after our wedding, so let me warn you now, this will be such a long read. :)

June 4, 2010

I kept asking the girls, “Is it really June 4? Bukas na ba talaga ako ikakasal?” Coz those were the exact feelings I had on that day. It was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I was completely overwhelmed with everything.

That morning, magchecheck in na si Bob sa hotel (just so he can miss me even for just 24 hrs, ahaha). Mako came around 11am and showed us the finish products of our fan souvenirs, and we just fell in love with it. Then the three gorgeous men in my life went off to the hotel. We brought Shor and Steph first to the terminal papuntang SM Megamall and I was just like a overprotective nanay, I kept telling them where to go, what not to do, etc, etc. Haha!

Then Mama and I went to David’s Salon to do what a bride’s got to do a day before her wedding: Relax and Pamper. But then they made me cry when they fixed my eyebrow. Ang sakit!

After that, Mom and I went home to a house full of relatives. At that point on, I was so touched by everyone’s effort to make my day special. Everyone was busy, except me. They made sure that they take care of everything, and though at times medyo nahihighblood na yung mga tao sa bahay, it still hold the fact that everyone was doing their part to make our day memorable.

At around 5pm, Isay and I went to the church to meet up with Bob, Mako and Bunsoi. We were scheduled to confess before the mass but for some reason, it was moved until after the mass. It was so okay with me coz I really wanted to attend the mass before we get married. While waiting for the boys, I kneeled down and prayed. I didn’t ask God for anything, I didn’t pray for a rain-free wedding, or asked for a perfect wedding, instead  I thanked him for giving me Bob, for entrusting Bob to me. I cried while saying my prayers and Bob arrived just in time to see me wipe away the tears. He kept asking me what’s wrong, and I just told him that those were tears of joy.

Aside from thanking God for Bob, I also prayed for my Papa. If I asked for just one thing, I asked God to give my father extra strength. I know how hard it is for Papa not to witness the wedding of his first-born, and I just prayed that God will give him extra strength to face everything.

After Bob and I confessed, I told him, “I’ll see you tomorrow then” and we parted ways.

When we got inside the house, naramdaman ko na agad yung stress and pressure of everyone. Mom and Ate Tin were too busy with the last minute details, and our relatives start coming in.

At around 8pm, Shor and Steph arrived from SM Megamall and few hours after that, Beh arrived as well. Somehow, I got comforted by the thought that I’m not alone anymore.

I tried to sleep but there’s just too much excitement in me that I can barely close my eyes without picturing myself as a bride.

At around 2am, I stood up from the bed and grabbed the mic from Joy (who was singing that time) and then ako naman yung kumanta. It was like my way of releasing my excitement. Haha!

And at around 2am, Mark (Beh’s Bf) texted me and I found out that they too, were still wide awake at that time. I called Bob and said, “Gusto mo pa ba magpakasal?” in a joking way. I told him that coz he’s still up and I just don’t want him to fall asleep during the ceremony. And then sabi niya, “Ikaw din gising pa ah.” Touche.

I fell asleep around 3:30 am and woke up 5am of June 5.

Beh was half-awake already at that time and said, “Wedding mo na Kat!!”

I told her, “No, this is not true. In five seconds, you’ll be gone and this is just a dream.. In 5..4..3..2..1.. Shet! Andyan ka pa! Kasal ko na!”

To be continued…

We watched Prince of Persia with Joy and then had dinner at a Persian restaurant too. Had my first serving of Chicken Kabsa ever since I went here. To be fair with them, the rice tasted okay, but the chicken is a bit disappointing.

Anyway, there goes our first date as Mr. and Mrs.

Simple, but heartfelt. ;)

I want to give a detailed narration of what happened before and after our wedding, so let me warn you now, this will be such a long read. :)

June 4, 2010

I kept asking the girls, “Is it really June 4? Bukas na ba talaga ako ikakasal?” Coz those were the exact feelings I had on that day. It was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I was completely overwhelmed with everything.

That morning, magchecheck in na si Bob sa hotel (just so he can miss me even for just 24 hrs, ahaha). Mako came around 11am and showed us the finish products of our fan souvenirs, and we just fell in love with it. Then the three gorgeous men in my life went off to the hotel. We brought Shor and Steph first to the terminal papuntang SM Megamall and I was just like a overprotective nanay, I kept telling them where to go, what not to do, etc, etc. Haha!

Then Mama and I went to David’s Salon to do what a bride’s got to do a day before her wedding: Relax and Pamper. But then they made me cry when they fixed my eyebrow. Ang sakit!

After that, Mom and I went home to a house full of relatives. At that point on, I was so touched by everyone’s effort to make my day special. Everyone was busy, except me. They made sure that they take care of everything, and though at times medyo nahihighblood na yung mga tao sa bahay, it still hold the fact that everyone was doing their part to make our day memorable.

At around 5pm, Isay and I went to the church to meet up with Bob, Mako and Bunsoi. We were scheduled to confess before the mass but for some reason, it was moved until after the mass. It was so okay with me coz I really wanted to attend the mass before we get married. While waiting for the boys, I kneeled down and prayed. I didn’t ask God for anything, I didn’t pray for a rain-free wedding, or asked for a perfect wedding, instead  I thanked him for giving me Bob, for entrusting Bob to me. I cried while saying my prayers and Bob arrived just in time to see me wipe away the tears. He kept asking me what’s wrong, and I just told him that those were tears of joy.

Aside from thanking God for Bob, I also prayed for my Papa. If I asked for just one thing, I asked God to give my father extra strength. I know how hard it is for Papa not to witness the wedding of his first-born, and I just prayed that God will give him extra strength to face everything.

After Bob and I confessed, I told him, “I’ll see you tomorrow then” and we parted ways.

When we got inside the house, naramdaman ko na agad yung stress and pressure of everyone. Mom and Ate Tin were too busy with the last minute details, and our relatives start coming in.

At around 8pm, Shor and Steph arrived from SM Megamall and few hours after that, Beh arrived as well. Somehow, I got comforted by the thought that I’m not alone anymore.

I tried to sleep but there’s just too much excitement in me that I can barely close my eyes without picturing myself as a bride.

At around 2am, I stood up from the bed and grabbed the mic from Joy (who was singing that time) and then ako naman yung kumanta. It was like my way of releasing my excitement. Haha!

And at around 2am, Mark (Beh’s Bf) texted me and I found out that they too, were still wide awake at that time. I called Bob and said, “Gusto mo pa ba magpakasal?” in a joking way. I told him that coz he’s still up and I just don’t want him to fall asleep during the ceremony. And then sabi niya, “Ikaw din gising pa ah.” Touche.

I fell asleep around 3:30 am and woke up 5am of June 5.

Beh was half-awake already at that time and said, “Wedding mo na Kat!!”

I told her, “No, this is not true. In five seconds, you’ll be gone and this is just a dream.. In 5..4..3..2..1.. Shet! Andyan ka pa! Kasal ko na!”

To be continued…

I officially became Mrs. Sagun.

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.

~Author Unknown

This quote fits us so much that it’s almost like I wrote it for Bob. When we got engaged, I asked him about his dream wedding, and he told me, “I don’t have a dream wedding,  but I have a dream wife – You.”

I want a perfect wedding, who wouldn’t want that? But I know that there’s no 100% glitch-free wedding. Worst case scenarios are friends not coming, rain on the wedding, traffic, etc etc. Those are the things that are out of our control, and stressing myself just because of these is just crazy. I trust my suppliers so much that I know everything would be a breeze to them already, We’re not their first wedding! They’ve handled a lot of weddings already, so there’s nothing much to worry about. At least to me.

I’ve said this to Bob and he might think that I’m joking, but I’m not. ;) In the event that something really goes wrong on the day, I’m gonna grab his arm and we’ll go straight to the church, say our I Do’s, no matter what happens.

I say this because of our three years together, we’ve lived as though we’re husband and wife already, but it’s not complete without God’s blessing. That’s the only thing missing.

Sometimes, we brides can get so caught up with the whole wedding planning that we somehow forget why there’s a wedding. We panic on the smallest details, we worry about everything – like who’s name goes first, or what color matches what. Sometimes we even worry about the right table napkin! Or the perfect toothpick! We worry about the right song choice when we walk down the aisle, but it’s not about the song – it’s about you walking towards the man you love.

Sometimes, we miss the point of all these – that it’s not about the food, not about the perfect lights and sounds, not about the souvenirs and invitations, it’s about getting united in front of God, families and friends, all others are just bonus, just icing on top of the cake.We forget that a cake is still, by all means, a cake – even without those cute little flowers or ornate decorations in it.

We’d rather be the couple who had an average wedding but extravagant marriage, rather than the other way around.

Whatever happens – good or bad – I’m happy I’m marrying the man I love. I’m happy that three years of wait is all over, and that in less than two weeks, I’ll be marching down the aisle and I’ll see that look on his face – that one thing I’ve been dead curious all along. I’m glad, no- ecstatic that I’m just about two weeks away from being Mrs. Sagun.

Two weeks before the wedding – I tell you, it’s not about stress, it’s about excitement.

Anyway, I decided to let it go and just wish him luck with his venture. To make the long story short, we’re sort of friends again and with all fairness to him, he gave me the gown at my requested date.

Which is today.

I have to be fair with them, they met my every expectation with regards to the gown itself. Wala akong masabi, everything is nicely done.

And Bob’s coat and tie too. It fits perfectly, makes him even more gwapo. ;))

I really have to contain myself and force myself not to try on the gown. Haha. But I tried on the veil, or my very very long veil rather.

One word: Love.

Is it really just two weeks? OhMy.

You’re a Handler

Wedding planning might not be taking over your life, but you understand that it does require organization — if you’re going to spend money on flowers and food, you want to make sure that it’s done right. Still, you’re a bride in balance: In the end, you know the day will be great, but it doesn’t have to be “perfect.” So you give your bridesmaids direction but also cut them some slack; you convey a clear vision to the vendors but are flexible. And you’re planning your wedding day with your fiance because you know this relationship is what it’s all about, not registries and centerpieces.

For the most parts, yes, I have to agree. Haha!

I don’t want to be a bridezilla. From the start of the wedding preps till now, I have conditioned myself to think that there’s no perfect wedding, there would be glitches on the day itself and these are the things we can only prepare so much about. But it’s not like I don’t care at all – it’s just that I have learned to accept things as how they are right now.

I told myself, if everything screws up on the day itself, what’s important is that we have a church already. Bob and I will go there, with or without guests, and will say our vows in front of God and then head off to honeymoon right after. Haha!

I guess my point here is that, we’ll never be able to prepare for a super perfect wedding. It’s just a day in the life of a couple. I’d love to have a happy marriage, one that really lasts. And no extravagant wedding can ever secure that.

This afternoon, I was just doodling on a piece of paper and then found myself trying on different signatures with my surname-to-be.

Haha! 16 days, there’s still a lot to do. I am just blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people who never ceased to help us out in the whole planning.

I have wonderful suppliers, (well, except for one – but I decided to let it go). And I thank God for them, really. We’re on a budget wedding but I’m glad that we’ve got everything we needed and more.

16 days before I do.

Ohgoodness. Now I remember I haven’t touched my “wedding vow” file yet.

Ohno.

To make the long story short, my bridal shower was rescheduled to a different date, but I only texted those who confirmed their attendance, I did not send a message to those who already said that they couldn’t come.

Imagine my surprise when Ice (my highschool friend) texted me and said, “Elay, pano kami makapunta dyan?” (Kame meaning her and Ren) I was at the clubhouse that time, having a barbeque party with my family when I saw her text. I really thought she was kidding coz I didn’t get a follow-up text from her, well, not until 9pm of that same date.

I was close to tears when I read asked her if they would still come coz it’s already late and they said, “For you Elay. Tuloy kami.” They were under the impression that a bridal shower was still ongoing because I didn’t include them in the mass message about the cancellation.

They finally arrived around 11pm, and everything else followed. I couldn’t put into words just how much I appreciate them coming here for me, Ice is from Batangas and Ren is scheduled to leave by the 19th but they showed me their best efforts to come. Dapat balikan lang sila but we somehow managed to sway Ice into not going to work the next day.

It was so fun catching up, reminiscing stories and listening to the same genre of music we used to listen back then. Every song we played brought back memories, and it’s such a comforting thought to know that we still remember everything.We stayed in my bedroom all throughout the time, just talking about our childhood and silly first loves. Priceless. I brought out my bag of old letters and found a piece of note we passed around when we were in fourth year highschool. A piece of paper dating as far back as 2003.

We kept wishing that the other girls were there too but we just know we’ll meet again soon, maybe complete by that time. All in all, it was the best bridal shower one could ever have, truly, a heart to heart talk with the people you grew up with beats a spa treatment or a jacuzzi bath.

Contact Person: Ate Jackie

Tel. No: 998 2545

Address: 6-C Bautista St., Concepcion, Marikina City

Before anything else, I really have to say this, I just love Ate Jackie so much!

The story:

We were originally set to wed on Immaculate Conception Parish in Marikina City, because of that, we decided to just scout near the area for our vendors.  I felt the gut instinct to enter Jackie and Julie’s Flowershop and thankfully, I was right.

Ate Jackie is really nice, super accommodating, and she knew exactly what I was thinking and how I want it to be executed. What I love most about her is that she’s not mukhang pera like some suppliers I know (ehem.) I told her that I wanted an all tulip-bouquet and then she asked me, “Do you really want to spend that much on a bouquet that you will hold for about an hour?” It made me think and I realized that she was right, a bouquet is an accessory, it shouldn’t be the all of me.

