Disturbing the Universe.

I haven’t blogged in a long time, because:

1. I feel that I don’t have anything sensible to write about.
2. That if ever I do write about something, nobody would really take the time to talk with me about it.
3. Spam bots are taking over my whole blog. I have 132 pending comments, all of them about viagra and other whatnots.
4. I’m lazy.
5. I’m really really lazy.

Let’s not make it six.

After a few days of being robbed of almost a 100k. How does it feel?

After a blog post saying I’m gonna move on, how does it feel?

Do you want the truth from me?

The truth is, even if I spend the whole day shopping, making myself busy, or just do anything to divert my attention, at this time of the day, I still feel barren! I still feel fuckin stupid for letting someone get away with the hard earned money of my parents!

I wake up at 5am, realizing how big was stolen from us and knowing that it’s my fault they got away with that huge money almost makes me want to kill myself right at this moment.

How does it feel?

It feels sick to the stomach! It feels like I want to die right now. Save myself from all these pain! I want to curse them! I want to punch them in the face, wish them bad luck and make their lives miserable!

But what can I do?

There’s no one to talk to regarding this! I have my blog, but who reads it anyway?

I feel so alone.

Tangina.

I feel so alone. :(

but, I’m trying my best to forget everything that’s happened. I want to move on and have a worry-free life. 50k is 50k but my life.. and my loved one’s life are far more important than money.

Money is just that – money. At the end of the day, it’s still the root of all evil. It’s still the reason why some of us are unhappy, why some of us ends up taking in one more sin in their lives.

I don’t want to hear anything more from this mess. I don’t want to know anything else about it. I just want to move on and live like none of these ever happened to me.

I’m closing this chapter in my life and moving on to a more colorful one.

So help me God.

I don’t want to feel the pain every night.

I don’t want to lay awake in bed and watching all those flashbacks in my head.

I don’t want to hear the noise anymore. I don’t want to plant more grudge seeds in my heart.

I want to be free from all of these.

Help me. I need all the help I can get. :(

I would be ashamed if I was your child.

Don’t call yourself Christian. It doesn’t show.

Mas malala ka pa sa ibang mga kriminal, dahil ikaw nagagawa mong gamitin ang pangalan ng Diyos sa mga katarantaduhan mo.

Manggagamit ka, mangloloko ka ng kapwa mo.

Sa pera mabilis ka, sa pagsagot ng obligasyon mo, ang kupad kupad mo.

Hindi namin itinae yung perang binigay namin sayo. Pinaghirapan yan ng parents ko.

Wag sanang mangyari sa mga anak mo ang ginagawa mo ngayon sakin.

Mabilis ang KARMA.

matakot ka.

Last night was definitely the worst day of my life. It was the first time in my whole life that I got really mad at someone that I collapsed, literally.

I felt like all the rage in the world went up to my head, and I felt dizzy and weak in my whole body. I lost my balance and fell down on the floor, in front of the customers. I knew Bob was scared the whole time, and so was my cousin. But I can’t do anything at all. I can hear them, but I don’t feel like I’m really there.  It’s like I was ten feet under them. And then my knees started to shake, so did my lower jaw. I wanted to control it but I can’t. Bob rushed me to the hospital after letting my sis do some first aid techniques on me.

At the hospital, I was given some relaxants and inserted an oxygen tube on my nose. It was only then that I was able to breath normally and somehow the numbness in my hands and feet were gone. The doctor said, I just had a nervous breakdown. The oxygen supply in my body wasn’t enough that’s why I collapsed. He asked me to forget everything as much as I could, but I can’t. All the time, I was crying. And I felt the pain in my chest everytime. :(

All of these happened just after a single phone call.

I have to learn it the hard way again. That sometimes, PEOPLE REALLY COME TO OUR LIVES TO BRING US THAT CERTAIN KIND OF PAIN THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN GIVE US. It’s bullshit to even think of that way, because all my life, I have tried not to become that kind of person to someone else’s life. It’s hard to think that someone CHRISTIAN and supposedly with GOOD VALUES would be the one to do this to me.

I tell you what, I’d rather be an atheist than be a self-proclaimed Christian like you. I hope you don’t go around fooling everyone by saying you are a good christian and all that jazz. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T SHOW. IT REALLY DOESN’T SHOW.

Standing in a church doesn’t make you a Christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car.

I realized, too, that what happened to me last night was partly my fault. I let my emotions take control of me. Siguro it was bottled up inside me, all this time I was letting her go. I was just all-ok to her. That time – last night. Was the last shit I could accomodate from her.

Hayy.. I could go on and explain what else I feel right now, but I’m afraid it’ll only spark up the more serious pain I felt last night.

I’ll just end this with what I’ve learned from this one hell of a roller coaster ride.

