Disturbing the Universe.

I never thought I’d go through this phase again.

Chos.

Haha! I have a love-hate relationship with my blogs, so this indefinite hiatus is not new anymore. However, this impending hiatus has nothing to do with an emotional problem or some other reason. The thing is, I have dared myself to do something in a span of a month or maybe, two.

I decided not to access my online accounts during that phase so I can just surprise everybody, including myself. To make myself really do it, I will deactivate my facebook account starting monday. Haha.

That said, every online account will be deactivated starting Monday. Yep, right after I turn a year older. Hee.

Goodluck to me, I’ll definitely miss this blog.

It’s the first day of September!!

It’s 115 days before Christmas, 4 days before my birthday and our 4th month together as husband and wife! Wow, that’s a lot to celebrate, right?

I find it really cute and funny when Bob asks me what to get for my birthday. Of course I’d play the pakipot type, but then I will purposely leave the webpages of what I want on his desktop, so he can see it for himself and maybe take a hint from there. Hahaha! The look on his face is priceless, why wouldn’t it be,  I left several pages for DSLR, Ipad and a new cellphone. Hahah! And last week I left the webpage of Nurture Spa, too. Bob must be dead tense right now.

But then again, of course I was kidding. John (Bob’s boss) already asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him I’d like a feeding program for kids. I’m just finalizing the budget and he’ll give it to me, as gift from  him and Bob. (Of course I knew that Bob already told him what I wanted.)

I’m so excited! :)

One conversation with Bob, we were talking about our wedding. (Haha, yes, extreme hangover this is.)

Me: So kelan tayo kakasal ulit?

Bob: 5 years, renewal of vows.

Me: Di ba 10 years?

Bob: Oo nga.

Me: Pero sige, gusto ko yan – 5 years. Church lang.

Bob: Church lang? Wala nang reception?

Me: Oo. Para tipid.

Bob: Sige. Every 5 years kung ganun.

Haha.

Wow. Almost a week of not being able to blog. That’s the first time since I started blogging (again) and promised myself (yet, again) that I will update this blog on a regular basis. Anyway, a lot has happened over the week, and I’m just going to type in whatever comes to mind. In random order, malamang.

***

At around 6pm last Wednesday, we received a message from Tom that Ate Sasa has been confined in the hospital for possible dengue. We were on the bus that same night. You know the type of luck that everything goes well for you? That’s our type of luck that night. When we rode the FX, we filled in the last two slots. When we got to Cubao, we rode the first taxi in sight. And the moment we got to the terminal, the bus was already preparing to leave. Yes! I slept almost the whole time, only woke up when the bus stopped for a literal 5 minute break. Bob bought Goto for us and to our dismay, pinaandar agad yung bus. We ended up eating a very hot goto on a moving bus. We were careful enough and luckily, no casualties naman.

***

We spent the next two nights in the hospital. Bob brought his laptop with him and he managed to work during night time. It was amazing how we fit in the couch, the two of us, literally! Ang galing! Hahaha! But I woke up the next day with a bit of pain on my right side – coz I fell asleep pala on my side, and stayed in that position for hours. Hindi sanay ang katawan ko. I’m super likot in bed eh. Haha!

***

We ‘bullied’ a nursing student there. Haha! Eh kasi she was literally having a hard time taking out Ate Sasa’s dextrose for replacement. She was pulling this thing out and couldn’t do it herself, she asked help from her classmate, then eventually from Kuya Bobot. She was pulling it the whole time and it seems like she wasn’t aware that it’s hurting Ate Sasa. Blood was already visible in the tube and she just said, “Wala po yan.” Eh masakit na nga diba? I joked, “Nang-tataga si Ate Sasa!” And then Ate Sasa said, “Hindi naman ako nananaga – pero nangangausap ako ng CI.” Hahaha! She didn’t come  back the next day. Hahaha!

***

On our last day at the hospital, I learned that Joy passed the board exam! We were literally, almost in tears. Tita Badang was proud of Joy too, she told everyone that Joy passed the board exams. Haha! It was too bad that we weren’t there to celebrate the first few hours of her being a registered nurse, but it’s fine. We promised her that we’ll celebrate it at least when we get home. Bob bought the copy of Manila Bulletin the next day.

***

To celebrate Joy’s achievement, we went to SM Taytay to play Bingo. Haha! It was Papa’s first time. The game was a black-out game which means all the numbers in your card must be called out first for you to win. When someone shouted Bingo, we studied our cards and found out that Papa already bingo’ed two numbers before. He was waiting for two numbers but it turned out that those two numbers were already called, he just wasn’t able to mark it on his card. Too bad there’s a “No Sleeper” rule that says that the last number called should be the last one you really needed, stuff like that. Major, major sayang.

So in less than 24 hours, we transitioned from angry humiliated to happy and proud, all thanks to Venus Raj.

