Jul 31 2007

thank you…

Lahat ng ito malalampasan natin, di para bumagsak o tumigil. Lahat po yan ay para malaman natin at alamin din natin pano tayo makakasurvive o pano natin maiiwan. Need po natin maging strong, para sa paglampas natin, sugatan man tayo, alam naman natin kung san nanggaling mga sugat na yun at alam natin pano gumaling…

These were said to me by my dadeh, on one chat session when i was feeling so downright low.

It helped, so much. Parang kanina lang i was asking God, why? What should i learn this time?

And God answered, used Bob as his instrument to remind me that there’s light to everything. That i will learn something from this misery.

Im ok now. Despite everything, it’s such a relief to feel that i am not alone in this uphill battle.

We’re gonna reach the top.


Jul 31 2007

Don’t worry bout me, I am alright.
I’ll be strong, I’ll be just fine.
As long as youre with me,
I know I can win the fight.

We know life isn’t that nice,
Rather, it has never been,
Yet when i look into ur eyes,
I can see what’s left unseen.

Smile, I can move on,
I know I can win this fight,
Yet i cant do it alone,
I need you by my side.

We’ll be okay,
We know we’d be just fine.
Just hold me tight,
Dont let go, we’ll be alright.


Jul 30 2007

it's someone's day today!

Someone special to me just turned a year older..

Happy birthday bunsoi!

Juneil Abueva, aka Bunsoi is my younger brother. Hehe! And so I claimed after knowing he was years younger.

I dont exactly remember how our friendship started, but i can really remember how i used to call him “sir”. Haha! I really thought he was older, judging from the way he talked and his views on life, it was hard to believe it all came from a 16-yr-old boy.

Wow.. and now you’re seventeen! (haha, parang ang tagal?)

Anyway, bunsoi, you are a man of many talents. And good for you (and for us), your maturity is more than a seventeen-yr-old young man. We are truly proud of you and we all know you’d make it big someday.

Happiest birthday bunsoi! You deserve it!


Jul 27 2007

i dont get to say this everyday…

I’ve always been lousy on showing appreciation for the people I really love. Oftentimes, all I really say is thank you. It’s my weakness. Contrary to what other people think, I am not that expressive at all. I am at my most mahiyain state in front of the people I love.

Kaya more often than not, they feel na i am not appreciating them or that im not proud of them. Kaya naman ngayon, im taking this entry as a rundown of the people i am most proud of, people that i am really thankful for.

First on my list, siyempre…Dadeh ko.. Robert Thomas Sagun- I am so proud of you because you always give your best in whatever you do. They do tell me you always want the best output in everything you do. And i see that all the time.

I am proud to be the girl you sing and compose songs for. And sa pag draw and paint mo, happy and proud ako kasi i’d get to witness those talents for the rest of my life!

Proud rin ako sa unbelievable computer knowledge and skills mo. And sa patience sa pagturo at pagexplain sakin ng terms and whatevers na di ko alam.

But above all, proud ako sa ganda ng attitude at outlook mo sa buhay. There are a lot of things i learned from you just by being yourself. Sabi ko nga, idol kita eh. For me, You are the best dady.. I am more than proud to be your fiancè! Proud ako to have someone who loves me so much, unconditional and true! Mwahz!

And super thanks for giving life to my blog! Love it dad!

Twinnie.. Khristine Rae Santos- i sooo envy your singing voice and im so proud to have a diva for a sister! Wooo! Im so proud that you are graduating real soon and that you are inches closer to achieving your dreams. I am proud of your enthusiasm in whatever you want to do. Im thankful you are my sis! Sobra!

bunsoi.. Juneil Abueva- yet, another singer in the family! I am proud whenever i get to be one of the first few to listen to your songs before you release it in the world wide web. Proud ako of your writing skills rin, and your computer knowledge as well. Siyempre pati basketball skills mo. And,. A soon to be public servant, diba? I am a proud ate of a truly talented young man.

salamin ko.. Ruby ann Calantog - Salamin! I am so proud of our 6 years of best friendship! I am proud of your math wizardry. Oo. Thankful ako kahit di mo ko pinapakopya noon. Hehe! And proud ako kasi you made it real big in UP! you put us passers to shame! Grabe. And yeah, im proud that you’d be graduating soon! Go go go salamin!

wenwen ko!.. Reneeann Guadania.. Bow! Hehe! I am so proud of you being my spiritual adviser, never getting tired of asking me to attend church activities, and even when i fail to attend at most times, di ka parin nagsawa to remind me. Im proud to have a friend na umattend ng debut ko kahit na major exam nya kinabukasan! Kahit na tinulak mo ko sa pool, love parin kita! Youre one great friend, wenwen. I am proud of our 8 years of friendship! Waaa! Tagal na pala! Hehe!

