Disturbing the Universe.

now. as in. now.

sometimes, we get too busy and we forget things.. be it simple or important.

i don’t know how to explain it. i did not intentionally forget about your birthday. you know i was blabbing it to you days before your birthday, diba? but then yesterday was soooooooo busy. i really forgot it was the 30th. honestly, i don’t even know what day it is today.

it’s that kind of busy. the it’s-so-awful-i-can’t-do-anything-about-it type of busy.

but then, i know it’s careless of me. i should’ve put it on my calendar or something. it’s just that i don’t really put birthdays of special people on my calendar. idk… confident that i won’t forget siguro.

so sorry… i still wish you had a blast yesterday..

i saw your friendster shoutout.. and once again, lemme tell you. lotsa people love you to death. that matters. :p she’s just out there. cliche as it may seem, but the truth is, she’s really just somewhere… out… there. meanwhile, kami nalang muna love mo ‘kay? (selosang ate) haha

Belated Happy Birthday, Juneil Abueva. Love you to bits!

kisses and lotsa hugs,
ate elay

Nakatayo ako sa pila sa KFC. Gutom na ko pero smile parin kasi next in line na naman ako…At least it gave me the chance para isipin pa kung one piece o two pieces chicken ang bibilhin ko. ahaha. And then napili ko ang bucket. APAT kasi kami. Haha.

And so I waited for my turn.

Napansin ko, nakakatatlong customer na yung nasa kabilang pila habang ako, naghihintay parin na masegregate ni counter lady yung chicken nung sineservan niya. Halatang newbie yung nasa counter kasi sinisigaw niya ang “Cheezy Bacon!” eh KFC yung store…. hindi Burger Machine. Sige, dahil nakakaaliw siya, smile parin ako.

Malapit na silang matapos… Nagbabayad na si customer… Inabot na ang sukli…

Huminga pa ko ng malalim, infairness, para mahanda yung sarili ko sa pagorder nang…

MAY SUMINGIT SA HARAP KO AT TULOY TULOY LANG SIYA SA PAG ORDER NIYA.

Sa gulat ko, wala akong nagawa. Ni hindi nga ako nakapagsalita agad. So nung naalimpungatan ako, sabi ko, “miss next time, sana pumila ka diba?”

At nangatwiran si ate…

Ate: Sorry, i was here first.

Breathe in… breathe out… ang laki ko namang bulag para hindi makita ang NAPAKALAKI niyang katawan. at nakasuot pa siya ng nagsusumigaw na PINK-ANG-TSHIRT ko, anong pake mo.

Sige, ok na. Palampasin…

So the waiting starts again.. at after ten thousand years, sa wakas natapos din sila…

“KFC Regular Bucket, drinks namin Mountain Dew. Thanks” with a smile pa ng sinabi ko yun.

Newbie: Okay po.
Me: And please, legs or thigh lang ha..
Newbie: Ay wala po kami nun ngayon.
Me: Okay, ano meron?
Newbie: Legs and thigh lang po.
Me: huh???

Pinalagpas ko ulit… Be kind to newbies. Understand her situation… Breathe in… Breathe out.

Nilagyan niya ng yelo yung mga baso… sabay punta sa counter at bumulong..

Newbie: Ano nga ulit yung drinks niyo mam?
Me: (Breathe in…breathe out) MOUN-TAIN-DEW.
Newbie: Ah. Oo nga.

Pagdating niyang counter, naisip kong I don’t want to go through the whole waiting again kaya nagorder na ko ng dalawang extra rice.

I gave her my P700 and THANKFULLY, she gave me the right change.

Newbie: Thank you for your order, enjoy your meal.
Me: (Heavy breathe in… heavy breathe out..) Miss, yung softdrinks, naiwan mo pa dun.
Newbie: Ay oo nga pala.

I smiled at her again, ayoko nang masyado pang pasamain ang araw niya. “Cool ka lang miss..” sabi ko pa bago ako umalis at umakyat sa second floor.

Nakaupo na kami at ready to eat na ng napansin namin…

WALA YUNG DALAWANG EXTRA RICE.

We’re about to start a new business!

Oops.. let me get that right, we’re about to start our very FIRST business! Hehe..

I say it’s quite scary for me since i have no background on business management whatsoever. I’m soooo not good at handling finances, keeping records etc that’s why i’m a little shaky about it at first. But Bob’s pretty confident about it and I think that got my spirit jumping as well.

So… I’m excited and all hopes are up for this new venture. Yeepee Yay!

