Disturbing the Universe.

about fifteen minutes ago, andun ako sa gate, nagkakatok para mapansin, 10:45 pm at nakalock na. very unusual. at kahit pa, may magandang rason ako kung bakit ako late.

wala nang katao-tao sa kalsada tapos ang dilim dilim pa… pero may 3 bahay layo samin, may mga nagiinuman na tahimik.

needless to say, takot ako.

kilala akong masungit dito sa lugar namin, di ako namamansin ng tao, naiinis kasi ako pag maghehello na alam mo namang may kasamang pambabastos… kaya nakasimangot ako lagi pag lalabas ng bahay.

5 minutes na ko sa labas pero wala parin nakakarinig ng katok ko. yung tindahan sa tapat na nag-eeload ay di naman na bukas, yung pwedeng pa-eloadan ay nasa dulong kanto pa. and i can’t imagine myself walking that dark street ALONE.

:(

10 mins wala parin… halos pula na ung kamay ko kakakatok. buti nalang biglang lumabas si Kuya Joel na nakatira lang sa tapat ng bahay namin. Isa rin siya sa mga kinaiinisan ko, kasi tuwing magpapaeload ako at nagkataong nandun siya, lagi niyang sinasabing “ako nalang papaload sayo, para malaman ko number mo.”

pero kanina, wala akong choice kundi humingi sa kanya ng favor. aakyatin niya sana yung gate kaso lang may dalawang aso sa loob at di ata kaya ng konsensya ko na makagat siya dahil sakin.

nagpasama nalang ako magpunta sa eload na tindahan.

naasar ako, tuwing may makasalubong kami, may naghehello na di ko naman kilala. DI AKO SANAY. PERIOD. tapos may nagparinig pa, “ako nalang, di kita lolokohin.”

i don’t think i deserve that. :(

pero kampante narin ako at kasama ko si Kuya Joel, at least alam ko kahit papano proprotektahan niya ako kasi kaibigan siya ng tito ko.

In short, nakapag paeload na ko at natawagan ko na tita ko, tyak pag uwi ko bukas na yung gate.

Di ako masamang tao, nag thank you ako sa kanya.

Kaso, sabi niya, “ayan may utang na loob ka na sakin. sa susunod pag humingi ako ng pabor, wag kang tatanggi.”

Hindi ko alam ang ibig sabihin nun, kung maganda ba o hindi, pero kinilabutan ako.

Ano nga ba ang halaga ng utang na loob? Pano ba yun binabayaran?

:(

When I first knew I that my flight was on the 27th of August, my initial plan was to tell Bob that I’m rescheduled sometime in September, so that I could make up a little surprise for him.

So I did. I told him I’m scheduled to go home on Sept. 6, and he took it well naman, I told him that we have to do that little sacrifice for my family since that’s the least we could do for them. (At the back of my mind, if this was real, I’d really be the luckiest girlfriend to have such an understanding boyfriend.)

Anyway, so there, I immediately talked to the person I think would be necessary for the plan. I talked to Ate Dez, and told her bout my little surprise trip. And thank God she was more than ecstatic to help me. The first plan pa nga was that she’d be the one to pick me up at the airport, but we both realized that it wouldn’t be feasible at all, since I’d be carrying with me 4 huge boxes and that would be such a hassle.

So the next plan was with my Twinnie, Rae. I first talked to Bunsoi about it and he suggested nga na it’s better if Twinnie pretends to introduce a client to Bob. (which was me, of course). And so that was the final plan, on August 29, Wednesday, Twinnie and Bob will meet up at SM North so Bob can meet a potential client.

There. I wouldn’t be Elay if I don’t commit simple mistakes.

I forgot to tell my sister about the whole surprise plan, so she sent a private message to bob over ym, tinutukso siya na bukas na yung uwi ko. Thank God nakahalata siya agad, so todo bawi naman siya. She even texted Bob na nalulungkot daw siya kasi akala niya uuwi na talaga ako, yun pala extended. Whew.