I admit, I really thought that her offer was too good to be true, so affordable price for the whole entourage+aisle and bridal car set up.

Akala ko titipirin yung materials or so, but I got my sample bouquet from her this morning and I was just stunned. Hinding hindi niya tinipid yung flowers, it was well designed, with pure talent talaga. And aside from that, she upgraded all of my corsage to hand tied bouquet too! All for the super affordable rate she originally gave me.

I just love her to bits. I won’t hesitate in recommending her to all other brides out there. She’s your number one friendly neighborhood florist.

Nasabi ko na ba? I love her to bits.

I’m so blessed to have super nice suppliers! (Well, except for one. Haha!)

Contact Person : Elmer Bautista

Email Address: funkymix08@hotmail.com

Website: http://rejectkrew.multiply.com

The Story:

I didn’t really plan on getting a lights and sounds supplier, I mean I just planned on getting a local vendor and not spend much on it. But we realized that since we didn’t invest on getting a band or string quartet for the reception, we’ll just invest instead on getting a professional emcee and professional lights and sounds supplier to make up for the “loss.”

Ever since I joined w@w, I’ve been reading several comments on how RejectKrew delivers on the wedding day. All I hear about are good, if not the best reviews about their team. I immediately sent him an email and was so glad that they were still available for our date. I got a little disheartened at first coz Elmer said that our venue might be too far and steep for their truck. But he promised to text me the next morning if he’ll be able to make it, and I’m just so glad that they went up for the challenge of going to Antipolo for our wedding.

All I have are praises for Elmer. I told him via email that I might not be able to meet him because of our very tight schedule, I just asked him for a bank account where I could deposit our payment, but he volunteered and told me to just pay everything on the day itself.

I’ll edit this post after the wedding. ;”)

Documents:

• We’re down to just the church requirements now. All we need is the marriage banns from Bob’s parish and then an interview with our parish priest and we’re all set to wed.

Paper stuffs/DIY:

• Invites - Finally done! Or at least, half done. It was my fault coz I didn’t give the final entourage list to Ate Tin until yesterday. It WAS the hardest part of the whole invitation making – choosing out the entourage members. We ended up with a fairly huge entourage, but that’s okay! At least, everyone important to us will be marching down the aisle with us on the big day. :)
• Missalette- For printing already. We’re going to print just enough copies for the entourage members only. The parish does not allow misalettes for everyone, para nga naman mas solemn yung dating.
• Souvenirs – Yay for this. We have a lot of souvenirs for the guests. Haha! 70% completion.

Suppliers:

• Venue - Check! Just need to think of ways to fight mosquitoes on the day. And hope it doesn’t rain.
• Church - Double check! Just need to finalize flowers for the aisle and some little details.
• Lights and Sounds – Check! We got Elmer of RejectKrew for our lights and sounds, and all I ever read about him are good reviews from fellow brides.
• Emcee - Met Angel yesterday at gateway and discussed our program flow for the reception. She was a breeze to talk to, very nice talaga.
• Hair and Make Up – I’ve been raving about Uly ever since the first time I saw him and tried his make up. He’s all set. I’m so ready. Haha! He brings out the kikay in me.
• Photo and Video - Ahh.. what can I say. They’ve got the talent! Prenup’s done and we were so amazed with the RAW outcome. They’re just so great… and I have to say this… WE’RE HAVING AN ONSITE VIDEOOO!!! Haha. Onsite video = same day edit. The events from preparation to the church rites will be shown on an mtv-style editing at the RECEPTION ITSELF. That’s like an hour to edit everything for them. Or maybe less. Haha! It’s so nice kasi we get to show the video to our friends and family who were not able to attend the wedding just right after the big day itself. And plus the fact that we got it on a super super discounted price from Kuya Francis and Ate Myra. This is loveeeee.
• Caterer - I just need to iron out final details with them by the end of the week. I’m super calm nga daw. But I just trust them so much and know that they can deliver well on the day itself so I don’t really see the need to be bombarding them with instructions and requests.
• Bridal Gown Maker – The only stress I received from the wedding preps is from them. Enough said? Hay. Our second fitting was due last April 17 pa, kumusta naman yun. Our original wedding date was May 8, it makes me think kung sakaling May 8 nga kami, honeymoon na, wala parin wedding dress ko? Kumusta naman. I’m meeting them later to have my SECOND FITTING (unbelievable), and if they don’t deliver, I swear I’m gonna unleash the bridezilla within.
• Entourage Gowns – Buti pa to eh! Haha! I have the bridesmaid dresses already and my super cute flower girls’ gown too. Walang kastress stress. Ate Monique delivers well and unbelievable yung discounts namin from her. She’s an angel.
• Florist - I have to commend Ate Jackie. I’ll have my demo bouquet from her by Friday para makita ko yung actual design ng wedding bouquet ko. She’s an angel too.
• Rings - Engraving pa. Ngayon ko lang naalala. OMG.
• Bridal Car – We will not be hiring a bridal car service on the day itself. Bahala na kung ano masakyan. Ahihi. Joke lang. Bob’s cousin volunteered for us, and it’s a blessing talaga. :)
• Wedding Preps/Hotel – I’m not really done researching yet. I don’t want to splurge more on this, we’re thinking of preparing at our house nalang, pero it’s a bit risky kasi for sure maraming people ang nandito by the day and baka mahirapan gumalaw galaw ang mga tao. Hehe!

Sarap  maging bride noh? Hahahah! I’m gonna miss this whole wedding preps, but of course, super glad that it’s almost over.

Gulo ba? Anyway…

Ilang tulog nalang!

And no, for the record, I didn’t feel offended at any way.(I would have, if I were my old self) But now, I actually laughed at it and said my thank you’s to them. At least diba, it’s always the thought that counts parin. Sabi ko nga, magdilang anghel sana sila. Bob and I can’t wait to have little versions of us na.

My situation –  my super fast transition from 27 to 30 something waistline took some getting to used to in my part. It wasn’t easy at first. For some time, I stopped taking pictures of myself. I stopped wearing make up (not that I used to wearing so much back then). For a while, I saw myself as ugly.

I kept telling my gown designer to hide this and that, cover this and that, and he said, “Mam, you’re beautiful and would always be beautiful if you think that way too. Sir Bob loves you for who you are.”

If it was hard for me, it becomes harder when people who last saw me when I was skinny would give me feedbacks like, “What the hell happened to you?” etc, etc.

It would be hard for me to explain that this happened because of the recent surgery that I had, making it really hard for my body to burn fats, and also my being undisciplined (yes, still eating those bawal foods.)

But anyway, after sitting in that dark corner for quite some time, I realized that I am with Bob, and he never made my weight change an issue for us. He is someone who would still call me beautiful when I feel downright ugly already. And for the many times that I would throw a tantrum because of my insecurity issues, he would be that person who would look at me in the eye and say, “Nothing’s changed.”

So right now, if you ask me, It’s a new world out here. But I’m fine with it. I’m happy with who I am right now, and yes, I’ll be working on the fats sometime soon.

And magdilang anghel sana kayo, haha! Bob and I can’t wait to have little bobs and elays running crazy here.

First things first, Uly. It’s my second time to be with Uly, first on my sister’s graduation, and now, for our prenup session. What can I say, he’s the best! He never fails to make me beautiful. It’s unbelievable how much I just love his work. Haha! It’s simple and classy, very natural, which I really love about his style, coz I don’t want that “Look,I-have-so-much-make-up-on-my-face-I-look-like-a-canvass” style. Haha.

Uly stayed with us throughout the shoot, taking care of me, doing retouch, and even the simplest details, like pagpunas ng pawis ko and bringing the props with us. Super winner talaga. He even took charge of cleaning the pool nung nakita niya na may floating leaves. He did that all. Now I really understand why he’s so much recommended in GirlTalk.

Now, for the main talents of the day:

Kuya Francis and Kuya Ricky of AquaPro.

First of all, I had to thank them a hundred times for being so patient. They were on time, about 9am, and waited patiently for us kahit na super late kami on schedule. When we got to the clubhouse, they immediately knew what to do, and everything else went like a breeze.

Although mukhang nahirapan sila sa pagshoot ng aming “kissing scenes” kasi Bob and I are not used to kissing in public. Haha! And MOST ESPECIALLY not when oldies are around. Imagine Mama and Tita Tess watching us, as Kuya Francis asked us to “Kiss.. Closer… Closer… Hold it!”

They showed us a preview of the shots and we were stunned. Super ganda ng shots, pang magazine na nga eh (except for our faces), haha! Imagine raw pics like that, what more if they enhance it (which I doubt, Kuya Francis says no-no to photoshop). Well, a photographer as great as him need not enhance the pics. The raw stuff looked like a post-processed pic already. Grabe. Hands down.

Kuya Ricky naman is so easy to work with – but I think he found it hard to work with us. Hahah! Kasi naman, he’s the videographer. It’s nakakaconscious enough sa photos, eh what more sa video diba, so he was like, “Sweet… In love na inlove… Yes… ganyan nga…” and we would start laughing na. Haha!

Nakakatawa pa, whenever they tell us, “Serious na, wag muna smile”, Bob will whisper, “Bat may pawis ka sa ilong?” and we will start laughing out loud na. Buti mahaba talaga patience nila Kuya Francis. Hahaha!

All in all, it was a great shoot. We felt like one-day celebrities. Ganun pala ang feeling. Hahaha! I’m so glad we hired the best teams for the wedding. Nothing can substitute good photos talaga. Wise choice, Bob. Props to you too. ;)

It’s hard to come up with a guest list, much harder to squeeze in a hundred people when you want more than a hundred and fifty to go there and celebrate with you. It’s hard picking someone over another. I just hope that people will understand, and just wish us well instead.

Ang hirap!

I would love to tell someone…anyone about this dilemma, but I don’t have the courage to face it yet. I’m glad that Bob is with me through this but I just don’t want to bother him with my worries right now.

We’ve come to a point in this whole wedding preps where we have to make a decision… ASAP. It’s a tug-of-war between two good choices, and it’s killing me just thinking about it.

Lord, grant me wisdom. I need it right now.

This day was a blast! Super happiness talaga. ;)

Let me start with this email I got exactly 11:44 am from Blanche (a co-w@wie and the person behind this really cool website: www.moonsnjunes.wordpress.com)

hi elay! in case you havent been informed yet, you won the free prenup shoot by joey boquiren. pls check moonsnjunes for details or email joey b.

I joined the contest few weeks ago, I remember sending my concept board on the day of the deadline itself. I was a bit skeptical at first coz my kind of prenup (at least my “matapang” prenup) does not involve the traditional poses, it’s more of candid shots, mainly because I imagined a prenup where Bob and I would play traditional street games with kids and just let the photographer do their thing.

And maybe because charity works is really in my blood, at the middle of typing my concept, I had the idea of a ‘mini field trip’ for our Project 20 kids and a mini salo salo afterwards so it’s like play therapy and feeding program in one.

So let’s just summarize the freebies I get for the wedding:

• Engagement shoot c/o Joey Boquiren
• Trash the Dress Pictorial/Post-Nup Shoot c/o Francis Bruno
• Souvenirs, Invitations, Kissing Bells c/o Tintin Tupaz-Bermejo
• Wedding Rings c/o Mama and Papa
• Unity Coins c/o Mama

I feel so blessed right now. The wedding is going on so smoothly, no hassle, no stress. It’s like the whole universe agrees with me. Haha! This, considering I only had 3-4 months of preparation.

Thank you Lord, for being my wedding coordinator. You are the best!

This question probably lands on the top of my FAQ list, and all I ever came up with was a smile and usually a one-word adjective.

I feel that I can’t find the words to explain exactly how it feels; it has always been bizarre to me, right from the very first time I was called a bride (by my gown designer), and to this very moment when I’m just a few weeks away from being a wife.

But for the sake of this blog, let me try. ;)

When he proposed, or rather, when we decided to get married, I thought it was just one of those times when we would just talk about the wedding but not really get into planning it. The first time I confirmed that I was really a bride-to-be was when we applied for our marriage license. It was a complete different feeling when I got to hold the license and say, “OhMyGod. This is it.”

It was all surreal to me, I remember telling Bunsoi and Mako that I can’t say the word “Kasal” out loud, coz I’m afraid that this is just a dream and saying that word is going to put me back to reality.

I remember not being able to tell my sister about the engagement, being afraid to tell her that I’m getting married, and that morning when I finally told her, and she told me how happy she is for me, I burst into tears.

I got engaged last Feb, and have been on cloud nine ever since. If you ask me now, I would still tell you, “OMG. I’m getting married.”

So how is it like every day, you ask.

Every morning, the first thing that I see is our bird cage – for the traditional dove release – hanging right above our bed. Then I get the goosebumps and the surge of excitement all over again.

It’s like I’m always newly engaged. It’s like it was just yesterday when Bob and I decided to get married. It feels so much like a dream, only which it gets to life every single day.

It’s another different feeling when I get to hold our wedding paraphernalia, our wedding ring, the invitations and stuff. Sometimes I look at the ring for a good five minutes and imagine how a few weeks from now, it’ll be worn on my ring finger and would stay there for the rest of my life.

Insert: And typing “for the rest of my life” on this blog entry sent me shivers too. It’s like the phrase has given me another different meaning. It used to be just a cliche, now, it’s coming true for me. Forever – a once vague word to me has now finally got its own meaning.