Ayun.. Blessed ako to have this people with me.. And i just know for a fact na kami kami rin ang magkakasama kahit anong mangyari…

Syempre there’s more to thank kaya i have editing to do on this post…


Jul 24 2007

flashback…

I miss my Adams family.

Yeah, i have my own version of that family.. Sa Engineer’s hill, baguio city.

Dun kami sa boarding house sa may dulo, lagpas kay manang capitalista, malapit kay Bossing, na may rice-all-you-want promo basta dine in. Pero pag take out, one cup lang talaga, walang labis, walang kulang. (na hanggang ngayon di ko mafigure out bakit ganun.) Ang sinigang kay bossing dapat tinitimplahan pa ulit kung ayaw mong magtaka kung bakit may kamatis ang nilaga mo. Hehe!

Anyway, doon kami sa maroon gate, na ilang beses naring inakyat, tinalon o sinubukan sungkitin ng mga boardmates ko pag nahuhuli sa curfew na 9pm. Di naman tatahol sa Britney, ang asong sobrang tahimik. Ingat lang dahil baka sumilip si Tita Mel at ma-lagot-kang-boarder-ka.

Si Tita Mel ang dahilan kung bakit kami naging Adams family. Adams kasi apelyido niya, at take note: nakaemboss yun sa aming maroon gate.

Anyway, masaya, magulo at masakit sa ulo ang pagiging miyembro ng Adams family. Bakit nga naman hindi, 16 na babae kami dun. 15 dalaga at 1 lola.

Iba’t ibang personalidad, may mahilig mag iwan ng tsinelas sa kung saan sya huli naupo, meron namang mahilig ngumata ng chokichoki habang nanonood ng Wowow (na kung akala mo ay wholesome, nagkakamali ka.) Merong hindi makakain ng walang sawsawang toyomansi, merong umiinom ng suka as in vinegar, merong hindi nagplaplantsa ng damit, merong mahilig sa ukay ukay, merong spongebob squarepants ang short, meron ding pooh ang pantulog.. May ginagawang tubig ang mudshake, vodka at lambanog… Na di naglaon naging empi nalang. pero isa lang ang common denominator.. Lahat kami pwdeng mabuhay sa de lata. (kahit walang opener!)

Masaya. Bumaba ka lamang sa engr’s hill, tawid ka lang kalsada at voila! Sm baguio ka na… Ang extension ng boarding haws namin. Charge-an ng cellphone pag walang kuryente, kainan pag tinatamad magluto, home theater pag walang magawa, etcetera etcetera. Ay, sa second floor, tanaw mo na yung boarding haws namin. Tapos pag may fireworks display or live bands, silip lang sa bintana ng room namin solve na. Siyempre may vodka o lambanog yang kasama.

Astig ba o astig?

Di ko alam kung pang ilan ako sa magkakapatid sa Adams. Isa kc ako sa mga huling pumasok sa “Bahay ni Tita.” Pero madalas nilang sabihin na ako ang bunso.. Bakit nga naman hindi.. Eto ang sa tingin ko e mga dahilan…

1. Ako yung muntik na masagasaan ng Victory bus liner dahil nalaglag ang yema ko sa gitna ng kalsada, na isa isa kong pinulot, at kundi pa sumigaw si Mai na merong paparating bus, malamang headline na ko sa kinabukasang tabloid, “Dalaga napitpit dahil sa yema.”