Now I really believe them when they say, People come into our lives for a reason. Some to be our friends, some to be that one hell of an enemy you wished you’ve never known. Regardless of their purpose in coming to our lives, we must be prepared to handle them. Give a hug to that friendly person, or take the shit from that bitch.

Whatever – whoever these people may be. Be prepared. Don’t let anyone stand before you and fool you right in front of your face. Fight if you have to, take your stand. As long as you know you’re doing the right thing.

I’ve read somewhere, Like is a fight-or-flight environment.We fight – we escape – or we ignore the problem. Stress is not just how you react to your experiences, but how you react to the possible outcome of the situation.

And lastly, LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. :(

It’s everywhere.

It’s exactly not our fault that customers like us. That our customers want to spend time with us, that they enjoy playing and surfing the net on our shop. It’s not our fault.

It’s not our fault you have attitude problems. It’s not our fault that customers don’t like the way you treat them. Don’t blame us for the non-profit of your business. We don’t get that much profit too.

Why?

Because we put our customers first before us. We turn the aircon on most of the day because we don’t want them to become uneasy while playing. Sometimes our electric bill goes up to 14k. But that’s fine.

We give out a lot of free hours, sometimes beyond what we should give, because we want them to feel they are not just customers to us, but friends as well. Because we know they want to play longer.

We don’t care if they’re noisy or if they laugh really loud. In fact, we love to hear them laugh. It makes us laugh too. We love calling them by their first names because we have gone accustomed to them, not because we tried to spend a day memorizing their names. We make an honest effort to be friends with them, because that’s what we want them to feel.

We spend 11 hours everyday with them, and this is more than enough reason for me to proudly say they are not just customers to us.

If you see us jampacked most of the days, the thing is, we don’t know why as well. We know your pcs are much updated than ours, so clearly it’s not our pcs versus yours.

Please. Let’s all be matured people here.

• Friendship with Bubie. It’s like taking our friendship to another level. We’re together in reaching our goals now! Aint that sweet? Haha.
• The chance to meet a lot of people. I had a time where I was talking to 5 customers at once in ym. It was fun and stressful at the same time but then, it’s fulfilling. knowing that there’s a lot of people who gets to notice our shop and appreciates what we have there.
• Learning. I’ve learned a lot for the past week we’ve been operating the shop. And learning is fun. It makes me realize things that I just really take for granted in the past.

well, yeah. the profit isn’t that good YET. well! kakaumpisa palang namen, so wait til we kick butts off. :p joke!

I cannot begin to tell you how tired I am right now, my hips hurt, so does my legs. My feet… It hurts so much that I can’t even step on the floor without cringing because of the pain.

But despite all of these, ang masasabi ko parin, “Worth it.”

I surpised Bob with the concert tickets around 12am, and greeted him a Happy Birthday. He was so shocked about the concert tickets and he would not stop thanking me for them. I just smiled, he was too excited for the next day’s adventures, while I’m not really sure what to feel.

Anyway… dahil masakit nga ang katawan ko, enumerate ko nalang good’s and bad’s ng last night (mis) adventures namen.

The Good:

• Eheads. Bow.
• The show started with the unusual countdown. Baliktad na alphabet. Syempre it ended with an E tapos konting mtv about Eraserheads and then nagstart na.
• Set list. Predictable but fun. Marcus was da bomb for me. Nakakatawa talaga siya. Sabi niya, kelangan daw ang artist merong sense of hooomor. (With the H). And then kinanta niya reggae style ng Wag MO nang itanong… na nakakatawa talaga… “Di ko sasabihin sayo!” Haha.
• Pink Hello Kitty Electric Guitar. :D
• Super Proxy. Kaleidoscope World. Mabuhay ka FM!
• The crowd was shouting, “Group Hug!” all the time, pero di nagrant ng eheads. In fairness, nagakbay akbay sila at the end of the concert.
• The crowd was asking Buddy to sing solo, pero one-liner lang kinanta niya. Haha.
• Nung nag end na yung concert, nung paalis na yung mga tao, bumalik sa stage si ely and called up everyone again. kumanta pa sila ng 2 songs ulit. bonus na.
• Symbolic na pagsunog ng Piano sa Sticker Happy.
• Fireworks.
• The lady who gave me water (more about this later)

The Boo’s: (Mukhang mas madami to.)