Sometimes, I still stare at my wedding gown inspiration and imagine how I would look at it, how it would feel like to march on the aisle, how beautiful I would feel — that sort of stuff.

I still get goose bumps whenever I hear the word, “Kasal” from Mama, Papa, Joy and Bob. It’s like every time they mention it, I’m torn between excitement and fear. It’s like they bring me to reality every time they say it. But don’t get me wrong, it’s a very, very wonderful feeling. Very amazing
.
And how do I even begin to explain the joy I felt on the first time Mama and I went to “wedding shopping?” How do I put into words just how ecstatic I felt when she grabs something from the shelf and say, “Anak, maganda ito sa kasal mo.”

How do I give justice to the happiness that I feel whenever I ask Mama about her own wedding, how it felt like when she was the one marching down the aisle. It’s all surreal, but yes, nice.
And when we started doing DIY stuffs for the wedding, I could just look at her all day long. It’s heaven, right beside me.

And of course, my Papa, who never fails to ask about the wedding every single night. I just know that he would do everything to attend our wedding, and that it would be so emotional when he walks me down the aisle.

But the surreal feeling doesn’t end there, you see.

Whenever my friends and I talk about the wedding, it brings me back to the good old days when we used to just talk about our little crushes and puppy love. Those days where we would check ourselves in front of the mirror every minute to make sure we’re ready just in case “he” drops by.

Now, I’m getting married. Now, we have jobs already. We have serious relationships, we’ve overcome suicidal heartbreaks. We’re not just girls, we’re ladies already.

I can just laugh my arse out right now whenever I remember those times that I cried my heart out thinking I just lost “the one”. Stupid drama. It feels funny now.

Are you still alive and reading?

Now, on to the mushy part. (I swear, this is almost over.)

Every time I look at Bob, I get hundreds (or maybe thousands) of butterflies in my stomach. Every time I look at him, I travel back to the times when we first talked about marriage, that very day that I knew he was the One, our first kiss, our first date. It brings me back to our precious memories, and makes me realize how blessed I am to have known someone like him. I look at him and I know that I’m in good hands, that I’m with someone who loves me just as much as I love him – someone who respects me and accepts me 100% and without hesitation.

Every day, I open a file in my laptop entitled, “Wedding Vows”. I started writing about a month ago and still haven’t finished writing all of it. Truth to be told, I’m not even at 40%. It’s not because I don’t know what to promise to him, it’s not because I’m afraid. It’s all because when I say my vow in front of him, and in front of God, it’s not something I can take back later on and say, “Sorry Lord, I was just kidding.”

Sometimes, (or a lot of times, rather) I think about what kind of wife I’ll become – and how eventually I would become a mother, how I would take care of little Bobs and Elays when they come. Sometimes, I feel that I still doubt myself. The fear comes from worrying if I’ll be a good wife and mother – and it takes some good five minutes for me to take a deep breath and say, “I can do this.”

I get the “you’re too young to get married” a lot of times, too. But honestly, I’ve never felt that during the three years that Bob and I spent with each other. And now that I’m engaged, I just know and feel that I’m on the right path. Let me say this, I’ve never been this sure before.
Everything has brought me closer to God too. I pray every night for God to guide us on our wedding, and our marriage, above all. I pray he gives me the wisdom to make wise decisions.

Anyway, because this is starting to be such a long read already, (I’m really sorry) let me just say this…

Being a bride is so fun and scary at the same time. The fun part, I must say is the feeling of anticipating your Big Day, that single day I’ve always looked forward to since I had the concept of weddings and true love, curious if it would turn out just the same as the wedding of my dreams, happy that I’m getting married to the right prince, and hundreds of different thoughts, mostly happy thoughts.

The scary part is looking at the wedding expenses chart. Haha, just kidding.

If you ask me right now – how it feels to be a bride – I might answer you the same thing again, “Surreal”, or some other one-word adjective. Or, maybe I’ll just tell you to read this blog. I don’t know if I did justice on exactly how it feels, maybe it is impossible to put it into words, but I guess if you’ve read this far then you’d pretty much have an idea. ;)

I guess I’d have to prepare for the next big question, few weeks from now, when everyone would start asking me, “How does it feel like to be a wife?”

Yes, that long.

It feels so good to see them once again, and being reunited because of the wedding makes it all surreal to me. It’s like we used to talk about crushes and cute puppy love stories, but this time, it’s different. They asked me what it feels like to be a bride and the most decent answer I could come up with was, “Surreal.” All these wedding preps has brought me to a higher heaven, it’s like I’m floating in mid-air, and every morning I tell myself, “I’m really getting married.” And I look at Bob and say to myself, “Thank God he’s the one.”

Anyway, back to the bridesmaids. I really appreciate the effort they exerted to get here, Naj is from Cavite, Beh is from Bulacan, Marie is from Taft, and Gox travelled from Caloocan (tama  ba?) to get here, way up here in Antipolo. It’s too sad that my other bridesmaids weren’t able to come. (Uh, yes, I have a huge entourage). But there’s always a next time, right?

I didn’t tell the girls, but when I saw them fit the gown for the first time, the first memory that flashed to my mind was our JS Prom days. Surprise, surprise, time flies so fast. Few weeks from now, it’s going to be just like JS Prom, us on gowns, only (maybe) better.

I had so much fun, though medyo bitin, the hours I got to be with them again is so worth it. I can’t wait for the bridal shower. ;)

The best thing about having God as your wedding coordinator is that he always responds five steps in advance. Hehe! We found a great supplier who’s willing to accommodate the entourage dresses in such a short period of time, affordable too!

I also got the chance to shop for my prenuptial “dress”. It’s like a wedding dress, only less fancy than my real wedding gown. It’s more like a white formal dress with fancy beadings. Hehe! I’m going to use it on our PreNup this coming April 30, hopefully on Sierra Madre Resort in Tanay, Rizal.

So anyway, today I brought home:

- 3 bridesmaid dresses
- Gown for my mom
- …and ninangs.
- My prenuptial dress/gown
- Bird Cage
- Ribbons for decor
- Happy heart
- Peaceful mind.

Hehe! Konting tumbling nalang! Now I’m just hoping that all my entourage members will be available this weekend for the gown fitting. :)

Today was also the first time I got to buy wedding stuffs with Mama, it was fun, and I really felt that my wedding preps is complete already. I just have to wait for Papa to make it much more complete and memorable. :)

Anyway, here’s the info about Unity Coins:

The “Wedding Coins” used in cultures around the world have come to symbolize much more than just prosperity. Today’s couple embrace life and face the world together in a more egalitarian way than ever before. To celebrate the journey that wedded couples take, each coin in this Unity Coins set has a unique design, representing one of thirteen universal tenets of marriage:

• Love
• Trust
• Commitment
• Respect
• Joy
• Happiness
• Harmony
• Wisdom
• Unity
• Nurturing
• Caring
• Cooperation
• Peace

The symbolic use of coins in a wedding ceremony is a tradition in many different religions, cultures and countries. The Unity Coins designs have influences from all over the world, including: The “Celtic Marriage Knot”, the Adinkra symbol for wisdom, and the Chinese Yin Yang. The designs are non denominational and celebrate the universal qualities of an enduring marriage.

I finally met Uly Sariego yesterday! Had my semi-trial make up with him and it was all perfect. Semi-trial in my words coz it’s not exactly a wedding hair and make up, it was for graduation lang.

I told my sis my gift for her would be hair and make up done by MY wedding HMUA, and I knew naman na she enjoyed her look coz she was ravvviiing about it the whole time.

It was yesterday that I finally got back to being a camwhore, got the guts to pose and pic again. Make up can do wonders on my self-esteem pala. Haha!

I have all praises for Uly, for taking the time out to travel all the way from Caloocan to Antipolo, and for a job super well done. One point I’d like to raise here is that Uly used traditional make up for me, and it stayed until midnight or so, despite my heavy sweating.

I have a feeling that the wedding make up will be so much better and hell yeah, I’m excited. ;)

]]> http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/452101199/feed/ 0 http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/our-precious/ http://elayskie.sandman6665.com/our-precious/#comments Wed, 14 Apr 2010 14:55:34 +0000 elayskie http://bobandelay.sandman6665.com/?p=452101195 Continue reading →]]> If you ask me now, the feeling is surreal. Seeing the rings, feeling it and actually getting to try it on is beyond bliss. Beyond explanation.

This is a wedding present from Ma and Pa, and I just love them so much for taking the extra effort to buy us our wedding rings. It saved us a lot of moolah and we know that the rings are of good quality kasi nga saudi gold. Hehe!

I got to try it on for the first time kanina and it fits just fine. I cannot put into words how magical that moment felt, it was beyond awesomeness.

For the nth time, Ohfuckyes. I’m really getting married! ;)

I’ve got so many responses from my friends already. They just have to learn the piece and then they’ll let me hear it so I can choose the one to play for me.

I’m blessed to have so many talented friends talaga. :) This wedding is easy as a breeze because I am surrounded with insanely talented people.

I love it!!

I had one sentimental “last-look” on the church. The feeling is a bit weird coz I really like the church. It’s just that, I feel that there’s something missing. Not much of a this-is-it factor, very unlike our visit to San Antonio de Padua where I submitted all of our remaining documents in an instant, because I really felt “one” with the church.

I have nothing negative to say about Conception Parish, in fact, they wanted to refund me my reservation fee, but I didn’t get it because I forgot to bring my receipt. And thinking about it now, I feel like I don’t want to get the reservation fee and instead donate it to the church since they were really kind to us from the beginning.

I’m not really feeling well right now, I sense a fever coming. It’s such a bad timing coz tomorrow’s supposed to be our Gawad Kalinga day and if this fever pushes through, I won’t be able to come. (I know, I should be resting now, I just feel like blogging first.)

Off topic:

I posted a status message on FB yesterday and it read,

2 months to go. Bakit di ako nagpapanic? Haha! Mas nasstress ako kasi feeling ko there’s something wrong with my so calm attitude towards the big day. Haha! Oh well, pleasant morning everyone!

I really loved Ensha’s reply, I just want to share it here:

Ensha Ancheta: Kasi di kailangan magpanic. =D If you’re going through this with great ease and lightness, it means you are doing the right thing. You are aligned with the Universe =D

Thank you Universe, thank you God, for giving me a stress-free wedding preps. You are the best wedding coordinator!

• It takes just about two seconds to delete something you’ve written for more than an hour already. Two seconds of ctrl a and delete.
• It’s two months before the wedding, I want to know if it’s usual to feel this way?
• This way – meaning – “Is it really happening? Am I really getting married?”
• I read an article about “Always Look at the Groom.” — Yes, that’s my favorite part of the wedding too. I told Mako the other night, “Yes, please do look at him and make sure he’s there at the end of the aisle, waiting for me.”
• I think people should look at the eyes of the bride, too. It doesn’t matter if she’s worn the dress a thousand times before the wedding. It’s always a first time for her to march that aisle and reach the hand of the (un)lucky guy who got her there.
• It’s two months before the wedding, I don’t know if I should enter panic zone, or maybe I’ve been in the panic zone for weeks already, I’m just that good in hiding it.
• There are people who invite themselves to the wedding. I don’t know what to do with them. I only want special people on the day itself, but I guess – - we have to compromise.
• I have a very large entourage.
• …and a very long veil.

I promise you, it does not matter whether he has seen the dress.  It does not matter if he has known this woman for months or for years; when, on that day, the man sees the woman who has filled his heart, who has given him a new reason to be; the best photo op is to be found on the face of the groom. On his face, in the instant he sees her, one can see the power and the presence of love made plain.  When you are next at a wedding, at the moment the bride appears, look at the face of the groom.

It was intense, so intense that I felt like I perspired a whole week’s worth of workout in just 1 hour and 30 minutes. And the floor exercises, omg. I barely made out of it alive. Haha!

It was fun, a really clean fun to break away from all the stress and anxiety the whole wedding preps has given me, and all other factors outside of it.

Right now, my whole body is aching, my shoulders feels like hell, and I feel like every inch of my muscles is screaming foul words at me today. Haha!

But yes, it’s all worth it. Second class is tomorrow.

Two days ago, I faced the biggest insult in my life. I got a comment from someone and that single sentence managed to strike a nerve somewhere. I got insulted and very much offended. After crying my heart out that night, I realized that it hurt like hell simply because the truth kills.

So anyway, to recover from that incident, I told Bob that I’m going to take my “dieting” a little further. Up a notch, I said. So that would explain the need for boxing gloves, hand wraps, jumping ropes and such.

I’m taking boxing lessons. Aha! Or will be taking boxing lessons for the next couple of months. (If I get through the first session alive, that is.)

Wish me luck?

Paperworks Needed:

1. Pull out our documents from Immaculate Conception Church (Baptismal Certificate)
2. Request Certificate of Attendance for the Pre-Cana Seminar
3. Certificate of No Confirmation (for me)
4. Marriage Banns – Elay and Bob (for pickup)
5. Submit Requirements to San Antonio de Padua
6. Schedule Canonical Interview

Suppliers:

1. Photo and Video – Pre Nuptial Shoot Schedule, Location and Concept
2. Hair and Make Up – Trial Session with Uly
3. Caterer – Mock Set-up
4. Distribute Invitations
5. Wardrobe – Second Fitting for me and measurements for the rest of the entourage

..===…

I think most June brides now are in panic mode, considering there’s only a few months left. I don’t know exactly why I’m not entering that zone yet, I feel weird coz at this rate, I should be panicking already. But no, not an inch of anxiety or stress in this June bride.