It’s an internet cafe business just beside ICCT Antipolo. The office space is new, ready for operations and the owner is one kind lady. I called her up one time to follow up on the space… and forgot her name! I was like…

Me: uhmm.. good afternoon po.. pwede po kay tita?
Guy: Tita ano?
Me: Yung sa space for rent po.

And then she was at the other line pala! She was at the extension line and was listening to my unsuccessful attempt to remember her name. She said, “Charing. Ako si tita charing… Kaw ha, kinalimutan mo pangalan ko.”

And then I remembered. Kaya nga pala hindi ko maalala name niya kasi charing.. kala ko charing lang.. haha.. ok.. i know it’s lame.

so moving on…another thing that scares me is that competitors are all over the place. once again, Bob comforted me by saying, ‘we’re gonna knock them off by our extra services.”

and by extra we mean.. designs, print, fax, photocopy, snacks, etc etc etc…

Bob has managed a lot of comp shops before so it’s a plus for us. Another bonus would be his expertise in handling and troubleshooting computers. So what would be my main job on this one?

IM FOR MORAL SUPPORT.

hahaha! kidding. i dont know.

Tita Cita and her family made this all easy for us. They’re the ones who would provide everything… from computers to tables to chairs and webcams. Galing diba? I can’t thank her enough. It’s a perfect blessing at the most perfect timing ever.

I can honestly say that this new business is not just a remedy for our crying pockets but for my relationship with Bob too. It’s such a nice feeling whenever Bob and I talk about our insights for the net cafe. It’s rather…therapeutic. Yah, that’s the word.

It’s dinner time now so i have to go… wish us luck in this new battlefield and pray for us, okay?

Thank you God for this blessing… we know you’re right behind us…

Why take chances?

I remember my prof in college, he said that the reason kung bakit mas konti ang mayayaman kesa mahihirap ay dahil mas konti yung nagtatake ng risk. Mas konti yung nagsusugal ng kapalaran.

If you take time to think about it, tama naman talaga diba?

“Eto lang kaya ko”.

I just hate it when I hear people say that. It’s like putting the end to everything. One fact: that’s not true. Your capabilities are endless, you just have to figure out and take time to think how you can exert yourself to your maximum. Saying “eto lang kaya ko”, is like crashing out all extra opportunities dahil “yan lang kaya mo.” Buti nalang, Si God nung ginawa niya tayo, di niya inisip na “yan lang kaya ko, hanggang dyan ka nalang.”

“Hanggang dito nalang ako.”

Obviously SO not true. If you want to go on, you can go on. Let me share something… Minsan naghahanap kami ni Bob ng Security Bank sa Recto/Mendiola area. Pareho kaming hindi sanay sa lugar na yun. From FEU, naglakad kami hoping to find a bank pero yung mga napupuntahan namin, walang ni anino ng Security Bank. I was like, “tara balik na tayo. walang bank dito.” and bob said, “lakad pa tayo, konti nalang…” So kahit na pagod na kami, we continued on. Hanggang sa pati siya napagod na, sabi namin magjejeep nalang kami pauwi. Imagine our faces when we saw the bank just right across sa pinagpaparahan namin ng jeep.

Since then, sinabi ko sa sarili ko to always take the extra effort. Imagine, kung sumakay kami ng jeep, di namin nawithdraw yung pera na kailangan tlaga namin for that day. If we gave up earlier on, nung sumasakit na yung mga paa namin, wala kaming napala.

“Wala namang tatanggap sa akin eh.”

Para sakin, okay lang na sabihin to… once nahalughog mo na yung 7,000 islands ng pilipinas at wala ni isa ang pumansin sayo o nangailangan ng tulong mo.

or in other context…

“panget ako, walang magkakagusto sakin.”

there’s only one catch to this: love yourself first. the mere thought of telling yourself that you’re ugly and no one would love you is a clear sign of YOU hating YOURSELF. and that is not fair. When God made you, he did create someone for you too. But how can you search for that special person when you can’t see the special person in yourself?

so…

by reading this, you may think i’m a person who’s not scared of taking risks. the catch is… i am afraid too. I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS FOR MYSELF. hehe. i’m blogging this so i would be reminded of the things i would like to tell myself when i’m faced with these kind of situations. so to me, and all of you who can relate… GOOD LUCK. :)

AND OF COURSE, GOD BLESS.

Minsan lang sa loob ng isang taon kung magkita si Nena at ang kanyang Nanay. Masaya ang mga oras na yon, parang pareho silang naghahabol sa mga lumipas na panahon. Parang binabayaran yung mga pagkakataong nawala, mga birthday na di magkakasama, mga paskong sa telepono lang nagkausap.