As of posting, there are several comments about her almost making it to the top. There are sarcastic comments of her actually an inch close to winning, and there are grateful comments for what she did for our country.

When she got into the Top 5, my thoughts were, “Please calm her nerves!” We all know that the Q&A is the make or break part of any beauty pageant. I think it didn’t help that Venus was called last, I could imagine the amount of tension she felt watching all the contestants go before her. Maybe I was praying that she gives a good answer because the last thing we need right now is another Janina San Miguel moment or something close to it.

When it was her turn and she answered — I gasped. On a rate of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, hers was around 6 or 7? But it’s fine – at the very least. We can’t go and criticize her for it because she did us a great favor. Her answer was not bad, but it was clear that she was very nervous already. She gave a decent answer – but was it enough to win the judges over? Apparently, not.

But it’s fine – who are we to ask for more? Venus did a great job for uplifting our spirits, for giving us a reason to be proud of. At least she was able to tell the whole world that we’re not a country of hostage takers and slow policemen. She did one thing for the Filipino people, and that is something to be truly thankful for.

So enough with the sarcastic comments and what-ifs, Venus took us this far – she went to the Top 5. She made us forget about what happened last night, and I personally think that is more than enough.

Thank you, Venus.

Maybe I watch too many movies, too many CSI and other hi-tech western movies that somehow altered my reality – but then again, what happened last night was not too much about hi-tech gadgets, it was about tactics – which surely both the police and media lacked.

I hold no degree in crimefighting, or hostage taking analysis, I’m a normal person with just enough common sense. And these are the things I felt were wrong all throughout the 11 (or 12?) hours of the hostage taking.

The Police/SWAT:

• They were very lenient. The requests of the hostage taker were given even though it would compromise the security of the police and the hostages as well. Refueling the bus? Right there and then, Mendoza has got the police on his hands already.
• They were slow, they lacked planning and proper tactics. By night time, it was unclear to me what they really want – is it to save the hostages or spare the hostage taker? What were they afraid of? Seems to me that those people who were supposed to be taking care of our lives, those people who were supposed to protect our lives were too afraid for their own. I’m not saying they should have went there and risked their lives, I’m saying – again, they were very lenient and slow.
• By 7-8pm, that’s when gunshots were heard. The driver was able to escape from the bus and told the police that the hostage taker has gone completely crazy and fired random shots at the hostages. THAT- that was the only time that they decided they should break the glass and force entry? Why? All these time in their hands – what took them so long to decide? Again, what were they after? Safety of the hostages or the hostage-taker?
• And when they did decide to break glass, what did they use? Hammer? Even Mythbusters – a US TV series use a metal cutter for their experiments. But look at our police, they used hammer – maso, to break the glass. Concerned citizens were phoning media stations about the emergency button to open the door, but police still decided that it’s better to go old school. And the rope? Rope? Seriously? Wala man lang bang kadena? It was becoming funny already during their attempts, it was all too futile.
• Bob and I were saying all throughout, when the SWAT was around the bus,that if Mendoza wanted to fire at them, he would’ve done it already. Mendoza was at the vantage point – where he has full access to the news and could see the SWAT in clear view since he’s higher. But he didn’t – so it was either he was saving his ammo or he’s injured too.
• By 9pm, it was obvious that the SWAT members had already created enough holes in the bus. Wala bang mini-cam man lang so they can have a view of what happened inside? Okay, maybe spy cams are too “movie-like”, pero the way I see it, sobrang pwedeng humiram nalang ng camera kung saan and naginsert ng cam sa dami ng butas na yun, they could’ve seen what was inside already. I take it back, spy cams are not too movielike.

Media:

• It was way too obvious that both stations wanted ratings – they covered every inch of the hostage taking drama, that it led Mendoza advantageous and the police’s security compromised. Imagine, in GMA 7, the SWAT was making it’s way to the bus and Mike Enriquez was like, “Ayan mga kapuso, naglalakad na ang mga SWAT papuntang bus,” I could imagine Mendoza laughing his ass out. Useless nga yung pag duck nung mga SWAT eh. Eh kitang kita naman sila ni Mendoza from the TV. Kaloka lang.
• The hostages said that Mendoza only fired at the victims when he saw in TV that the police were after his brother. All the while, while the media was reporting it, the reporter was saying, “Pinangangambahang makita ni Mendoza ito dahil baka lalong magalit at magwala.” They were feeding ideas to Mendoza. Kahit di pa iniisip ni Mendoza yun, after hearing what the reporters were saying, nagplant na yung idea sa utak niya and that could be one of the reasons why he fired at the victims. Really, what’s the need to cover pati yung sa brother ni Mendoza? It only sparked his anger. That could’ve been avoided eh!