Just as if I’m not getting married soon, I have a list of other to-do’s as well.

1. Organize Project 20′s Feeding and Psychosocial Program
2. Gawad Kalinga House Building/Immersion
3. Book Drive for Tanay Rizal

And…

(Number 4 would be on my next post.)

Panic, where are you?

Aha, just kidding. I’m fine this way. ;)

I had three things in mind before we went to the couturier.

1. Am I wrong in not believing in the superstition of not trying the gown until on the wedding day itself?

2. Did I gain extra fats?

3. Will I look good in it?

To answer the first question, I just had to remind myself that Bob and I have come across immeasurable obstacles already, and here we are still. I believe that this love is meant for keeps and that no one and nothing can ever break it apart.

To the second and third question, surprise, surprise, it went well! Which meant that either I did not really gain fats or the couturier just made room for allowances, whatever it is, I’m happy with how it turned out to be, so happy that I forgot to grab my phone and take a pic.

We made Bob go out of the room so that he won’t see the gown yet, I only want him to see it on the wedding day itself and surprise him as much as I could.

I never thought that trying on a gown could be so scary. I’ve never felt this scared and excited before. Or maybe I did, when I first rode a rollercoaster, but this – the butterflies in the stomach on actually seeing myself in a white gown, definitely beats the mark.

Oh yes I’m really getting married.

Ordered a take out meal for the old lady outside McDo kanina. We always do this after eating at McDo. The gratitude in her eyes said it alll — We should keep doing this. Mother Teresa already said it and perhaps we should be reminded, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”

Few hours ago, my Tita Angie and Bro. Bar were here to bring us our pasalubong from Baguio. Bro. Bar knows about Project 20 and told me a story about a young girl he met at a Baranggay in Rizal.

He said, the young girl asked for five pesos. He thought she would buy a candy or some treat, so he followed her to the store. Then he heard the young girl say, “Ate, pabili po ng limang pisong bigas” He was so stunned upon hearing it and asked the vendor to give the girl a kilo of rice instead. Five peso worth of rice is not even two cups.

After hearing his story, only one thought came to my mind, “We have to help them.” For a minute there, I totally forgot about the wedding preps and all I had in mind was how to do a feeding program for the kids.

This, by far, is the bravest I’ve done for Project 20. We have less than a thousand in our donations, and I still have a wedding to prepare. But this is the most touching story I’ve ever heard and there’s just no way that I would not do something for that girl, and for the other kids in her baranggay.

So starting today, and maybe until next week, I’m going to pretend that I’m not facing a deadline sometime soon and would now focus on the feeding program for the kids first. I know that God is with us on this.

It dawned on me that the clubhouse is really big, so big that we can’t decide whether to use the indoor venue or the one by the pool.

I’m so excited to see what Ate Tin and Mako can come up with the venue, it’s just too overwhelming to know that I’m having my very ideal wedding, a garden reception and a church ceremony.

Speaking of church, we went to the Church and super great timing (as always), there’s a wedding on the works. I love the comfy atmosphere and how solemn it was, inside and out. I can’t wait till I’m the one to walk down that aisle.

And speaking of aisle, we went to the couturier today to see my gown, unfortunately, he wasn’t there. Boo. But his assistants were able to take the measurements of Ate Tin and Isha, my little bride.

Ohh wedding preps, you are so kind to me. Stay that way, please? :)

Bunsoi is one of the people who’ve seen the very start of our relationship and has witnessed it grow – sometimes stubbornly, over the years. I’ve always said that our love isn’t perfect, nor do I wish for it to be perfect in any way. Bob and I fight a lot of times, sometimes over the simplest things, over the most nonsense things, but at the end of the day, it’s still us. We’re still here.

Is it just great love that saves a relationship?

No.

I am no expert in this, but maybe the fact that I’m getting married soon to my best friend and enemy makes me qualified to share just a tiny bit of advice.

To be brutally honest, it’s HUMILITY that does the second job. You may love a person that much but you don’t have the slightest humility to admit a mistake, to go to that person five minutes after you fight, that’s pretty much a disaster if you ask me.

Allow me to describe a typical Bob and Elay fight.

Elay asks Bob to leave the pc and stay by her side. Bob refuses, says he needs to work a little more. Elay feels a little rejected, throws out harsh words in defense. Bob pulls out a defense. Elay stepping up the fight, throws out another harsh word, this time much painful. Bob goes quiet. Elay pulls blanket to her face.

Silence. More silence. Five minutes later, Bob will go near Elay to hug her. If not, Elay will.

Looking back now, I wonder, how it would’ve turn out if neither one of us stepped down. If we were both soaked up in our pride, if we just let it pass without saying sorry.

You see, our love has it’s ups and downs,  but we pulled it off. But does it end there? Absolutely not. Getting married takes us a notch higher, it doesn’t mean we’re okay already, marriage doesn’t mean we won’t have any petty fights anymore. Getting married means having to take that humility level up the notch as well, and nurture the love much more than we do right now.

My piece of advice to you, my friend.

If you love that person, you do whatever it takes not to hurt him/her. But if you do hurt her, please make up for it. Say sorry if you must, explain your side without appearing to be a defensive loser. Talk things out.

And nothing cures a broken heart like a big hug.

Last Christmas Eve, we ordered a meal for her and she told us, “Salamat anak, may pang noche buena na ako.” The same went for New Year’s Eve, I wanted to buy her fruits too but I didn’t bring extra money with me.

I always think that it’s a blessing that I’ve been involved with Project 20 even before we decided to get married. If I am still my old self, our budget would be more than 500k for the wedding. I wouldn’t settle for less. Knowing how maarte I am with regards to my dream wedding, it would be a disaster.

It’s a plus factor that I’ve been exposed to the reality of life due to Project 20. I’ve seen for myself how hard it was for some people to actually afford eating three times a day, how sometimes, eating becomes a privilege for some people. I’ve seen just how hard parents would have to work in order to provide school supplies for their kids, and how some kids can’t even go to school.

I’ve seen a lot, and somehow, I just found myself saying…

I don’t want a grand wedding, I want a grand feeding program after the wedding.

Perhaps I was too excited that I got sick, stomach sick. I throw up every minute. I was too close to assuming I have morning sickness, until I remembered it might have something to do with the bathroom cleanser that I used while cleaning the bathroom. I’m way too much sensitive on those stuffs.

So, there goes my first gown fitting – rescheduled till further notice.

I wanna see my veil! Haha!

She bought Bob a Levi’s Shirt.

Yes, she woke me up for that. Haha. She was so excited to tell me the news that she called me as soon as she bought the shirt. And she was asking me to send her our shoe sizes, you know the old-fashion way of taking it? Where you have to step on a piece of paper and draw the outline of your foot? Yes, that’s exactly what she wants us to do.

And then Papa took the phone from her and told me they were crying the other day coz they saw my baby pics and they couldn’t believe that I’m really getting married soon. I joked and said, “Sige nga, cancel nalang natin yung kasal pa, hehe.” and he said, “Joke lang yun anak. Matagal na kayong kasal sa paningin namin.”

I am proud of them. Super proud. I just love how they would spend lots of prepaid credits to get to talk to us every night and ask about the wedding preparations. Somehow, it makes me feel they’re just here.

I’m gonna bet a million dollars (only if I have that much moolah), it will rain tears on our wedding.

Ahh. All I really want to say is, I love you, MA and Pa.

All details are there already. :)

But I’ve learned that sometimes, the love and hate relationship isn’t always good. Especially when both of you are going through rough stages of your own personal lives. Sometimes, it’s not healthy.

And being unhealthy isn’t good, right? In every case, in every circumstance, “okay” is not really okay. Good is okay, but okay, it’s a mediocre saying “we’re not good.”

Right now, we’re okay.

There comes a time where you have to let go and take a step back, think of the good and bad, weigh them and face the results. This time, we were brave enough to peak, and it led us to where we are right now.

I will no longer be a May bride, for that matter.

But don’t worry, we’re okay.

Are you still reading?

Good. You’ve reached this far.

I was kidding.

But yes, Bob is that one person I can love and hate, my friend and enemy, but at the end of the day, he is that ONE person I would gladly spend the rest of my life with.

So yes, the wedding is still on.

But not on May 8, 2010.

When Mama called me and said there’s 50-50 chance of being able to go home just in time for the wedding, only three words came out of my mouth, “We’ll change it.”

Wedding date was never an issue, and it will not be an issue now. I promised myself I won’t get married without my parents walking me down the aisle, and I’m keeping that promise.

So the wedding is set on June 5, 2010. Not bad, eh?

A month after.

And maybe it was meant to be, coz all suppliers were still available on June 5. Thank God, right? And another good thing coz we were able to book a church that’s near us, and a very small and intimate church. Perfect? Yes.

So there, ladies and gentlemen.

June 05, 2010 it will be.

See you there!!

In about a few sleeps from now, I’d be “marching” down the “aisle” on my wedding day. You wanna know how a bride feels when it’s barely three months to the wedding? Let me tell you.

First of all, I’m happy to announce that the series of dreams were gone. Thank God. No more dreams about weird stuffs, no more waking up thinking the wedding day was already over, etc.

Secondly, stress is all over me yet I choose not to feel it. Everybody’s been asking me, “What the hell are the final details?” Yet I choose  not to answer. Bob and I are taking care of the “situation” and I feel that it’s all going for the better.

Allow me to give a “sneak peek” on the last minute change of plans. You HAVE to know that it’s not going to be a church wedding. It’s going to be just how I wanted it to be in the first place, a garden wedding.

Why go garden all of a sudden?

• Reception problem with regards to the church proximity.
• Much tipid.
• It’s like the universe is conspiring for me to have my garden wedding. Haha.

So far, I’ve shown the pics to Bunsoi, Beh and Shang. They loved the place, so I’m more confident now.

All other details are minor. I’m hoping I’d be able to finish the guest list and the entourage by this month. And by April, it’s panic mode already.

I have few days to feel “relaxed.”

p.s.

have you seen how many “” are in this post? i think bunsoi knows why. :p

We might be having a garden wedding after all.

Arrr. 2 months nalang!!!

Semi-Check Notes:

Sa reception, I’m perfectly fine with Butterfly Garden. Ok naman eh. Kaya lang ako nagkakaron ng semi second thoughts is because most of our guests are out of towners, if not, single ladies. I’m kinda scared to let them go home at beyond 9pm dahil malapit na election by that time and we all know things get pretty messed up days before the election.

Sa invitations, actually tapos na ni ate tin. Ako nalang ang kulang. Haha. Hanggang ngayon kasi di ko pa tapos yung entourage namin. Hala. Kasi naman, ang hirap mamili. Parang lahat gusto ko isama sa entourage. Kung pwede lang sana magkaron ng 20 bridesmaids. :))

Sa photo and video, we’re supposed to meet with Sir Francis to give our reservation fee kaya lang medyo nadelay ang finances so di natuloy. So semi check parin siya hanggang ngayon, but in my heart and in my soul (naks), check na check na siya.

Ano kayang gagawin nila sakin pag hiniling ko na ipostpone ang kasal till next year para mahaba habang preparations? Hahaha. I don’t wanna know. Baka ihagis nila ako sa bangin ng Antipolo.

Tara, pakasal na tayo! Hahaha!

Arrshet, wala pang reception venue na 100% sure. Hahaha!

Note to self: Please, Elay. Don’t be so indecisive.

We went to Hearts and Arrows last time “just to check” on the price range of wedding rings. And the first ring that caught my eye, sorry, sa sobrang excited ko, nakalimutan ko picturan. Pag pinagtabi yung ring, it forms a heart shaped DIAMOND sa gitna. I don’t know how to describe it any further, but I guess if I tell you the price, you’d pretty much get the “idea”.

It’s a whooping 50k++.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of spending that much on rings. Personally coz I don’t really like wearing rings or bracelet, basta jewelry on the hand and arms. So yun. That’s my This-is-(not)-it moment for the rings.

So why am I posting this on a thisisit moment? Haha.

Kasi, right after we went out of Hearts and Arrows, I got a call from my dad saying nabili na nila yung rings namin! It’s a gift from them, and they just wanted to let us know in advance para hindi madoble yung pagbili.

So am I lucky or what? I love you Mama and Papa!

When we went to Tanay Rizal, I found out that one of my co-volunteers in CDRC owns a photo and video coverage studio. I had the guts to ask her while we were on the way home, and she gave me their business card and yes, businesscard palang, may “this-is-it” moment na.

We finally went to their studio to see personally yung sample photos and videos nila. Kuya Francis, husband of Ate Myra, was the one who showed us everything about their services. He’s a Fine Arts graduate kaya no wonder kung bakit of quality yung photos nya.

He showed us his sample albums, and picture by picture, ramdam mo yung this-is-it moment. It was like, while looking at the pics, nakikita ko narin yung sarili ko posing for the camera (naks), etc.

Nagulat din ako kay Bob, coz he was really agreeing on everything. First time na 100% approval rate from him. I got lost na nung nagusap na sila about depth, etc etc. Two artists talking. Haha.

Then we went to discuss the terms. Whoa. Mas mahal siya ng 10k sa initial budget namin. Pero the thing is, it’s loaded, and I mean LOADED with everything. Yung service niya and inclusions kung sa iba kukunin is around 80-100k.

Nung una, I was telling Bob, lets go for the middle package. It’s okay for me na. And then when we saw the videos, the one included in the A package, napa whoa nalang kami ni Bob coz that’s exactly how we planned our avp’s. May lovestory effect.