Ilang beses din ako nawrongsend sa kanya, and the worst mis-sent message was when I was at the airport already, I sent him a message that was supposed to be sent to my sister… and it goes like this…

“Pasums, dito na kami airport.”

I wanted to have my ass kicked right at that moment. So I immediately asked my mom what to do. (BTW, she knows about the surprise thing too.) She told me to tell Bob na she’s going to Dammam. That she was the one who mistexted that to Bob.

So I think, medyo nakalusot na yun. I even went to the CR to call up Bob and tell him that we’re on our way home after bringing mama to the airport.

The next problem was the whole fourteen hours of not being able to text him at all.

I told Papa to pretend not to hear Bob if Bob ever calls him at his phone. (Which he did, hehehe. Such a great actor, Pa).

Anyway, nung nandito na ko sa pinas, I immediately had my 3g settings fixed so that I could go online in my webmessenger. I always do that kasi when I was in Jeddah, so the “I’m Mobile” thing would be helpful.

I managed to make a palusot for not being able to text him at least once for the last fifteen-sixteen hours, and to be sure that nothing else fails, I even deleted him on my phonebook to avoid mis sent messages.

Finally, before I sleep, twinnie texted me to tell me that she told Bob that the meeting was on the next day na… kinabahan ako, baka di matuloy kasi biglaan yung meeting, but we went on…

Kinabukasan, on my way to SM north, nagtext nga si twinnie saying na ayaw na pumunta ni Bob dahil biglaan nga at nalate siya ng gising.

Ate Dez, being my rescuer, texted me to tell me that she’d pick me up at SM North nalang tpos dun ko nalang surprise si Bob sa apartment nila.

That sounded like a great idea so we proceeded on Plan C.

Grabe, ate dez kept asking me if I was ok, mukha daw kasi akong hihimatayin anytime. It’s true, I’m losing every bit of energy in my body as time went on. Nung nasa taxi kami, I kept telling her stories so that I can keep my mind off the whole surprise thing. I was feeling suffocated. I can’t breathe at all.

Pinaramdam ko pa sa kanya yung tibok ng puso ko… Palpitation to the highest level ito… ahhaha.

Nung nandun na kami, nagtago pa ko, kasi Bob was on the door agad, and by chance, makikita niya ako agad. That would spoil everything, right… kaya ayun… but to no luck, di siya umalis dun, so we had to risk it.

I walked towards the apartment and Bob saw me at once. Nanlaki tlaga yung mata niya upon seeing me. And he can’t move at all. I mean, he was sitting there as if nakakita siya talaga ng apparition. (Well, it’s like that naman diba, he knows I’m in Jeddah. So apparition nga.)

Ako naman, I managed to walk to the door pa and say, “Naliligaw po kasi ako…”

Swear. Kung di ako nakasandal sa door, malamang nahimatay na ko, or nalaglag na ko sa floor.

Sa totoo lang, I was expecting na mag hug kami agad or mag kiss the moment we see each other, pero hindi. We both were frozen, as in both hindi makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari.

Ako yung nangsurprise pero ako din yung nasurprise.

Siguro three to five minutes kami muna nagtitigan bago kami nag-hug and kiss. Or siguro hindi three minutes. Siguro sandali lang, pero everything was in slow motion, as in slow motion… walang halong exaggeration.

Nung nagkiss kami, hehe. It felt like the first time.

And I’m not to elaborate on that anymore…

Isa lang tlaga, we missed each other so much… and it feels so happy to be home… finally.

Thanks to those who made this possible, Bunsoi, for the suggestions, Twinnie for the plan, Ate Dez for making sure that everything works well, to the point na pati ate niya kinuntyaba na niya, Rad, for keeping it a secret, Kuya Soul for the great moral support. Joy, for the great drama, Mama for the pagsalo, and Papa for the superb acting skills.

And for all others na kinilig at nagpray na maging maayos to…

Have you ever tried opening a canned good by scissors because you were too scared to use a knife and too lazy to buy a can opener or to borrow, at the very least?

Don’t laugh… I tried it once. swear.