2. Ako din yung kasama ni Mai na nabiktima nung kunwari nagtatanong ng papuntang grotto tapos hanggang sa mapunta na sa donation, na bibigyan ka daw ng Baby Jesus (na gawa naman pala sa plaster of paris) pag nagdonate ka. Pag nadala ka sa bulaklaking agenda nya at magdodonate ka na, maglalabas cya ng notebook na maliit at titignan kung magkano ang minimum amount na pwede mo ibigay base sa age mo daw at school. Bale 400 yung bill namin, discounted pa daw. In the end, kami pa ni Mai yung nagkautang sa kanya ng 40 pesos. Haha!

3. Nung nakita ko yun na may binibiktimang iba, mula sa kabilang kalsada, sumigaw ako, “Miss wag ka maniwala, niloloko ka lang nyan! Naloko ako nyan!” Mula nun, inabangan na ko nung mamang yun sa baba ng engr’s hill. Ang di nya alam, meron pang daan na iba. Hehe. Hanggang sa nagsawa na cya at nag iba na ng hotspot.

4. Ako din yung nahimatay sa session road habang nakapila para magwithdraw. Puro galos yung likod at binti ko, si Mai yung sumundo sakin para iuwi ako sa bahay. Paguwi, sempre gagamutin nya dapat sugat ko. E takot ako sa alcohol. Wag daw ako magalala, maligamgam na tubig lang daw yun kaya lublob ko na yung paa ko. Pag lublob ko, guess what. 90% ata nun alcohol. T.T

Pinatulog ako ni Khaye sa kama nya para di ko na kelangan pa umakyat.

5. Ako din yung habang nagfifit ng damit sa SM e naipit yung middle finger sa pintuan at namuo yung dugo sa loob na may kasamang konting maga. Pinakita ko kay Khaye at sabi nya kelangan daw namin tusukin yun para lumabas yung dugo. Sabi ko, cge basta walang alcohol. Sabi nya oo daw, naniwala naman ako. Pinutok nya gamit sterelized needle tapos nung dugo na ng dugo, out of nowhere, as in di ko alam kung pano nangyari yun, binuhusan nya ng alcohol, pwera pa dun, diniinan nya pa ng bulak na basang basa ng alcohol yung middle finger ko. Minura ko cya ng minura. “PI Khaye! Sbi mo walang alcohol!” sabi ko. “PI Kat, wag kang magulo! Di mo ba alam takot ako sa dugo?!”

At sobrang mahal ko na cya dahil sa ginawa nyang yun.

6. Ako din yung mahilig uminom ng suka. Vinegar. Masarap eh. Lalo na yung pinagbabaran ng mangga na binibili namin ni Dang kay Manang Mani. a.k.a Manang Mangga. Universal flavor tawag sa sawsawan na yun. It’s sukang ilocos with bagoong and chili powder. Suka aside, bestfriend ko din ang mudshake, vodka ice at lambanog. Until isang araw, habang kumakain kami ni Joy ng bopis na binili kay Bossing, ayun, nagburp ako ng dugo. Tananantanannnn! Pumasok pa ko sa school, nagcollapse, dinala sa clinic tapos pinayuhang magpunta sa hospital. Natawa nga yung nurse sakin kasi naglalakad pa akong nagpunta sa ER habang nagdudugo na pala yung sikmura ko. Hehe! Si Kae at Khaye ang kasama ko nun. Pero kinailangan nila ako iwan sa ER para kunin ang ATM ko at para tawagin si Tita mel. Bumalik sila just in time para makita akong iniinjection sa butt at pinapasukan ng tube sa ilong na dapat lunukin ko hanggang sa kaya ko lunukin.

7. Nung nasa ward na ko, with that freakin tube still on my nose-throat, dumating ang buong clan. Sabi ko bawal ako tumawa, masusuka kc ako dahil nga dun sa tube. Pero wala silang paawat. Manood daw ba ng ethel booba scandal! Nasuka tuloy ako kakatawa at kawawang mama cor, cya ang naglinis lahat.

8. Syempre, di natapos dun lahat. After maospital, mailang beses rin ako nahulog sa kama. (sa taas ako ng double bed). Syempre to the rescue parin ang mga room mate ko na naging expert na sa pagsalo sakin. Nagkaron na nga sila ng SOP. hehe. C khaye sa ulo, Kae sa katawan, Joy sa paa. Hahaha!