And since co-volunteer daw ako ni Ate Myra, binigyan niya kami ng freebies!!

…… A trash-the-dress pictorial FOR FREE!!!

that’s like, one day of shooting parin! and he gave it to me for free!! Haha! That’s like the most exciting part after the wedding, when I’ll be wearing the gown again and shoot pictures, this time more daring and yeah, trash the dress nga eh.

I highly, highly recommend the team:

AQUAPRO DIGITAL STUDIO

4147118, 3713824

09176154405

Look for Sir Francis, if it helps, tell him I referred you (Elay).

Taking a break from the preps is the bravest thing I’ve done so far (considering it’s barely three months to go nalang.) Pero it’s all worth it.

We went to a really far place, so far that we had to cross 9 rivers to get there. It was an experience I would gladly do all over again, hundred times over. Nevermind the body pain afterwards. The smile you get in return is more than enough.

Tomorrow, Saturday, I’ll be at Baras Rizal naman, another psychosocial for February. Mukhang matatagalan kasi bago ako makapagfacilitate ulit ng ganitong activity kasi naka line up na yung seminars/scheds namin for March and April. :)

I’ll post pics after this blog.

I dreamed about the wedding per se. Complete details, the church, the reception, the entourage. The church ceremony was quite alright, I can’t remember the dream in details but in my dream, someone who was not supposed to be in the wedding (not even in the “last-resort-guests list) is there.

The reception was the fun part. It was here, in our bedroom. Haha. And the bridesmaids were in the bed and I just stood up and faced the wall so I can throw my bouquet at them. In the dream, I threw the garter, which was supposed to be thrown by Bob, so may bloopers parin.

But that wasn’t the weirdest part of the dream.

I felt semi-awake.

So semi-awake that I reached for my iphone, logged in to facebook and was surprised why my friends weren’t tagging me with pictures. Surprised that my profile picture is not a wedding picture, etc.

That’s how weird it was. I believed it. And I was that close to asking Bob where the hell are our wedding pics. I was that close to waking him up until I remembered that May 8 is barely three months from now.

Ineedabreak. NOW.

So here goes, :p

First of all, I stayed away from the “names”. I got the same service from a not-so-well-known supplier and got it for a lower price. There’s  no downfall to this. I made sure I’ll get the same quality of course. (Or maybe the downside is that people always ask you, Blahblah who?)

My dream was a garden wedding. Eversince.

But since there’s no chances to having a garden ceremony, we booked the nearest church we can find, the one with a beautiful altar, and luckily for me, there’s a flower shop just across the church and she gave me a very good offer I cannot resist.

Our reception venue is something out of the ordinary as well. So out of the ordinary that if you google it, there’s no chance of seeing a picture of a wedding that took place in that venue. And that adds up to my excitement. Hindi ako natatakot coz I have wonderful back-ups, Bob, Ate tin and Mako are all making sure that I have the wedding reception (a garden! reception) that I dreamed about.

To date, our wedding expense is at 97,100 (excess of 10k for emergency fund, so the total is 96,100 talaga).

Minsan di rin ako makapaniwala. Kasi maarte ako. I have the image of a perfect/ideal wedding, and it’s up in my head, everytime we think of plans for the wedding, yun yung binabalik balikan ko.

I’ve never felt this confident before. :)

They warned me, that when I start on the wedding preps, everything about me will be inclined towards the wedding and I’ll be “neglecting” some parts of my life.

I realized now that yes, it’s really true.

I feel bad, about Project 20. I promised myself that I won’t let the wedding get in the way of Project 20. Or vise versa?

But here I am, few days to go on February and still hasn’t got a single project line up for Project 20. It’s not what I intended to, coz I planned a project every month. This is not what’s supposed to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the wedding preps. I always try to make this the next fun part of the wedding. But it’s just that sometimes, it hits me, that I have other things to prioritize too.

And I really want to go on Feb 21, and so far, I’m decided that I will go, and will not base my life on superstitions. I know God will protect me on that day, and he knows the desires of my heart. I will never be complete without doing a charity work a month.

The wedding is budgeted at 150k. So far we’re at the 100k mark. I really don’t want to go way beyond 100k, so we can donate the excess 50k to Project 20.

I thought of mixing/incorporating Project 20 into the wedding itself, and I don’t know if it’s still possible, but I’ll be requesting guests to bring a school bag donation on the wedding day itself. Maybe we’ll place a donation box, or table at the entrance.

Oh God, help me.

We visited WOB at Marikina last Feb 13 to measure the place and plan the draping and such. :)

And.

You never gave me flowers.

I never saw myself getting married with someone who doesn’t give me flowers on special days.

Coz I love getting flowers.

I love white roses.

I never saw myself falling in love with someone who won’t do such…

Until I met you.

To the guy who never gave me flowers,

Never bought me my favorite chocolate (without me telling him),

To the guy who never gave me a stuffed toy,

Who always says it’s hard to pick a gift for me.

To you,

Robert Thomas Sagun I,

The guy who never gave me material things,

But never failed to show me yourlove.

In every way.

I’m not asking for more.

You gave me more than enough.

Just by being yourself.

I love you for who you are.

I love you because you know how to make me feel loved.

Without giving me the “traditional” gifts.

I love you, Dadeh.

Having the courage to marry someone like me,

is one helluva gift already. :)

Happy Valentines Day!

Okay, I’m so starstruck, I’m speechless.

I received the mp3 from Jules already! What a great voice over for the wedding video!!!

I can’t believe he’s done it for free.

FTW!!!

If you ask me now, I really don’t believe in such. But I’m getting married, so it’s supposed to change things, right?

This Feb 21, I’m supposed to handle a psychosocial activity for the Dumagats in Tanay, Rizal, it’s a long 3-4 hour drive from the city proper. So that counts around 5-6 hours of travel time to get to the place.

When I told people about this, all they said was “Wag, may pamahiin na bawal magtravel ng sobra sobra ang ikakasal. Lapitin ng aksidente.”

Actually, I’ve heard this before, sa magdedebut, sa gagraduate, sa… magbibirthday?

Pero sabi nga nila, nothing to lose.

I’m just afraid that if I follow this pamahiin, then I should be scared na, kasi nagfit ako ng wedding gown? Haha.

Anyway, yun nga. so 50-50 chances of going on the 21st.

I’m incomplete pa naman pag lilipas ang one month na di ako nagvovolunteer. Hayy.

Finally.

Licensed to wed. :))

• Church – reserved for May 8 (All our Saturdays from next week until March are officially booked.)
• Florist - reserved, paid downpayment.
• Caterer - reserved, paid reservation fee.
• Gown and Suit/Entourage – paid downpayment, first fitting set next month. (Di ko sasabihing super excited ako. Haha)
• Venue – pencil booked for May 8
• Invitations – Done!
• Photo and Video – booked for May 8

Paper works:

• Marriage License - ready for pick up on Monday, Feb 8. (Yay!)
• Marriage Banns – wala pa. need to fix this.

So far, wala na masyadong problema. The next months will be BAYAD, BAYAD, BAYAD. Hahaha.

Okay na sana yung dreams, pero pag gising ko, parang ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko and hinahanap ko agad yung iphone ko to check my mails, pikit pa yung isang mata ko pero nagchecheck na ko ng mails ah.

I need a break.

Is it possible? I think so.

Ever since I had the concepts of weddings, I’ve always known I’d want an elegant, princess-type wedding. Blame it on Disney, but I guess majority of girls wanted that, too.

But when I got engaged, I realized it’s a completely different feeling. To be completely honest, I started by planning the most expensive wedding ever. That lasted for at least a day or two. Until I got down to business and computed everything. 300k for a wedding?

No freakin way.

Then I realized, it’s not about the wedding. I’ve found Mr. Right, Prince Charming, Knight in Shining Armor, whatever you wish to call him. I realized, it does not matter if we get married in jeans and shirt, what matters is that he’s right beside me and that the long wait is over.

Giving up on your dream wedding isn’t easy, I know. But trust me, if you don’t have the budget for it, don’t do it. I don’t see a reason for a 300k wedding if after the wedding you’d be indebted for life.

If you are then, decided on being a practical bride, here’s some tips/realizations I’ve learned over the past few weeks of being a 200% hands-on bride.

• It’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage. Being a practical bride is a lot easier when you start thinking of the life AFTER the wedding – the marriage, per se, rather than the wedding day itself. If you wouldn’t consider your married life, it would be easy to splurge 500k for the wedding.
• You have to learn to let go of a few things. If you want to maximize your budget, you wouldn’t spend 80k for a photo and video coverage. Although it is THE BEST that could happen in your wedding, you also have to learn to let go. But if you don’t want to let go of the 80k videographer, then you’d have to choose which other areas on your wedding you are willing to forget about. Honeymoon? Reception? Bridal Gown?
• It’s not about the name-game. It would be fun to answer questions like, “Who made your dress?” and get crazy replies like, “WHAT? SHE MADE YOUR DRESS?!” Blah blah blah. But sometimes, the name is what you pay for. Let’s say your friendly neighborhood couturier does the same quality for a lesser price but when they ask you, they go “Uhmm.. Nanay who?” Be prepared. If you really want to be a practical bride, you would search for the people who are really good in their field but not that pricey. My wedding bouquet is worth 3.5k all in all, and they’re made by Jack and Julie. (WHO?)
• It’s called DYI. There’s a lot of things you can save by doing things yourself. Or by asking your friend or in my case, my cousin to do stuffs for you. Our invitation was designed by Bob and then later made by my cousin.. for free. We only bought the papers and necessary materials and it didn’t even reach 1k.
• Nothing beats a hands-on bride. Yes, I would love to have a wedding coordinator. All these stress, all these preparations, they can get the best and the worst of you. But at the end of the day, still, nothing beats the appreciation of your husband to be for all the efforts you are doing for the wedding. It’s a different kind of accomplishment when you are able to do things by yourself. Being able to scout for a venue by yourself, it’s liberating.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Is it worth it? - When I was out scouting for a florist, I asked her how much for a tulip bouquet, and she told me it was double the price of my original quotation! Instead of pushing me to go for the higher price (imagine her sales), she told me, “It’s just one hour of holding the bouquet, do you really need tulips?”
• Who am I doing this for? If it’s for the guests, or the mother of the groom, or your mom, for instance, drop it. If the people on your wedding are really the closest friends or your loving relatives, they wouldn’t matter what bouquet your holding, or what gown you are wearing.
• Is the quality okay? It doesn’t mean that just because you’re saving up means you’re going for the low quality works.

I’m not against those who are willing to spend 1m on their wedding day. If you have the funds, by all means, do so! After all, our wedding day – that one day in our lives that we would ALWAYS, ALWAYS look back when we’re forty… or fifty… no matter how much or how little you spend, it’s always that PERSON at the end of the aisle that makes it all special.

So Happy Preps! and Goodluck, Brides-to-be!

And yes, Filipino time, the program started around 2:30 na. There were initally 4 couples, I think. and I’m the only one na hindi nakalunok ng pakwan. All other brides-to-be have big tummies na, and somehow it made me proud. :p

The seminar was okay. The speaker was nice. She talked mainly about Family Planning, etc.

One thing I noticed is just how disrespectful some couples can get. Imagine, super late na nga nagstart yung seminar, some couples were late talaga, as in one hour late at may ganang lumakad infront of the speaker. Kung ako yung speaker, I would have asked them to get out of the venue. Or at least give them a on the spot test of what they’ve learned so far.

And then we got a free PhilHealth something. But when Ate (Sorry, I forgot her name), saw our form, she asked us to lower down the monthly income. Haha.

So..anyway, we have all the requirements already. And by monday. We’d get our license na! :D

And… I could not ask for more… :)

Hands down to ate tin for making my dream invitation!! :D

The past week, I wasn’t able to go online, being a hands-on bride is not that easy. Sometimes it makes me want to hire a wedding coordinator but then… I don’t want to spend that much.

Sunday – The whole gang – Bob, Me, Joy, Ate Tin, Kuya Mel and Isha went to scout for a wedding venue. First stop was the church. I fell in love with the church the moment I saw it. It was suggested by Joy, by the way. I loved the altar and I could see myself marching down the aisle agad. It’s like an instant connection, my heart jumped for joy when we found out that the date we wanted is still available, I took it as a sign.

Then we went to scout for wedding reception venues. We went to Villa Ronar and Cobo Resort. Villa Ronar was pricey, and it’s not even that “okay”. They charge 7k for corkage fee, okay na sana eh. Haha. Cobo Resort, really nice, and it’s not that expensive. Only factor is the distance. It’s a bit far from the Church.

Monday – I went to the church and made the reservation. I was really palpitating before I even got there, I wanted the date really bad. When I got there, Ate Jhe recognized me at once and said, “Mukhang nakapagdesisiyon ka na ah…” I smiled. Got the date. MAY 8 IT IS!

On my way out, I saw a couple of florists within the area and decided to inquire. The first one I saw was Jack and Julie’s Flower Shop, just across the church. She gave me a pretty tempting offer… everything for just 3.5k. I don’t want to spend that much on bridal bouquet so I personally think it’s okay already. Gave her a downpayment as well.

After the visit to the florist, I went to Marikina Sports Center to meet with Ate Tin. I got surprised when I saw my cousin, John2x with her. He kept on teasing me pa nga, I’m just a few months older than him kasi, he couldn’t believe that I’m getting married.