It used to be just a funny experience, now, I realized it reflects so much on my personality.

I’m scared of using a knife coz I’ve been hurt once. I’m too lazy to try other options so I stick it out with what I have.

Explains it, eh?

When I’m hurt, my tendency is to avoid everything that may cause me the same pain. Once is too much for me, ganun. I feel that I owe it to myself to at least protect me from suffering the same thing twice. (Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.)

So that’s Elay, I am sensitive to pain kaya I avoid it, even if avoiding it means sticking it out with something that‘s nearly next to impossible. Katulad nun, nakakatawa man, I really tried to open it with scissors kasi takot akong humawak ng knife at masyado akong tamad na humiram pa, so kahit idiotic na yun at super impossible, pinanindigan ko talaga.

Funny lang na I’m aware of this, pero kahit na alam ko, takot parin ako mag venture out to try new things… there’s still that fear inside me that keeps me from trying. pasaway ako, oo, i do things and most of the times pumapalpak ako, pero there’s really that part of me who’s so scared of being hurt. escapist na kung escapist, basta yun…

Pero, right now, I’m on my way, on the process kung baga, I realized na there are a lot of options out there, it’s just up to us kung pano natin mahahanap yun.

Sticking it out with what we have isn’t bad, but to try to force it kahit alam naman nating beyond feasibility yun, that, I realized, is wrong. There may be a lot of opportunities and chances na namimiss natin just because we’re busy trying to make the wrong seem right.

But, I admit, it takes a lot of courage to take on a road na di ka masyado familiarized. I guess ganun talaga pag mag-decide ka magstep out ng comfort zone mo… Hard. Di ko alam if I’m brave enough, but I’m trying to gather everything para maging strong… I can’t spend a lifetime being scared.

Ayun, I remember, may isa akong post dito, yung How to Climb a Mountain, and ate jack mentioned “detour”.

Detour.

Narealize ko nga, it’s never too late to opt for a detour, diba? Wish me luck, medyo maraming bagay sa buhay ko ang kelangan ng detour ngayon… God please grant me the wisdom to know kung ano yung kelangan ng re-routing, at ano yung kelangan pa ng konting PUSH…

When I first knew I that my flight was on the 27th of August, my initial plan was to tell Bob that I’m rescheduled sometime in September, so that I could make up a little surprise for him.

So I did. I told him I’m scheduled to go home on Sept. 6, and he took it well naman, I told him that we have to do that little sacrifice for my family since that’s the least we could do for them. (At the back of my mind, if this was real, I’d really be the luckiest girlfriend to have such an understanding boyfriend.)

Anyway, so there, I immediately talked to the person I think would be necessary for the plan. I talked to Ate Dez, and told her bout my little surprise trip. And thank God she was more than ecstatic to help me. The first plan pa nga was that she’d be the one to pick me up at the airport, but we both realized that it wouldn’t be feasible at all, since I’d be carrying with me 4 huge boxes and that would be such a hassle.

So the next plan was with my Twinnie, Rae. I first talked to Bunsoi about it and he suggested nga na it’s better if Twinnie pretends to introduce a client to Bob. (which was me, of course). And so that was the final plan, on August 29, Wednesday, Twinnie and Bob will meet up at SM North so Bob can meet a potential client.

There. I wouldn’t be Elay if I don’t commit simple mistakes.

I forgot to tell my sister about the whole surprise plan, so she sent a private message to bob over ym, tinutukso siya na bukas na yung uwi ko. Thank God nakahalata siya agad, so todo bawi naman siya. She even texted Bob na nalulungkot daw siya kasi akala niya uuwi na talaga ako, yun pala extended. Whew.

Ilang beses din ako nawrongsend sa kanya, and the worst mis-sent message was when I was at the airport already, I sent him a message that was supposed to be sent to my sister… and it goes like this…

“Pasums, dito na kami airport.”

I wanted to have my ass kicked right at that moment. So I immediately asked my mom what to do. (BTW, she knows about the surprise thing too.) She told me to tell Bob na she’s going to Dammam. That she was the one who mistexted that to Bob.