There are so many things na mali, both the police and media. And there they are, saying we should not point fingers as to whose fault it was. Really, should not point fingers? We should not point fingers on whose fault it is that there’s global warming, or overpopulation – because it’s everyone’s call, because everyone has a participation on it.

But this one – this is not the business of an ordinary person, this was way out of our hands. Only the police had full control of it – so it’s just normal and expected that they get all the blame and questions – they were the ones who clearly lacked tactics, and apparently, even common sense.

Maybe I am just outraged right now at the effect of this to the country. The whole world was watching at how we handled the situation – if “handled” was even the word. I am not saying that one’s life is more important than the others, but in this case – bloodshed was clearly avoidable.

It seems to me that despite Mendoza’s death, he was still able to keep his goal – to keep every hostage. Apparently, in this case – we are the hostages. We will be suffering from the aftereffect of this drama – the only good news to Mendoza is that he won’t be a part of it any more. He won’t be living through every travel ban, every criticism.

Hell will be waiting for him with open arms pa.

P.S.

Sige, anti-human rights na ko kung anti-human rights man ito, but when this picture was taken – with the beast right there, no bullet proof vests or whatever, apparently smiling for the camera pa –

Wala man lang bang sniper na pwedeng bumaril sa kanya? Sa legs? Sa hands? Just to render him down. I don’t understand why they didn’t do that when they had a chance – kung holdupan sa kanto, malamang sampung bala na ng baril yung pinatama sa holdupper. What were the police thinking? One life – an evil’s person’s life at that – against the 15-20 innocent victims of this crime. Now, tell me which is more important?

It’s just sad that these people died without knowing what they died for. I tuned in to news this morning and they were talking about investigations – but really, for what? There’s no more justice here. People died, lives were wasted because of one futile move of the police and media.

Yesterday, I watched the pain I’ve held on for six years go away with the words, “Sorry” and “I missed you.”

I watched myself relive the pain – for the last time. I let myself feel every single pang of it, then I watched it roll by – away from me. All the pain, the sacrifice and waiting – I watched it go away.

The weekend held true to its promise, that anything can happen. All I knew is that I was once again in front of the people I’ve hurt and who’ve hurt me too – everything was a breeze and all I knew is that the next minute, I’m hugging each one of them and saying two things that were long overdue – “Sorry,” and “I missed you.”

It was a long six years of my life – that I tried to stay away from them. Thinking that the longer I stayed away, the longer I won’t have to face the pain. Thinking that the farther I stay away, the less pain I would feel. I went on for six years fooling myself that I am okay, that I’m not affected in any way. I went on with my life and somehow at the back of my mind, I knew they were too – without me.

So many times I wanted to break away from the pain – so many times I wished I was strong enough to face them again. I told Bob about it before we got married, that that’s one thing I want to do before we tie the knot, but I wasn’t strong enough. I was engulfed with fear, with the uncertainties – I wasn’t strong enough to be that person.

But yesterday, I became her – unplanned and surprised that I may be  - I became that person I thought I can never be. I was strong for a minute, then everything was a roll. I thanked God for giving me that opportunity. For letting me know that really, anything is possible with Him. He touched my heart, as much as he touched theirs.

The tears we shed yesterday was uncountable, the words that were said were six years overdue. It was everything we held on to for those years, the words we rehearsed on our heads when this time comes. The hole we created was deep enough for us to stay down, but yesterday, all of us made an effort to rise to the top. We all watched how the pain went out the moment the words were said, it was a feeling I would go back time and time again.

Anything can happen, I say to myself again.

Absolutely anything.

The new Tivo just came yesterday, a screaming 42 inch flatscreen that made our 32″ old tivo look like a kiddo.

Of course, we didn’t waste time, Papa set it up agad, mounted it on the wall and then I helped him with the cable/surround stuff. By the end of the night, we have one helluva home theater system installed already. You can probably hear the surround effect from two blocks away. Haha.

And then the 32″ tv made it’s way to our room. For a minute there, I felt like we were Carrie and Big on Sex and the City 2, re: tv on the bedroom, except that I am BIG, and Bob’s Carrie. Well, I’m taking it’s because he didn’t want the TV to be our TV, but his monitor. Haha.

Just like how I’m doing now, while typing this entry.

Eventually, we both agreed to it, being real movie addicts that we are. Also set up surround in our room, so imagine how it felt like last night while we were watching IP Man. (Yes, we watched it again – but I closed my eyes and turned off the audio when it came to the part I hated. Haha)

Dumadagundong is the word.

So our room underwent quite an overhaul, yesterday, I spent half day fixing the bedroom, moved things out and about, and voila – a fresh look for the bedroom. I just can’t take a picture yet coz Bob’s still in his PJ’s, fast asleep.

On a sidenote, saturday na pala! How time flies. Yun lang. Haha!

Blogging from a wordpress app on my iphone. Hee.