Had lunch at 3Moms, hefty lunch at that, nevermind the diet, I was starving. After around 30 mins, Tita Tess and Isha came and we went to scout for a wedding reception venue.

First stop: Villa Sto. Nino in Vista Valley. I can’t say anything bad about the place, it was really beautiful, spacious and fits my taste for a garden/outdoor reception. The only thing is the price. Tumataginting na 35k. I’m not sure if I’m willing to spend that much on a private resort, edi might as well get Mango Farm?

Second stop: Somewhere in Masinag. Haha. We didn’t even reach the place.

Third Stop: Star Circle Resort – it was so-so. Okay, but not that appealing in my taste. Pero mura, in fairness. I just didn’t like the ambiance.

Fourth Stop: La Veranda, Marikina – hands down. It was like a mini-fernwoods style of venue, but the main concern would be: First, price, again a hefty 35k, and the space. It’s not that big, plus parang masyadong covered yung place, sabi mainit daw dun. (I heard)

Fifth Stop: World of Butterflies, Marikina – Tempting. So tempting, we pencil booked for May 8.

First things first: Location – it’s quite accessible from the church. Guests can even take a tricycle from the church to the location.

Price – Tempting offer of 8k for the whole venue.

Facade – Garden type facade, perfect for my motif.

Parking – ample.

Now, the concerns:

It looks a bit plain, I think we’d need to work out a good lighting for the place. Perhaps, mood lighting? I want drapes all over the place, but I’m not sure how that will do for the ventilation. They don’t have inhouse sound system so we’re going to hire pa.

We decided that if it’s going to be at the World of Butterflies, might as well incorporate the butterfly theme in the whole wedding.

The thing is, if we pull it off here at Butterfly Garden (I don’t know why I kept calling it that), it’ll be amazing.

We decided to call it a day after visiting WOB, we were dead tired already.

Tuesday - Bob and I went to the church coz they needed us to appear personally to fill up some documents. What we didn’t know was that, we were in for on the spot interview. We filled up a form with all sorts of question, like when we met, if we promise not to use a condom, etc etc. We got the “Patawag” letter, which Bob will have to bring to Cabanatuan, and I have to bring to Cainta for “Marriage Banns”. It’s a long 3-week process. Also, we got the schedules of our seminars, etc. Our Saturdays from the month of Feb and March are now, officially, fully-booked.

After the church requirements, I showed Bob the reception venue. He said it was perfect, and that he just needs a little help from Mako and they will be able to make it a really beautiful reception venue.

Finally, a sigh of relief.

But then, Tita Tess called and said there’s another venue near Marikina that we can go to, just in case. We went straight to Blue Wave @ Marquinton but to be frank, I didn’t like the place. Not an indoor type of person. Haha. Bob went home early to catch up with his works, and I went straight to Tita Tess’ humble abode.

And before we even called it a day, Ate Tin and I went to Robinson’s Metro East to buy papers for the invitations. And inquired about Hair and Make UP.

Wednesday – I stayed at home. Then I realized, it’s not good for me to stay at home, all sorts of weird ideas kept popping in my head, I can’t make them to shut up.

All of a sudden, I was thinking of having it in Cobo Resort.

Then a morning wedding.

You know, all that inconsistencies. It’s a good thing Ate Tin is with me all throughout the planning stage. I would have gone crazy by myself.

Anyway, everything is going so-so right now. Finally had Joy back in the team, it’s fun when we get to discuss plans already, plus! she suggested a church and I liked it, in fact, I’m going there today to make a reservation.

The dilemma still stays at the reception venue, we couldn’t find one that’s good enough for us. I want a resort type where the guests from Nueva Ecija can stay overnight, para di naman hassle sa kanila umuwi late.

Thinking of doing it in Cabo Resort, 15k lang, pero we’ll see. But the date, I almost forgot, we’re going for May 8. :D

Ayun.

Gotta bounce.

I want to be happy, I want to scream out the joy I feel right now. But amidst all these wonderful feelings, there’s still that painful pinch in the heart, knowing that the person I’d like to share everything with – still can’t accept the fact that I’m getting married.

It’s painful to live everyday with her and not discuss about the plans. I know I’m being selfish, but I just want her to be with me on this. There’s no one else I’d like to share this whole thing with, but her.

Every day I try to get her to help me, I ask her out, but I get rejected. I want to understand her in this but I also wish she’d do the same for me. It’s like I’m torn in between, there’s a lot to celebrate, but who should I celebrate it with?

If you miss the fun times, so do I. I don’t understand why things have to change. You keep building walls between us and I don’t know how to break them. They seem to grow stronger everyday.

Don’t do this to US.

I went to get my baptismal certificate at St. Francis Xavier Parish, got it in less than thirty minutes, (the waiting time was longer and scarier than the actual release of papers).

Then Ate Tin went with me to the caterer, Martha’s Plate, and I must say – they are the kindest caterers you will ever meet. So humble and easy to talk to. I was starstruck, I didn’t realize until about thirty minutes into the conversation that I was talking to them – the owners themselves.

They gave us a wedding gift, a free salad bar! and they also waived the 10% service fee, haha! All in all, I got everything at a lot cheaper cost! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the final computation.

They were kind enough to give us at least three days to come up with the final date and venue, and to hold the “tentative” date until we’re able to inform them about the final details.

Then we went to the florist, and it’s such a bonus to have a tita who knows almost everyone in town. Haha. She’s like a walking discount voucher. The florist gave everything, from bridal bouquet to every single person in the entourage, to the church decor, for only 5k pesos. Jawdropping.

Then we went to the Photo and Video coverage, and yes, Tita knew them too. Haha. They gave us a package we couldn’t resist, at an awfully low price.

All in all, we saved, just for today = 35,000 pesos.

Who says we’re behind? Haha.

Yesterday, we went to Antipolo Cathedral to book a date, but all weekends are already booked, went to Loreland Farm Resort to inquire and turned out that all weekends are booked, too. (Maybe all the brides for April and May decided to have their reception there too?)

We’re forced to have it on a weekday, April. Since they’re not doing weddings on May to give way for the feast of Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage.

Aside from the church and reception, we paid visit to a dress shop and inquired about their dress package. Nakakalula, to begin with.

Picking out the fabric, showing them the design of the gown – it made everything so real, so real…

On the other hand, I want to be as practical as I can be. I am HONESTLY thinking about cost-cutting, like real cost cutting. Like having it at the clubhouse. Like not splurging on the gown. Like.. letting go of my “dream” wedding.

A tiny voice inside my head says, “it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage.”

…and then someone screams, “you’re getting married for only once in your life, godamnit.”

I try not to listen.

Will probably go gown-hunting today. Reception and church, too.

But priority still on the reception and wedding ceremony venue. Whew, goodluck to that.

I don’t want to spend too much on the wedding. I am seriously looking at the idea of having it in our clubhouse, but Bob wouldn’t agree, and when I asked around, they all asked me, “WHY?!”

I don’t know exactly, ever since I had the concept of weddings, I’ve always known/seen my wedding as a romantic-fairy tale sort of wedding, where I could be the princess and I can tell the whole world, “Hey, meet my prince”.

But when Mako (bestman) and I had a serious talk, he said something like, “Mag-asawa na kayo, nuon pa.” and the words kept repeating in my head until now.

The point exactly. We’ve been husband and wife ever since the first date. Haha. This is a ceremony, it’s all about having God’s blessing, and to tell you honestly, it doesn’t matter to me now whether I’d have a super fairytale like wedding. I could get married tomorrow in a shirt and worn-out jeans and still have the perfect MARRIAGE.

Anyway, we’ll see.

Realistically, I’m at 20%.

This is the part where I’m supposed to go nuts, right?

I have a lot of things on my plate… I’m excited about the wedding, but something came up and I’m thrilled by the idea too. Haha.

We’re launching “Pick-a-Book: A book for every Juan” book drive soon! It’s going to be for the kids of Rizal, far-flung areas of Rizal. We’re going to restore their libraries and give them books (starter books).

It’s gonna take so much of my time now and honestly, I don’t even want to think about having to juggle Project 20 and the wedding.

The two most important things in my life right now. Whew, help me God.

When we thought of getting married, we thought of having a civil wedding, the literal we’ll-go-in-shirts-and-jeans-then-get-married type of wedding, and it was supposed to be on Feb 2, just in time for our third year of being together.

When reality finally kicked in, we thought of making it a real wedding ceremony and decided to have it on April since there are possibilities of having both Mama and Papa come home by then.

So April.

We thought of April 27, Mama’s birthday, but it falls on a tuesday and that would make it a bit hard for our guests to come on a weekday. So we went for the nearest available weekend.

April 24. All was fine until we found the resort/reception venue. It’s booked for the 24th.

How about the next weekend, then? May 1? Holiday? Who wants to get married in Labor Day, honestly, not me.

May 2 – Sunday. I still don’t know if we can get married on a Sunday, given that mass activities are on a Sunday. (We’ll see)

May 8 – Again, booked.

May 15 – Quite possible, I say, but really, May 15?

May 22 – Yaba said no-no, 22 looked like “nakaluhod” daw. (Oh-kay).

So…that leaves us to…

Either May 2 or 15.

Waa. Hirap pala magpakasal. Hahaha.

Aha. So Goodluck.

I guess my worst fear of becoming a monster bride has finally got into me, transforming me to a very picky/emotional/attention seeker bride. The fantasies of an ideal engagement went to my head, and sadly, I… went overboard.

I was looking for something – I was constantly asking..for more.

What I have failed to realize is that this is Bob that I’m marrying, and that it doesn’t actually matter what amount of effort we put into the wedding - all that matters is the LIFE after the wedding – Our Marriage.

It took me one day trip to Baras, Rizal to clear my head. I guess it has always been the best therapy to me, being with the kids, facilitating a psychosocial support, has always been my medicine… my reality checker. A day trip to a very far place made me realize that who I am right now – whatever I am capable of doing right now – is because there’s always this one person who never fails to support me… Bob.

I’m glad that I’m marrying the only person in the world that I can hate for five minutes and love for the next twenty-three hours and five-fifty five minutes of the day. The only person I can fight with – but still love me for nothing less. I’m glad I’m marrying my best friend, my confidant.

Why God has blessed me this much – I still don’t know. But I’m overwhelmed. Thank you Lord, for giving me the person I will love forever – at 22.

To Bob,

I’m sorry for the things I’ve said – believe me when I say, I take it all back.

There’s no one else in the world that can love me the way you do. Honestly, I don’t know where all that love is coming from. You are a miracle.

You are my best friend. You are the only person in this world where I can really be myself. I’m glad that I don’t have to fake a halo for you to love me, I can be a beast with the deadliest poison and you would still love me, see, that’s how blessed I am, and I’m sorry for the countless number of times that I have forgotten that.

The three years of my life that I have spent with you is the best years of my life and I know that the rest of my life would be just as happy – even better.

Your monster-bride,(although not so much now),

Elay

The reception is to follow at Water Nymph resort, which is approximately 30 mins away from the church.

Yun.

Deads na dun.

What to do? :(

Went to BDO to pay for the CENOMAR and then since I was there already, I dropped by Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage Church and asked for the requirements. They said that the date we wanted was still available, and that we should finish the requirements to reserve the date. Turns out you can’t reserve it without the full requirements, which made me lose myself for a while.

• CENOMAR – filed and paid (approx 3 weeks processing? boo.)
• Birth Certificate – Mine is here, Bob’s birth certificate = out in the wild.
• Baptismal and Confirmation Certificate = Prob for me, hopefully not for Bob.
• Pre-Marriage Counseling = ?
• Parental Advise = Asked Mama to furnish a copy for me. Hopefully in a week or two?

Marriage License will be released on the 11th day after we fulfill all requirements, so safe estimate would be a month and a half from now. It’s valid for three months, so sakto lang?

I just hope all goes well.

Mahirap pala magpakasal noh? Kala ko, “I Do” lang tapos okay na. Haha.

*Edit*

Di ko nakwento, while I was at CSWD (ata), nag inquire ako sa information booth tapos pinaupo ako dun. Tagal kong nakaupo, tapos may lumapit sakin, ako daw ba yung sa custody case. Haha. Yun pala, namali ng rinig si Kuya, “Consent” naging “Custody”, medyo malayo pero sige na nga.

Ganun pala yung marriage seminar. Sa hallway lang. I wonder kung nakikinig talaga yung mga soon-to-weds, hehe.

Today, tatlong tao ang nagsabi sakin na, “Ang bata mo pa ah,” and I just smiled.

My weight has been an issue, not to Bob (apparently), but to me. I want to look good in that wedding gown and if it’s diet that I have to do or dumbbells that I have to carry, then fine, I’ll do it.

But really, for what?

Bob told me he’s marrying me for who I am, and it does not matter to him if I’m fat or thin, he’ll still marry me. I know it’s the sweetest thing ever at this state, but you know, there’s still that tiny voice at the back of my head that says, “Damn the wedding gown.”

So I decided to do it for myself.

Maybe not fitness first. Maybe I could do it at home, and let’s just see. Or maybe a cheaper gym, something that would not add to our budget problems with regards to the wedding.

Ahh. Lahat ba ng bride nagkakaganito? Or talagang weird lang ako.

Damn the wedding gown.

Let’s go.

I want the wedding done here in Marikina/Rizal, somewhere near. Why? When I had the concept of a wedding, I always knew I want a fairytale setup. And it doesn’t really matter where it’s going to be, just as long as there is a garden, a swimming pool and lotsa flowers.