So I think, medyo nakalusot na yun. I even went to the CR to call up Bob and tell him that we’re on our way home after bringing mama to the airport.

The next problem was the whole fourteen hours of not being able to text him at all.

I told Papa to pretend not to hear Bob if Bob ever calls him at his phone. (Which he did, hehehe. Such a great actor, Pa).

Anyway, nung nandito na ko sa pinas, I immediately had my 3g settings fixed so that I could go online in my webmessenger. I always do that kasi when I was in Jeddah, so the “I’m Mobile” thing would be helpful.

I managed to make a palusot for not being able to text him at least once for the last fifteen-sixteen hours, and to be sure that nothing else fails, I even deleted him on my phonebook to avoid mis sent messages.

Finally, before I sleep, twinnie texted me to tell me that she told Bob that the meeting was on the next day na… kinabahan ako, baka di matuloy kasi biglaan yung meeting, but we went on…

Kinabukasan, on my way to SM north, nagtext nga si twinnie saying na ayaw na pumunta ni Bob dahil biglaan nga at nalate siya ng gising.

Ate Dez, being my rescuer, texted me to tell me that she’d pick me up at SM North nalang tpos dun ko nalang surprise si Bob sa apartment nila.

That sounded like a great idea so we proceeded on Plan C.

Grabe, ate dez kept asking me if I was ok, mukha daw kasi akong hihimatayin anytime. It’s true, I’m losing every bit of energy in my body as time went on. Nung nasa taxi kami, I kept telling her stories so that I can keep my mind off the whole surprise thing. I was feeling suffocated. I can’t breathe at all.

Pinaramdam ko pa sa kanya yung tibok ng puso ko… Palpitation to the highest level ito… ahhaha.

Nung nandun na kami, nagtago pa ko, kasi Bob was on the door agad, and by chance, makikita niya ako agad. That would spoil everything, right… kaya ayun… but to no luck, di siya umalis dun, so we had to risk it.

I walked towards the apartment and Bob saw me at once. Nanlaki tlaga yung mata niya upon seeing me. And he can’t move at all. I mean, he was sitting there as if nakakita siya talaga ng apparition. (Well, it’s like that naman diba, he knows I’m in Jeddah. So apparition nga.)

Ako naman, I managed to walk to the door pa and say, “Naliligaw po kasi ako…”

Swear. Kung di ako nakasandal sa door, malamang nahimatay na ko, or nalaglag na ko sa floor.

Sa totoo lang, I was expecting na mag hug kami agad or mag kiss the moment we see each other, pero hindi. We both were frozen, as in both hindi makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari.

Ako yung nangsurprise pero ako din yung nasurprise.

Siguro three to five minutes kami muna nagtitigan bago kami nag-hug and kiss. Or siguro hindi three minutes. Siguro sandali lang, pero everything was in slow motion, as in slow motion… walang halong exaggeration.

Nung nagkiss kami, hehe. It felt like the first time.

And I’m not to elaborate on that anymore…

Isa lang tlaga, we missed each other so much… and it feels so happy to be home… finally.

Thanks to those who made this possible, Bunsoi, for the suggestions, Twinnie for the plan, Ate Dez for making sure that everything works well, to the point na pati ate niya kinuntyaba na niya, Rad, for keeping it a secret, Kuya Soul for the great moral support. Joy, for the great drama, Mama for the pagsalo, and Papa for the superb acting skills.

And for all others na kinilig at nagpray na maging maayos to…

I’m finally hearing the buzzes and noises of Manila.

Arrived here last Monday, around 9pm, and that was such a relief. The flight was delayed 4 freakin hours!!! Anyway, Here’s a rundown of what happened from august 26…

* August 26, woke up 9am, dun ko lang naalala na 26 na pala, and my flight was madaling araw ng 27, meaning ang check-in time ko ay 26 ng gabi. Tinawagan ko agad si mama to tell her, and she panicked na rin, nakalimutan na din niya. Pano pag may magtatanong samin, lagi namin sin Asabi, flight ko 27… Kaya yun ang tumatak sa isip namin…
Note: wala pa kaming nibibiling pasalubong at wala pang ni isang t-shirt na nakaimpake.

