Thanks to Project 20, I’ve met different kinds of people.
You know, there are those people who would do just about anything to be able to help. I’ve talked with different people from different parts of the country, asking me how they would be able to send out donations and stuff. Some don’t even know what Gcash is but they went out of their way to research and donate. I see kids donating their old toys, and that alone is enough to rush to your closet and see which ones are up for donations.
Even foreigners have the desire to help. John C., our boss from Texas, has helped not just once, donated more than what we expected and it’s a great feeling to know that even when he is thousand miles away from here, he still has the desire to help out. Not once did he ask or had second thoughts on helping. It’s amazing.
Even students, non-working people help a lot too! I see classmates donating their old books, notebooks and other stuff they thought would mean nothing but when the books are donated to the kids, you see an extraordinary smile on their faces and they start reading the books as soon as you hand it to them.
There are those who save five pesos a day so they can donate 20 pesos at the end of the week. These people have nothing extra to give but they make a way for it to happen.
I see all kinds of heroism, everyday.
Those who are really willing to help don’t ask you WHY, but HOW to help.
But you see, there’s always one out of ten people who would ask the former. I remember one guy asked me, “What do you get from all these anyway? I’m sure there must be something to this. Profit? Recognition? What?”
Profit.
I don’t think so. You do know that volunteers don’t get paid, right? Hundreds of volunteers out there spend money in fares, etc. I spend so much on fare since I’m way up here in ‘tipolo and most of the relief operations are down there, the farthest I’ve gone to was Pandacan, Manila and we had to rent a full FX so we can deliver the goods, etc. So let’s just take this off the list, shall we?
Recognition.
Now that’s something. You see, Mako and I, when we started Project 20, we had this in mind: We would stay off the limelight.
No media. No extreme publicity. It’s just that we believe that when there are hundreds of cameras flashing back at you, it defies the purpose of being there. You help not because you are going to be seen on TV. No. That’s just not it. You don’t go there because there’s a chance to become a celebrity. NO, no. Please no.
I really admire those people I’ve met during the course of this tragedy. You see ORDINARY PEOPLE, no political agenda, no celebrity image to uphold – HELPING out with the best that they can. They don’t need to be reported on TV, they don’t need to announce in Channel 2 or 7 that they’re doing relief ops.
They’re just out there helping people. And you see, seeing this kind of helping out is priceless.
So what do we get out of these? What do WE get out of helping other people? If it’s not profit or recognition, then what is?
It may sound a little off-beat when I say the SMILES are enough to keep us going, but that’s the truth. When you’re out there, you see that kind of smile that would melt even a heart of steel. You see a smile that’s so genuine you could feel it right through your core.
When you’re there, people don’t judge what kind of clothes you wear, they don’t judge what kind of goods you bring, when you’re out there you only hear “Thank You’s” and that’s more than enough to get you out of bed the next morning and you realize that the first thought that comes into your mind is, “Where to go next?”
When you’re out there, you see the spirit of the volunteers. You know that you’re there for the right reason. It’s that spirit that drives you to stay there even when there’s a storm signal no. 2 in the area. It’s that feeling of doing the right thing that makes you stay even when a storm is just about to make a landfall in RP.
I remember when my friends and I were volunteering at Assumption Antipolo. It was Friday; PAG-ASA said Pepeng would make a landfall anytime during the day. And at 8am, there were no volunteers in the area; some said they were afraid of being stranded. Organizers were having second thoughts on deployment since a possibility of being stranded is very likely to happen. But come 10am, we were already sorting out things and at 11am, the first deployment was pushed through and the next thing we knew, at around 2pm, we were already at the van going to Antipolo National Highschool to deliver the goods and feed more than 200 people.
God made sure we were already on our way home when it started raining hard.
You see, there are no buffet lunches at volunteer camps. Sometimes all you get is a hard-boiled egg and bread but that’s fine. You’re not there to party. You know you’re there for the right reasons and yes, that’s more than enough to keep your stomach full all day long.