I thought of having it here coz I want the children of Tanay to be there. The kids I had gone close to over the last months, if I became a different person, a good person I hope, it’s because of what they taught me. I want them to be a part of the entourage. They HAVE to be there. I want that kid who sang “Hanggang” in the evacuation center to sing in our wedding too.

Last night, I thought of having it in the same place where Ma and Pa exchanged their vows. It was like an out of the blue idea, and for a while, it got to me. When I asked mama, she said I might be doing it for the wrong reasons, she said that I should not do it just because they got married there. She said, “Wherever Bob is, that’s the place.”

So I’m back with the original theme.. A garden fairytale wedding, only this time, it’s got to be inserted with tidbits of Project 20.

Coz of all the mistakes I’ve done in my life, Bob and Project 20 are the two great achievements I’ve had, and having the two of them in one great and special occasion would mean a lot to me, to the person I have become.

As I post this, I will make the promise that I won’t be changing my mind anytime soon. So you can take a sigh of relief now. I’m good. :)

Oh for the love of looking good in that gown.

Today, I’ve had only juice and a cup of noodles. And lots of water.

I miss binge eating.

But I’m not complaining. Haha.

Bob told Tita Badang about the plans this afternoon. They called me up and the first words she said were, “Kelangan na natin mag diet.” Haha.

Diet Diet. And my bridesmaids are in it too. Why.. Why?

Hahaha.

Started with Butterfly Kisses.

Now Joy.

I’ve been wanting to tell her in person about the wedding, but I can’t get myself to tell her. I don’t understand why, it’s just that everytime I try to tell her about it, I freak out.

This morning, I told her… via chat.

I know, lame. But it’s safer. At least she didn’t see the tears as soon as I read the words:

Kaye: iiwan mo ko?bwal ka pa ikasal. hahaha.. huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

Ahh.

The hardest part.

Little stuffs.

It’s all coming true.. :)

One word: Diet.

It’s about seven in the morning, and Bob just left for Cabanatuan. I’m here, alone in the room, playing songs for the wedding, listing everything down so I would remember all of them.

I was doing just fine until I got to Butterfly Kisses.

I think ever since I had the concept of a wedding, this song has always been the one song I know I would play at the event. I’m sure I share this sentiment with all upcoming brides.

I used to listen to the song a lot before, but I never thought that the feeling the song would give you is way different when you are really getting married.

I am Papa’s little girl.

Let me tell you something about my father.

If I say, “He’s the best,” it would not be enough.

Mama always told me that my first words were “Papa.” It was when she placed the phone on my ear, just after the surgery I had when I was six months old. I don’t have clear memories of him from my childhood, I guess it’s because he would just go home every year for a month and… I guess I just got used to it.

My childhood days were spent with him on the phone on Christmas Eve, on birthdays and other special occasions. I remember one specific birthday when I was rushing home, my aunt stopped me at the door and said there’s a surprise waiting for me inside. At the table was a bucket of KFC and a cake, with the words, “Happy Birthday Nina,” Love, Mama and Papa. I was a kid then and I thought the bucket and the cake really came all the way from Jeddah.

My joy would root out from pasalubong boxes he would sent us each year. Voice tapes were the “cool” thing then, and I can clearly remember competing with my sister on who’s got the most mentions in the tape, and to avoid conflicts, Papa just decided to give us separate tapes, and my sister and I would then compare who’s got the longer one.

He would go home once a year, but I have no clear memories of that, though.

But I do remember looking forward to it each year.

I would always be the first one in school to have the latest gadget, the prettiest Barbie, and the cutest Polly Pockets. I guess I grew up thinking that whatever I ask for, I’m free to have.

I would go and boast around that I have the best daddy in the world. Looking back at it now, I guess they provided me the sense of security I needed back then; I guess the material things proved to me that my Dad was real. Not just a voice on the phone.

As I grew up, I know I want to be an achiever. I wanted to be the daughter she would be proud of.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I began to sense that there was something wrong. Mama would always make me call Papa’s office. Then was the time where telephone operators were the “in” thing. I would pretend to be 18 years old so they would connect me to Jeddah. I would look for Mr. Pabico, the cashier. And then few months later, I began to look for Mr. Pabico, the supervisor.

Everything was going well for him and I guess the same goes with ours. Mama was doing well with her canteen business and Joy and I would be left with Yaya’s, or Tita’s, or sometimes, we stay at the convent when Mama can’t pick us up on time.

I remember calling El Shaddai every night so they would pray for Papa. This has become the household joke later on, coz my mama heard me say, “Sana po walang manyanyaring masama kay Papa sa Jeddah.”

When I was 8, Mama had to leave for Jeddah too. She spent about a year fixing everything there, and when she went back here, she announced that we will come with her to Jeddah in December 1998.

To me, that was the best news in my life. Finally having to spend every single day with my father seemed like the best thing that could happen to me.

I met Papa when I was 11 years old.

I guess it’s safe to say that I maximized every minute that we could be together. Everything was real then – he’s there, physically. Spending the first Christmas together, the first birthdays, it was all so perfect to me.

It was all so real to us that finally, after missing out so much on each other, we are all under one roof.

But then somehow it has to end, 6 years of being with them has to end because of college. I felt so angry to the world, I was so used to being with them but then I had to go and live alone.

I turned 18 – and on my debut, where he was supposed to be the first dance – became a phone patch. All the visitors were crying. If I could dance with the phone, I would have.

The last time I’ve been with Papa is when I was sent back to Jeddah for an operation. He would buy me what I want, yet again. Would bring me to places I want to go. We went for a desert road trip when I felt like going. It was like putting all the years in one month.

I’m now getting married – and as real as it may seem right now, I know I will only be able to grasp the real joy of this whole thing when Papa finally confirms that he’s going home.

The phone call I’ve had with him last night seems to tell me otherwise, though. I just want him here. I just want my Papa. I don’t really need a grand wedding. I just want my Papa to walk me down the aisle, to give me away to another special man in my life.

I just want Papa. :(

Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it’s about time…

It occurred to me, that the moment you say it out loud, it’s real.

We had a talk with Mama and she said yes. No, she said, “Bakit naman hindi?”

I noticed I’ve been saying “Rawr” a lot of times since yesterday.

This is all so MAGICAL.

I’m getting married!

We are getting married!!!

Today is the 3rd year since we first saw each other. 3 years since the first date.

It was just like two grown ups talking.

No fancy kneeling on one knee.

No diamond ring.

No fireworks, no violinists playing in the background.

Only Him.

And never mind that this was nothing to the engagement/proposal dream in my head.

This is real.

And this is happening.

Right now.

To me.

To us.

WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

You know, there are those people who would do just about anything to be able to help. I’ve talked with different people from different parts of the country, asking me how they would be able to send out donations and stuff. Some don’t even know what Gcash is but they went out of their way to research and donate. I see kids donating their old toys, and that alone is enough to rush to your closet and see which ones are up for donations.

Even foreigners have the desire to help. John C., our boss from Texas, has helped not just once, donated more than what we expected and it’s a great feeling to know that even when he is thousand miles away from here, he still has the desire to help out. Not once did he ask or had second thoughts on helping. It’s amazing.

Even students, non-working people help a lot too! I see classmates donating their old books, notebooks and other stuff they thought would mean nothing but when the books are donated to the kids, you see an extraordinary smile on their faces and they start reading the books as soon as you hand it to them.

There are those who save five pesos a day so they can donate 20 pesos at the end of the week. These people have nothing extra to give but they make a way for it to happen.

I see all kinds of heroism, everyday.

Those who are really willing to help don’t ask you WHY, but HOW to help.

But you see, there’s always one out of ten people who would ask the former. I remember one guy asked me, “What do you get from all these anyway? I’m sure there must be something to this. Profit? Recognition? What?”

Profit.

I don’t think so. You do know that volunteers don’t get paid, right? Hundreds of volunteers out there spend money in fares, etc. I spend so much on fare since I’m way up here in ‘tipolo and most of the relief operations are down there, the farthest I’ve gone to was Pandacan, Manila and we had to rent a full FX so we can deliver the goods, etc. So let’s just take this off the list, shall we?

Recognition.

Now that’s something. You see, Mako and I, when we started Project 20, we had this in mind: We would stay off the limelight.

No media. No extreme publicity. It’s just that we believe that when there are hundreds of cameras flashing back at you, it defies the purpose of being there. You help not because you are going to be seen on TV. No. That’s just not it. You don’t go there because there’s a chance to become a celebrity. NO, no. Please no.

I really admire those people I’ve met during the course of this tragedy. You see ORDINARY PEOPLE, no political agenda, no celebrity image to uphold – HELPING out with the best that they can. They don’t need to be reported on TV, they don’t need to announce in Channel 2 or 7 that they’re doing relief ops.

They’re just out there helping people. And you see, seeing this kind of helping out is priceless.

So what do we get out of these? What do WE get out of helping other people? If it’s not profit or recognition, then what is?

It may sound a little off-beat when I say the SMILES are enough to keep us going, but that’s the truth. When you’re out there, you see that kind of smile that would melt even a heart of steel. You see a smile that’s so genuine you could feel it right through your core.

When you’re there, people don’t judge what kind of clothes you wear, they don’t judge what kind of goods you bring, when you’re out there you only hear “Thank You’s” and that’s more than enough to get you out of bed the next morning and you realize that the first thought that comes into your mind is, “Where to go next?”

When you’re out there, you see the spirit of the volunteers. You know that you’re there for the right reason. It’s that spirit that drives you to stay there even when there’s a storm signal no. 2 in the area. It’s that feeling of doing the right thing that makes you stay even when a storm is just about to make a landfall in RP.

I remember when my friends and I were volunteering at Assumption Antipolo. It was Friday; PAG-ASA said Pepeng would make a landfall anytime during the day. And at 8am, there were no volunteers in the area; some said they were afraid of being stranded. Organizers were having second thoughts on deployment since a possibility of being stranded is very likely to happen. But come 10am, we were already sorting out things and at 11am, the first deployment was pushed through and the next thing we knew, at around 2pm, we were already at the van going to Antipolo National Highschool to deliver the goods and feed more than 200 people.

God made sure we were already on our way home when it started raining hard.

You see, there are no buffet lunches at volunteer camps. Sometimes all you get is a hard-boiled egg and bread but that’s fine. You’re not there to party. You know you’re there for the right reasons and yes, that’s more than enough to keep your stomach full all day long.

When you’re out there, you see a part of yourself you may never knew existed until you find yourself helping out and doing the best you can. I’m usually ashamed to admit that I’m a lazy person, but then again, I’m just another example of what change can happen when you’re out there.

They say volunteers help change the lives of other people, I say it’s the other way around. They change our lives.

They save us more than we save them.

Yes, I’m lazy and maarte in some ways. I never thought I’d see myself segregating used stuffs. Used underwears, (yes, panties, briefs and bras.) Used socks, used clothing. Some I’m not even sure if its already clean but I just find myself segregating them by naked hands. No gloves. Old shoes, some smell and some quite okay. It doesn’t matter.

When you’re out there helping, you don’t think of what you CANNOT do. You think of all that you CAN do to help. James didn’t know how to fold socks the right way. Abby didn’t know how to fold clothes the right way. Allaine sorted out old shoes and paired them one by one. We had fun learning stuffs! These and a hundred more things you thought you couldn’t do for others but you did anyway.

I don’t know if my thinking is right – but it’s just that I feel that God did not spared our home so that we can sit our ass off in front of the TV and just watch the news as things happen around us. He did not just bless us more than those people because we are more deserving than them. It’s not because he loves us more than he loves them.

I feel that he has blessed us this much so we can be his instruments, so we can be the ones out there helping out other people who were greatly affected by the typhoon. He wants us to be the blessing to others and by sitting down and watch things happen right before our eyes is just a defeat to this purpose.

Coz you know, when you’re out there, it just feels that through the little help we are able to give people; we are being the hands and feet of God.

If we stop doing this, what happens to the hundreds, or maybe thousands of people still struggling, finding ways to start again? If we stop this now, and continue with our own lives like nothing happened, isn’t it just the same as helping them suffer?

If you know you can do something to help and you choose not to do it, isn’t that a direct shame on your face? There are people out there who need your help, hundreds, millions of them.

In times like this we just can’t be blind. We see it every day, everywhere. Try riding the LRT from Santolan station and see for yourself. We just can’t be deaf. There are millions of voices calling for our help; we just can’t remain deaf to that.
So once again, It’s not profit, fame or recognition. It’s knowing that at the end of the day, when this is all over and you get asked, “Did you live fully? Did you love well?” You know for sure what the answer is and damn right, you can answer it well.

But today is not one of those days.

I think I have never been more happier to see the sun streaming right thru my window. I think I have never enjoyed having a house that faces the “morning sun” as much as I do today. The sun is up – everyone. And it holds a very unspoken promise that today, marks the beginning of a new Philippines.

Ondoy and Pepeng – perhaps the two storms I would never forget in my entire life – has shown the world what Filipinos are really made of. Yes of course it’s got the bad – and I don’t need to enumerate it, we see it everyday in different websites, photos of people with no homes, people who lost their families in the storm – everyone having lost something, everyone has their own stories to tell. We see it everytime we get out of our house. The disaster typhoon has left a very big scar in the whole of our country.

But I don’t want to give you another blog post of just how hard it is to face the losses we have encountered during the past week. Instead, I want this post to be just like how the sun’s rays were to me this morning.

I want to start with myself.

The reason why we had to hire someone to help us with the household chores is because I’m one heck of a lazy person. And usually I won’t admit this on my blogs but as I’ve said, today is different.