9. Pati si lola nakuntyaba ko nung minsang napagtripan kong umuwi sa manila ng lasing at naibigay ko cp number pati dorm adress ko sa isang taga tarlac. Syempre pinuntahan ako sa dorm. Todo acting si Lola nun na pinakiusapan kong medyo takutin ang aking unwanted visitor. Haha. Sa sobrang effective ni lola, d na ko binalikan sa dorm. Pero inabangan ako sa labas. Hahaha!

10. Hehe. Siyempre, nung nadulas ako sa Mines View at napigtas ko yung sandals ko, to the rescue si Aster, ang reyna ng mga tsinelas. Hehe!

Actually, madami pa, madami pang kalokohan,at katatawanan pero baka mapagkamalan nang novel to.

Bakit ko to nasulat? Cguro miss ko sila, at yung buhay ko nung kasama ko sila… Wild, carefree, independent… 16 yrs old lang ako nun, freshman.. At i can really say, masaya ang part na yun ng buhay ko.

Masarap balikbalikan.


Jul 23 2007

another learning.. Ü

Last saturday, mom and i went shopping at The Body Shop. Needless to say, a visit to the store brought back the “kikay factor” i have long discarded. Haha.

So I went out of the store with a big smile, a lip gloss, perfume and lotion, all of it amounting to 312 saudi riyals or roughly 4,000 pesos.

But im not to blog more on that shopping experience. I do not intend to brag about it either. This blog entry is actually about the deep shame i felt the moment we got out of the mall.

We were walking towards our car, papa was ahead, mama was about a meter or two away from me. I was ecstatic, still floating in heavens from my kikay shopping experience when an unexpected thing came up.

Sa pavement papunta sa car namin, someone called up, “kabayan!” and syempre, nagulat ako. Normally, i would have ran off to my mom, but the sight really got into me so i stood there, frozen.

There were three pinoys, sitting on the floor on their almost sira-sirang carton, eating a round pie (forgot what it is called,) and from my judgement, parang days na silang hindi kumakain ng rice.

“hello po,” was all i said, wishing na di nila makita yung shopping bags na dala ko.

Ma and Pa came back to check me out. Akala nila kilala namin yung 3 pinoy kaya ako tumigil. But i guess naawa din sila kaya yung binili naming al-baik (8pcs na chicken), binigay nalang sa kanila.

Like i said, ayoko sanang makita nila yung shopping bags. I suddenly felt shameful for carrying with me those bags. Again, i spent money on luxury, while some people don’t even have money to buy their own food.

I tried to make myself feel better by convincing myself i shouldn’t be guilty at all, that it wasn’t my fault they were like that. but i know it’s just bull…

The guilt maybe didnt come out from seeing them. Maybe, its more of another realization na there’s more to life than personal satisfaction. Maraming mas valuable kesa lip gloss, etc. Im not saying masama bumili ng ganun. Everybody has diff. opinions on these naman. Siguro yung sakin, realization, hindi naman kami mayaman for me to spend that much for vanity.

Laging sinasabi nila mama na i dont know how to value money, maybe because i never worked hard for it. All i had to do was ask.

So what’s the lesson?

For me, this is yet another God’s way of making me realize the value of hardwork. And not just that, God showed me just how much my parents really love me.

It’s so downright shameful na i learned how much i have from the misfortune of others, and really, i wont let that shame happen again. Ever!

The next time i’m gonna buy something really expensive, i’d think about the other more valuable things to spend on.

Kakahiya man, at least i learned another lesson. And im more than happy to share it with u..


Jul 22 2007

just a little sad entry

10 things i miss about them…

1. Waking up 7am to prepare breakfast.
2. Kisses at 8am.
3. Tisha asking me, “Ate Kat, ok ka lang?” with uber curious eyes whenever i’m smiling due to a txt msg or chat session.
4. Laika asking me the weirdest, out of this world questions such as “bakit wala ka pang baby sa tummy?”
5. Sleeping at 2pm with Tisha on my right and Laika on the left.
6. Doodling.
7. Playing “shark-sharkan”. Objective of the game: thou shall not fall off the sofa, the shark’s gonna bite you!
8. Spoonfeeding them. Most used words while doing so: “big mouth!, ahhh!, drink water na, finish?”
9. Tisha’s little hugs.
10. Laika’s sweet embrace.

Huhu. I miss miss miss them.


Jul 21 2007

in His glory.