When you’re out there, you see a part of yourself you may never knew existed until you find yourself helping out and doing the best you can. I’m usually ashamed to admit that I’m a lazy person, but then again, I’m just another example of what change can happen when you’re out there.
They say volunteers help change the lives of other people, I say it’s the other way around. They change our lives.
They save us more than we save them.
Yes, I’m lazy and maarte in some ways. I never thought I’d see myself segregating used stuffs. Used underwears, (yes, panties, briefs and bras.) Used socks, used clothing. Some I’m not even sure if its already clean but I just find myself segregating them by naked hands. No gloves. Old shoes, some smell and some quite okay. It doesn’t matter.
When you’re out there helping, you don’t think of what you CANNOT do. You think of all that you CAN do to help. James didn’t know how to fold socks the right way. Abby didn’t know how to fold clothes the right way. Allaine sorted out old shoes and paired them one by one. We had fun learning stuffs! These and a hundred more things you thought you couldn’t do for others but you did anyway.
I don’t know if my thinking is right – but it’s just that I feel that God did not spared our home so that we can sit our ass off in front of the TV and just watch the news as things happen around us. He did not just bless us more than those people because we are more deserving than them. It’s not because he loves us more than he loves them.
I feel that he has blessed us this much so we can be his instruments, so we can be the ones out there helping out other people who were greatly affected by the typhoon. He wants us to be the blessing to others and by sitting down and watch things happen right before our eyes is just a defeat to this purpose.
Coz you know, when you’re out there, it just feels that through the little help we are able to give people; we are being the hands and feet of God.
If we stop doing this, what happens to the hundreds, or maybe thousands of people still struggling, finding ways to start again? If we stop this now, and continue with our own lives like nothing happened, isn’t it just the same as helping them suffer?
If you know you can do something to help and you choose not to do it, isn’t that a direct shame on your face? There are people out there who need your help, hundreds, millions of them.
In times like this we just can’t be blind. We see it every day, everywhere. Try riding the LRT from Santolan station and see for yourself. We just can’t be deaf. There are millions of voices calling for our help; we just can’t remain deaf to that.
So once again, It’s not profit, fame or recognition. It’s knowing that at the end of the day, when this is all over and you get asked, “Did you live fully? Did you love well?” You know for sure what the answer is and damn right, you can answer it well.
I remember the days that I wanted to have a darker shade of curtain in my window coz I don’t want to be disturbed by the sun’s rays shining thru my window.I remember being so eager to put on my window blinds to shut out the light so I can sleep longer.
But today is not one of those days.
I think I have never been more happier to see the sun streaming right thru my window. I think I have never enjoyed having a house that faces the “morning sun” as much as I do today. The sun is up - everyone. And it holds a very unspoken promise that today, marks the beginning of a new Philippines.
Ondoy and Pepeng - perhaps the two storms I would never forget in my entire life - has shown the world what Filipinos are really made of. Yes of course it’s got the bad - and I don’t need to enumerate it, we see it everyday in different websites, photos of people with no homes, people who lost their families in the storm - everyone having lost something, everyone has their own stories to tell. We see it everytime we get out of our house. The disaster typhoon has left a very big scar in the whole of our country.
But I don’t want to give you another blog post of just how hard it is to face the losses we have encountered during the past week. Instead, I want this post to be just like how the sun’s rays were to me this morning.
I want to start with myself.
The reason why we had to hire someone to help us with the household chores is because I’m one heck of a lazy person. And usually I won’t admit this on my blogs but as I’ve said, today is different.
Before we had Nanang, clothes were just everywhere. We didn’t bother to fold it coz we’d end up having them strewn away somewhere anyway. I hate folding clothes, I’d rather wash a ton of clothes than fold it.
Why am I saying this? Because when Ondoy took the clothes of our brothers and sisters, I knew I had to do something - and that meant having to sort out my old clothes and see which ones are up for donations. For the first time in my life, and I’m a bit embarrassed to say this, but for the first time - I knew I had to stand up and do something. My friends and I went to volunteer repack goods and that also meant having to sort and fold hundreds and hundreds of clothes.