* Dun ko naranasan ang super express shopping, as in no time to choose! Pati laptop di narin pinili ng masinsinan, point and pay, ganun ang nangyari.

* 8pm natapos magshopping, (5 pm pa kasi nagbukas ang stores), 10pm natapos mag-impake, 11 nasa airport kami, 11:30 nasa counter, 11:45, nadeny ang ticket ko dahil wala daw yung original ticket, which was supposed to contain the number of kilos I’m allowed, and 12:30 ang flight ko.

* finally, at exactly 12am, pinayagan na kong makapasok, on one condition, na kailangan magbawas ako ng 10kilos from my baggage at gawing hand-carry. I almost cried, ayoko sa lahat yung may handcarry na mabigat. But what can I do, di ko pwedeng iwanan yun. So there….

* saying goodbye is indeed the hardest part of leaving. I don’t know how to say bye to my parents, tears were there na eh, pero I’m trying to control it, may pustahan kasi kami ni mama, unang umiyak, magbabayad ng 100 riyals.

Pero ayun, d ko na alam sinong unang umiyak, I hugged my parents at those na naghatid sakin tpos diretso lakad na sa immigration, ilang beses din ako lumingon, and it breaks my heart every time nakikita ko silang andun naghihintay.

Sa shuttle papuntang plane na ako umiyak, and I swear, nakakahiya. Most ng nakasakay ay ofw’s na, walang ka-age ko, so there’s no one to understand my agony, lahat sila nakatingin sakin, siguro iniisip nila abused ofw ako or whatever.

* nadelay pa kami ng 1 hr sa Jeddah, at nung nakatakeoff na at medyo inaantok na ko at nakatulog na, nagising ako with an announcement… “Please do not Panic, we have medical doctors on board…”

Unang pumasok sa isip ko: Pano nga ba isuot ang life vest? (di kasi ako nakikinig at nanonood ng demo before take off.)

Kala ko naman magcrash na tlaga, yun pala, may isang pilipina na sinubukang iopen yung door sa bandang likod ng aircraft. Medyo nawala na pala siya sa sarili nia, thank God at may nakakita agad sa kanya.

Poor her, iniwan siya sa Riyadh, kailangan daw isecure ang safety ng lahat ng passengers.

I guess ganun tlaga, safety ng karamihan bago ang safety niya, pero ako naman, sana handcuff nalang o strait jacket, im sure wla naman siyang magagawa pang kalokohan pag ginanun siya diba? Kawawa naman ung naghihintay sa kanya dito sa Pinas.

* the rest of the flight was boring, I couldn’t sleep at all, siguro I was scared baka may maloka na naman at may mangyari na naman. To add to the injury, may mag-asawang may dalang cat… I hate cats. And they were just a few seats away from me.

* Yung katabi ko, around 50’s na siya, lalake, started talking about engineering, aircraft engineering, architecture etc… imagine my disgust. MASSCOM po ako manong! Enough with the figures! Ako ata ang mababaliw.

* Dumating kami, finally, sa pinas at 8:45 pm. Had to go thru the misery of carrying that ten-kilo package with me hanggang sa may conveyor, andun kasi yung trolleys. Mahaba-habang lakaran din un ah, at in fairness, mabigat talaga.

Nakakatuwa lang, everything is brand new. Kahit na mainit, ok lang. kahit na maingay, namiss ko yun. Yung peep-peep at broom broom ng tricycle, na kinaiinisan ko dati, biglang kinatuwaan ko ngayon. Hehe. Kasi ang tagal kong nawala, kaya ayun… natuwa naman ako at nandito na ako ulit.