Struggles make us strong.

A butterfly must struggle to come out from a tiny hole in its cocoon. Now, a man could cut open that cocoon to help that butterfly, but then it wouldn’t be that strong enough to face the world.

As a kid, we were bought walkers to help us get around. These tiny “vehicle” helped us stand and walk. But at a certain point in our toddler years, we must learn to walk without that tool, and it doesn’t matter if we stumble, fall down or even get hurt. the point is, we have to stand by our own, with as little help as possible.

I used to question God on why he kept on giving me trials, i kept reminding him that im only 19 and that as a normal teenager, i must be enjoying my life, partying or dancing somewhere.

There was a point in my life when i looked at the mirror and saw an old lady.. a manang instead of a 19yr old young lady..

And freaked out.

Where’s that “glow” they always talk about? Why huge eyebags? Why have these scars? Why?

It took me some time before i got over the bitterness and realized that there’s beauty in my trials.

So how did those trials made me beautiful?

Honestly, these scars, eyebags and worrylines dont. But they have a lot of stories to tell about me.

At 19, i could proudly say that i have been through a lot of bad things, and i have made it through! I am alive and even when there are down points where i have considered suicide the best way out, i have gathered enough strength to discard the idea.

God has made me beautiful because he never allowed me to fight the battle alone. He continued giving me people to help me cross the boundaries.

And when i question him, he doesn’t get mad, instead he gives me answers.

At 19, i know i can face everything that may come along my way. I would know what to do, and if i don’t, i know that i am not alone. God has been with me through everything.. In all the biggest and simplest ways.

When i believed in him and accepted him in my life as my savior, he gave me the glow i didn’t see before.

He has made me survive, therefore, he has made me beautiful.

I am shining in his glory.

“For I know the plans i have for you, says the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future…”
-Jeremiah 29:12


Jul 18 2007

midnyt madness!

What’s with me?

Hehe. Under very human circumstances, i must be fast asleep, maybe even dreaming. hehe.

But i…just…can’t!

Instead, im listening to WRR 101.9 via TFC.

Maybe i still have an i-miss-Bob hangover. The day didnt start really well for us, but we managed. Gaya ng promise sa isat isa, bawal matulog ng di pa ayos ang misunderstandings.

Eh ayos na naman po kami, sleepfairy, where on earth did you go?

Im not crazy, im just a little unwell..

Hays..

Bob said he is thankful for having me. I say so too, maybe even a lot more thankful. It’s fun to be adult and a child sometimes, with him i can be both. Yung di ako obliged maging matured at all times, i can just live and let be.. He understands, i do so sometimes.. There’s a kind of connection, unseen but felt!

Speaking of, haha. I have developed a fiancè’s instinct daw. Hehe! Lagi ko cya nakakasabay magonline sa ym, yung tipong..

Elay: hays, walang magawa, matignan nga who’s online..
Connecting via ALJAWAL3g…

Tpos may message cya na kakaonline nya lang! Hahaha!

I sound mababaw, but really, i am proud.

Anyway, di perfect relationship namin…
Undeniably, marami pa kaming matutunan bout each other as time goes by.. And it’s the kind of learning i look forward to everyday,..

alalalalalam mo na yan.. 101.9!

Nyie! Hehe..

Cencya na, in love lang talaga. Haha!


Jul 18 2007

whew!

ehem.

Meet my new bestfriend in the whole world..

My mom! Hehe..

God. I waited so much for this time to come. Mom and i weren’t really in good terms before, as you can see in my older posts.

Finally.

That’s the best thing that happened in my so-called exile to this country. We were able to catch up on so many things, and i was able to tell her how i really feel about my life, etc!

I told her bout my fiancè, Robert Thomas Sagun and she listened naman, everyday i tell her how much i miss him, and when Bob calls, she always say, “kilig ka na naman bruha.”

Haha.

Never in my wildest dreams have i imagined na magiging ganto kami ka-close.

The truth is, the thought of leaving her makes me cry. But then, she knows that there’s more to life that i want to discover…

And i have to do that by myself, whether we like it or not.

But who’s talking about leaving?

Tagal pa naman eh.

There’s more -lot more- bondings to come…

I am just so happy…

Mabuhay mga mommy! Hehehe!