Before we had Nanang, clothes were just everywhere. We didn’t bother to fold it coz we’d end up having them strewn away somewhere anyway. I hate folding clothes, I’d rather wash a ton of clothes than fold it.

Why am I saying this? Because when Ondoy took the clothes of our brothers and sisters, I knew I had to do something – and that meant having to sort out my old clothes and see which ones are up for donations. For the first time in my life, and I’m a bit embarrassed to say this, but for the first time – I knew I had to stand up and do something. My friends and I went to volunteer repack goods and that also meant having to sort and fold hundreds and hundreds of clothes.

I had to segregate shoes, which before you won’t really see me touching the shoe of another person, but on that day, I touched and segregated hundreds of them. Socks? Yes, we did too. Underwear? Panties? Yes, we folded it up like THEY were brand new.

The good in all these – despite everything, is that once again, we showed the world that in times like these – walang mayaman at walang mahirap. You see people of all kinds, wanting to help other people. You fall in line in Shopwise and there’s people before you with a cart full of canned goods and noodles and you know automatically it’s for donations. The people who were blessed enough to be saved from the flood didn’t just sat infront of their tv sets and watched everything happen. They stood up and helped. And that’s not something we see everyday.

People you don’t know – suddenly offers you help, be it asking you to come inside the car so they can drop you off where you need to go – be it people who continuously twitter the updates so that people would know – people giving out foods, preparing foods not for their businesses but for evacuation centers. People saving the lives of other people. Security guards jumping off a roof to save another person, army men who we were used to be afraid of because they carry guns and ammos, you see people clinging to them now, you see them carrying victims on their backs so they would be safe.

Need I say this people? HEROES ARE EVERYWHERE.

So despite my wanting to curse and curse Ondoy for everything he’s done to our country, I’d like to thank him too – coz despite everything that he has taken away from us, he’s showed us too what’s inside of our nation. This calamity has showed us what we can do as Filipinos, what part of ourselves we are willing to give for people who needs us.

I just hope that when this is all over – when there are no more evacuees in our evacuation centers – the same spirit who made you take that stranger on your car – would still be there. The same spirit who made you share your salary to people who need them would still be there even when Ondoy is no longer remembered by us.

Ondoy has proved one point – that we are HEROES of our country. But WE have to prove something, too. – That from this day on, we will not need Ondoy or Pepeng to show us what we can do for others, instead, it’ll just come from within. YOU taking a step out to help other people.

Because they need us. Because we need them.

Because they don’t call us Filipinos for nothing.

But if it was to be given to me, If I would be given a second chance at life, I’d rather not take it.

If I were to take it, I would answer 81 in that 9 times 9 question my math teacher asked me when I was in grade 6. He then would not take the other pair of my school shoe and I wouldn’t need to memorize the entire multiplication table and recite it in front of the class with just my left shoe on. But then, I wouldn’t learn humility and sense of humour in times of trouble.

If I were to take it, I would type an error-free essay on all of my English classes. Perhaps I would get an A for that. But then, I wouldn’t know that the more red marks I see on my paper, it means the more I’m loved by my professor. I wouldn’t know the value of improvement.

If I were to take it, I would know that suitors from Upper classes does not necessary mean that they are wise enough, or mature enough. I would know not to get involved in a relationship till I finish college. But then I wouldn’t know what it is like to give your heart to someone and have it returned in shattered pieces. Then I wouldn’t know what and who really matters most to me. Then I wouldn’t know how it feels to be so vulnerable yet remain strong amidst everything.

If I were to take it, I would study real hard and graduate BA Journalism in UP Diliman just on time. I wouldn’t drink alcoholic beverages on a regular basis coz I would know that it would just damage my gall bladder and would forever scar the feelings of my parents. I would know not to mess around and have fun in my own way.

But then I wouldn’t know how much I really appreciate everything my parents have done for me. I wouldn’t know how to value time and effort, I wouldn’t meet the wonderful fabulous people I’ve met when I chose to work before I study, I wouldn’t learn the value of everything around me. I wouldn’t meet that one person who would stay beside me all throughout, no matter how many mistakes I’ve done in the past.

So, while the offer seems really tempting. I have to say no this time. I value the lessons I have learned from my mistakes and redoing it will just defeat its purpose of teaching me what I needed to know in what I had to experience.

I stand before you now, rejecting the offer. For ladies and gentlemen, I am good to go.

Everything was so quiet that Noah, our family dog, already began barking at the sound of my footsteps even when I was meters away from the house.

It used to be that Noah is not the only one waiting for my return.

As I walk, I feel the weight of my shoulders drown upon me again. It’s a different feeling, walking home to see no one waiting for me. It’s like I wanted to stay at some place else to not feel the agony.

When you’ve done something for so long that it has become a part of your system, a part of you dies with it the moment you choose to let it go. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you’re ready to let it all go, there’s still that small voice inside your head that tells you to hold on.

Really, when do you let go of something? Do you let go when it hurts so bad, or do you hold on til it hurts no more? Do you let go when you find something is wrong, or do you hold on to wait til it gets right?

What if holding on is killing you inch by inch but letting go kills you in an instant?

How would you live?

Sometimes, I feel that I am going to break down any second. My friends are awfully busy with their own lives and I don’t have anyone to share this crap with. I decided to move my entire blog somewhere else, at least I have the freedom to publish in here what I feel.

I wanted to say Thank God it’s Friday. But then again, it’s only friday.

It happens to me all the time.

If I would look back at the girl who survived a round trip visit to hell and back, I would sometimes wonder where that girl is. If she’s still alive or something killed her that I don’t know about.

Sometimes, I miss her. Like I know I would be better if she was me. If she was fighting this battle, I know she’d definitely win it. Nail it down like she’s been doing for years.

I was constantly wanting her to come back, wishing she’d be here instead. But you know what, as I’m typing this entry, I realized that she’s not really gone, it’s just there’s so many things happening in my life right now that I always forget to see her, to acknowledge the fights she’s fighting for me.

I wish pretending was that easy.

If you would just listen to what she’s trying to tell you over the years, how she wanted to bring back the old times, and why shouldn’t she? it was the best days of her life, the days when she felt she was everything to just one person. what she would do to have it all back, what she would give to feel that again.

If you would just try to understand how hard it has been to her, to feel like the highest second priority in your life, to feel that she always has to go second to something, and not be able to do anything about it. She’s always compared to a material thing. always the second option. And yet it’s something she must accept. She must understand.

Maybe if you’ll try to fit in her place just for once. You’d see that behind all the demands, all the requests, she’s just a girl, wanting to feel the same amount of love she’s been giving. Maybe, she’s just a girl who wants to be loved. to be cared for.

Maybe she’s not asking too much.

I just made a decision that would probably affect the rest of my life. It’s like everything is in a shameful mess right now, it’s suicidal to even think of a way out.

It’s like the rest of my life ended in a snap, but I have to be strong, it’s my decision after all.

Today, I feel like a bullet landed straight to my head and decided to stay there forever. Today, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulder. Like I’m a helpless little girl desperately screaming for help.

But no one would hear me.

While walking towards FX terminal to Cubao, a child tugged my shirt and asked for a few coins. I gave him the coins I have in my hand. He smiled at me and said thanks.

A couple of meters away, we saw an old lady along the pavement, asking for some coins as well. I gave her the 50 peso bill I have remaining in my hand. She was really happy and she even thought that I gave her the wrong bill. I knew it was 50 and I wanted to really give her the 50 peso change and she said, “Hahaba at gaganda pa ng lalo ang buhay mo anak.”

I smiled and as we walked towards the terminal, I knew in my heart that I just made another person happy. And God too.

This morning, while waiting for the bus to leave Cabanatuan, a young boy stepped inside and asked me if I wanted to buy tabloids. Now, normally young sellers would really bug you and force you to buy the tabloids. Not him. He politely asked me if I wanted one.

I don’t really read tabloids. I hate tabloids, as a matter of fact. But something pushed me to buy the tabloid. I gave him a 20 peso bill and told him to keep the change. Imagine the delight in my heart when I saw him flash me a really big smile and said, “Thank you po ate, thank you po talaga.”

I could go ahead and describe what kind of smile it was but I wouldn’t give justice to the sincerity and truthfulness of that gesture. It was worth more than the 8-peso tip I gave him, if I were to add a price tag to it, I’d be indebted forever.

I know that if I feel really bad about myself, I would just close my eyes and remember that smile – and I’ll be okay.

Bob has always been that person who would make the extra effort to help me with my choices. My choices has never been always right but he would always make sure that I still get to try it. And learn from it.

I told him I wanted to open a new shop, with a name of Shirtgrafx.com, if you would remember, he bought me a domain name before of “Perkyshirts.com”, which I grew tired of because he would always sing it, “perkyshirts…in the ocean…” (That’s $10 put to waste.)

But still, he bought me a new one, shirtgrafx.com, I can clearly remember that night. He showed me that the domain is already unavailable and it broke my heart. Turned out that he was the one who bought the domain and it was already hosted in his hosting account.

Days later, he designed the multiply layout, and boy it was so good! I requested for .gif animated picture for the homepage, and he did it in flash. :D

And yesterday when I got home, I was surprised to see that the multiply account I just opened was already a PREMIUM account.

I am typing this with much thanks to him, and with him snoring in the background, I know I’ve got everything I need to focus and do well.

I love you daddy!

But it’s not that.

It’s not like you’ve done something really bad to someone and when you say sorry, it’s all forgiven and you can start from scratch. No.

Forgiveness is a process- a long time process which involves a lot of emotions – it’s gradual, and it doesn’t have a deadline. We move in very different paces, some of us forgive easily and some of us don’t.

It’s not something we can force, it’s not something we can just ask for.

I know my forgiveness is somewhere here. It’s just that I still can’t bring myself to open it up. It’s not that I’m selfish, it’s not that I’m unforgiving. I know it’s on the process. I just have to find the courage to unlock it.

It takes time.

~Brian Moore

Honestly, I used to care so much for your other sona’s. Some profs used to make us count the number of times people clapped at your speech and so forth.

But today is a very different story. I didn’t have to do it because a professor told me so, or because I’m afraid I’ll get a 3 when I don’t listen. Today, I listened to see if there’s anything new. If there’s anything I could really grab from the SONA.

I wanted to be told exactly of our country’s problems. Coz I honestly don’t believe at the figures. Every morning when I go to school, I pass by a lot of homeless people. Every time I go near the church, there’s still kids tugging at my shirt, asking for some money to buy food. Every time my parents would send me their remittance, they still ask me if it’s enough, and it’s not. They have been working overseas for more than half of my life and there’s nothing we could do about it coz that’s the reality here in our country.

Reality is what I expected from the SONA, but no. Honestly, Madam President, we don’t care about the percentage, or the figures, etc. All these are but numbers, what we need is real life experience of all those improvements. We need to feel it. We need to know it’s really there.

But then again, I know I should not expect that much.

It’s just SONA.

If it’s something you’ve feared for so long, how would you handle it?

I know, it’s not always the easy part. Heck, letting go of something that means a hell lot of good things to you is almost synonymous to emotional suicide, but if it is something that would save the rest of you from drowning too much in your own pool of delusions, why not do it?

Sometimes, people hold on for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, people disregard the plain truth that slaps them straight in their face because they are afraid of the future, of what’s to come. Sometimes, people are just scared of a drastic change in their lives, that they tend to hold on to what they have because of what could happen. Because the unknown is always on the dangerous side. Comfort zone isn’t called comfort zone for nothing.

I just want YOU to realize of what you are putting yourself into. Staying in that pool you created for yourself will not be healthy for you.

If there’s a time in your life that you have to stand up for yourself, today’s the best day to do it. Don’t hold yourself up for something you know you don’t deserve.

Don’t reason out for someone else’s mistake just so you can justify it for yourself. You know what you deserve and you ought to get it, no matter how hard it may seem to be.

Gising, gising.

I just know that a horror movie is really good when it meets my criteria:

1. Jump factor – when it shocks me to the highest level and I reach the point that I almost jump from my seat, then it’s really horror.

2. Focus-on-the-popcorn – if it makes me focus on my popcorn so I wouldn’t see the gross/eww parts of the movie.

3. Closed-eye strategy – if I close my eyes on most parts of the movie coz I’m afraid that the image will remain in my memory for a long time.

4. After-shock moments – If I can’t sleep at night because the image keeps popping on my head (i.e. Headless somethings, eww faces, dead bodies creeping under the bed sorta things.)

See, I only closed my eyes twice on this movie. And it’s because my contacts are really pissing me off. I am usually one of those girls who scream at a horror flick.

But in this case, I actually got annoyed at the bunch of high school girls who screamed a lot during the whole movie. I mean, what the fuck.

I slept really well last night.

a guess would be it has something to do with the contact lenses, but then again, i’ve been using the same grade of lenses with the glasses i’ve lost, so… i’m not really sure.

it’s really annoying that i get to experience this just when i need to concentrate in my studies and other works.

damn headache.:(

So I have exams tomorrow, in filipino and math, and I haven’t opened a single lecture, and instead I’m going out with Bob to watch a movie. :)

Exams are not until 8am tomorrow so if we go home at around 9pm, I have until 4am to sleep and then study…

(uhmm..)

the last thing i would need when i would like to start over as friends is a message telling me that i should not mention it to anyone, or whatever, because it might hurt people in the process.

but peace, is all i need. so yeah, maybe that’s right.

so, thank you, once again, for the concern.