I had to segregate shoes, which before you won’t really see me touching the shoe of another person, but on that day, I touched and segregated hundreds of them. Socks? Yes, we did too. Underwear? Panties? Yes, we folded it up like THEY were brand new.
The good in all these - despite everything, is that once again, we showed the world that in times like these - walang mayaman at walang mahirap. You see people of all kinds, wanting to help other people. You fall in line in Shopwise and there’s people before you with a cart full of canned goods and noodles and you know automatically it’s for donations. The people who were blessed enough to be saved from the flood didn’t just sat infront of their tv sets and watched everything happen. They stood up and helped. And that’s not something we see everyday.
People you don’t know - suddenly offers you help, be it asking you to come inside the car so they can drop you off where you need to go - be it people who continuously twitter the updates so that people would know - people giving out foods, preparing foods not for their businesses but for evacuation centers. People saving the lives of other people. Security guards jumping off a roof to save another person, army men who we were used to be afraid of because they carry guns and ammos, you see people clinging to them now, you see them carrying victims on their backs so they would be safe.
Need I say this people? HEROES ARE EVERYWHERE.
So despite my wanting to curse and curse Ondoy for everything he’s done to our country, I’d like to thank him too - coz despite everything that he has taken away from us, he’s showed us too what’s inside of our nation. This calamity has showed us what we can do as Filipinos, what part of ourselves we are willing to give for people who needs us.
I just hope that when this is all over - when there are no more evacuees in our evacuation centers - the same spirit who made you take that stranger on your car - would still be there. The same spirit who made you share your salary to people who need them would still be there even when Ondoy is no longer remembered by us.
Ondoy has proved one point - that we are HEROES of our country. But WE have to prove something, too. - That from this day on, we will not need Ondoy or Pepeng to show us what we can do for others, instead, it’ll just come from within. YOU taking a step out to help other people.
Because they need us. Because we need them.
Because they don’t call us Filipinos for nothing.
Today, I got kiss-wrestled by Noah. I almost lied at the ground because he kept on licking my face and kept on jumping at me everytime I try to get up. It’s his way of showing me how much he loves me and it just makes me feel great about having a pet like him. Such a sweetie pie. I love him so much.
- This week has been really long for me. I haven’t had one full day of rest and today feels more of a weekday than a weekend. Can’t believe today is saturday and yet tomorrow, I have to go to school to take my special exams. Anyhoo.
- My love-hate relationship with this blog hasn’t ended yet. I re-imported all my blog entries back to this blog. I just can’t let go of it for some reason.
- I have a strong feeling that next week will be full of adventures. But then again, I’m all in. As long as I know that I’m on the right track and that I’m fighting for the right reasons, let hell break loose. I’m never letting go of my stand.
- I have found new friends, and I really enjoy being with them. I’m just glad.
- Lost one friend too. Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m tired of being a friend in deed. We all have limitations. I have just exceeded mine, not just once, but too much over the top.
- Lots of projects to submit. Not one started. I’m such a boohoo.
- What a lousy update.
- Curiosity killed the cat - haven’t you heard?
A second chance at life may seem really appealing to others, who wouldn’t want to have the chance to redo everything and make it right the second time around? It must be a very wonderful feeling to know that you can experience everything in a whole new light, in a different perspective. Knowing what to do at exactly when and where it’s gonna happen. Nothing could have been better than that.
But if it was to be given to me, If I would be given a second chance at life, I’d rather not take it.
If I were to take it, I would answer 81 in that 9 times 9 question my math teacher asked me when I was in grade 6. He then would not take the other pair of my school shoe and I wouldn’t need to memorize the entire multiplication table and recite it in front of the class with just my left shoe on. But then, I wouldn’t learn humility and sense of humour in times of trouble.
