Disturbing the Universe.

People think forgiveness is just a one-stop shot at something.

But it’s not that.

It’s not like you’ve done something really bad to someone and when you say sorry, it’s all forgiven and you can start from scratch. No.

Forgiveness is a process- a long time process which involves a lot of emotions – it’s gradual, and it doesn’t have a deadline. We move in very different paces, some of us forgive easily and some of us don’t.

It’s not something we can force, it’s not something we can just ask for.

I know my forgiveness is somewhere here. It’s just that I still can’t bring myself to open it up. It’s not that I’m selfish, it’s not that I’m unforgiving. I know it’s on the process. I just have to find the courage to unlock it.

It takes time.

~Brian Moore

This afternoon, I was supposed to watch your SONA in front of the TV but I decided that it’ll be a lot safer for the tv, and for myself if I just stay in the bedroom and turn the volume of the tv louder so I can still hear it.

Honestly, I used to care so much for your other sona’s. Some profs used to make us count the number of times people clapped at your speech and so forth.

But today is a very different story. I didn’t have to do it because a professor told me so, or because I’m afraid I’ll get a 3 when I don’t listen. Today, I listened to see if there’s anything new. If there’s anything I could really grab from the SONA.

I wanted to be told exactly of our country’s problems. Coz I honestly don’t believe at the figures. Every morning when I go to school, I pass by a lot of homeless people. Every time I go near the church, there’s still kids tugging at my shirt, asking for some money to buy food. Every time my parents would send me their remittance, they still ask me if it’s enough, and it’s not. They have been working overseas for more than half of my life and there’s nothing we could do about it coz that’s the reality here in our country.

Reality is what I expected from the SONA, but no. Honestly, Madam President, we don’t care about the percentage, or the figures, etc. All these are but numbers, what we need is real life experience of all those improvements. We need to feel it. We need to know it’s really there.

But then again, I know I should not expect that much.

It’s just SONA.

If the truth stares to you right into your face, how would you take it?

If it’s something you’ve feared for so long, how would you handle it?

I know, it’s not always the easy part. Heck, letting go of something that means a hell lot of good things to you is almost synonymous to emotional suicide, but if it is something that would save the rest of you from drowning too much in your own pool of delusions, why not do it?

Sometimes, people hold on for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, people disregard the plain truth that slaps them straight in their face because they are afraid of the future, of what’s to come. Sometimes, people are just scared of a drastic change in their lives, that they tend to hold on to what they have because of what could happen. Because the unknown is always on the dangerous side. Comfort zone isn’t called comfort zone for nothing.

I just want YOU to realize of what you are putting yourself into. Staying in that pool you created for yourself will not be healthy for you.

If there’s a time in your life that you have to stand up for yourself, today’s the best day to do it. Don’t hold yourself up for something you know you don’t deserve.

Don’t reason out for someone else’s mistake just so you can justify it for yourself. You know what you deserve and you ought to get it, no matter how hard it may seem to be.

Gising, gising.

Bumming around!

… just don’t watch a crappy horror movie, especially if it’s entitled, “It’s Alive.”

I just know that a horror movie is really good when it meets my criteria:

1. Jump factor – when it shocks me to the highest level and I reach the point that I almost jump from my seat, then it’s really horror.

2. Focus-on-the-popcorn – if it makes me focus on my popcorn so I wouldn’t see the gross/eww parts of the movie.

3. Closed-eye strategy – if I close my eyes on most parts of the movie coz I’m afraid that the image will remain in my memory for a long time.

4. After-shock moments – If I can’t sleep at night because the image keeps popping on my head (i.e. Headless somethings, eww faces, dead bodies creeping under the bed sorta things.)

See, I only closed my eyes twice on this movie. And it’s because my contacts are really pissing me off. I am usually one of those girls who scream at a horror flick.

But in this case, I actually got annoyed at the bunch of high school girls who screamed a lot during the whole movie. I mean, what the fuck.

I slept really well last night.

i’ve been having this really terrible headache for more than a week now.

a guess would be it has something to do with the contact lenses, but then again, i’ve been using the same grade of lenses with the glasses i’ve lost, so… i’m not really sure.

it’s really annoying that i get to experience this just when i need to concentrate in my studies and other works.

damn headache.:(

is when I procrastinate to the highest level, just when I begin telling myself never to procrastinate again.

So I have exams tomorrow, in filipino and math, and I haven’t opened a single lecture, and instead I’m going out with Bob to watch a movie. :)

Exams are not until 8am tomorrow so if we go home at around 9pm, I have until 4am to sleep and then study…

(uhmm..)

got offended by that, really.

the last thing i would need when i would like to start over as friends is a message telling me that i should not mention it to anyone, or whatever, because it might hurt people in the process.

but peace, is all i need. so yeah, maybe that’s right.

so, thank you, once again, for the concern.