Pero kahit gaano kasaya ang mga panahon na yon, may mga oras na dumadating na di sila nagkakainitindihan. Gaya na lamang pag magcocomputer si Nena ng dis-oras ng gabi. Babangon ang kanyang nanay mula sa pagkakahiga para pagsabihan siyang patayin na ang computer. Ikinakasama ito ng loob ng dalaga. Minsan sinasabi niya sa kanyang sarili, “bakit naman kasi nangengeelam pa eh…”

Minsan sa hapag-kainan, pinagsabihan din siyang wag na kumain ng marami. Ikinasama ulit ito ng loob ng dalaga. “Pati ba naman pagkain ko pinapakeelaman pa?”, sabi niya sa kanyang sarili.

Minsan umaayon ang kanyang nobyo sa nanay niya tuwing papagalitan siya. At dahil don, pati ang nobyo niya ay pinagbubuhusan niya ng galit sa nanay niya. Pakiramdam niya sumisipsip lang yun sa nanay niya.

Ganon lang lagi ang takbo ng buhay niya sa loob ng isang buwan. May mga oras na masayang masaya sila, pero ayun nga’t nandun yung mga oras na nagkakatampuhan at nagkakainisan silang dalawa.

Dumating ang araw na kailangan ulit magpaalam ng kanyang Ina. Isang taon na naman ang hihintayin bago sila magkitang muli.

Di man inaasahan, bumalik sa ala-ala ni Nena yung mga panahong nainis siya sa kanyang Nanay.

Dun niya nasabi sa kanyang sarili….

Ang pagbabawal sa pagcomputer ng alas-tres ng madaling araw ay hindi paghihigpit.
Ang pagsita kung napaparami na ang pagkain ay hindi isang pagmamalupit.

Ang lahat ng iyon, isang pagaaruga ng nanay sa kanyang anak. Mga bagay na pinapaalala sa kanya dahil mahal siya nito. Gustong maiparamdam sa kanya ng kanyang nanay ang kanyang prisensya sa mga panahong magkasama sila.

At tila nararamdaman ng nobyo niya ang kanyang saloobin, bigla nitong sinabi… “Nga pala, kung akala mo nagsisipsip ako kay mama nung nandito siya, hindi ganun. Ako kasi hindi ko naranasan yung may nagaalala para sakin… gaya ng pagaalala ng mama mo sayo…”

Alam ni Nena na sa susunod na taon na pagkikita nila ng Nanay niya, hindi na magiging ganito ulit ang kwento…

Every morning he would wake us up at exactly 6am. If we don’t, he’d jump up the bed and lick our faces till we get up from bed. Sometimes, when he knows we’re tired, he would just stay at the foot of the bed, waiting for us to wake up.

At lunch time, he’d patiently wait for his food and if you pretend to not notice, he’d bark once or twice. If you still don’t pay attention, he’d bite his plate and push it near to you then slomp his whole body on the floor.

At 4pm, he knows it’s about time to go out for a walk. But once he gets outside, he’d go directly to the garden. He’s a vegetarian. :p

He’d patiently wait for his loveteam, Jaja. That cute neighbor puppy.

Every night, before we sleep, he goes up the bed and hugs us for a while, then goes down under the bed where he would sleep peacefully.

That’s why we love him.

Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to recover some lost self-esteem.

It’s hard and at most times, I don’t feel like it’s gonna come back to me. It’s a constant battle I’m trying to win, and the worst part is, I’m my own enemy. There were times when I felt stupid… when I looked at the mirror and saw nobody standing right in there. There were those painful times when I am bombarded with regrets and what if’s. It’s more like hell. Every morning I wake up trying to fight that same battle, over and over again.

I tried to win it by myself. I fought hard.

But I felt defeat coming closer and closer to me.

All these time I wanted to be brave for myself. To face things by myself. To reach out and make a difference, on my life.

By myself.

One moring, God tapped me on my shoulder and said, “You are not alone”.

And the moment I looked back, realized that I have a God bigger than my problems, that’s when I found contentment. And in contentment I have found solace. It sunk in to me. “I can never do this alone.” The moment I embraced the truth that God is with me thru all these, everything flowed in ease. And it’s true. The moment I surrendered the sword and stopped fighting against myself, that’s when I won the battle.

I am continuously recovering.

God has touched the hearts of so many people and now, I’m making my way up, back again.

To God be all the glory.