If I were to take it, I would type an error-free essay on all of my English classes. Perhaps I would get an A for that. But then, I wouldn’t know that the more red marks I see on my paper, it means the more I’m loved by my professor. I wouldn’t know the value of improvement.
If I were to take it, I would know that suitors from Upper classes does not necessary mean that they are wise enough, or mature enough. I would know not to get involved in a relationship till I finish college. But then I wouldn’t know what it is like to give your heart to someone and have it returned in shattered pieces. Then I wouldn’t know what and who really matters most to me. Then I wouldn’t know how it feels to be so vulnerable yet remain strong amidst everything.
If I were to take it, I would study real hard and graduate BA Journalism in UP Diliman just on time. I wouldn’t drink alcoholic beverages on a regular basis coz I would know that it would just damage my gall bladder and would forever scar the feelings of my parents. I would know not to mess around and have fun in my own way.
But then I wouldn’t know how much I really appreciate everything my parents have done for me. I wouldn’t know how to value time and effort, I wouldn’t meet the wonderful fabulous people I’ve met when I chose to work before I study, I wouldn’t learn the value of everything around me. I wouldn’t meet that one person who would stay beside me all throughout, no matter how many mistakes I’ve done in the past.
So, while the offer seems really tempting. I have to say no this time. I value the lessons I have learned from my mistakes and redoing it will just defeat its purpose of teaching me what I needed to know in what I had to experience.
I stand before you now, rejecting the offer. For ladies and gentlemen, I am good to go.
Today, I went home to the smell of newly cut grasses and foggy atmosphere. Everything seemed to adopt to my emotions. I could hear the crickets, I could hear the sound from afar. And from where I walk, I could see the sunset and it gives me the gloomy feeling yet again.
Everything was so quiet that Noah, our family dog, already began barking at the sound of my footsteps even when I was meters away from the house.
It used to be that Noah is not the only one waiting for my return.
As I walk, I feel the weight of my shoulders drown upon me again. It’s a different feeling, walking home to see no one waiting for me. It’s like I wanted to stay at some place else to not feel the agony.
When you’ve done something for so long that it has become a part of your system, a part of you dies with it the moment you choose to let it go. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you’re ready to let it all go, there’s still that small voice inside your head that tells you to hold on.
Really, when do you let go of something? Do you let go when it hurts so bad, or do you hold on til it hurts no more? Do you let go when you find something is wrong, or do you hold on to wait til it gets right?
What if holding on is killing you inch by inch but letting go kills you in an instant?
How would you live?
I don’t know how I was able to sleep last night. I kept on turning side to side, it’s like I can’t find my position. At one point, I know it was because I was so used to hugging someone in my sleep, no matter what time he would sneak in beside me.
Sometimes, I feel that I am going to break down any second. My friends are awfully busy with their own lives and I don’t have anyone to share this crap with. I decided to move my entire blog somewhere else, at least I have the freedom to publish in here what I feel.
I wanted to say Thank God it’s Friday. But then again, it’s only friday.
You know how sometimes, even though we know deep inside that we’re strong, there still comes this point in our lives when we feel questioned about that strength, if it’s really there?
It happens to me all the time.
If I would look back at the girl who survived a round trip visit to hell and back, I would sometimes wonder where that girl is. If she’s still alive or something killed her that I don’t know about.
Sometimes, I miss her. Like I know I would be better if she was me. If she was fighting this battle, I know she’d definitely win it. Nail it down like she’s been doing for years.
I was constantly wanting her to come back, wishing she’d be here instead. But you know what, as I’m typing this entry, I realized that she’s not really gone, it’s just there’s so many things happening in my life right now that I always forget to see her, to acknowledge the fights she’s fighting for me.
That something that hurts so bad is just a pinch of pain. That it doesn’t affect you at all. That you can smile behind all the pain and you can go on with your life without a hint that you are dying inside. That you can go on and laugh at life’s cruel jokes and not feel a prick in your heart.
I wish pretending was that easy.