• Hindi kinanta yung Tindahan ni Aling Nena. Haha. Tsaka Para Sa Masa.
• There are people who don’t know how to respect others. Imagine, there’s a reason bakit maaga yung mga tao sa place. because they wanted to reserve the best spot. Now, if you arrived 30 mins before the concert, don’t squeeze yourself in para lang makakuha ka ng spot. Respeto ang tawag dun.
• Organizers clearly didn’t see the need for aisles. At the middle of the concert, nahilo ako and I was feeling dehydrated. Bob cannot go forward para bumili ng water kasi people thought na sumisingit lang siya. Sobrang feeling ko hihimatayin na ko. Buti mabait yung babae sa harap namin, binigay niya sakin yung water na kabibili lang din niya. Namumutla na daw kasi ako.
• ADS. Grabe ang smart. Tinadtad lahat ng forms of advertisement. Bukod sa nagsawa na kmi sa ads ng smart because yun lang ang pinaplay sa wide screen habang naghihintay magsimula yung concert, nung nagsimula na yung concert, halos isang oras ang naubos ng mga host kakabasa ng mga ads ng smart. Lots of Booooooo’s ang nareceive nila Ann Curtis. Yung isang vj, (forgive me, I don’t know his name) huling huli sa cam na napikon sa boos ng mga audience.
• Lack of transportation modes. Grabe, imagine all that 100,000 people at the end of the concert. Let’s say 50,000 dun ay may kotse. What happened to the 50,000 na walang masakyan? Well, we stayed there til 1-3 am, just waiting for a ride. Finally, ang nasakyan namin ni Bob ay ordinary bus. and it took the bus 1-2 hours para makaalis lang sa traffic ng moa.
• In short, 4 am na gising pa kmi. AT WALA SA BAHAY.
• We decided to check in a hotel. And just when we thought it was a smart choice, no. Yun din ata ang inisip ng mga ibang galing sa concert. Ang daming waiting. We got a room around 5am na.

Edit ko nalang. Pagod na talaga. :(

2 months nagclose tong shop namin, and as you all know, before kami mag close, maraming tumatawag dito na prank callers, kesyo tinext daw sa kanila yung number namin at pinapatawag daw sila sa number namin, for unknown reason.

Kung di naman kasi sila ewan, bakit ka susunod sa isang text na unknown sender tapos pag umulit pa ng text sau eh tatawag ka na naman?

So 2 months tumahimik ang buhay namin dahil sa pag close nitong shop.

Few days ago, nagsimula na naman sila. First it was Nina, looking for Katrina. (ME). It strikes me kasi although Katrina ang real name ko, I seldom use it. Mas kapanipaniwala pa kung Kat or Elay, pero Katrina? Ewan.

So di ko nakausap tong Ninang to dahil lagi akong busy.. Pinsan ko ang lagi niyang nakakausap at pag tatanungin siya kung bakit, binababa niya agad.

This morning, around 6am, tumawag ulit si Nina. And di ko siya nakausap ulit. Like usual, binaba na naman yung fone.

Tapos just about fifteen minutes ago, someone named Joan called na naman and asked for Me, Katrina ulit.

And this time, nagsabi na ng reason. MAY UTANG DAW AKO SA KANYA at kailangan ko nang bayaran dahil nasa ospital daw ang nanay niya at malapit nang mamatay.

I don’t know kung anung meron sa kaluluwa ng mga taong ito na pati nanay nila nagagawa nilang isama sa kasinugalingan nila. I’m not stupid enough to fall for these pranks. Una, wala kaming pinagkakautangan at lalong wala kaming kilalang Joan na dapat namin utangan.

I think isang grupo lang may pakana nitong mga pranks na to. Siguro tatawag muna sila at manghuhula ng name, and pag nahulaan na, bobombahin ka nila ng tawag ng different reasons, hay.

One person even told me “papapulis kita,” as if may grounds siya. Haha. Papulis daw niya ko kasi may nagtetext daw sa kanya na tawagan ang number namin, etc.

Hay buhay, ang daming naiisip na paraan ng tao para lang magkaron ng pera. Nakakainis lang kasi they go to the extremes for the pursuit of money.

Kaya ingat nalang, I don’t know yet what proper actions to do for these lowlives. Pero, may time din sila. :p

Mabilis ang karma.

Do you know how it feels like to have everything you want all at the same time?

Suddenly it becomes weird to you that you don’t know where to begin? It’s like a clutter of everything in front of your eyes. Like it’s too good to be true.

Like you want to pinch yourself hundred times to confirm if it’s really happening, and the moment you feel the pain, you realize, yes it’s true, but then you want to pinch yourself even more to know if it’s really happening.

Because they always say that when you’re extremely happy, the next thing would be the opposite of that feeling and it kind of scares me a little.

I am launching my dream online store with bubie, my ex-company offered me a job with them yet again, even after leaving them without notice. PSnet is doing really fine, there’s an upcoming venture with a food stand, Dad’s job is fruitful and my bids are getting accepted every now and then.

It’s just an outpour of everything I really wanted since then.

Wala lang. I know it’s crazy to even think of complaining, but hey this is not really that much of a complain. I’m just.. doing some random reality-check?

Whew. Someone pat me on the shoulder, please? HAha.