Ang dami ko pang gusto ikwento, I’ll make up to it somehow… namiss ko kayo!!!

nasira ang N95 ko!! :(

that means, medyo mababawasan ang blog posts ko dito kasi gamit ko yung fone ko pag post ng entries dito. pero i’ll try parin.. hehehe..

grabe sobrang kaba ko kanina, kala ko isusumpa ako ng mama ko pag sinabi ko sa kanya na wala na nasira ko yung n95 ko, buti nalang she was cool with it, as in cool.

elay: ma
mama: oh?
elay: may sasabihin ako.
mama: ano?
elay: nasira po n95.
mama: o sige, pagawa natin mamaya.

wahaha… kakatawa, yung sobrang kaba ko bigla akong nakahinga, as in nakahinga talaga. ayun.. love u mama.. :D

The ugly makes the beautiful pretty.

Without it, admit it, everything would be beautiful and there would be no room for admiration. It would be just an ordinary day-to-day sight.

We need the ugly so we can appreciate the good, we need them so life could be more worthy of our appreciation.

We have learned to know what is beautiful by knowing what’s not.

Just as “war” makes sense to the word “peace”, and “broken” makes “complete” really complete, the ugly is the backbone of beauty.

But know that beautiful people or things arent always beautiful. At yun ang lamang na ugly sa beautiful. The ugly can be beautiful from within, ang maganda, pwedeng pumangit.

For me, the Beautiful starts being ugly when it is used the other way around. When all you see is ugliness so you would feel the beautiful in you. When you start hating the ugly..

You become ugly when you start using beauty to give you the right to step on other’s feelings, when instead of inspiring people, you drive and drown them into a pool of insecurities and discontentment.

It becomes evil when beauty becomes all there is to you.

But most of all, It becomes a curse when OUTSIDE BEAUTY pushes INNER BEAUTY in the sidelines, when in fact, inner beauty should be in the spotlight.

Anybody could be beautiful outside, with technology, it’s never impossible.

Real beauty is the one inside us, the tiny voice that tells us to be good and do good. That, no amount of technology can ever repair or improve.

Beauty is a gift from God, we just have to look deeper to really see it. Wag tayo maging confined sa beauty as some sort of standard as to what is nice and appealing. It’s not with the curves, the nose, the eyes nor the dimple.

It’s your heart that makes you beautiful.

Our aircon finally bid farewell at 2:33 am. I should know. Nagising ako sa init.

Paikot ikot ako sa bed hanggang sa nagising ko narin si mama. But we didnt talk though, kunwari tulog kami.

Mamayang konti, nakaramdam nalang ako ng hangin sa bandang likod ko..

Pinapaypayan na ako ni mama…

Syempre kunwari tulog parin ako, hanggang sa tuluyan na ngang nakatulog. Nagising ako katabi yung paypay, nakapasok na pala sa work si mama.

Hinihintay ko ngayon yung aircon. Pero habang wala pa, paypay muna. Hehe! Ok lang, carry pa.

Ang mga nanay talaga, gagawin lahat para sa mga anak. I bet hindi natulog si mama hanggang di pa ko talaga tulog.

Ngayon ko lang talaga naappreciate ang paypay. Hehe!

God bless!

Have you ever been so speechless in your entire life???

Grabe na to, check this out… !bobloveselay

I am lost for words.

Really.

Im typing but i dont know what to say, it has caught me by surprise talaga. I mean, Bob doesn’t blog. And as far as i can remember, sabi nya he doesnt read that much too, kaya naman this is so much of a big deal for me.

Whew. How can I give justification to what I feel right now?

San na napunta ang mga words? Huhu. Wala talaga ako masabi…

I love you Bob. This really means so much to me… Nawala lagnat ko. Hehehe

I woke up with an awfully bad headache. I think I have fever too. And i keep sneezing.

Poor me.

We were supposed to go swimming today. I was so excited pa naman. Alam nyo yun, i almost felt like diving when i first heard about it.

Tsaka mag swimming din daw cla ate jack sa Qatar, sabi ko nga swim kami halfway, meet kami sa border ng Saudi Arabia. Hahaha!

Note to self: Don’t take a cold bath at 10pm after a whole day trip on the blazing heat of the desert.

I’ll tell you more about my dessert road trip when this friggin headache stops.

Ingat lagi bloggers!